Guest Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Will try to make this short. When I was a senior in HS I had a huge infatuation w/ a man 6 years older than myself. What started out as a young girl crush (I was 13 when I met him, he was 19) turned into an obsession for this man. When I was 14 or 15 we became friends, partied together a lot, and then when I was 17 we became sexual activity w/ each other. I told him through a letter that I loved him but he was not in love w/ me, he was involved w/ another woman. Our R lasted for a couple years until I left for college. He got his live-in GF pg and M her. They D about a year later but he remarried someone else. About 12 years after it ended he emailed me. We were both M. We chatted on IM and through emails. He got a little too friendly (talked about our past sexual R) so I told him I was uncomfortable w/ it. He even called one day out of the blue. I told him I couldn't talk so we hung up. I haven't heard from him in about 7 years. My H knows of the emails, the chatting and the phone call. Needless to say he was EXTREMELY upset. FF to the present...this man's nephew is getting M to my niece in a year. They just recently got engaged so I'm sure he will be at the wedding. My H is not to thrilled about seeing this man at the wedding. He has been immature about the situation. He says he wants to punch his lights out for contacting me. H knows about the R this man and I had when I was younger. This man's parents work in the same building I work in and we have talked about him. I asked his mom how her kids were doing but she only mentioned her daughters at first. Then I asked how he was and she told me he was really happy, his current W is wonderful. Then she said appreciated me asking about him and she would tell him I asked about him! I didn't know what to say. She was so happy I asked about him. I don't know if his mom knew about our R but I doubt she did as I was so much younger than him. I feel TERRIBLE for asking about him but she sure was excited I asked. I guess I figured if his nephew is marrying my niece..... I don't think H will make a stink at the wedding HOWEVER, what do I do if this guy approaches me and wants to talk to me at my niece's wedding? I should of never asked about him!
Not_That_Innocent Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 He probably will approach you at the wedding. When he does, be sure to introduce him to your husband. Let him know in a subtle way that you are very happy. He will probably introduce you to his wife. Try not to worry about it. I doubt he will hit on you if your husband and his wife are there. I don't think it was wrong that you asked about him. Afterall, you are old friends and any friend would ask about a friend. Your husband shouldn't be jealous as long as you do everything you can at the wedding to demonstrate that he is the center of your world.
PinkShorts Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 12 years and then another 7 of no contact.. so really it has been almost 20 years since you both were romantic. Maybe he has gotten over you by now.
Guest Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 12 years and then another 7 of no contact.. so really it has been almost 20 years since you both were romantic. Maybe he has gotten over you by now. Thanks for the advice, both of you. I will follow your great advice Not-that-innocent. I will not approach him. If he happens to walk past me I don't want to be a snob and ignore him or anything though. I would at least like to say hi without my H throwing a tissy fit about it. PinkShorts, I'm sure he has gotten over me by now, and I'm sure he did over a decade ago. However, why would he even bother contacting me 12 years after it ended? That is what I'm confused about. It wasn't like he was contacting me just for friendly conversation, he got very personal. He told me that he loved making love to me back then among other things. Of course I didn't say the same thing back. I was shocked he was talking to me like that and I was extremely uncomfortable with it and that is when I told him. He apologized and said he would stop and he did but then he stop contacting me all together.
LakesideDream Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 I'm not sure it's a real good idea to go to that wedding. Be gracious, send a spactacular gift... and come down with the flu or something. Your husband has every reason to be AFRAID. Few things are as powerful as "first love". I know this from personal experiance. The memories and even physical manifistations that can be triggered by seeing this man can cause you great consternation. The fact that you are worried about it a year in advance speaks volumes. Get the flu, and try to put him out of your mind.... IF that's really what you want to do. If it's not? Then be prepared for the deepest anguish you have ever felt.
Guest Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I'm not sure it's a real good idea to go to that wedding. Be gracious, send a spactacular gift... and come down with the flu or something. Your husband has every reason to be AFRAID. Few things are as powerful as "first love". I know this from personal experiance. The memories and even physical manifistations that can be triggered by seeing this man can cause you great consternation. The fact that you are worried about it a year in advance speaks volumes. Get the flu, and try to put him out of your mind.... IF that's really what you want to do. If it's not? Then be prepared for the deepest anguish you have ever felt. But this is my niece's wedding! How can I miss out on her wedding just b/c of this sticky situation? I wouldn't miss her wedding for something like this. I refuse to let my H make this a big deal. It has been 7 years since this all went down. I know he doesn't like this man, but he needs to get over it. Nothing happened between us and nothing ever will. He has had a lot more woman hit on him and **** over the course of our 15 year M and no, I didn't like it, but I didn't raise a stink everytime we ran into these women in the bar or other public places. I understand his feelings about it and I don't blame him for not liking him but he needs to grow up a little here. Yes, I'm worried about it and it's still a year away. Maybe it is just a shock to me right now and once this news wears off a little I wont be so worried until it gets closer to the wedding. If this MM says hello to me I will not ignore him, I will say hello back. And I will introduce my H and my kids to him. He knows what my H looks like and my kids (we exchanged family photos via email). I don't know if his W knows about the emails and Im's we wrote, don't even know if she knows about me, but that was another reason why I felt it wasn't right the way he was talking. If I was his W and knew he was talking to some woman, especially and xlover, like he was I would hit the roof. I hope he has changed his ways and isn't doing this crap to her anymore. I felt so badly for her, almost sick to my stomach. I wont miss this wedding b/c of him or my H's problem w/ him. If anyone should miss the wedding it should be my H but I want him there. And I know for a fact he wouldn't let me go w/o him either. And I failed to say this as I didn't think it was revelant to the problem but my H had an A a few years ago w/ a co-worker. We were seperated at the time and H was talking about D. One day he wanted one, the next he thought we could work on our M. Anyhow, we reconciled about 6 months later and a year after their A we ran into her at the bar. I didn't start **** w/ her and I had every right to. She knew he was M w/ kids but still had an A w/ him anyhow. She even knew me, and we talked to each other every time their was company parties. SOOOO, if anyone had a right to throw a punch it would of been me! However, I'm not that type of person. The dirty looks her way was all I did. So, if he has a fit about this MM being there and wanting to cause problems I am going to ask him "Would you have liked it if I started a fight at the bar in front of your HS classmates? NO!" He slept w/ this woman several times. All the contact I had w/ this MM was emails and chat and I'm not saying it was right, it wasn't, but him having an A is MUCH worse than chatting or emailing. Sorry to get so pissy. I just wont miss this wedding. Thanks for the advice though. If she wasn't my niece or such close relations I probably would skip the wedding.
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