confused75 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 About 11 months ago I started having an affair with my best friend, who also turns out to be my colleague and my ex boss. It was not supposed to be an affair. At the time he was with a girl but he had told me that he did not love her and that it would soon be over and that he was in love with me... Only a month later to move in with her... I was crushed but he told me that it was because he needed some time to close the relationship with her and they had planned and spent a lot of money to re-do his house and he could not break up with her in that moment. Now I know how stupid I was. I should have never believed it and I should have never done to this girl what I did because I would never want anyone to see my boyfriend on my back. But I believed that their relationship was really over and that he really loved me... Months went by and in December he started telling me that he had told her that their relationship was over and that he no longer loved her and that he wanted to stay with me... I waited for long for her to move out... But it never happaned. I started questioning what he really told her. He got upset at me every time that I did not believe him but would you believe that he told her to move out and 4 months after he told her to move out she's still there in his house, still calls him and still sends him love messages? Anyway, to make this long story short, 2 months ago I told him that I wanted to be friends because he could not give me everything I wanted and because I no longer felt like being responsible for the heartbreak of a woman who was so much in love with him that would stay with him for so many months after he would tell her that he did not love her and asked her to leave. I was doing great, I was starting to be happy, to make sense of my life again without him but no, this was not good for him. He kept wanting more... He kept running after me, saying that I was the love of his life, that he wanted to marry me, etc...etc... I gave in 2 weeks ago. However 2 days ago I told him, now that you made up your mind I am expecting you to do the right thing. You have to decide who you want to be with: either me or her. You can't go on like this any more... He told me that he had already made up his mind long time ago and that I knew that I was his love and that he told her to move out but she won't leave and that in order to have her leave he would have to kick her out of his house which he could not do. I told him I did not want him to kick anyone out. But if everything he told me was true, if she already knew for 4 months that their relationship was over and just did not have anywhere to go, and I was the woman of his life, he should have moved out of his house for me. Guess what? All of a sudden, I became an insensitive and ugly person. He replied to me: "thanks for opening my eyes. I finally understood how insensitive you are... guess what I am gonna do now, I am gonna kick her ass out of my house... I'll keep you posted"... I replied to him that he knew very well that I did not want him to kick her out. I just wanted us to rent an apartment together and start living together. He did not even reply. This was the last conversation between us. 2 days have passed and I did not even receive a "hello" from a man that until 2 days ago would swamp me with emails, calls and messages. I am no longer sure I want a man like this in my life... But I can't stop questioning what is wrong with me... I have passed 11 months of my life feeling sorry for another woman. For having taken something that was hers because I thought it was true love and because I thought he really loved me. I waited for so long. But am I the one who's insensitive and bad? I just can't understand why? What did I do? several times I walked away from him even though I was in love with him so that he could work things out with her. I did not want to break anything that could have been important. He always chased me around. He was the one who never wanted to take time away from me to understand how to work things out with her because he kept telling me that I was the woman of his life... And now, I am the insensitive person? He begged me for 2 months to go back with him telling me that it was only a matter of days to resolve the situation. More than days have passed. Months have passed by... It was him telling me that he was ready to move out to stay with me and when I asked him to do it he got angry? I guess he was way too comfortable to continue to lie to her. I guess he was way too comfortable to stay with me almost 24x7 (because this is what he was doing recently) I guess telling her that he was away for work? I am not comfortable with this. I have never been. I can't stand knowing that on the other side there is a person that is being lied to, just like I am being lied to (I am certain now that he probably never told her anything). After he told me I was insensitive he disappeared. I have not called him either and I won't... I think I'll be better off not having him in my life. I don't want anyone that can so easily close his eyes on the wrong that he's doing. But I just can't help thinking: why am I such an ugly, insensitive and bad person? Please help me to understand. What did I do wrong apart from falling in love with a person I believed in? I am insensitive regardless all the time I have suffered but invested waiting for her to have time to get used to him leaving?
norajane Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 You aren't insensitive. That was just his ploy to get to you - he was hoping you'd crumble in the face of his accusation and say, oh no, I don't want to be insensitive...stay with her for as long as you need to! He knows you don't want to hurt her, so he was trying to take advantage of that to buy more time...because he never intended to tell her about you or move her out or anything. He's an ass and now you are seeing how much of an ass he is.
Seen_It_All Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 At the time he was with a girl but he had told me that he did not love her and that it would soon be over ... Lie. Only a month later to move in with her... I was crushed but he told me that it was because he needed some time to close the relationship with her and they had planned and spent a lot of money to re-do his house and he could not break up with her in that moment. Lie. ...in December he started telling me that he had told her that their relationship was over and that he no longer loved her... Lie. but would you believe that he told her to move out I wouldn't believe this lying sack of sh*t if he told me the sky were blue. and 4 months after he told her to move out she's still there in his house, still calls him and still sends him love messages? Of course she does - she's his girlfriend and has NO CLUE about their supposed breakup. Guess he should have TOLD her, eh? I no longer felt like being responsible for the heartbreak of a woman who was so much in love with him that would stay with him for so many months after he would tell her that he did not love her and asked her to leave. Not to worry - she's not heartbroken because she has NO CLUE about their supposed breakup. ...he told her to move out but she won't leave and that in order to have her leave he would have to kick her out of his house which he could not do. Lying sack of sh*t. He hasn't told her squat. Guess what? All of a sudden, I became an insensitive and ugly person. He replied to me: "thanks for opening my eyes. I finally understood how insensitive you are... guess what I am gonna do now, I am gonna kick her ass out of my house... I'll keep you posted.." LOL - cheap and cheesy tactic to DEFLECT when you actually asked him to back up his LIES. Her leaving ain't gonna happen. Why? Because he's a lying sack of sh*t and she has NO CLUE that she's supposedly leaving. Oh - and YOU'RE the insensitive one? I guess this paragon of virtue - whose done NOTHING but lie and cheat on this girl, is above reproach, is he? What a scumbag. I just wanted us to rent an apartment together and start living together. He did not even reply. Gosh - I wonder why he didn't answer that request? Oh yeah, because he's a lying sack of sh*t and knows da*mn well he could never pull it off - what with never having told his girlfriend to move out and all. But I can't stop questioning what is wrong with me... I have passed 11 months of my life feeling sorry for another woman. Well, at least SOMEONE did. The lying sack of sh*t sure didn't. For having taken something that was hers because I thought it was true love Why would it be 'right' to take what's hers if it really WAS true love? How would that justify it? You're still helping the lying sack of sh*t deceive her by keeping quiet about the affair. What did I do? You made the collassal mistake of believing a lying sack of sh*t. And now, I am the insensitive person? LOL - of course you are. It's much easier to call you THAT than to actually have to back up his LIES to you, right? I guess he was way too comfortable to stay with me almost 24x7 (because this is what he was doing recently) I guess telling her that he was away for work? This guy's a seasoned liar. Who knows what he was telling her as he LIED to her and made her think he was actually loyal. I can't stand knowing that on the other side there is a person that is being lied to, just like I am being lied to (I am certain now that he probably never told her anything). I'm glad to see you know this guy for the lying sack of sh*t he is. I have not called him either and I won't... I think I'll be better off not having him in my life. I don't want anyone that can so easily close his eyes on the wrong that he's doing. Well that's wonderful to hear. I'm glad you've lost the rose-colored glasses. BEST favor you ever did for yourself was to lose this piece of garbage. Make sure he stays gone so that you can concentrate on meeting someone with character and integrity.
Motor35 Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Seen It All-you kick arse! As always great advice! Confused, you aren't insensitive nor ugly! I am feeling for you. I believed a liar, JUST like you did. Almost the EXACT same story. Until finally I had enough and I wouldn't stand for crumbs anymore. You deserve better-and you will find that guy that will treat you as you should be treated. How are you feeling today?
1DeadB Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 About 11 months ago I started having an affair with my best friend, who also turns out to be my colleague and my ex boss. It was not supposed to be an affair. At the time he was with a girl but he had told me that he did not love her and that it would soon be over and that he was in love with me... Only a month later to move in with her... I was crushed but he told me that it was because he needed some time to close the relationship with her and they had planned and spent a lot of money to re-do his house and he could not break up with her in that moment. Now I know how stupid I was. I should have never believed it and I should have never done to this girl what I did because I would never want anyone to see my boyfriend on my back. But I believed that their relationship was really over and that he really loved me... Months went by and in December he started telling me that he had told her that their relationship was over and that he no longer loved her and that he wanted to stay with me... I waited for long for her to move out... But it never happaned. I started questioning what he really told her. He got upset at me every time that I did not believe him but would you believe that he told her to move out and 4 months after he told her to move out she's still there in his house, still calls him and still sends him love messages? Anyway, to make this long story short, 2 months ago I told him that I wanted to be friends because he could not give me everything I wanted and because I no longer felt like being responsible for the heartbreak of a woman who was so much in love with him that would stay with him for so many months after he would tell her that he did not love her and asked her to leave. I was doing great, I was starting to be happy, to make sense of my life again without him but no, this was not good for him. He kept wanting more... He kept running after me, saying that I was the love of his life, that he wanted to marry me, etc...etc... I gave in 2 weeks ago. However 2 days ago I told him, now that you made up your mind I am expecting you to do the right thing. You have to decide who you want to be with: either me or her. You can't go on like this any more... He told me that he had already made up his mind long time ago and that I knew that I was his love and that he told her to move out but she won't leave and that in order to have her leave he would have to kick her out of his house which he could not do. I told him I did not want him to kick anyone out. But if everything he told me was true, if she already knew for 4 months that their relationship was over and just did not have anywhere to go, and I was the woman of his life, he should have moved out of his house for me. Guess what? All of a sudden, I became an insensitive and ugly person. He replied to me: "thanks for opening my eyes. I finally understood how insensitive you are... guess what I am gonna do now, I am gonna kick her ass out of my house... I'll keep you posted"... I replied to him that he knew very well that I did not want him to kick her out. I just wanted us to rent an apartment together and start living together. He did not even reply. This was the last conversation between us. 2 days have passed and I did not even receive a "hello" from a man that until 2 days ago would swamp me with emails, calls and messages. I am no longer sure I want a man like this in my life... But I can't stop questioning what is wrong with me... I have passed 11 months of my life feeling sorry for another woman. For having taken something that was hers because I thought it was true love and because I thought he really loved me. I waited for so long. But am I the one who's insensitive and bad? I just can't understand why? What did I do? several times I walked away from him even though I was in love with him so that he could work things out with her. I did not want to break anything that could have been important. He always chased me around. He was the one who never wanted to take time away from me to understand how to work things out with her because he kept telling me that I was the woman of his life... And now, I am the insensitive person? He begged me for 2 months to go back with him telling me that it was only a matter of days to resolve the situation. More than days have passed. Months have passed by... It was him telling me that he was ready to move out to stay with me and when I asked him to do it he got angry? I guess he was way too comfortable to continue to lie to her. I guess he was way too comfortable to stay with me almost 24x7 (because this is what he was doing recently) I guess telling her that he was away for work? I am not comfortable with this. I have never been. I can't stand knowing that on the other side there is a person that is being lied to, just like I am being lied to (I am certain now that he probably never told her anything). After he told me I was insensitive he disappeared. I have not called him either and I won't... I think I'll be better off not having him in my life. I don't want anyone that can so easily close his eyes on the wrong that he's doing. But I just can't help thinking: why am I such an ugly, insensitive and bad person? Please help me to understand. What did I do wrong apart from falling in love with a person I believed in? I am insensitive regardless all the time I have suffered but invested waiting for her to have time to get used to him leaving? Yes, you a crazy. And long winded too!
woe_is_me Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 why can i hear Will Truman? ..p.s i luv will & grace
Guest Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 After I posted this threat, he left his house. She did not move out definitely from his house but went to her parents. We started seeing each other more & more often. Everything looked perfect. Occasionally, she would call her. He said he never called her because wanted her to calm down and did not want to cause her further pain. 2 days ago I was at his house sleeping over... I needed something and went searching for him. I passed by the bathroom and I heard him there... he was talking on the phone closed in the bathroom!!!! I did not want to stand there and listen what all he was saying. I did not hear anything. I just knew he was talking on the phone... I returned to where I was... When he came out I told him that he can talk on the phone even without hiding in the bathroom. he was astonished for several seconds than he told me if I wanted to know the whole truth. I said "of course"... and he replied to me that that day was the birthday of his ex's father and he called him up to wish him all the best. I told him that he could have called him even without hiding. I am not a monster. I am an adult person and can understand everything. But I cannot understand when a person is doing things hiding himself from others. Now I can't believe that he told me the truth. I told him that I can't believe him and he told me that the lack of trust in him has always been my issue. Would you believe him? Now I am torn between 2 decisions: should I believe him and stay or should I believe my doubts and just walk away? Would you believe that at 11 PM in the night he'd be calling up his ex's dad from the bathroom for his birthday wishes? I am really struggling to believe. What shall I do? I never asked him to show me his cell phone, his calls or his messages. And I don't want to do this because for me it means to get really dirty. I am not this kind of person. I wish he could have been more re-assuring so that I could really believe him. What shall I do?
Author confused75 Posted May 8, 2007 Author Posted May 8, 2007 After that hidden call from the bathroom, I decided to close off the relationship with him. He keeps calling me and writing me text messages. What shall I do? It hurts inside... I care a lot for him... But I can't stand the feeling that he's lied to me and that he could lie to me for the rest of my life... Although he keeps telling me that he told me the truth and it's my fault that I can't trust him.
Author confused75 Posted May 8, 2007 Author Posted May 8, 2007 He told me to go to his house tonight to meet his ex girlfriend. Shall I do this? I can't get it any more. what the heck is the problem with him?
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