johan Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I agree. But he also crossed the line by talking about "being together", if that means what I think it meant. Once you say it then you shouldn't be surprised if someone calls you on a contradiction. And it's her right to ask. And whatever rules of the game there happen to be. Rules were meant to be broken. This shouldn't be fatal if the relationship really has promise.
luvtoto Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Game fest! Game fest! Game fest! Ya know, Johan...you are quite the party-pooper.
luvtoto Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 THIS shouldn't happen after only 3 dates either.... shhheeeesh! Great! Let the games begin already!!!! Why not just quit now... skip the whole relationship, and jump right to the breakup and get it over with.... Calm down. shhheeeeesh!
johan Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Ya know, Johan...you are quite the party-pooper. I'm probably just getting old.
magichands Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 To those who say this will make you appear insecure. I think you can be more motivated NOT to ask by insecurity. If you're sure of yourself and what you see, then straight honesty and an expectation for others to be straight with you are not signs of insecurity. They are signs of a strong sense of self. I agree with this.
Author D-Lish Posted March 26, 2007 Author Posted March 26, 2007 I am honestly not jealous. And I appreciate the insight that bringing it up would appear as such...which is why I posted the question. I also want to keep it casual, while at the same time remaining respectful. Just trying to find that balance. The fact that it's heading into more physical territory just makes me want to keep my health safe. I certainly don't want to get naked with someone who is doing the same thing with other women. But I'm going to wait on that anyway. I'm in no hurry. He has every right in the world to date as many people as he wants...as do I at this point. I'm just not looking to sleep and date around at this point in my life. But you're right- talking every day for a month and then having three dates in one week doesn't mean exclusivity. I'm not thinking of him as a bf...but that doesn't mean I'm not thinking about his potential as a possible bf... or I wouldn't have gone on more than one date with him. I was just wondering if the act of putting a pic up 12 hours after he talked to me about meeting his friends and family was a warning signal I should take notice of. On each date he talks in terms of "next time" and "for future reference" or "when you meet this person", "you'll love hanging out on my boat in the summer". Since I've been a little oblivious to warning signs in past relationships and gotten hurt or duped... I was just looking to get some insight (from guys especially) as to whether this sounds a little "playerish". Maybe I got sucked in a little by all his references to future get together's and all the intimate talks we've had thus far. I'm usually leery of a person who gets so open so soon. I'm pretty easy going and open- and not prone to jealousy in a relationship.
Art_Critic Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 they're not even a couple yet...he can do whatever he wants with his profile and she can also. While that is true.. I would think the guy would be shooting himself in the foot.. or he really is only interest in some tail.. I'll lay 10:1 odds that if the roles were reversed that he would ask her why she changed her profile.. I would if I was in that position.. I would want to know why.. it could very well be a red flag to them showing disrespect. I have been asked way more personal questions than that on a FIRST date and no bells went off in my head thinking the person had issues.. That is what dating is about.. getting to know someone and letting them know who you are.. not hiding who you are
2ndIINone Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Calm down. shhheeeeesh! :p I don't like games. And when I read... Give him a taste of his own medicine... games is what first came to mind. Let me ask you this... She calls him for a 4th date. FOURTH DATE... sorry had to repeat myself. And she mentions that she was hoping to see him Saturday night... and he tells her "No, I have plans..." loooong pause... Is she allowed to ask "What, where and with who?" Or is that a little too nosey this soon in the relationship?
2ndIINone Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Honestly, I think her best bet... is to pull back a little bit. And noooo, I don't mean start the whole NC crap or anything, I just mean, pull back a little, and see what his motives are while keeping her guard up. That's all. No sense in asking questions.
alphamale Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Since I've been a little oblivious to warning signs in past relationships and gotten hurt or duped... I was just looking to get some insight (from guys especially) as to whether this sounds a little "playerish".. I see huge red flags going up ALL OVER THE PLACE.....3 dates in a week? sleeping over? meeting friends and family after seven days? Both of you need to chill out man and put on the brakes.
Art_Critic Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Honestly, I think her best bet... is to pull back a little bit. And noooo, I don't mean start the whole NC crap or anything, I just mean, pull back a little, and see what his motives are while keeping her guard up. That's all. No sense in asking questions. Why games ?? Why not have a relationship ? that is what they are attempting to have by the way... If hiding who you are and hiding your feelings is what works then that relationship isn't worthy to have anyway.. They also communicate thruout the day thru text and phone conversations.. so it isn't like she has to resort to a game...
luvtoto Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Honestly, I think her best bet... is to pull back a little bit. And noooo, I don't mean start the whole NC crap or anything, I just mean, pull back a little, and see what his motives are while keeping her guard up. That's all. No sense in asking questions. Yea, I agree. It's just that I am a little more conniving, than the normal person.
Art_Critic Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I see huge red flags going up ALL OVER THE PLACE.....3 dates in a week? sleeping over? meeting friends and family after seven days? I have to agree... Although I'm close to my family and work with some of them so the chances of a date meeting my family early on is pretty high.. But the commitment talk is coming on too fast
2ndIINone Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I didn't say play games... I'm against games 100%. I'm simply saying slow down.
Art_Critic Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I'm simply saying slow down. I agree... I didn't realize that the 3 dates were in the same week
Author D-Lish Posted March 26, 2007 Author Posted March 26, 2007 Seriously, I don't want to play games. I'm in my 30's... And I'm not insecure about myself. I in fact think I have a lot to offer a potential partner... I just have enough self respect to walk away from someone I like if all they want is a piece of tail and that isn't what I'm looking for. That's all. Yeah, maybe it means "i'm still looking". I actually went online to just take my own pics down. It's just something I thought might be respectful to do. Doesn't mean I want exclusivity right here right now. And for the record, he's doing all the asking and planning- not me. he's already asked me if I want to spend next weekend at his place. I agreed- which is why I thought it respectful to just take my pics down. I guess it's just the mixed signals I'm wondering about. "Do you think your parents would like me?" he asked this morning. I never talk in terms of future get togethers. He's doing all the calling and reaching out. Ah, it's all confusing.
johan Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 And for the record, he's doing all the asking and planning- not me. he's already asked me if I want to spend next weekend at his place. I agreed- which is why I thought it respectful to just take my pics down. I guess it's just the mixed signals I'm wondering about. "Do you think your parents would like me?" he asked this morning. I never talk in terms of future get togethers. He's doing all the calling and reaching out. Ah, it's all confusing. This is the part that bugs me. That and what Alpha posted last seem to be issues. I think the guy needs to slow down.
amaysngrace Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 To those who say this will make you appear insecure. I think you can be more motivated NOT to ask by insecurity. If you're sure of yourself and what you see, then straight honesty and an expectation for others to be straight with you are not signs of insecurity. They are signs of a strong sense of self. I agree with this too.
2ndIINone Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I didn't realize that the 3 dates were in the same week me neither... And for the record, he's doing all the asking and planning- not me. that's good... take it slow... if you think he's just interested in tail, you will most certainly know it when the time comes. Be careful, good luck!
luvtoto Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Ah, it's all confusing. I understand. Dating is very confusing.
amaysngrace Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 It's only confusing if you think it to death.
Art_Critic Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I understand. Dating is very confusing. What did you call it on your other thread.. Russian Roulette ?.. that fits..
alphamale Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 And for the record, he's doing all the asking and planning- not me. he's already asked me if I want to spend next weekend at his place. I agreed- basically D-LISH...you're setting yourself up for him to use you for sex.
Author D-Lish Posted March 26, 2007 Author Posted March 26, 2007 I see huge red flags going up ALL OVER THE PLACE.....3 dates in a week? sleeping over? meeting friends and family after seven days? Both of you need to chill out man and put on the brakes. Well, I agree with that...I really do. First date was a quick drink- second was dinner at my place, and last night was dinner at his place and a sleep over because he lives over an hour away. But we've been talking for over a month before meeting. Seriously- I don't jump into things quickly. But I know that there is potential for me to like him. Which is why I am questioning how to proceed. Taking things slow IS what I want. Can't deny that I don't find him charming and interesting though. And I wasn't considering questioning him about his pics and intentions at this stage. I asked if such an action of never having a pic up, and then putting one up after a good third date is something I should take notice of. It was actually others that suggested asking him. I wasn't going to yet. And he's not coming on majorly strong with the Love talks or long term talks... but he does make such references here and there...all of which I compiled in one message here. It does seem casual and care free when we are together. We just laugh and talk a lot... we aren't even holding hands or snuggling... just a lot of talking. Only snuggled before we fell asleep....lol. I just simply like him, enjoy his company. But it would be easier to walk away now if something's off than in a month from now if I find out his intentions aren't honourable...ya know?
luvtoto Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 It's only confusing if you think it to death. Yea, she shouldn't think it to death, she should just have sex with him...and keep things less confusing.
Recommended Posts