BKRPM Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 With my A just passing the two-year mark, I can say to all other potential OMs out there -- "Stay away...far far away! Nothing will ever come out of an A with a MW" What I Hate About My MW: - The fact that my moods are pretty much in direct correlation with the moods of my MW. - That every time I get in a good mind set, and start to date, MW comes on strong. - That when I put up my 'wall' with MW and distance myself to protect myself, she tells me that she loves my sincerity and begs me to take the 'wall' down. Then it seems like at the exact time that I do, she starts to act distant. - That I think about her all the time. The fact that I focus on all her good qualities (some of which are amazing), and ignore the bad qualities. I will say, though, that the good/bad ratio is very high. - That I never know when I will get to spend some quality time with MW. - That I work with MW, so I rarely can get protracted periods away from her, so that I can think. - On a mood scale from 1-10, the fact that (when dealing with her) I regularly jump between a 2 and a 9, and back again, versus a normal 6-7 otherwise, stresses me out. - The fact that it is so hard to give up on MW, even though it is exactly what I should do. - The fact that I will check my e-mail a lot, just waiting to see if I get one back from my MW. - The lack of control that I have in the relationship, even if you want to call it that. If I could emotionally and mentally cut myself off completely from my MW, I would do it in a minute....even though I have such a love for her.
movinon05 Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 BKRPM, I know exactly where you're coming from. But until you get off that rollercoaster, you're never going to be whole! Control is what it takes. Taking back control and moving on. Its a far better world on the other side, I swear it is!
norajane Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 With my A just passing the two-year mark, I can say to all other potential OMs out there -- "Stay away...far far away! Nothing will ever come out of an A with a MW" Is there anything anyone could have said to you at that start of this that would have kept you from getting into the affair? There are a lot of people who come here at that early stage, and it seems, more often than not, they don't really want to hear about the reality of what affairs generally become, and get angry when posters tell them to nip it in the bud before they get sucked in too far to do it. What can be said that might make a difference in the beginning?
pricillia Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Is there anything anyone could have said to you at that start of this that would have kept you from getting into the affair? There are a lot of people who come here at that early stage, and it seems, more often than not, they don't really want to hear about the reality of what affairs generally become, and get angry when posters tell them to nip it in the bud before they get sucked in too far to do it. What can be said that might make a difference in the beginning? That is a really good question, I guess that someone who is comtemplating getting into this type of relationship thinks that they can handle it when in reality it ends up becoming more and more difficult to actually grow and change the relationship for the benefit of both parties because there will always be the husband or the wife that will hinder that growth(not saying that it shouldn't) Just talking from my side. But also the MM and or the MW truly does 9 times out of 10 just wants what is missing in thier relationship, sucks you in and before you know it your hooked! Pretty soon you are out of your element and you can't breath, your stress levels raise, you become depressed and things become cloudy and distant. You put thier needs before yours and value any time that you spend with them when it truly does nothing to nurture your spirit or happiness. There are little white lies and deciet as well as ommision which all add up to a unhealty realationship for the OM and the OW. What do I love about my MM I love the intense attraction, as well as his sense of humor(when he has one) however right now being with him, I am not achiveing any of my goals because I am contantly distracted with what he is thinking and feeling. My goal with a loving realtionship is truly the other persons happiness but also my own, how can one get that in the LONG TERM in this type of relationship? It is a longshot at best.
Babybird Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Wow did you hit the nail on the head. I feel exactly the same way. I work with MM and even if I wanted to end the R it would be twice as hard being that I spend 9 hours a day with him! This has gone on for over a year and I still think about him non-stop. It amazes me.
sadbuttrue Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 bk, i am sorry for the pain you are in. my feelings are much the same as what you have said. my MM seems to know when i try to back off, because he comes on so much stronger then. i love him so much, but i know that i need to be out of this situation too. it is such a terrible predicament that we put ourselves in.
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