My fears (new and long post)

[TaylorOneal]

Well I dont really no where to begin ( I apologize for how long this is going to be)

 

I am married to an amazing man with a child. She is 2 1/2 years old. It get pretty sticky. He was my exs best friend and my step daughters mother was my best friend.. We all started young and we were all pretty good friends. She got pregnant and lost her mind started cheating and doing MASSIVE amounts of drugs often. (while pregnant) after the baby was born she becam increasingly worse.

 

My boyfriend began selling drugs and abusing me. In turn we becam eachothers soulder and I became the only woman in the babys life. (lets call her "A") We ended up becoming emotionally involved but no sex yet.. My friend and ex found out of course and we were both restricted from seeing eachother with promises of change from our currents. I never really went back to my ex I just dated around because I was indeed hurt but still healing now 2 loves..

 

I found out soon after the 4 month mark that my ex boyfriend and my ex best friend (my husbands ex girlfriend) were sleeping together.. So I being a human decided I was going to have my now husband (will call him "J")

 

So I actually had my mother call J and invite him over and basically set up this whole thing. Needless to say he never left and we have been back together ever since 2 years strong and married.

 

Now we have custodity of A but her mother is still somewhat involved. About a year ago HRS or Children and Family services contacted me and my husband to inform us that A was in the custodity of my SIL and (Will call her BM for Birth Mother) BM had apparently been lying to us and was not as stable as she seemed. before we shared custodity getting her every other weekend and wednesdays.

 

Turns out BM was indeed back on drugs not living at her fathers house but living with different guys, dancing in adult clubs, leaving A with any and everyone who would take her, and not spending the child support money accordingly.. But the big thing is she was leaving her in a dog kennel at a guys house when she would go to work..

 

We did everything in our power to get to her asap but there was a no contact order on both sides until court. Thankfully we were waiting on some repairs to be finished in our home (we were living with my mom in an apartment to save for this for a while!) We went to court, did the background checks and everything to gain needed custodity.Of course BM showed up 30 minutes late driving herself hungover.

 

The judge said she was not able to go in and instead of sticking around she left. The first thing was BM was to have a clean drug screen before supervised visitation could occur. BM was given a case plan that included-

having a job (any job EVEN DANCING) for 6 months

providing a place to live of her own (not with a man)

parenting classes

mandatory in-patient rehab for a min. 30 days

childsupport

and a few other things

 

To this day she has not passed a clean drug screen and its been a year so she has not seen A. She did however miss 3 courtdates and has not done anything on her case plan has somehow maintained her rights to be a parent.. In Florida there is a government recognised drug program its called Methadone Dosing in normal terms. Its where a person can come in off the streets and with small amounts of methadone in their system can say they are addicted and for 50 dollars a week dose on methadone everyday and not only dose my dose more and more.

 

She went in on 20mgs a day and 5 months later is on 140mgs a day.. (and 5 months pregnant) So the courts have allowed her to do this a her "rehab" and she still can not stop taking pills and smoking marijuana. She is actually 5 months pregnant and they are allowing her to stay on this drug and have this baby even though she cant take of her other child. She has not even seen her daughter since she started clearly talking and what not.

 

Recently she was MarchMen Acted by her father and was placed by a court of law in a long term treatment facility and by doin so she has been automatically involved in her case plan now because she has no choice and they are talking reunifiaction with A..

 

So I am freaking out a little because this child doesnt know her she only knows me as her mother. I have taken her to EVERY doctors appt (even before I was her step mother) I have been with her EVERY day and she doesnt know this woman, or so I believe maybe she does know her. But we have no say I dont want A around BM while she is on drugs period. Monitored or not I dont think its healthy. She has nothing positive to offer and I am so scared that this is going to be the begining of the EVIL STEPMOTHER phase.

 

I know she is only 2 years old but eventually the BM will be out of rehab and then she will be allowed togo spend the night and so on. I do not want my baby subjected to the life her BM will subject her to. Before she was infantile now she is a bright beautiful smart kid who is as aware and observant as some adults! What do I do? How do I calm my nerves and stop getting so worked up over this.

 

I know I am new but I am frequent on many boards and I am looking for some guidance please help me.

 

Taylor Oneal

[TaylorOneal]

Well I must say I am a little dissapointed that no one has bothered to even say sorry buddy cant help you or anything.....

[Sarahlovesalot]

WOW! This is my first post and I think this is a very serious issue! I have some somewhat simialar experiences that just flashed through my mind and heartache just filled me. I know how hard this is and this can tear apart a family. Is there anything you can do to avoid the reunifiacation as you have called it. What does your husband think of this reunification?

[insomnie]

I have no advide to offer you as I have never been in a situation even remotely similar to yours, but I just wanted to say that your story really touched me. The reunification sounds like a horrible mistake to me...as you said it soudns like this woman has nothing positive to offer the child. But, as a birth mother, she still has rights... and if she goes through with the plan the state assigned there is nothing you can do to stop her from legally seeing the child.

 

I was thinking, though... maybe you and your husband can directly talk to BM? It doesn't sound like she really wants to be a mother to your little girl anyway.... and if she gets visitation rights, she also has to provide child support, which it doens't sound like she'd want to do. Maybe you can convince her to sign a parental rights termination agreement so that you can adopt her? It would obviously be for the baby's best...maybe you can get her to see that. If she has another child on the way, with her life as messed up as it is now maybe she would be open to letting you adopt the child. This is going to sound very non-PC but what if you offered her money?

[TaylorOneal]

Wow I wish she would trust me I have thought about it time and time again! She is one of those people who likes to use her kids as a guilt trip, power trip and meal ticket!

Last thursday (not yesterday) me and my husband went to his job (my SD was with us) to pick up his check and the BM and her father and step mother popped up! It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with! She has not seen her BM in a year and there she is making my SD call her mommy and blah blah blah and of course my SD was so damn confused!! Anyway I decided I was not going to have her pop in on us like that unprepared ever again! So I called her and told her we would set up visitation for mondays at 7:30 at McDonalds. All she had to do was pay us $50 every monday! Thats not that much to ask being that we havent seen a dime from her! Needless to say she didnt have the money and the visit went horribly she will not be seeing SD until she can help financially. She wants to have the title of mommy than she needs to do mommy things and until she can she wil not be able to see her period! Its very hard even still all though the SD does not know her she hasnt asked about her or anything!