chill chic Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Unfortunately lastnight I had a lil too many to drink, and drunk dialed this guy that I used to have a casual relationship with. I've talked about him on here before in the past, so probably some of you know who I'm talking about. But anyway, we actually just talked, and emailed each other because we are still friends, although I still have that emotional connection with him. In the recent email, I asked him how everything was going, and if he still wanted to go to Colorado and last time I talked to him he told me that he had taken a break from his gf that he had just met. And I had to be fine with him having a gf because when he moved back home, we left it as friends..so he emailed me back and told me everything was going good, but he wouldn't be able to go on a trip and wants to try for next year, and then he wrote that he got back with that girl. Anyway, I wrote him back telling him I was happy for him, in an upbeat attitude and said that I was glad we were still friends. Well that was Thursday that I just talked to him, (through email) on occassion I'll talk to him on the phone. Ok so lastnight like I said I had too many to drink, and I ended up meeting some friends at the same place me & him met, and then the weird thing happened and I heard a song that we used to listen to. So...I called him, sorta crying yah..and told him that I missed him. Then I thought that was ignorant so I texted him telling him I was sorry and that I had just heard a song, etc. Well this was 3 am in the morning (his time) my time was 2 am when I called him. He hasn't yet changed his number since he's moved, but now I'm afraid he will, and now I feel embarrassed that I got so emotional to him Now what do I do? I feel like an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 It's ok. You apologized and explained what and why you called. Hopefully, he will understand. At least you don't have to see him. Just say ....ooooops..I was temporarily insane in the membrane.. Link to post Share on other sites
cynicalnlove Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Yeah, tell him in a way that he will understand. Say something like, "hey man, sorry for last night - I was so drunk I don't even remember what I did, but I am expecting it to be horribly embarrassing. Didn't mean to bother you at that time, I'm sure you've been in this situation; I hope you didn't take it personal." Be mature, it happens. You shouldn't beat yourself up from it. JUST DON'T DO IT AGAIN. If it happens again, he'll develope an ego - to the point where he knows he could control you anytime; you don't want that! Link to post Share on other sites
Fiona Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I'm pretty sure he'll never mention it, if you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Ok so lastnight like I said I had too many to drink, and I ended up meeting some friends at the same place me & him met, and then the weird thing happened and I heard a song that we used to listen to. So...I called him, sorta crying yah..and told him that I missed him. Then I thought that was ignorant so I texted him telling him I was sorry and that I had just heard a song, etc. Well this was 3 am in the morning (his time) my time was 2 am when I called him. He hasn't yet changed his number since he's moved, but now I'm afraid he will, and now I feel embarrassed that I got so emotional to him Now what do I do? I feel like an idiot. Well, apparently you're not the only one to drunk dial: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t115444/ I recommend following the link she posted about drunk on the doorstep. You did nothing wrong and certainly nothing any of us haven't done. Momentary relapse. That man sure has a spell on you. My ex is lucky. When he moved I never got his phone number. All I could do was drunk e-mail. That's where I learned that Fiona's advice is actually brilliant. If you don't mention it, he never will. Oh, and he was most likely flattered by the whole thing. Chin up. You'll laugh about this one day soon. Link to post Share on other sites
2ndIINone Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Ok so lastnight like I said I had too many to drinkYa know they have weekly meetings for this. Might stop the drunk phone calls too.... there ain't noooooo gettin' out of it. Deed was done. His head swelled. Nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chill chic Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 Yeah, tell him in a way that he will understand. Say something like, "hey man, sorry for last night - I was so drunk I don't even remember what I did, but I am expecting it to be horribly embarrassing. Didn't mean to bother you at that time, I'm sure you've been in this situation; I hope you didn't take it personal." Be mature, it happens. You shouldn't beat yourself up from it. JUST DON'T DO IT AGAIN. If it happens again, he'll develope an ego - to the point where he knows he could control you anytime; you don't want that! yah that's what I plan on emailing him, because I know he reads his emails. the thing that I'm most upset with myself about is that I wanted to leave on good friend terms, and not the desperate cry for missing him. I had emailed him just the day before with a positive attitude and wanted to leave it at that, and then the next day I get drunk and call him, sobbing like he's never heard me so that is what I'm most upset with myself about. but I DEFINITELY won't do it again, because I will always remember this! so guys get an ego from a girl drunk dialing, sobbing that she misses him? I would think he would think I was crazy or something Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 I would let it go and continue on, and never have contact with him again. He was probably in bed with his girlfriend when you called. How does that make you feel? Actually it was kind of disrespectful of you to call, drunk or not, after he told you he had a girlfriend then to call late at night when he was probably with her, naked in bed? Are you trying to make her feel insecure and get upset with the fact that his old FWB keeps contacting him? Just cut him out of your life completely, it sounds like you're the one initiating contact with him, anyway, and he's very content to live his life without you in it at all. I wouldn't settle for that. Just move on, he doesn't even exist. Keep telling yourself that. Don't write him an email apologizing, it looks like you're just looking for an excuse to continue contact with him. Link to post Share on other sites
cynicalnlove Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 yah that's what I plan on emailing him, because I know he reads his emails. the thing that I'm most upset with myself about is that I wanted to leave on good friend terms, and not the desperate cry for missing him. I had emailed him just the day before with a positive attitude and wanted to leave it at that, and then the next day I get drunk and call him, sobbing like he's never heard me so that is what I'm most upset with myself about. but I DEFINITELY won't do it again, because I will always remember this! so guys get an ego from a girl drunk dialing, sobbing that she misses him? I would think he would think I was crazy or something I think in ways you wanted to leave on good terms; is because there's some hope in you that you're in his radar the moment he leaves his girlfriend. You miss him, because you haven't mastered the physical vs. casual. If you could go into a relationship knowing that you're not ready emotionally to be bonded with him in a casual way .. step back. STEP far back. Take it for what it is. I'm sure men don't sit and analyze sexual relationships as much as women has. The only reason he's probably keeping contact with you, is because you're a back up. And.. by that phone call - he knows that if and when he calls, you're available to see him. Truth comes out when you're drunk.. EVERYONE knows that. Now you left the ball in his court. Want to let him know that it's not important to you? You retaliate by Moving on, find someone you really like - and shares the same feelings for you. People esp. men have a special radar for lonely girls - and when you don't have that aura; it makes you 10x more attractive, and he'll wonder who made your face glow. He'll know that someone had outshined him, and he couldn't take the competition. OR.. the downfall is, he probably won't even care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chill chic Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 I would let it go and continue on, and never have contact with him again. He was probably in bed with his girlfriend when you called. How does that make you feel? Actually it was kind of disrespectful of you to call, drunk or not, after he told you he had a girlfriend then to call late at night when he was probably with her, naked in bed? Are you trying to make her feel insecure and get upset with the fact that his old FWB keeps contacting him? Just cut him out of your life completely, it sounds like you're the one initiating contact with him, anyway, and he's very content to live his life without you in it at all. I wouldn't settle for that. Just move on, he doesn't even exist. Keep telling yourself that. Don't write him an email apologizing, it looks like you're just looking for an excuse to continue contact with him. truthfully at the time I called him I didn't think of his gf. and I know that is disrespectful of me not to. I don't want to mess anything up if he does have something good going with this girl. all I wanted to leave things at was friends, on like a good note, not a desperate cry for help. but maybe this will make him think twice about potentially messing with this new girl's mind. because he definitely messed with mine. and I guess it's better that I left it at me being sad, because if he ever contacted me somehow again, I won't be there, and he'll realize that he did hurt me. I don't know maybe he won't think that. but it's sucks because my true feelings came out, instead of putting on a front as being happy about ditching me for another trip he can take instead, I should've cursed him out instead. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chill chic Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 I think in ways you wanted to leave on good terms; is because there's some hope in you that you're in his radar the moment he leaves his girlfriend. You miss him, because you haven't mastered the physical vs. casual. If you could go into a relationship knowing that you're not ready emotionally to be bonded with him in a casual way .. step back. STEP far back. Take it for what it is. I'm sure men don't sit and analyze sexual relationships as much as women has. The only reason he's probably keeping contact with you, is because you're a back up. And.. by that phone call - he knows that if and when he calls, you're available to see him. Truth comes out when you're drunk.. EVERYONE knows that. Now you left the ball in his court. Want to let him know that it's not important to you? You retaliate by Moving on, find someone you really like - and shares the same feelings for you. People esp. men have a special radar for lonely girls - and when you don't have that aura; it makes you 10x more attractive, and he'll wonder who made your face glow. He'll know that someone had outshined him, and he couldn't take the competition. OR.. the downfall is, he probably won't even care. thank you very much for that reply, I needed to read that. and you made a good point at the end, because you're right, he probably won't care, which confuses the h*ll out of me why I don't/haven't realized that yet. so all in all, it's better to leave it as me being upset? Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 You said that you had a casual relationship with him, but he is referring to the new woman in his life as his GF. So why would he take a trip with an old casual fling when he has a gf? That doesn't make sense. When he was telling you that you would have to understand that he has a girlfriend, he was basically telling you to have no expectations or hopes of taking trips with him, etc. because he met someone special who is more than a casual fling to him. Link to post Share on other sites
cynicalnlove Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 truthfully at the time I called him I didn't think of his gf. and I know that is disrespectful of me not to. I don't want to mess anything up if he does have something good going with this girl. all I wanted to leave things at was friends, on like a good note, not a desperate cry for help. but maybe this will make him think twice about potentially messing with this new girl's mind. because he definitely messed with mine. and I guess it's better that I left it at me being sad, because if he ever contacted me somehow again, I won't be there, and he'll realize that he did hurt me. I don't know maybe he won't think that. but it's sucks because my true feelings came out, instead of putting on a front as being happy about ditching me for another trip he can take instead, I should've cursed him out instead. No, DON'T even give him that satisfaction. Thats why women are always on the downfall. We give the men in our lives too much attention, and like every little boys - they've learned from an early childhood; that the way to get what they want from their parents and mothers.. was to show a little affection, and they will soften automatically. The carry on the mentality, I bet men already know how to manipulate such situations. I think they're far better at the game than we are. Just don't contact him at ALL. even if he writes to you, sends you emails, don't respond; you'll just give him more power. Don't even curse him out, leave it for what it was. Link to post Share on other sites
cynicalnlove Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 You said that you had a casual relationship with him, but he is referring to the new woman in his life as his GF. So why would he take a trip with an old casual fling when he has a gf? That doesn't make sense. When he was telling you that you would have to understand that he has a girlfriend, he was basically telling you to have no expectations or hopes of taking trips with him, etc. because he met someone special who is more than a casual fling to him. agreed. You HAVE to let it go. Don't even think about what if one day - he was being fair by telling you that, so this is now your choice. You could go on hurting, when it probably won't affect him. It'll just make you look desperate, even if it hurts like hell... you're not going to show him how much it hurts to walk, but you're gonna do with ease. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Don't worry about it. Most guys have either done a drunk dial or text that they were embarrassed about, usually much more sexual & cringe-inducing the next morning than what you did. We are *well* aware of how easy it is to fall into that particular post-breakup trap So relax! In any case, he probably thinks it's cute. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chill chic Posted March 27, 2007 Author Share Posted March 27, 2007 Don't worry about it. Most guys have either done a drunk dial or text that they were embarrassed about, usually much more sexual & cringe-inducing the next morning than what you did. We are *well* aware of how easy it is to fall into that particular post-breakup trap So relax! In any case, he probably thinks it's cute. I don't know if he thought it was cute, when I remember hearing myself..um..yah it didn't sound so good lol. like sobbing I miss you to him, so he probably thought I was at the verge of dying or something anyway..I emailed him a VERY short one & this is pretty much what I said: I apologize for being inconsiderate calling you like that, especially now that you are back with your gf (a month before he told me he was on a break from her) and I was just hella drunk and ya know how that goes, thoughts running through my head, blah blah blah. short & simple...it will never happen again. that was simple right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author chill chic Posted March 30, 2007 Author Share Posted March 30, 2007 not like I care too much at this point of what he thinks of me, because it's pretty much long over with...but I still want(ed) to remain his friend (this casual ex guy). BUT since I balled, cried & told him I missed him on his voice mail, he might think that is a lil extreme or crazy? I don't know, but I feel really embarrassed still. I mean it was like a sad "I miss you" as you can imagine. I wrote him the other day just to apologize for being inconsiderate at 3am in the morning, but kept it short & to the point. So..even if I hadn't written him that email, would he still think I was crazy for saying that to him? Link to post Share on other sites
cynicalnlove Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Yeah ~ it's fine that you sent the email. Just not that cool that you sent it at 3am! If i was him.. i would think, "dang, it's 3am and she still can't sleep thinking of me?" Doesn't sound that appealing as a women though. well, all that's said and done, forget it... and continue on. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chill chic Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 Yeah ~ it's fine that you sent the email. Just not that cool that you sent it at 3am! If i was him.. i would think, "dang, it's 3am and she still can't sleep thinking of me?" Doesn't sound that appealing as a women though. well, all that's said and done, forget it... and continue on. Good luck. It was a friday night that I drunk dialed him, then on monday I wrote him the email. so...does that make it any better at least? the only rhing that I worry about is if I messed it up to where he won't have anything to do with me anymore...even as friends Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 the only rhing that I worry about is if I messed it up to where he won't have anything to do with me anymore...even as friends You should have more confidence in yourself. Who cares if he doesn't want to be friends? He has a girlfriend, he lives far away, right? Move on from this "friend". Don't base your happiness on if he's your "friend" or not. It doesn't sound like he's really emotionally invested in the friendship anyway, or giving it the time of day. Just move on and don't worry about it. Meet someone who will respect you and want you for his real girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
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