Cuepid Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I've come to realize we don't really love our ex's. It's that our fear of being lonely makes us feel that way. Seriously ask yourself this question. How many times have you said "she's the one" ? The next girl is always the one. It's cause we're not lonely anymore. I've also realized you should completely block your ex out of your life. Trust me you will be happy again. You cannot reason with your ex. You need to let your ex figure things out and you should give your ex that space. Take her off your cell phone, your buddy list, whatever. Block her. If your ex wants to be with you she'll find a way, trust me. I really suggest picking up a hobby to help the process. Start reading some inspirational books. Work on making your life better. Listen to some soothing music. You'll start to feel refreshed. Sometimes you really appreciate how your own parents stuck together all those years. These days everyone seems to break up or get divorced left and right. Maybe something is wrong with our culture.
Ssheena Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Nah, ya think? Something wrong with our culture? You mean the everybody has to look and be perfect all the time culture? The everybody has to have money and a good car culture? I do still love my x. I don't love him in the way that he wants to be loved though. I agree on the blocking part and I do agree on the culture part but I don't think it will ever go back. Kind of like that movie, Pleasantville. Great movie.
2ndIINone Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 we don't really love our ex'sMaybe you don't , but I loved mine. Now, did I love her MORE after the leave? It would "feel" like it.... but there is fine line between "Loving more" and "Missing" ... then there is that feeling of ..."How do I get em' back?" questions of "Will they come back..." it's all emotions.... just mutiplied X 10 because the security and comfort is no longer there. Actually, I did have one particular ex that I realized I never really loved... just thought I did. Turns out (after some soul searching) that I was more infatuated with 'helping' her... she was a headcase with bags, I mean bags of issues and certified disorders.
D-Lish Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Well, looking back, I think I loved my ex at the time... and certainly did for a while afterward. But I don't anymore. Miss him? A little. I've loved a lot of people... and I often look back and wonder how or why, or what was I thinking. At the time it felt right... but if it fell apart, it did so for a reason. One or both of the parties was not willing to make it work. It's easier to leave a relationship now than it used to be. Is that a good thing? Sometimes, yes. My grandparents stayed together because it was the "appropriate" thing to do at the time. But they were miserable together- he was abusive and had numerous affairs. She on the other hand didn't feel she had any other choice or options... so she stayed with him. My parents on the other hand are happily married still, and they make marriage look easy. Having options and opportunities that weren't present 20 years ago can be both a good and a bad thing I suppose. But with the amount of people living on this earth, it stands to reason that we have more than one love match out there for us.
2ndIINone Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 my grandparents stayed together because it was the "appropriate" thing to do at the time. ya know, I never really understood this. Heard it all too many times and just shake my head. Then again, I've never been married, so I shouldn't judge. But my first thoughts have always been... "If you're not happy, get out" end of discussion. Ya know? Affairs, cheating, emotional/physical abuse... blows my mind why some people put up with it.... but I guess that's what makes this wonderful world go round. Ol' school beliefs... spiritual, religious, I suppose are some reasons why people 'stay married' instead of divorcing.
Kwo-ne'-she Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I've come to realize we don't really love our ex's. It's that our fear of being lonely makes us feel that way. At the risk of busting your bubble... I, in fact do, love my ex. Very much. There is not a day that goes by I don't think of him, and hope he is finding some peace & happiness. Do I want him back? No. But I do love him, and probably will until I draw my last breath. I've also realized you should completely block your ex out of your life. Trust me you will be happy again. You cannot reason with your ex. You need to let your ex figure things out and you should give your ex that space. Take her off your cell phone, your buddy list, whatever. Block her. If your ex wants to be with you she'll find a way, trust me. I really suggest picking up a hobby to help the process. Start reading some inspirational books. Work on making your life better. Listen to some soothing music. You'll start to feel refreshed. All good advice. You can not move forward, until you let go of the past.
Auqakuh Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I've come to realize we don't really love our ex's. It's that our fear of being lonely makes us feel that way. Seriously ask yourself this question. How many times have you said "she's the one" ? The next girl is always the one. It's cause we're not lonely anymore. I've also realized you should completely block your ex out of your life. Trust me you will be happy again. You cannot reason with your ex. You need to let your ex figure things out and you should give your ex that space. Take her off your cell phone, your buddy list, whatever. Block her. If your ex wants to be with you she'll find a way, trust me. I really suggest picking up a hobby to help the process. Start reading some inspirational books. Work on making your life better. Listen to some soothing music. You'll start to feel refreshed. Sometimes you really appreciate how your own parents stuck together all those years. These days everyone seems to break up or get divorced left and right. Maybe something is wrong with our culture. This would be easy to believe because it would be -easy-. But it's not always true. Sometimes the one you lose really is that important. Sometimes they're just who you thought they were, just who you were looking for. Being able to face the fact that if you're with someone, and you **** up, you might be losing the best person to ever walk into your life... that's the only way to ever -find- the best person to walk into your life in the first place. You won't see them otherwise. After all, they're just another in the line. I believe that every relationship we have gives us something to put towards the one we really, truly, do not want to be without. We learn something. Every person we're with is a step along a road, and at the end of that road, if we do things right, is a comfortable house with a warm fire. That last person you were with may not be the be-all and end-all of your life, but then again... they might be. Time will tell, not rationalisations and logic. Nothing about love is rational or logical. Very little of what people do while in love is rational or logical, either. You can throw cliches around all day, but it doesn't change the facts. Some people work so well together they might as well be joined at the hip. And if that sours, does that mean that they weren't really right? No, it means that they were imperfect, just like everybody else. Better to be special than perfect .... and the difference between those two things is why so many relationships fail. You ALL look for the perfect someone. You find someone who seems perfect, in your eyes, for you. And then when they screw up, it's just like that huge psychological battering we take when we realise our parents are not perfect. Someone you believed in failed you. But it still doesn't mean they wouldn't have succeeded for you in a hundred other ways. Maybe I'm rambling a bit here. Don't care. I'm angry at society right now, angry at a culture that means that because I'm a good person, I find it hard to keep a mate. Because when I screw up, it means that EVERYTHING about me must be wrong somehow, because men like me allegedly do not exist. Nor do women like me. We have become a culture of cynics dressed as optimists. We claim we'll find that someone, and then in all likelihood we'll throw them away at the first sign of trouble and beat ourselves up for "falling for it". If you want to keep on doing that, go for it. I'm done with that crap, however. Life is no game, and I'm not playing anymore. You may have read my posts on here before, specifically my "Lost..." thread. Well, I could easily say she wasn't the one for me at all. Except I know differently. I don't believe differently. I know it. Some people have told me I imagine this, that it's all just a side-effect of being in love. But you know what? They've got it arse-upwards. Knowing you should be with someone isn't a side-effect at all; it's the root. It's what love grows out of. Want to keep being cynical? Go right ahead. Lemme know how that works for you. As for me, in ten years time I'll come back and tell you if I was right or not.
EC Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Exactly! If your constantly looking behind you, you will stumble while trying to move forward. I have cut my ex's off completely. After the last one I just couldnt take it anymore and I realized That I and only I was the one torturin myself by wondering what he was doing, and with whom, and why it wasnt with me, and would it ever be with me again..blah blah blah. lol You only live once and you have to make the best of it. Reading this book called 'Awaken the Giant Within' by Anthony Robbins helped Tons!
Johnny B Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Sometimes the one you lose really is that important. Sometimes they're just who you thought they were, just who you were looking for. Being able to face the fact that if you're with someone, and you **** up, you might be losing the best person to ever walk into your life... that's the only way to ever -find- the best person to walk into your life in the first place. You won't see them otherwise. After all, they're just another in the line. I believe that every relationship we have gives us something to put towards the one we really, truly, do not want to be without. We learn something. Every person we're with is a step along a road, and at the end of that road, if we do things right, is a comfortable house with a warm fire. That last person you were with may not be the be-all and end-all of your life, but then again... they might be. Time will tell, not rationalisations and logic. Nothing about love is rational or logical. Very little of what people do while in love is rational or logical, either. I think this section is unbelievably true. This is so insightful. It's especially poinient for me. Someone who completely messed up something special and now regrets it. Not knowing what you had until it's truely gone is the only way to learn, change and grow as a person.
amaysngrace Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Knowing you should be with someone isn't a side-effect at all; it's the root. It's what love grows out of. Simply beautiful.
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