cynicalnlove Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Ok .. after you've been asked for a date. Who should be the one to pay for it? Chemistry was definetely there - and then the check comes, and we both looked at each other in the most uncomfortable way. I took out my wallet and paid for it, although he had offered to do his share; I still paid for the whole dinner. Although I am attracted to this person; it still upsets me that he was ok that I had paid even though it was him that suggested to take me out? Was that right?
sb129 Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Make him pay for the next one. I usually offer to split the bill. Nothing wrong with that in todays society.
justagirlforever Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Though I usually go Dutch and do not ever just expect a guy to automatically pick up the bill, I have to admit I'd be very disappointed if he didn't at least offer to pay or split the bill on the first date (on seeing you pull your wallet out). I'd find that plain rude. Especially as it was he who suggested the date in the first place.
Author cynicalnlove Posted March 25, 2007 Author Posted March 25, 2007 Yes, my point exactly. He did offer to split, but it was such an uncomfortable feeling for me since i only had a credit card. I just thought about how easy it was for me to accept my offer, at least make it seem as if he intentionally wanted to pay. I dont' want him to get use to the fact that I will be paying my share everytime, I want to know if he would atleast do something for me.. anyway.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 hmm thats sort of strange that he didnt offer to pay on the first date, esp. since he asked u out. i can see if u guys got in a relationship, but seriously that is kind of rude. not saying the guy should pay for every little thing, but i think on the first dates before it actually turns into a relationship the guy should offer to pay. not saying this is an indication of what this guy is like, but that is kind of rude to put u in that kind of position. i mean my bf and i take turns paying for stuff and i chip in, but on our first 5 dates he paid. he would NEVER sit there and expect me to pay on the first date. i dont know if i would go out with this guy again, he sounds rude.
candy Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 i alwyas think whoever asks out the person should the date--but believe me, i am old fashioned and think men should be the ones 9 times out of ten, especially the first date. i f he's this cheap this early, forget it! it'll only get worse.....
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 OMG. If he asked you out, he definitely should have paid. Yes it is 2007 but I still think the guy should pay at least 60% of the time and ESPECIALLY on the first date and ESPECIALLY since he was the one who did the asking. If it were me, he'd get a second date so he got the chance to pay, and then probably no third date!
2sunny Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 i alwyas think whoever asks out the person should the date--but believe me, i am old fashioned and think men should be the ones 9 times out of ten, especially the first date. i f he's this cheap this early, forget it! it'll only get worse..... I agree with this. If he asked you - especially on a first date - he really should have paid. Let him ask you again - and have him pay. When I ask a man to go to dinner - that is when I expect to pay. I usually do this 1 out of 4 times he takes me. It is only considerate. I still expect the man to take care of me though.
Author cynicalnlove Posted March 25, 2007 Author Posted March 25, 2007 Yeah, I am a little old fashion too. It's not that I expected him to pay everytime we go out; but the fact that he was soo comfortable accepting that i had taken out my credit card. So even though he was a cool guy and we got a long just great; i'm iffy to even want to talk to him again. It's a bit of a turn off.. or am I just jumping the gun and is too quick to judge?
Lauriebell82 Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 no i dont think ur too quick to judge. i mean seriously this is a first date, not a relationship date. when i'll go to dinner with my bf sometimes i'll just whip out my credit card and offer to pay and he wont stop me and offer to pay, but i do the same thing when we go out i dont insist on paying when he offers to pay for dinner. maybe this dude is just all about the double standards. not meaning to play devils advocate here, but maybe he was thinking that u wouldnt insist on paying if he had whipped out his credit card. he's probably an equal rights sort of dude. my bf is like that too, he's not one of those guys who will never ever let a girl pay for anything, but he still did pay for a lot of our dates when we first started going out. oh by the way, is this guy in financial trouble? i mean maybe he is hurting for money right now and didnt want to make it uncomfortable by saying he couldnt afford to pay for u. although, he should have told u before hand instead of waiting for the moment the bill came. i dont think u should give this guy another chance, he doesnt sound very considerate.
Walk Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 but the fact that he was soo comfortable accepting that i had taken out my credit card. What did you mean by this? I thought you meant he was really uncomfortable with you paying.. but you said you were unhappy with how he acted, so it doesn't make sense to me... Can you elaborate a bit? I've heard several men say that they ask a woman out, then when the check comes they wait to see if the woman will pay or not. They use it as a test to see if the girls just there to mooch as much as they can with no effort on their part. I think the person who asks should pay, but there's a clause in there for who picked the restaurant. If you picked the $20 a plate place, and he was thinking the $5 plate dinner... then maybe you should pay. You wanted fancier, you pay for fancier.
amaysngrace Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 I think he's a gold digger. He's looking for a sugar mama. Why else would he have a good excuse for making you pay? Unless it was like Walk said. Did you pick a pricey restaurant?
LakesideDream Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 I may be in the minority here, but as an "old school" guy (and an old one to boot) I wouldn't consider asking a lady out on a date that I couldn't afford. 1st, 4th, or 25th. As an aside, I was in a lady friends home one evening having dinner .. "home cooked", she got a call from a girlfriend of hers and took it in the bedroom (small apartment). I chuckled when I overheard heard her say to her friend, "he's a good guy... he even pays for everything". That made an impression on me.
RichC Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 His behavior was BS. Whoever is doing the pursuing pays regardless of its a man or a woman. Women: Would you have a problem if you earned more than the man? If so why?
RichC Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 "he pays for everything." That would leave an impression all right.
Fiona Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 I may be in the minority here, but as an "old school" guy (and an old one to boot) I wouldn't consider asking a lady out on a date that I couldn't afford. 1st, 4th, or 25th. As an aside, I was in a lady friends home one evening having dinner .. "home cooked", she got a call from a girlfriend of hers and took it in the bedroom (small apartment). I chuckled when I overheard heard her say to her friend, "he's a good guy... he even pays for everything". That made an impression on me. I would be impressed, too. Too few gentlemen and too much women's lib.
RichC Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 The definition of a gentleman is that he pays for everything?
Curmudgeon Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Very simply, he/she who asks pays. Unless, of course, he's true retrosexal like I am. Then he pays regardless, or at least makes a strong offerand compelling argument to. In old fart parlance, he's a piker!
Fiona Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Nah! That's the definition of a REAL man! A REAL gentleman will open the door for me, too.
Author cynicalnlove Posted March 26, 2007 Author Posted March 26, 2007 1. No, i don't think he has financial trouble. He's got a good stable job. 2. It wasn't a fancy restaurant; average. 3. He was the one that asked me to join him for dinner, not the other way around. 4. It just felt like a wierd moment, when it turned out that he was reaching for his wallet slower than I had reached into my purse. So when I had put out my credit card, he simply asked; "oh did you want me to at least do half." ~ It would be a whole lot sexier if he had just picked up the tab. 5. it's not about the money, we both could afford each other; but it was his easy acceptance of my guesture. I'm not a gold digger, yet I am considerate. I know the roles are a little different; but if you had wanted to impress a girl, at least pick up the tab. What the hell does that mean?? Cheap guys? What good are you to me if you can't even offer to pay for your dinner?
Guest2891 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 This is the way that i see it. if the guys asked the girl out he should pay and even if the girl asked the guy should still pay. i have been on a few dates were the girl ask me out and i payed for the date. once you been going on several dated its ok to let the girl pay once or twice. i took this girl out on a date and we went to go out to eat and she said that "she will pay for dinner" so the gentlemen that i am, i let her and i saw that made her happy that she paid and she even made a joke out of it. i was always told that when you go out on a date with the opposite sex that the guy should always pay no matter who ask who out.
Curmudgeon Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Something my wife had to get used to when we started dating. Her former husband was no gentleman and I'm very old school. She came to truly enjoy it. Good thing! That's one thing about me that will never change.
DanielMadr Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Make him pay for the next one. I usually offer to split the bill. Nothing wrong with that in todays society. It reminds me Im half a year in debt.
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