Icantletgo Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I think unrequited love is extremely painful. I love my ex of 3 years with all my heart...and now..he doesn't love me anymore. He is in love with someone else. It's painful to know that no matter what you do..you have no control over their feelings. no control at all. And nothing will ever go back to when he use to love me. Cause there is no OUR love anymore...now it's just my unrequited love. Please share your experiences of sadness and hope!
What? Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Hey Icantletgo! My heart has been broken a few times over the years, but my latest heartbreak hurts bad though it was not long. Had been dating a lady 9 years junior for about 2 or 3 months. Yes, I know, not long, but I completely fell for her. I am very careful with my heart and have large defensive walls. I was in a LTR in excess of 5 years, and got dropped out of the blue, so it took many years to even get to the point I'd let myself get here. This girl seemed special because she effortlessly broke down the defenses and treated me like I deserved. I fed off of her, the way she would look at me. She made me feel in a short time like the man I know I am. I was lost before. It just seemed right, and I never have jumped in so blindly as I did this time. It went fast, but my experience dictated I could handle it because I was finally ready to try again. I treated her like a queen, was always there when she needed me, wasn't overbearing/aggressive, it just flowed naturally like a storybook romance. Then Boom! Cut off. I am not stupid, I detected she may have had similar feelings. WTF? I'll never understand what goes through somebody's mind when they decide to throw away what could have been the best thing we could have ever known (that includes my LTRs). I think it is because they deep down feel they do not deserve a partner such as you or I. I was raised old fashioned and take care of my women. The only conclusion I can draw is that people are afraid of what they do not know and react in ways that are irrational. That LTR girl resurfaced a couple of years later begging to take her back, but I could not do it. She hurt me so bad, I couldn't do it again and thought never again. After this recent debackle, it would be easy to fall back into the shut-down mode, but I take from it renewed hope that there is a girl out there that can raise up these feelings in me again and will not fear what the future holds. I have been in your shoes before, and time will heal you. When you are ready, I am confident you will find that somebody that will reciprocate the great love you have in your heart. You deserve it. He will deserve you. Let the time do its thing and keep the faith. I gave up for a long time and cheated myself out of finding somebody that I could have loved. I am sorry for what has happened to you, just don't give up, you'll be ok!
waitingforlove Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Hi Icantletgo, What happened? Did he just suddenly say he didn't love you anymore? How come you're so sure he's "in love" with someone else? So soon after you broke up? Maybe he just got bored and wanted new excitement in his life? Maybe it's only infatuation that he's feeling towards the other girl? Don't torture yourself if he's not worth it. And if he's worth it, after a while he'll want to come back to you when he realizes that he loves you more than he does the other girl. I can't believe he would "love" the other girl more than he loves someone he's been with for three years. Are you still keeping contact with him?
Author Icantletgo Posted March 27, 2007 Author Posted March 27, 2007 Hey waitingforlove. I was with my ex for 3 years. the last 6 months we were on and off and HE was the one who wanted to try again... turns out he was dating this girl from work. HE SLEPT WITH HER. And when she went back to HER ex, he came back to me....this whole time i didn't know what was going on. We finally broke up in january when she wanted to get back with my ex....And I found out by going through his phone records...He never told me about her...I had to find out myself.... When i confronted him he told me that he slowly fell out of love w/ me...and that he is now in love w/ her... We still talk now.. A little here and there..they are apparently having problems cause she is still in love w/ her ex....So of course he comes to me to talk about it... I've tried to initiate NC w/ him but he comes over unannounced begging me to be his friend.... So there it is!
Mustang1984 Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 There are 2 types of people in this world when it comes to relationships. Stable people generally are people who understand that relationhips take hard work and determination to work. They know that infatuation that exists in the beggining of the relationship wears off, but they try to make it grow into true love. These people find it easy to be faithful when they are madly in love with someone. These people generally are the ons that GET their hearts broken in relationships. Unstable people or relationship junkies only like the initial stages of relaionships. THey only like the infatuation stage. As soon as thats over and work is required they slack off and look for someone new that they can cheat with. These people find it nearly impossible to be faithful no matter what. These are the people that do almost ALL of the heartbreaking in the relationships they are in. Unstable people are also so pathetic and lazy that they dodge being single and break ups by always having a backup. They cheat and hide it so that if things dont go well they can come back. Like your ex did. If they go well, they can leave you and jump to that person. They are never alone this way. They are cowards basically. Your ex clearly is unstable in relationships. It is apparent that he is lazy and doesnt want to put any work into maintaining the relationship. He just likes the infatuation hence his cheating with that girl. You need to go no contact and be tough about this. You see without you he is alone. Boohoo isnt that sad that he would be all alone. Looks like the wars over and he lost. He deserves it and needs to learn a valuble life lesson here. He needs to grow up and get with the program. DO NOT Take him back or be his friend. Give him the same respect he gave you. NONE.
Author Icantletgo Posted March 27, 2007 Author Posted March 27, 2007 WOW MUSTANG. Bravo!!! I'm clapping at your post. so straightforward and so TRUE. "Give him the same respect he gave you. NONE" That might be my favorite line so far on these forums. It's true.He deserves nothing. I, on the other hand, deserve everything. I'm going to breathe and move on. Thanks Mustang!!!
Erik Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Unstable people or relationship junkies only like the initial stages of relaionships. THey only like the infatuation stage. As soon as thats over and work is required they slack off and look for someone new that they can cheat with. These people find it nearly impossible to be faithful no matter what. These are the people that do almost ALL of the heartbreaking in the relationships they are in. Unstable people are also so pathetic and lazy that they dodge being single and break ups by always having a backup. They cheat and hide it so that if things dont go well they can come back. Like your ex did. If they go well, they can leave you and jump to that person. They are never alone this way. They are cowards basically. Agree to most of it. But maybe they just believe in all the movies and the songs, so they mistake the infatuation for love. And when the infatuation is gone, they think love is gone too.
waitingforlove Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Hi Icantletgo, I think your ex will come back, BUT for YOUR SAKE, please do not take him back! He is not a good and faithful lover anyway, you deserve so much more. The reason he wants to be your "friend" is just so that he can have a "back-up" in case it doesn't work out between him and the other girl. DON'T be his back-up plan! Show him that you have a lot of dignity and as much as you love him, you love yourself MORE and will not accept his mistreatment anymore. His current girlfriend doesn't sound very mature either, and so who knows?! I think sooner or later she may break your ex's heart again and that's when he would come back begging you to take him back. But you really deserve someone who's faithful to you and won't deceive you. If he comes back, just tell him that he's not good enough for you because you deserve someone who will not leave you for anyone else. Stand up for yourself and make him regret his whole life! You'll feel much better soon when you get some distance from the situation and look back at it. You'll realize that you're better without him. Good luck and take care of youself!
Author Icantletgo Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 It's easier said then done.... Is it wrong that i feel like I am using him too??? I feel like, for now, I want his company but I'm still on the look out for someone new though... I dunno. I love him..it's hard. We hung out yesterday and he was like "I am going to be straight with you. I'm not going to try to be w/ you right now. If we are meant to be, we'll be. I'm just going to let the pieces fall into place and see what happens"....
wlminfla Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 That whole notion of "If we're meant to be, we'll be" is a bit ridiculous sometimes. As a God believer, I do believe that He puts people in each others lives for a reason. HOWEVER, we can't just sit back and let fate do all of the work. Sometimes we have to be proactive and MAKE LOVE WORK. Make that, all the time. While Serendipity was a cute movie, sometimes we do have to actually make it work. You want a TRUTH from a movie, check this out: "There is fate, but it only takes you so far. From there, it's up to YOU to decide" - Can't Hardly Wait Unfortunately for a dumpee like myself, being proactive to win them back usually does NO good. It sucks, but it's the truth! WLMINFLA
Author Icantletgo Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 The reason he even said that line to me was because he was telling me how some of his coworkers wanted to set him up on dates already cause that girl broke his heart.... Even after they don't work out he still doesn't wanna be with me... Would I want to be w/ him? No. I just want him to want me again...sounds childish..but hey..that's all i want.
wlminfla Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 It's human nature (and a human need, according to Maslow) to feel desired and wanted. There's nothing childish about that at all, so don't worry about it. Take a look at how I feel. Not only am I not wanted by the girl that I spent six wonderful years with, but all of our mutual friends that were my close friends have more/less turned their backs because of the awkward situation. Some may ask, "Well how good of friends were they to begin with?" As true as that may be, it still hurts because I feel rejected and unwanted from an entire lifes period that I both adored and cherished. You can imagine the physiological effects of that :-) But as for us Icantletgo, I have to (and do) believe that one day, we will find someone else that will want us as much as we want them. It's the reality that we can be away from them if we have to, but we hate being away from them. There will be a new time in our lives where we will feel appreciated, wanted and loved by someone special again and we will appreciate, want and love them too. For now, all we can do is to keep doing our best with the friends and family that we have. That's what I do at least.
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