forbidden fruit Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 My xmm and I have recently come to sort of some agreement after I ignored him and he could not stand it. We were in NC for three weeks more or less. He was in a depression and I needed space. So we came out of NC and I thought I could do friends for the sake of the kids and everyone involved. Well I was doing well and then I realized I can't stand the sight of him. I was so sick of being nice and letting myself getting manipulated and controlled by him. So I ignored him when he said hi to me and I did not care. Well you all know what happened next i am sure I got the same old song and dance I love you we will be together someday, however we cannot sleep together because we cannot get caught. Please let's just take it one day at time and know I care for you yada yada. Then of course he is kissing me and trying to touch me. Two days later I ignore him again and he comes over and asks why I wasn't atsome of the places with the kids we used to hang out. I said did not feel like it. Leaves for work for three days and I just saw him and just waved because W came to speak to me first. I am so mad for beleiving him again and he is such a coward, wimp and liar. When you really love someone you come over and say hi after not seeing them. I truly wish tomorrow or the next day when he comes around i can tell him I am finally done with everything even the friendship. When is it possible to be friends with them and remeber because my kids are friends with his kids it makes NC impossible and he knows it. What is the best line for a egotistical narcissist to make him see friends, friends with benefits, lovers is not going to work?
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 As long as there is any sexual intent - no matter how faint or slight, there cannot be a friendship, ever. I think the hardest thing for you to accept is that this guy doesn't want you for a friend. True, actual friendship is the farthest thing from this guy's mind. He doesn't love you. He doesn't care for you. He only wants from you what works best for him: ego stroking and being able to use you to support his narcissitic needs behind his wife's back. What is the best line for a egotistical narcissist to make him see friends, friends with benefits, lovers is not going to work? By refusing to feed into his narcissitic needs. There is no "line" for a narcissist - with them, if you are in for a penny, you are in for a pound. Either in or out. By trying to be "just friends" - in his mind, you are still "in" - in other words around for him to use as he sees fit. Don't want to be used anymore? Then cut this guy off. There is no need for you to be friends, and there is no need for your kids to be friends if it means creating a toxic environment between the parents of the children.
whichwayisup Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 When you really love someone you come over and say hi after not seeing them. You don't when BOTH people are married. Your kids probably couldn't care less if you say hi to him or not. Most kids do not pay attention to their parents, whether or not they talk to a neighbour. If you really hated him and didn't want him around you, you wouldn't let him ANYWHERE close to you. I also think you're sending him mixed messages, NC, contact, NC, contact.... So I ignored him when he said hi to me and I did not care. Well you all know what happened next i am sure I got the same old song and dance I love you we will be together someday, however we cannot sleep together because we cannot get caught. Please let's just take it one day at time and know I care for you yada yada. Then of course he is kissing me and trying to touch me Why didn't you just walk away the SECOND he opened his mouth and started talking to you about his feelings. Boundries, remember?? Well, you let him cross the line, again. What did you do when he was kissing you? Did you kiss him back (please, be honest) or did you shove him off of you and SCREAM at him, DO NOT EVER kiss or touch me again! how did you react? This all will stop when you completely distance yourself from him emotionally and learn not to give a crap about him. If he is depressed, so what? THAT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. HE can get professional help or talk to his wife. Not you. Go back and read ALL your past posts. Maybe that will help you see that what you're trying to do, keep a casual friendship with him is pointless. A hello once in a while to be neighbourly is fine....Just stop paying attention to HIS needs, thoughts etc....Otherwise you're gonna be stuck in this holding pattern for even longer.
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