guest Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 So, here's my story. Me and my girlfriend met 3 years ago while working at a restaurant. She was 18 at the time and I was 22. I feel in love with her because she was soo cute an naive about things. But, she was also caring and very beautiful. (We were both living in jersey at the time, but she moved to new york 1 year into the relationship) We went out for a week short of three years, and in that time I have moved to 3 different apartments, graduated from college, and is now pursuing my masters degree. She was always there for me taking the time to come visit my from new york. (I was living in jersey at the time) I think I sort of got too comfortable with her and maybe to some extent took her for granted. Well, during the 2nd year that we were together i've gotten into the masters program in a school in new york. After I've gotten my acceptance letter, I moved to manhatten while she lives at queens. I never really liked visiting her at home because her parents were always there and I was quite uncomfortable with it. So, She would come visit me almost every weekend. we had some very good times together, and were happy for the first 2 years. During the third year, the year that I moved to new york, I could feel that things were becoming a little different. Stale, i guess. We both weren't happy together like we used to be, but we still have our moments. Anyways, last semester she met this guy that offered to drive her home on a regular basis, and I sorta forbid her to let the guy drive her home. (Jealousy). But, later on I became ok with it. Three weeks ago, I've started feeling that she became distant, and had some talk with me that she didn't feel that our relationship was going anywhere. She had became good friend with this guy i stated earlier and some of this guy's friends. They started hanging out more and doing things inside of school and outside of school. Again, I got jealous, and told her not to hang out with them. I guess in a sense I was really controlling, and possessive. She doesn't have any friends in new york, and I guess this was the first "group" that she felt that she belonged after moving to new york. I figured all this out after we had a long talk about it. A week ago, last saturday. She came and stayed over at my apartment and we got into an argument. She said again that she didn't felt that the relationship was going anywhere, and that she really wants some time alone to become more independent. (I've always took care of her in anyway possible) She wanted to break up, and I told her if she walked out that door everything would become different. (I really hoped I didn't say that now) She left on sunday, and I didn't think we were broken up because we never really agreed on the break up. She called me on monday, so i talked to her and everything. Thinking that we were still together. On tuesday I called her and asked if she wanted to do something with me next wednesday 3/28 because it was our three years anni. Well, she hesitated a bit and said.. "I thought we're broken up" I said, "are we? i didn't think anything was finalized" So, it sorta hit me and I went through the whole begging and pleading stage, and ask her if she wanted the guy that I was talking about earlier. She said, "No, there's no other guy. I just want to be alone and become more independent." I guess throughout the relationship we became somewhat codependent of each other, so she wanted to be alone and be happy with herself. Finally, I told her not to contact me anymore and that I would block her off from AIM and MSN. (was this a mistake?) We ended the phone call with both of us crying. After the phone call, I emailed her and thanked her for being such a wonderful gf and that I hope sometime in the future that we can meet under different circumstances. Well, tuesday rolls around and I called her again, pleading with her and hopeing for another chance. She said that she doesn't know and that does it have to be now? So, i gave up, and told her that I wish her the best and that not to contact me again. She started crying and everything, and asking why. I told her, because it was gonna be too hard and it just wouldn't work. So, I guess officially, we broke up on tuesday. So, here i am. Day 4 of no contact. My quenstions are, -Did i do the right thing to tell her not to contact me anymore? -Do you guys thing that she was truthful that there's no other guy in her life? She has never lied to me before and I want to believe there isn't. -Would she ever break the NC because i told her not to contact me anymore? -If she doesn't contact me, should I break NC in two weeks? -Should I unblock her on AIM and MSN? I just feel like I didn't get a last chance to meet her face to face to talk to her about it. I just really want to see her one last time just so I can get some closure. I don't know, she's been online a lot and I dunno who she's talking to and whatnot. Anyways, thanks for reading such a long post. Any suggestions would be helpful. I just hope someone replies back.
EmotionalBlackMail Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Three years is a long time, so this has to be difficult. I think, for now, you should continue your NC rule. She told you she wanted to be independent, so give her some space. I noticed in your post that you outlined how you begged and pleaded for her to come back. That generally doesn't work. It's better to give the other person time and space so they can really see what they're missing. I'm not sure when you should break your NC, though, because I understand that you want a sense of complete closure. For now, though, give her time and don't contact her.
Guest Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Three years is a long time, so this has to be difficult. I think, for now, you should continue your NC rule. She told you she wanted to be independent, so give her some space. I noticed in your post that you outlined how you begged and pleaded for her to come back. That generally doesn't work. It's better to give the other person time and space so they can really see what they're missing. I'm not sure when you should break your NC, though, because I understand that you want a sense of complete closure. For now, though, give her time and don't contact her. Yeah, only thing is that.. i'm afraid i might have made a mistake of telling her not to contact me anymore. Based on what i've been reading.. you're not suppose to tell your ex that you're gonna begin NC. I think it might have helped her forget about me a lot quicker.. and I'm also afraid that she might not contact me. Anyways, it's 1 1/2 weeks now NC now.. i haven't called her.. she hasn't called me... Sigh, why is this so hard?
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