cr8sea Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Ive posted here a few times about my recent ex. But now i got a question about my ex before him. I posted this in other board but noone gave me any input so im reeeally hoping i can get some help here. THank you so much in advance! here it goes Ok so im gonna try to make this one short even though its a looong story. Bassically, i met this guy a few years ago. We lived and worked together because of school and stuff. We dated for a month and then we broke up because he liked someone else even before he met me. He broke up with me, yet he acted like I was the one who hurt him. He would mop around etc. Anyway, a lot of things happened during that year, which included him telling my roommate that he loved me but had messed up too bad to ever get back from it. Nothing i could do about it. After a while i asked him if we could be friends, but he said he couldnt cuz it'd be too weird since we dated (funny cuz now he's really good friends with his ex, a girl he went out with after we dated, so his reasoning of being unable to be friends with an ex isnt really true) Anyway, we had this crazy on and off friendly/hating thing going on for a long while until we both graduated. I moved in with a friend, who happened to be a friend of his too. Now we're able to hang out more. Its been a few years since we dated so i figured its all over between us and we both moved on. He is really nice to me and we talk and joke a lot....unless we're alone. This is when it gets weird. When we're with other people, we're cool, but when we're alone, get shuts down and seems to want to get away. I dont get it!!! I never got him actually. Can anyone give me some input as to why why why!!!! he acts like this? I care about him a lot. he's a great guy and i want nothing more than having a nice friendship with him but, i just dont get why he's so afraid of me! Heeelp!
Kamille Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 I respond really well to pleas for input, but seriously I have no idea what could explain his behavior. Did you ever mention it to him? Could you? The same thing of dating a guy who broke up with me because of feelings has happened to me, hum, way more then it should have. Actually three times. One of them I could consider does the moping thing. But I know through other friends that he really feels like his whole life is messed up right now, especially his dating life. He hasn't dated anyone in ages and is a bit resentful of women in general. And also it's destroying his self-esteem so he is awkward around a lot of women. It actually has nothing to do with me in perticular, but he is incapable of talking to me when we are alone. He cannot look me in the eye. It's excruciatingly awkward that I avoid being alone with him as a result, but try to keep a cheery attitude towards him in general. hmmm so I guess i would have to say: he's the only one who can figure this out. You could talk to him about it. That's what friends do right?
Author cr8sea Posted March 25, 2007 Author Posted March 25, 2007 true, i could ask him....if it wasnt because we've been down that road one too many times. After the break up we had many 'chats" were i try to ask him why he acted like i hurt him. He would just look out or down and said nothing. Or he would say that he "liked me but not enough" which made no sense to me at all. Anyway the point is that at this time, it would regress us to where we have those annoying talks that gotten us nowhere. I dont want to lose him as a friend an i feel that if i do that he'll be gone for good. i guess im just gonna have to take it and be pacient. Maybe with time he'll realize there's no need to fear me. I dont know.... I guess this is as confusing to the general public as it is to me. lol
Kamille Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Oh! I think I got it! the experience I shared above was boy-leaves-kamille-for-another-girl experience number 2. Experience number 3 is still unfolding. But for some reason, boy number 3 is really hell bent on the idea that he broke my heart and it's almost like he cannot be my friend really because that would totally undo his narrative that he broke my heart. He did break my heart. But I got over it. Yet he is just so invested in it, probably because it is one more segment that attests to how much he loved the other girl, that he cannot get past it and will not allow me to get past it. So basically I gave up on him and only talk to him if he initiates contact. You know, I think you should just face the fact that you might have to lose him as a friend before you two can really be friends again. Don't try so hard to figure him out. He'll come around.
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