Icantletgo Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I've never been a weak person. Until this breakup. The thought that my love wasn't enough for him...hurts. I am weak beyond belief. I'm not a weak person....but he has made me this way.
D-Lish Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Think of it in a different way. You can choose to feel weak or not. He doesn't make you this way... you choose to accept that fate or change it. The weakness you feel right now is sadness. If you are a strong person normally, you'll use that strenth to find your way back. It's a set back... not a life altering change you must accept.
Author Icantletgo Posted March 26, 2007 Author Posted March 26, 2007 You are right. you are completely right. It's just hard sometimes when i am at home at night...and i know he's with HER. You know? But you are right. When i start to feel sad or down, I'm going to breathe in and think positive.
jaycie724 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 You are right. you are completely right. It's just hard sometimes when i am at home at night...and i know he's with HER. You know? But you are right. When i start to feel sad or down, I'm going to breathe in and think positive. We should talk sometime...I'm in *exactly* the same boat. I lay in bed and night, devestated and unable to sleep because I know that he's with her. The worst thing is, he used couples counseling as a front to get more time away from me (manipulated me and the counselor with false stories of abuse, etc) and then I found a note in his nightstand last week that refereced a few nights they spent together and how they have sex against the bathroom wall in the retail store where they work. They're moving in together soon. After 6.5 years, all I wonder is "why wasn't I enough" and "why wasn't my love enough" and "what could I have done to fix it" but now, I know in my head that its not me, it is 150% him and his many mental problems (hes a compulsive liar, among other things). It's still hard though making my heart and spirit believe what my head knows. I get mad at myself for mourning him and missing him, even though everyone here on LS says its normal. I don't know what to say to make you feel better. I wish I did (especially because it would probably make me feel better too ). But at the very least, I want you to know that you are not the only one who is going to bed with such deep pain. But at the very least, I know one thing..a relationship based on lies is destined to fail. I know he's not worth it, and I hope soon that we will both know that in our hearts as well as our minds. My prayers go out to you.
AriaIncognito Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Ditto on that same boat thing. I know I'm not a weak person, but he makes me a total fool. Worse is I know I'd probably heal faster if he weren't still in my life to some extent. But, there's that "weak" thing again. I let him stay around and use the last shreds because it's better than dealing with feeling totally depressed. I know this is a temporary state, and that as soon as he's seeing someone, I'll have to sever all ties, and that will hurt too. So why do I hold on? I don't know. I wish I could explain it. To be honest, the love I felt for him didn't grow moreso when he took himself away. It just stayed present in me. The hope still exists where it shouldn't, and he still feeds off that I'm sure. And I'm the fool that lets it happen. Sometimes, I really hate myself for feeling this weak. I'm crying right now because once again I've proven to myself that I mean nothing more to him than something to distract him until he finds the one he actually wants. Because if he actually wanted me, he'd be with me, and I'd not be crying. So why is it that we can't accept it and just forget them? last night i watched that movie "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind". I wish that procedure was available in real life. I could use it to erase this last one. It kills me to know that I could feel that good and that sure about someone, only to have it not reciprocated. It makes me feel like I wasn't worthy of it. Thanks for letting me cry on your thread. bad night.
Teacher's Pet Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I'm crying right now My phone didn't ring. *hugs FW tight* last night i watched that movie "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind". I wish that procedure was available in real life. I could use it to erase this last one. It kills me to know that I could feel that good and that sure about someone, only to have it not reciprocated. It makes me feel like I wasn't worthy of it. I really should check that movie out, because you know we went through the same thing..... *again, hugs his FW tight* -tp likes to cop a cheap feel on her whenever possible
AriaIncognito Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Your phone didn't ring because you know I hate the phone, and you've been "away" on IM all night. So there.
Teacher's Pet Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Your phone didn't ring because you know I hate the phone, and you've been "away" on IM all night. So there. You know you can call or text me ANYTIME. You are one of my best friends in the whole world. I'm there for ya, 24/7, you know that. I love you! -tp now everyone repeat after me, "Awwwww!"
Teacher's Pet Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 You are one of my best friends in the whole world. I'm there for ya' date=' 24/7, you know that. [/quote'] And since I'm temporarily not working, the response time will be amazing. -tp minuteman. well......... maybe a minute and a half.
norajane Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 So why is it that we can't accept it and just forget them? Because our feelings were real and honest and are part of who we are. Giving them up means letting go of a part of ourselves, to an extent. And because hope is the most insidious and persistent of all the evils in Pandora's Box. It kills me to know that I could feel that good and that sure about someone, only to have it not reciprocated. It makes me feel like I wasn't worthy of it. Don't think that way. Giving love isn't about worth. It is about our capabililty to give of ourselves. You were able and willing and open to giving love. He was not, certainly not to the same degree. I'm in the same boat, but I can't seem to cry, though I need to.
Teacher's Pet Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 And because hope is the most insidious and persistent of all the evils in Pandora's Box. My ex wasn't named Pandora, but there was much evil in her Box. I'm sorry, I just wanted to put a smile on someone's face here in Coping-land. -tp thinks out of the box.
bridget_jones Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I'm sorry. Breakups are probably one of the worst life traumas, especially when you are really in love. I just want you to know that it will get better. you don't think so now, but it will. Hugs!
Author Icantletgo Posted March 26, 2007 Author Posted March 26, 2007 We should definitely talk some time Jaycie. I went through the same shock when I found out about his cheating. What makes it sad is that we wanted to believe his lies so bad. And in believing in them, we lost ourselves and our strengths. Ariawoman, I am also in the same boat. He'll call from time to time to see what I'm doing and I don't want to answer, I can't bear to his voice so strong and so happy...but I do it anyways cause I love him still and I miss him terribly. Good luck to all of you.
AriaIncognito Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Ariawoman, I am also in the same boat. He'll call from time to time to see what I'm doing and I don't want to answer, I can't bear to his voice so strong and so happy...but I do it anyways cause I love him still and I miss him terribly. Mine isn't even a "time to time" thing. He contacts me daily. Whether it be email or phone text, somehow theres always something. I have seen him a few times recently too. (one on one, nothing physical) which also confuses me of course even though I know he doesn't want to be with me. It's awfully mixed messages to tell someone you don't want to be with them, yet seemingly want to be in their daily life. It makes no sense to me. Not that he ever did make any sense. He's probably just using me til he finds someone to shift focus to, and while I know that, I guess I'm still a hopeless romantic that believes fairy tale endings can occur in real life. Even though there's no evidence of this that I've seen. Ugh. Another day, no sleep, and still depressed. And i get to have a meeting with my boss 1st thing for an hour about "how I'm doing" (we do these monthly cuz he's weird). He really doesn't want to know the truth on that question.
EC Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 UGh I know this feeling and I hate/fear it. Music got me through my hearbreak. That and Poetry. Writing and letting my feelings out helped a lot. I wrote one called 'Horrible Death' lol because thats what It felt like everynight. A horrible death. Now i go back and re-read those poems and I think wow I overcame that and life still went on and I did find love again after two years and I am happier than ever. So Yea its hard now but life does go on and you can find love again and thats all you have to remember. Another thing that got me through was : My mother sat down and told me that people are brought to your life for a specific reason/purpose. One that purpose is fufilled they have to move on. So maybe he came into your life to learn somthing or vice a versa and then you move on. You might not realize the lesson till years from now. So while your sitting there crying yourself into misery...instead why not try and figure out what you have learned from all of the pain and from the relationship. Try to figure out maybe what went wrong so that way your next relationship can run a lot smoother. It stings I know..but you will be ok.
jaycie724 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 We should definitely talk some time Jaycie. I went through the same shock when I found out about his cheating. What makes it sad is that we wanted to believe his lies so bad. And in believing in them, we lost ourselves and our strengths. Anytime. There's not a messaging feature on here is there?
Johnny B Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 UGh I know this feeling and I hate/fear it. So Yea its hard now but life does go on and you can find love again and thats all you have to remember. Another thing that got me through was : My mother sat down and told me that people are brought to your life for a specific reason/purpose. One that purpose is fufilled they have to move on. So maybe he came into your life to learn somthing or vice a versa and then you move on. You might not realize the lesson till years from now. So while your sitting there crying yourself into misery...instead why not try and figure out what you have learned from all of the pain and from the relationship. Try to figure out maybe what went wrong so that way your next relationship can run a lot smoother. It stings I know..but you will be ok. Amazing... thank you for that... it really helps a lot. It also helps me to understand that sometimes people are brought into your life not to be your soulmates but to serve your soul in another way. I wish I didn't have to lose her (by my doing!) to learn. It would have been much better to have learned the life lessons prior to meeting her!
CaliGuy Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Amazing... thank you for that... it really helps a lot. It also helps me to understand that sometimes people are brought into your life not to be your soulmates but to serve your soul in another way. I wish I didn't have to lose her (by my doing!) to learn. It would have been much better to have learned the life lessons prior to meeting her! When you meet the next woman, she'll be better for you than the last because of the lessons you learned from your ex. Then you will be saying "Wow, I am glad I experienced that because now I TRULY have the love of my life." Mark my words.
Author Icantletgo Posted March 27, 2007 Author Posted March 27, 2007 Jaycie...I don't believe they have a chat feature on here...is there a private message feature?? Hm...I'm still kinda new to this forum. EC...great great advice!!! That's what gives me hope. I know he wasn't the one...I mean, NOW i know...it just hurts when you know you have 110% into the relationship..and the other person who promised you the world just...gave up..and moved on! Caliguy...you sound so optimistic...are you already dating someone??
jaycie724 Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Jaycie...I don't believe they have a chat feature on here...is there a private message feature?? Hm...I'm still kinda new to this forum. I'm not sure...I'm new to this myself. *heading off to look*
AriaIncognito Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 There is a PM feature but you need to have a certain number of posts for it to be accessed. I dont know how many that is though....if you click on someones ID, you'll see some have a "send private message" feature listed (though I'm not sure if that shows up until you're able to send and receive them yourself). Hope this helps..
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