2much2take Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Where do I begin...I will try to give a short version. About 5 weeks ago I found out hubby was having an affair. It was w/ someone that we know. Not a very close friend. List of things that have happened since our "I Do": 1. I found out via email that he has a child 2 mo be4 we got married 2. His accounts get frozen, she filed for child support Mar 05) 3. Financial problems begin in 2005 4. He stays the night at ex's(from 13 yrs ago) cause he was drunk 5. He starts having inappropriate emails with 2 girls (sept-dec 05) 6. 2nd girl he was planning a trip to Vegas and booked the flight to go 7. I confronted him, he admits it said he was never going to go. Jan 06 8. We start counseling end of Jan 06. 9. Oct 31 we have a party, slut is here. 10 Then Nov-Feb ---had affair. He says it started in Dec..liar. 11. I find out he takes off his wedding band when he would go out w/the guys and when he would go out of town. 12. He lied about his credit...everything is in my name (good thing) I found out about affair on Feb 16 and here I am He kept justifing his affair, which really upset me. He said we were having problems and he "checked out" of the marriage. I said...hello door never had a deadbolt. He could of walked out whenever he wanted, but he chose to hurt me in a way that would seal his fate. Now he said he is not so sure he wants out of the marriage. We have tried to talk and the last time, he walked out when I asked him about the affair(Mar 2). He always runs from confrontation, never accepts blame. He was blaming me. Plz I am not sure if I can continue to be married. I am going thru sooo many emotions. Everyday I think something different. Just the other day he sent me an email saying he was sorry.In my opinion he's more sorry he got caught. I am hurt, angry, disgusted, resentful, sad, and lonely. All my friends thought he was the perfect guy, would never cheat on me, had a great job, etc. Now my friends hate what he has done and some are disgusted by the person he chose to hv affair with. She is the town WHORE!!! Shows u what my husband thought of himself. All he does is lie, lie, lie. Not sure I can be with someone like that. He painted this amazing picture of himself with lies. Hope that gives enough to get some advice. Sorry for the novel. Even after all this I do still love him. I ask myself do I love the person that I thought he was??? Help!!! 2much2take
JackJack Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 List of things that have happened since our "I Do": 1. I found out via email that he has a child 2 mo be4 we got married 2. His accounts get frozen, she filed for child support Mar 05) 3. Financial problems begin in 2005 4. He stays the night at ex's(from 13 yrs ago) cause he was drunk 5. He starts having inappropriate emails with 2 girls (sept-dec 05) 6. 2nd girl he was planning a trip to Vegas and booked the flight to go 7. I confronted him, he admits it said he was never going to go. Jan 06 8. We start counseling end of Jan 06. 9. Oct 31 we have a party, slut is here. 10 Then Nov-Feb ---had affair. He says it started in Dec..liar. 11. I find out he takes off his wedding band when he would go out w/the guys and when he would go out of town. 12. He lied about his credit...everything is in my name (good thing) AND....... He always runs from confrontation, never accepts blame. He was blaming me. AND.... Just the other day he sent me an email saying he was sorry.In my opinion he's more sorry he got caught. I am hurt, angry, disgusted, resentful, sad, and lonely. AND.... All he does is lie, lie, lie. Not sure I can be with someone like that. What does your heart and head, say you should do? Never stay just because you LOVE someone. That is not LOVE from either person.
Not_That_Innocent Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 He sounds like a pathological liar - very hard personality type to deal with. Get out while you can. You don't have kids together, right? Run, run, run as fast as you can!
lorr Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Your husband sounds like a total arse hole.What on earth was the relationship like before you married him? I'm not being funny but at the start of a relationship you'll find that alot of people are in such a rush and get carried away in being in a relationship, that they tend to overlook the person they are having a relationship with. Most of the time, the signs that someone is a total loser are right in front of us, but we tend not to notice them. I just find it hard to believe that your discovering all this now(especially his child) after you've gotten married.
SoleMate Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 You can't control him, you can only control yourself. You may not have known his behavior patterns before you married, but you sure do now. I understand you still have feelings of love. I advise you to divorce him and get over those love feelings. The alternative is a life wasted away by anger, doubt, suspicion, and all the practical problems of being married to a man who goes around getting other women pregnant.
Author 2much2take Posted March 24, 2007 Author Posted March 24, 2007 jackjack My heart says...you love him. My head says run like hell...get out while I can. Thank you for your advice
Author 2much2take Posted March 24, 2007 Author Posted March 24, 2007 LORR Trust me...he fooled everyone. Even my sister was completely shocked to find out everything. He really snowed everyone in my life. That is amazing, don't you think? We were married a year and half after meeting. That was the first mistake. He never let on about his child. I had to get an email from someone telling me. He had to tell me. Thank you so much for you response
Author 2much2take Posted March 24, 2007 Author Posted March 24, 2007 NOT THAT INNOCENT No kids...He has 1 but he could have more that I don't know about. Your right I need to run, run, run. I have a great job, very independent, I really didn't need him financially, and I'm a great catch. HAHA His loss, not mine ;-P
JackJack Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Keep us up to date on things. Let us know how you're doing.
Lezbean Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Divorce is ass before he brings you down with him even further. He is a pathelogical lair and a LOSER! Don't waste another year of your life on him.
Bobster999 Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Run and don't look back. He will be very persuasive in trying to get you to stay with him. Don't fall for it. Run.
Author 2much2take Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 Run and don't look back. He will be very persuasive in trying to get you to stay with him. Don't fall for it. Run. I agree with you. He is not even trying to win me back. They only thing he is worried about is how many people know what he did and that he got caught. I have decided not to talk to him until I am good and ready. Right now I want to rip him apart, I can't even look at him. I am very disgusted.
torranceshipman Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Run! He's a pathological liar, and the kind of person who has too many personal issues for anyone to ever help him deal with. I am sure counselling wont even scratch the surface with this guy. He's a destructive nasty person and you need to ship out! Sounds like his entire personality is predicated on a lie, too, maybe there's not even much of a real personality under all those lies....you're lucky you don't have kids with him - he sounds like a total a-hole - disrespectful, arrogant, no regard for the feelings of others....hideous. You sound 100% better than him and I bet there is an amazing guy and great times (single, or with a guy) out there, just waiting for you! Don't let that emotional leech steal the cool life you could have.
Author 2much2take Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 Run! He's a pathological liar, and the kind of person who has too many personal issues for anyone to ever help him deal with. I am sure counselling wont even scratch the surface with this guy. He's a destructive nasty person and you need to ship out! Sounds like his entire personality is predicated on a lie, too, maybe there's not even much of a real personality under all those lies....you're lucky you don't have kids with him - he sounds like a total a-hole - disrespectful, arrogant, no regard for the feelings of others....hideous. You sound 100% better than him and I bet there is an amazing guy and great times (single, or with a guy) out there, just waiting for you! Don't let that emotional leech steal the cool life you could have. You are correct. I have talked to other guys to get there opinion and they tell me he will never change. I have come to realize that he has some serious issues to deal with and life is too short. I don't have time to sit there and wipe his a%#. I did everything, but that. He had it made with me. Reagrarding counseling...well that didn't work. He lied to our counselor for months. He will be 40 years old in 2 weeks. He has alot of growing up to do and soul searching. The bottomline......this is who he is and will always be. I personally do not want to be a part of it. I have everything going for me and I will find someone else who truely loves me, respects me, and will value the relationship!
Missy27 Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 I agree with you. He is not even trying to win me back. They only thing he is worried about is how many people know what he did and that he got caught. I have decided not to talk to him until I am good and ready. Right now I want to rip him apart, I can't even look at him. I am very disgusted. If I were you I would be exposing his affair to EVERYBODY. Family, friends, acquaintances, the town gossip, the local newpaper !!. Sounds to me like he's trying desperately to hold onto his last shred of dignity and doesn't want people to know what he's been up to. (Especially if he's been doing it with the town whore )I'd make it my personal project to do anything and everything he doesn't want you to do in terms of exposing him for the piece of trash that he really is. You sound intelligent, I am sure you can figure out a way to spread the news without the finger of blame pointing back on you As for your marriage, I'm all for reconcilliation, but I really think you can do better than this jerk. He's not even putting up half a fight for you or your marriage. This guy is 40 going on 14. I am sorry that you ended up married to him. At the end of the day, you still have your dignity. You can hold your head up high and say "I didn't break the contract". You have total control over this situation, if you so want it. You hold all the cards. Show him you mean business. Be strong, cool, calm and collected. Remember YOU have the ball and it sure as hell is bouncing in YOUR court.
Author 2much2take Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 If I were you I would be exposing his affair to EVERYBODY. Family, friends, acquaintances, the town gossip, the local newpaper !!. Sounds to me like he's trying desperately to hold onto his last shred of dignity and doesn't want people to know what he's been up to. (Especially if he's been doing it with the town whore )I'd make it my personal project to do anything and everything he doesn't want you to do in terms of exposing him for the piece of trash that he really is. You sound intelligent, I am sure you can figure out a way to spread the news without the finger of blame pointing back on you As for your marriage, I'm all for reconcilliation, but I really think you can do better than this jerk. He's not even putting up half a fight for you or your marriage. This guy is 40 going on 14. I am sorry that you ended up married to him. At the end of the day, you still have your dignity. You can hold your head up high and say "I didn't break the contract". You have total control over this situation, if you so want it. You hold all the cards. Show him you mean business. Be strong, cool, calm and collected. Remember YOU have the ball and it sure as hell is bouncing in YOUR court. The first person I called when I found out was him Mom, then his Dad. His beloved father knew he was having an affair and said nothing. What did I expect, his dad did the same thing to his ex-wife and current wife. She took him back within a week. I was floored. Hell no!!!!! Not me. One time we were with about 15 friends and my husband said I was 39 going on 69 and he was 39 going on 25. I agreed with him. I said to him, "well excuse me for acting my age and being mature as opposed to you acting like your still in high school":p Trust me in due time. It has been almost 2 months and I have not told my family. It's hard for me because I am very close to my family and they are going to be very upset. My brothers are going to want to hurt him. I will say something when the time is right. They don't live in the same town as I do. I do have the ball in my court. You have no idea. All the houses are in my name and I took his beloved car away.(it's in my name:laugh: ) I would love it if he just walked away, but I don't know what he will do. I have already spoke to an attorney and I am just trying to figure things out. I have to play my cards right:eek: PSSSSSS......Did I mention???? I threw his **** in the driveway! Called his father and told him that if it was not out of my driveway by morning I was going to burn it!!! Yea I was a little pissed:laugh: :laugh: I will keep you posted;)
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