London Girl Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 My ex (who is a divorcee) and I dated for 3 years on and off. He dumped me in 2005 and for most of last year we saw each other occasionally. Recently I found out I was 3 months pregnant but it was an ectopic pregnancy and it nearly cost me my life. When I called my ex to tell him, he came straight to the hospital and was an emotional wreck. He stayed with me during my time in hospital and stayed with me for one week after looking after me. He gave me mixed signals by being affectionate, talking about introducing me to his new friends and being very caring. Anyways, a week ago he said that he had told his friends and colleagues that he wanted to get back together with me but now he has changed his mind. Basically he said he could not imagine us living together and in the long run it will make us both miserable. The thing is, he said all this to me when he broke up with me over a year ago but he still wanted to see me occasionally and admitted that he contacts me because he misses me and found it hard to let go. He even said he is jealous of me being friends with my male friend. He does not know the reason why he cannot see himself living with me. He says he enjoys my company but contradicts himself by saying perhaps our personalities do not complement each other or there is no chemistry there although he finds me physically attractive. His decision is based on his gut instinct. My point is how can he assume that he cannot live with me if we have not lived together before? He says that when I am with my friends I am outgoing, lively etc. but when at times I am with him I'm quiet which makes him behave even quieter. I admit that when we went out I was going through a stressful time doing lots of late nights to make money to sort out bills etc. and as a result I was tired and not as chatty or lively but he cannot use that as an example to dictate what it would be like if we moved in together. We both spent the last two days crying and he was total wreck. He says that he loves me and cares for me but may be as a good friend. He has given me so many mixed signals I just don't know what to think anymore. Only last weekend he invited me to his parents for mothers day and he was lovey dovey to me infront of them. I feel that it is such a shame since I could see us having a happy life if he is prepared to work out some of his issues and compromise on stuff but he keeps saying his gut feeling is telling him otherwise. What do you think I should do? I'm so confused about the way he has been behaving.
polywog Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 My thought is that he has a lot of grief himself over the awful loss of the baby, and the terror of seeing you almost die. Maybe it was all just so hard that he's withdrawing because of all these deep emotions and isn't able to handle it. And my guess is that he doesn't even understand that he is going through this. At the risk of generalizing and sounding patronising, this is very typical of men. I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through. Years ago I had a miscarriage (I had planned to have an abortion) when I was single and in no position to have a baby, but I had a lot of grief over it. What you've just experienced, with the scary threat of death, is huge. My thoughts and best vibes go to you...
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