Potential Red Flag?

[Ariadne]

I was just telling her my impression about the matter.

 

If she asks him or not is up to her.

 

Ariadne

[Kamille]

You always sum things up so well. I can tell you've mastered the art of essay writing!

 

Very astute my dear, my new schtick is writing reports for a governmental agency. That and the grad school thing.

 

New guy- not my type, worried he's a player and that my judgement is so screwed up because of past negative experiences. I guess I just know that I could walk away right now without much pain... but if I stick it out and he turns out to be a rat, I'll get hurt again.

 

A universal conundrum in this crazy world of dating!

 

I think I am feeling poised to bolt. Don't know if it's because the reservations I am having are real red flags... or if it's my learned way of protecting myself.

 

It is a conundrum. I mean, after all, if you find yourself bolting, you might as well bring up the picture thing right? But I really don't know where i stand on the issue. I know that, if that happened to me after a good week with someone, I would be suspicious, but probably unwilling to bring it up. If anything, it might be a blessing in disguise in that he will have to work harder if he really wants to win you over.

 

Why are relationships so tricky?

 

 

What have you been up to?

Dating?

 

does getting hit on by drunk guys at parties count as dating? Because really, that seems to be all that is happening over here. But I'm not too worried. I have yet to find someone that I am really interested in - that I would want to date. but there are a couple cuties who have caught my eyes, it's just a matter of seeing which one of them makes me fall first. Ah, and spring is just around the corner and then, then it's beach time! Which reminds me, I better hit the gym!

 

One last note, you truly have a really big heart, it's so obvious from how generous you are here with insightful advice. We all know that you have a lot to offer. We also all know that you are a very strong woman. I think it's good that you are keeping your feet on the ground while dating. And I'm very proud of you for that because it is hard to do. If I were you, I would let faith in your strenghts and in your capacity to take care of yourself be your guide as to how you should act with this guy. Not fear.

[PussInHeels]

Whether his picture is up or not, at this phase in your dating, he could still be checking out other options in case this doesn't work out. I think this is normal after only 3 dates, and I don't think not seeing the picture up would necessarily mean he is only interested in you. You could ask him if you really want, but there is no guarantee his answer would be very helpful or truthful. Plus you might come across as possessive even if you simply want to know how he feels about you.

 

You don't have to pull back, but what you could do is give the impression you're not putting all your eggs in his basket. While he's probably evaluating you at this time, he should feel that he is also being evaluated.

[D-Lish]

Thanks for the responses. I'm not planning on asking him at this point.

 

I don't think that sex is the only thing he's interested in from me. At least, that's not the impression I'm getting. He hasn't tried, and I told him I didn't want to have sex at this point. We live over an hour away from one another... so theres' been effort put in to see each other.

 

He also went out of his way to make me a home cooked dinner with all the trimmings- and he was so worried about whether or not I liked it.

No, we haven't come close to sex.

 

About the pic being posted after our third date... well- I think I've come to the conclusion that he is keeping his options open at this point, while at the same time evaluating me as a potential partner. I think that's what dating is all about. So I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt for now. I really wasn't planning on asking him about the pic- I was really posting to find out what other people make of such a move.

 

I think that if it gets to the point where sex comes into question that I will let him know that I won't sleep with him if he is planning on doing so with others. I think that's a fair thing to ask of someone.

 

Yeah, the three dates in one week might sound a little quick... but it was Friday, Tuesday, then Saturday. He has asked to come down again Wednesday night. So, it doesn't feel like it's been moving super fast.

 

And it's not like I'm sitting here feeling jealous or wanting to force him into exclusivity... that's not it at all. I'm really just trying to measure my competence in evaluating another person after getting burned so badly in the past.

 

The way I work, is if I am interested in someone, it's hard for me to date others at the same time. That's just the way I operate.

 

Yesterday, after I saw the pic up, I didn't talk to him on MSN or pick up my phone when he called last night. But I rethought the situation overnight and decided that I have to break the pattern of being the girl that pulls away, or tests, or reacts without putting thought into something.

 

Alphamale- you are right about not having the right to ask anything at this point. Did I just agree with you? WTF? Am I softening?

 

All of us here know that pain sucks... we all found this place because our mutual pain brought us here in the first place. I realized that I am so freakin' afraid of getting hurt that I'm falling back into that familiar pattern of sabotage to avoid ever going back to that place of being in pain over a loss. After 3 dates... and I'm thinking of the potential of geing burned down the road already??? That's silly, isn't it?

 

I have been pondering if I'm getting incolved with a committment-phobe... but I think I am a bit of one myself.

 

I'm rambling... red wine with dinner!

 

I've made it a goal to stop repeating past negative patterns. So that means I have to suck it up and trust in the unknown for once. I'm trying to look at this as... "Okay, what's the big deal?" Three dates, he's still unsure and so am I"... that's okay! It's not like I've deleted my profile either. I've just substituted my pic with my dog....lol.

 

Three dates, and he's still calling and making plans to see me again- he still seeks me out daily on MSN, and he calls. I'm overthinking. If the pic is still up after/if things progress to the point of getting naked with him...well, then the convo will have to come up. That's cool with me.

 

We all need to learn from our past mistakes right? Okay- that means that I have to be open to getting hurt. I'm not going to overthink this or run away or stop talking to him. I don't want to set the "bitch" precedence. It's never worked for me before...

 

I appreciate all the responses- whether it's something I want to hear or not. Thanks guys.

 

D

[D-Lish]

does getting hit on by drunk guys at parties count as dating?

 

Kamille, you're too funny!

 

haha- no... it counts as having fun... and it means men find you attractive! Keep up the good work!

 

Yeah, you're quite succinct and organized with your writing. Quite obvious you have super-girl powers when it comes to language and putting it down on paper! Boys like smart girls....

 

Dating is bothering me. lol. Liking someone a little bit after getting burned is bothering me.

 

You sound discerning when choosing someone to like. That's a good thing. No hurry right?

 

D

[Art_Critic]

I don't think that sex is the only thing he's interested in from me. At least, that's not the impression I'm getting. He hasn't tried, and I told him I didn't want to have sex at this point.

 

You are just telling yourself this.. come on...

We all want sex..I'm sure you are interested in sex with him too!!

He is interested in banging you.... and you can bet that if he can get just that then he will still be satisfied.. even if no relationship forms..

 

If the pic is still up after/if things progress to the point of getting naked with him...well, then the convo will have to come up. That's cool with me.

 

It will still be up.. so you will be having the talk.. but have the talk before getting naked and not after..

[D-Lish]

So, your honest male opinion is that I'm setting myself up for a fall...

Could be the case. Hmm.

 

Of course I want to have sex with him...

I'm just looking for something more meaningful than just sex.

 

freakin' confusing!

[Art_Critic]

So, your honest male opinion is that I'm setting myself up for a fall...

Could be the case. Hmm.

 

Of course I want to have sex with him...

I'm just looking for something more meaningful than just sex.

 

freakin' confusing!

 

The only way you will set yourself up is if you just believe or talk yourself into believing everything he says..and his motives..

 

Sometimes it could take months for those to show..

and yes you are going at a very rapid pace for dating.. 4 dates in 9 days ( if you have the forth date ) is very very fast.....

 

Try not to convince yourself that he is the best thing since sliced bread and you will be just fine...

Eyes Wide Open is all it takes to sort out the rubbish from the keepers..

[D-Lish]

Okay Art, I hear what you are saying.

 

I think part of the problem is that it ususally takes me so long to like someone. But for some reason, I felt swept away the moment I met him. And it's been so long since I had that positive feeling. The butterflies in the stomache, walking around smiling all the time since I met him... it's a precarious situation, I know.

 

I just don't want to pull a retarded move and ignore red flags.

 

I hear ya. Eyes wide open.

 

I'm playing slightly coy, and he's responding to that full tilt.

Human beings want what they can't have...

 

That's why I love having dogs. Nothing complicated when it comes to the love of a pet.

[Green]

U need to come to the States and date some real men...

[D-Lish]

yeowsers!

 

Are Canadian men that bad?

lol

[Pyro]

yeowsers!

 

Are Canadian men that bad?

lol

 

He is just trying to get with you, thats all.

[Green]

nah its a statistical fact that white women in the states 80% more likely to be in satisfying relationships then canadiens... Ridler how dare you say I'm just trying to get with dlish ... how dare you... I thought you were my LS pal or something gay like that...

[Pyro]

nah its a statistical fact that white women in the states 80% more likely to be in satisfying relationships then canadiens... Ridler how dare you say I'm just trying to get with dlish ... how dare you... I thought you were my LS pal or something gay like that...

 

Where did you find stats like that?

 

You are in the wrong thread if you are going to start talking gay. That thread is a few down the list.

[Green]

hahah I didnt read that one yet... truth be told I made those statistics up just to get with dlish but I moved on since that time in my life... guess ill just wish her the best with this former jock its a nice touch that her bro used to know him kind of makes things feel full circle.

[D-Lish]

You guys are too funny.

I think the stat is: 90% of 80% of us are 25% likely to be happy with our partner 10% of the time.

Now that's a fact.

[D-Lish]

Well- there is something to be said about paying attention to your instincts.

 

If you have reservations- pay attention to them. As Humans, we tend to ignore our gut feelings... But we shouldn't.

 

In regards to this guys I was dating- the one I met online...

Well, I had some reservations right from day one- which is why I posted here with my questions.

 

One of the biggest things we should all be paying attention to is how to correct our past mistakes- or recognize past negative patterns and do our best to change them.

 

This guy I was seeing- I really liked him, was super attracted to him... but he gave me warnings from day one. He came on SUPER strong until he hooked me, and then started breaking dates and scaling back the attention.

 

Okay- so here's the thing. In the past, I would have reacted to such a man by trying harder, making sacrifices... responding to to the rejection by playing the game. This time- I did not do that.

 

He broke one date- I let it slide, then another- then the MSN's started dwindling and the phone calls became less frequent. But when we did spend time together- it was wonderful, he was charming and attentive- said all the right things. THEN? He'd go into hiding and start breaking dates again, or make excuses for not calling.

 

I played it laid back, never got mad, just sort of went with the flow for a bit. But Guess what? I grew tired of the push-pull... and turned the tables on him.

 

I never did sleep with him (thankfully)... but I did end it. I ended it with someone I quite liked- but was showing me disrespect.

 

I found that the more time we spent together- the more I grew bored.

He bragged about himself- talked about himself incessantly, told me he spoke 5 languages... but when I asked him to talk to me in one of them... he couldn't.

 

Beware of the narcissist- they exist.

NPD is rare- but Narcissism is not.

I almost let myself date one... but I pulled out.

 

Recognize the signs of a "charmer"... Learn to identify the difference between confidence and narcissism.

I'm glad I did.

:-)

Hope you guys are all well.

D

[Green]

booo darn canadien men they dont know how to treat hot broads. He used what I like to call the fall out of love tactice he was super nice in the begining and quickly fell out of love with you. All I can say is a smooth american man would have bedded you by now and could date atleast 2 other women and pick up the pace at the same time.

[D-Lish]

booo darn canadien men they dont know how to treat hot broads. He used what I like to call the fall out of love tactice he was super nice in the begining and quickly fell out of love with you. All I can say is a smooth american man would have bedded you by now and could date atleast 2 other women and pick up the pace at the same time.

 

HAHA!

 

The funny thing is that as soon as I said I was moving on- he went nuts with the attention again.

 

I'm glad you're having fun being a "playah".

[Green]

yes thats the sign of a genuine person, maybe he'll win u back with all this new found attention and bed you yet

[alphamale]

booo darn canadien men they dont know how to treat hot broads. He used what I like to call the fall out of love tactice he was super nice in the begining and quickly fell out of love with you. All I can say is a smooth american man would have bedded you by now and could date atleast 2 other women and pick up the pace at the same time.

I tend to agree kMT....Canadians can sometimes be too nice and PC.

[Pyro]

Well- there is something to be said about paying attention to your instincts.

 

If you have reservations- pay attention to them. As Humans, we tend to ignore our gut feelings... But we shouldn't.

 

In regards to this guys I was dating- the one I met online...

Well, I had some reservations right from day one- which is why I posted here with my questions.

 

One of the biggest things we should all be paying attention to is how to correct our past mistakes- or recognize past negative patterns and do our best to change them.

 

This guy I was seeing- I really liked him, was super attracted to him... but he gave me warnings from day one. He came on SUPER strong until he hooked me, and then started breaking dates and scaling back the attention.

 

Okay- so here's the thing. In the past, I would have reacted to such a man by trying harder, making sacrifices... responding to to the rejection by playing the game. This time- I did not do that.

 

He broke one date- I let it slide, then another- then the MSN's started dwindling and the phone calls became less frequent. But when we did spend time together- it was wonderful, he was charming and attentive- said all the right things. THEN? He'd go into hiding and start breaking dates again, or make excuses for not calling.

 

I played it laid back, never got mad, just sort of went with the flow for a bit. But Guess what? I grew tired of the push-pull... and turned the tables on him.

 

I never did sleep with him (thankfully)... but I did end it. I ended it with someone I quite liked- but was showing me disrespect.

 

I found that the more time we spent together- the more I grew bored.

He bragged about himself- talked about himself incessantly, told me he spoke 5 languages... but when I asked him to talk to me in one of them... he couldn't.

 

Beware of the narcissist- they exist.

NPD is rare- but Narcissism is not.

I almost let myself date one... but I pulled out.

 

Recognize the signs of a "charmer"... Learn to identify the difference between confidence and narcissism.

I'm glad I did.

:-)

Hope you guys are all well.

D

 

Congrats on ending it, even though you did like him. Its just too bad that he is going to turn around and try that BS on another woman.

[Pyro]

HAHA!

 

The funny thing is that as soon as I said I was moving on- he went nuts with the attention again.

 

Thats because you bruised his ego. He couldn't take the rejection.

[ack123]

Go With Your Gut,..pull Back.....and Watch What Happens...best Of Luck..ack123

[D-Lish]

Thats because you bruised his ego. He couldn't take the rejection.

 

I agree Riddler.

It hurt to do it... but I'm proud of myself.

;-)

 

It's important to pay attention to your instincts.