Tangerina Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Hehe, I'm sure you've all heard this a million times before but things have reached the stage where I'd like to be able to add that sentiment to the other nice things that can be said between two people but I'm too scared to be the first to say it. On the one hand, I feel like it can be a big deal to say that in a relationship, and it often has all sorts of hidden meaning and issues that are individual to each person, which is why it is scary, but really he is someone I care about a great great deal and it would feel really nice to be able to say it to him. I've had bad luck with dating really controlling or needy (or both) guys in the past so they were always the first one to say it. With my first boyfriend I think he was genuine but it was a bit premature and silly because we were 16 and mostly just hormonally crazy, though that did develop into real love even though overall it was a dysfunctional relationship. That was after dating 1 month. With my second boyfriend I think it was a "claiming me" thing and an insecurity thing, he wanted to know he had me and I actually didn't feel comfortable saying it right away when he first said it because I could tell we were feeling different things about each other. That was after dating 1.5 months. With the third person who said it to me, I didn't even really consider him my boyfriend, I just thought we were dating, but after three weeks he got drunk and told me he loved me, and this happened on several occasions, and then I realized that he was an alcoholic and very insecure and needy so I had to call that off. So, this current guy, we have been seeing each other for 3 months and there aren't weird controlling issues or messed up insecurity. Even so, given my past problems I've kind of stepped back in a mostly healthy way, spending lots of time on my own for all the time we spend together and waiting for him to take the initiative to move the relationship forward to avoid seeming too attached or clingy. He was the one who asked me out, and who asked if we could be a real couple and see each other exclusively. Of course I made sure he knew I wholeheartedly agreed, but I didn't want to be the one trying to "tie him down..." Now we are totally skirting the issue, and it is in such a silly "high school" way, but I generally sign e-mails to friends "Love Emo" and once I accidentally signed one like that to him, not thinking it might seem a little forward, and he signed his e-mail back "Love Mark"... which I'm pretty sure he doesn't automatically do like I do. So then it was an experiment (hehe, told you this was juvenile) and a while later I did it again and got another "Love Mark" e-mail back. Now, I've even gotten 2 "Love Mark" e-mails from him when I didn't do it first, about 2 weeks apart from each other. So it seems that he is open to this sentiment and doesn't feel too heavy about it, but I'm still scared to put it out there directly because I know how awkward it was when people said it to me and I wasn't ready. I just want him to say it first! and among other things I think he might be afraid to because I made such a big deal about being creeped out about the guy I dated before saying it so soon. I think I just need to bite the bullet and say it, thereby giving him permission to feel comfortable saying it too, but this is the first chill and comfortable relationship I've ever been in and I love how things just are what they are and I'm afraid of causing awkwardness. Guess I'm just venting, I'm a total wuss, I am 99.999% sure we like each other in the same way and words said or not said aren't going to change that, and it isn't as if I'm even attaching too much meaning to saying it, because it is a pretty casual thing for me, but I'm afraid of making him uncomfortable with this casual thing because it has baggage attached and I'm afraid of rejection...
norajane Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 If you want him to say it first, then relax and chill and enjoy the comfortable relationship you have until he says it. What's the big deal? It's only been three months. I'm sure there will be a moment when it feels right to him to say it.
fallendisguise Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 I agree with norajane. It's only been 3 months. I think you should enjoy the relationship and see where it takes you. I think it would be best to feel out where the relationship is going if you do decide to say if first. Do you make plans for the distant future? Stuff like that. Plus, if you wait and he says it first then you know without a doubt he really does and it isn't just a reply to you saying it.
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 I agree with norajane. It's only been 3 months. I think you should enjoy the relationship and see where it takes you. I think it would be best to feel out where the relationship is going if you do decide to say if first. Do you make plans for the distant future? Stuff like that. Plus, if you wait and he says it first then you know without a doubt he really does and it isn't just a reply to you saying it. Couldn't have said it better myself. I always wait for the guy to say it first. My ex and I dated for a year and a half and he never said (we even had conversations about saying about a year into the relationship, but he said that he saved that for being engaged... whatever...) but the guy I'm seeing now said it after about a month during an argument we had (which totally took me by surprise, btw) and now he says it at least ten times a day. I'd wait if I were you. Guys are on their own timetable which sadly never seems to make sense to us!
LakesideDream Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 After a 25 year marriage, where I had no compunctions telling my then wife, how much I loved and adored here.. often. Being single came as a shock. Frankly, I've fallen in love once. It was glorious and short. Anyone interested can start reading "ancient history" here on LS. Other than that, I haven't "loved" anyone, and have not been so callous as to say the words just to get over on someone. "I Love You" are three of the most powerful words in the English language, and shouldn't be bantied around casually.
In_thespurofthe_mome Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 "I Love You" are three of the most powerful words in the English language, and shouldn't be bantied around casually. Yeah, really, nowadays the phrase "I Love You" is being thrown out there like trash in a can. It even got to a point where my friend's relationship crashed a bit because apparently they "said I love you too much", over used the term. Me personally, I'd wait for the guy And enjoy the relationship! I think you guys know how much you want to say it to each other, so atleast you know it's on his mind.
Fiona Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 I complained to my hubby, that he wasn't saying it as often as he used to. He said, that we were saying it out of habit, without meaning. He was right. When he says it now, he looks me in the eyes, and I know he means it. It's not the words that count, honey. It's the actions that go with it.
Citizen Erased Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 My bf and I are both very passionate people, and it was said fairly early in the relationship. Now we say it if we haven't checked in with each other in a while. Just call out "Love you" and if the other doesn't call back then we go and beat up on each other everyone says we are cute I think we are just obnoxious hehe
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