2ndIINone Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Dumping a girlfriend for an attractive whore makes you a "nice guy"? Or is this when you were trying to turn over a new leaf for the worse? Serves you right. The whore had you wrapped around her pretty little fingers.no genius... read ALL the posts. As I stated, I finally ended the abusive relationship to pursue my long time friend (when she admitted feelings for me) When I admitted them back, she declined. I thought we were talking about people who could not even hold a relationship together or get a date?Again genius... read the posts... we WERE talking about my unstable relationship (couldn't hold it together, as you put it) Although the ex had her problems, we can do without the 'whore' comments.
Cossette4 Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 This is my first time browsing the "Dating" forum, as I am usually typing out some disgruntled rant on the "Breaking Up," forum, but I thought I'd check this out because I recognized Taylor (Hi Taylor!) Pretty sure Taylor and I think EXACTLY alike on pretty much everything because I was JUST wondering this exact same question. I meet people who are like, "What?! You don't have a boyfriend? But you're gorgeous!" And it's like "Um, ok, no actually my ex boyfriend of 5 years left me for a really raunchy and unattractive bisexual skankface about 8 months ago, and I've been hiding in my house ever since wondering WTF happened, and the only offers I've gotten are from players and douchebags...") People always assume attractive girls get ALLLL these guys, but sometimes I think the guys you really WANT don't ever want to approach you. I apparently don't attract the Adam Brody-esque type guys I like (i.e.--all-American boy attractive, semi-quirky yet adorable, intelligent and witty, and an overall nice guy). I guess from other people's replies, I may come off as a snob? I really don't want to change to attract someone, because I like carrying a designer purse and wearing large sunglasses, but I also don't want to come across as some stuck-up dumb-as-rocks bimbo either (I graduated Summa Cum Laude as well, Taylor ) I also can be kind of shy and quiet in social situations, so I'm wondering if that makes me look like I'm "above it all" when really I'm just trying to keep a low-profile.
2ndIINone Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 I also can be kind of shy and quiet in social situations, I wonder that sometimes... not about you , but about some women in general. If in fact, they're as shy as me in social situations. I've often been told I come off as 'too good' or a snob... because I keep relatively quiet around big crowds. Been told I'm unapproachable... (whatever that means.) So, sometimes now I may turn it up a notch in a crowd. This may be your problem... if a good (shy) guy is afraid to approach because of your 'look' (too good for him), then maybe it's ok for you to approach him? C'mon... everybody knows who is and who isn't interested in them, whether it be a bar scene, club, supermarket, mall... But maybe it's the shyness between the two, that puts a wall up keeping them from meeting eachother.
DanielMadr Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 As you can see in this thread, Taylor, there is plenty of resentment towards 'hot' girls/guys. You can go 3 ways. 1. Be what everyone think of you...stuck up biiitch 2. Try to persuade everybod oyu are different.....being shy, nice to everyone, slouch and go for loser guys 3. Or just dont mind others. Its your life. You know who you are and you act accordingly. No seeking of approval. Just genuin you. Confident without doubts and seeking similar partner.
mental_traveller Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Do hot girls have a harder time finding men interested in having a real relationship? Guys, if you meet a girl who is say, an 8, 9 or 10, do you consider her relationship material or casual sex only material? Do you automatically think they are shallow, high maintenance, b*tchy, easy? Do you approach them, view them, or relate to them differently than a girl who is a 6 or 7? I'd also like to hear from some of the girls out there who think their (good) looks may be making dating a challenge or problematic. Don't be shy. If you've been told by guys over and over how attractive or hot you are, but you just seem to have trouble finding a meaningful relationship, I'd like to hear your story. Please share. Not in my case. I'm more likely, other things being equal, to consider something serious with a 9 than a 3. I'd say in general, guys are more likely to string along average looking women than very attractive ones. They feel they can get away with it more, and are less likely to get called on their behaviour. Also most guys would rather be known for dating someone attractive than someone plain.
alphamale Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I'd say in general, guys are more likely to string along average looking women than very attractive ones. . maybe M_T...maybe not. The more attractive women tend to be less intelligent (on average) than their more homely sisters. Ergo, since the "hotties" are dumber they and less independent and make less money and easier to take advantage of in the long run.
EC Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 This is my first time browsing the "Dating" forum, as I am usually typing out some disgruntled rant on the "Breaking Up," forum, but I thought I'd check this out because I recognized Taylor (Hi Taylor!) Pretty sure Taylor and I think EXACTLY alike on pretty much everything because I was JUST wondering this exact same question. I meet people who are like, "What?! You don't have a boyfriend? But you're gorgeous!" And it's like "Um, ok, no actually my ex boyfriend of 5 years left me for a really raunchy and unattractive bisexual skankface about 8 months ago, and I've been hiding in my house ever since wondering WTF happened, and the only offers I've gotten are from players and douchebags...") People always assume attractive girls get ALLLL these guys, but sometimes I think the guys you really WANT don't ever want to approach you. I apparently don't attract the Adam Brody-esque type guys I like (i.e.--all-American boy attractive, semi-quirky yet adorable, intelligent and witty, and an overall nice guy). I guess from other people's replies, I may come off as a snob? I really don't want to change to attract someone, because I like carrying a designer purse and wearing large sunglasses, but I also don't want to come across as some stuck-up dumb-as-rocks bimbo either (I graduated Summa Cum Laude as well, Taylor ) I also can be kind of shy and quiet in social situations, so I'm wondering if that makes me look like I'm "above it all" when really I'm just trying to keep a low-profile. LMAO I had to quote this because its sooo true. When I 'was' single everyone was like "well how can you be single your grogeous!" And I thought "yeah tell that to my loser ex bf who cheated on me with some nasty trashy anorexic chick whom I had to leave before getting a transmitted disease thank god" lol What I hate the most is that because I am good looking I only get approached by loser guy looking only for a one night stand or to fufill some fantasy of theirs i dont know but they really have no brain And I am attracted to the quiet intellectual type 9 who always believe they have no chance with me) so they never approach them and If I approach them they kinda freak out nervously and dont know what to say lol I also model and so I usually meet other model guys who are well..retarded and think their abs will make up for their low IQ score..and guys usually just think Im a dumb & high maintenance..when in reality Im pretty laid back and cool <~~ me I thank god everyday for the wonderful bf I have now because we had actually broken up for about three months and I HATED the dating scene. I think it was the worst experience I have been through! I mean really some guys out there have no clue. They think because they look good and they have money they are gods gift to women. Well I make my own money and I've seen better looking so back off. lol Any-ways..I do think that your 'misjudged' more than others when your a 8,9,10 rather than a 5,6.7. But it really all depends.
Author taylor Posted April 16, 2007 Author Posted April 16, 2007 Gosh, it's been almost 3 weeks since I have had a chance to log on to LS. I can't believe all the responses to this thread. I can certainly relate to those of you (Cossette, EC, and others) who have been frustrated by the dating scene and a pattern of attracting the wrong kind of men - superficial, disingenuous, egotistical. But other posters (sb129, Daniel, and others) have certainly helped open my eyes to the possibilities that there are a lot of factors - besides looks - that can contribute to attracting the wrong kind of men. Your are so right, sb129. I have been trying too hard. I have been sending out "too available" signals. I have not been discriminating enough. I have given out my phone number too readily. I have been too open, too quickly with men I don't know well. I also think a contributing factor is WHERE I have been meeting men --mostly clubs -- simply because that's where they are. I'm starting to realize that while clubs are a great place to meet A LOT of men, they are not the best place to find a meaningful relationship. A couple months ago I looked at what I was doing and decided to put an end to it. I removed myself from the club dating scene and have pretty much been hybernating in my apartment. Lonely, but less drama. I've been ignoring the text messages and voice mails on my cell phone. I've been turning down offers to meet up at this club or that club. All the while, wondering...how do and where do you attract the down-to-earth guys with the big hearts who are interested in a genuine relationship? Then three weeks, when I wasn't even "looking", I met a guy while out walking in a local park. I had on sweat pants and a t-shirt and my hair thrown up in a ponytail. No makeup. We talked and walked for about an hour and later that night IM'ed for about 2 hours. We have so much in common - interests, backgrounds, goals. But here's the funny thing. While talking on IM he told me how tired he is of the dating scene and of "easy" girls who "throw" themselves at him. (He is very good looking and very physically fit). He said that's all he seems to attract are girls interested in one-night stands. He said, "They look at me and instantly think I'm a player, but I'm not. I have morals. I want a girl who respects herself and who wants something real and genuine." I couldn't believe what I was reading. I couldn't believe a GUY was expressing the same kind of frustrations I had expressed here on LS just a few days earlier. Needless to say, we have been seeing each other for the past three weeks. He is like a breath of fresh air because he is the first guy I have met in a long time who seems interested in finding out who I am - what my interests are, what I think, how I feel - and is quite anxious to share his interests, thoughts and feelings with me. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I have met a guy willing to look beyond the surface and see what is in my heart. I feel a connection. I don't know where this will lead but I plan on moving slowly. Wish me luck.
oppath Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Congrats Taylor. I'm rooting for you. I've entered a man-whoring phase but with my depression, I realize I need to stop. It's not who I am. Now, I do enjoy sex, but I need to work on myself. I need to restore my confidence and I won't do that through a woman right now. I admire the decisions you have made and hope to follow your path myself!
Author taylor Posted April 16, 2007 Author Posted April 16, 2007 Hi Oppath! It's good to hear from you. Sorry I've been out of touch for awhile. I hope Houston is treating you well. Man-whoring phase..lol...that's OK...You're in a new city. You should do a little "exploring." Actually, it's rather refreshing to hear you are getting out there doing a little "Texas two-step." ***** BTW, I appreciated the comments you made earlier on this thread. They meant a lot to me. ***** I can't say all of my decisions have been good ones. I have made my share of mistakes - bad judgements, moments of weakness, emotional knee-jerk reactions - but instead of regretting the mistakes, I am trying hard to learn from them and trying to not repeat them. Whoever said "experience is the best teacher" knew what they were talking about. I recently made a terrible decision in a moment of weakness - even though I knew better. I met my ex and spent 7 hours with him, celebrating St. Patrick's Day. I hadn't had any contact with him for 4.5 months when suddenly he contacted me and wanted to see me. I thought he had some sudden change of heart. Turns out he was just lonely. And I was just an idiot. I had seven hours of pure joy, followed by a month of pain and butt-kicking regret. I haven't heard from him since. Did I learn another lesson? I don't know? Maybe someone needs to hit me over the head with a sledge hammer.... But I know I have made some good decisions along the way, too. Joining LS for support. Staying busy. Exercising. Holding tight to my self-respect. Listening (most of the time) to advice from friends and family who can look at things more objectively than I can. Trying to be true to myself by not compromising who I am or what I believe. Taking a good look at what "works" and what doesn't and having the courage to change. You have made good decisions, too. I think your move to Houston was a very good decision. Having the courage to face and deal with depression head on - another good decision. Staying busy with activities and making new friends. Your determination to put the past behind you, to have no regrets, and to forgive yourself. Staying true to yourself and not compromising your values to win the approval of others. Accepting what you can't change and changing that which you have control over. I admire you for your strength. Someone told me one time, "It's not how far a man goes that makes him successful. It's how many obstacles he has to overcome along the way that makes him successful." Have a great day, Oppath.
DownwardSpiral1984 Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Okay, if I see a girl who is 8,9,10...i would not even consider them to be anything. From where I live, girls as hot as that probably has bfs already. But if I really have to choose...I would say girls that are 8,9,10 are casual sex only material. WAIT...stop...that is not because I am shallow, it is because from my experience, they are attracted to guys that has that "*******" look to them and as soon as they spot them...they move on. The victim is usually the "nice" guy. It is not that I do not want a relationship...but its just that usually that is not what they are looking for. Anyway...that was just my sour rant...and I know that not all pretty girls act like that. I just think its paradoxical. I don't mean to offend anyone and I apologize now if you are offended.
oppath Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Well Taylor, I've made some mistakes too. (1) Emailing the ex explaining how I was depressed before the breakup, which made the way it went down and how I responded to some of her action worse, and asking her to donate to walkathon I'm in to raise money for mental health issues for the poor and uninitiated, and how when I get back I hope we can be friendly with each other if not friends. Of course, I sent the bulk of that email to 60 other people, but trying to contact the ex, and waiting for a response....yikes! I'm not going to get a response. In her minds eyes, I burned all bridges and went psycho. There is no chance of reconciliation as friends, and it bums me out, because what I really want is assurance we can be friendly so I don't have a panic attack. Well, the thing to do is focus on my anxiety problems, not focus on her. If I focus on overcoming my anxiety...if I see her, I'll be fine. She'll be the jackass if she can't even acknowledge me. I did nothing that's not immutable. Man-whoring? Empty. Unless a girl is really attractive, which I am, but I struggle to pull those girls when I am depressed. Still, sex with 2 girls and dates with 4 in my first 2 weeks in a new town...there is something to that. Not what I want though. I want to go on friendship dates with many women who I meet in many situations. I realize my ex was basically the only lover I could look in the eyes while having sex -- I'd just gaze at her -- I'll have sex without that feeling but I want that feeling. Keep us updated on what is happening in your life. I'm happy for you.
DanielMadr Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 But here's the funny thing. While talking on IM he told me how tired he is of the dating scene and of "easy" girls who "throw" themselves at him. (He is very good looking and very physically fit). He said that's all he seems to attract are girls interested in one-night stands. He said, "They look at me and instantly think I'm a player, but I'm not. I have morals. I want a girl who respects herself and who wants something real and genuine." Reminds me of my very good friend. You caught him in "vulnerable" phase. I suggest not to break his heart by making him your friend or other BS. He needs reassuarance in womankind
SouthernT Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 This is exactly what I posted in another thread about myself: I am a very classy & attractive young lady. I am told this randomly by both men and women even when i just out shopping at the grociery store. Being told how pretty I was starting at such a young age, I learned VERY early on NOT to concentrate on my looks, but rather my character. So my problem is this: 1) Guys find me TOO attractive and wont approach me at all.(i.e. they think I'm already taken, or out of their league) And I've had several men tell me that I am intimidating. So I make sure I smile and laugh alot so that I am approachable. 2) The guys that DO approach me think that I'm all body and NO brains and get a very rude awakening if they approach me in the wrong manner. And these are the ones telling themselves:"I am going to use my best game possible, to get her in my bed" These are the ones that try to run GAME and think that I wont see through it, and they take off because they know that if they are going to deal with me, I mean real business. It's one thing to pay a compliment and move on to other topics. But it's another thing when a guy is obviously looking at you like the prime rib special of the day. (any woman would agree) And NO I do not dress slutty or anything. If anything, my friends make fun of me for wearing TOO many clothes and being covered up all the time.
Author taylor Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 SouthernT - You took the words right out of my mouth. DItto, ditto, ditto. Daniel - Thanks so much for your input on this thread. You make a lot of sense. Believe me, I don't plan on making this man a friend or breaking his heart. I've only known him a month, but he seems so different from the men I have met in the past 8 months. He is genuine, down-to-earth, real. Or at least that is the impression I get so far. I do not take any of the relationships in my life for granted. They are all precious to me. I am good to people who are good to me. I don't use them or abuse them. I am fiercely loyal to those who open their heart to me. I would love to have a relationship with this man - not because of the way he looks - but because I have had a glimpse of his inner self and I like what I see. But I want to take it slowly. And so does he. We've both made the mistake of rushing into relationships before. This man has a lot of confidence. He knows who he is and what he wants - at least he says he does. He attracts girls like bees to honey, but most seem only interested in his outward appearance and move on quickly when they realize (and are surprised) he isn't a party animal or interested in casual sex. He says he is tired of this and wants something more now. I would be lying if I didn't have a few concerns about whether he really does want something different or if he just think he does. He's only 24 and has led a pretty wild, crazy, exciting, fast-paced lifestyle with a lot of variety (activities and girls). Only time will tell if he really wants something different from that at this point in his life. After a month, I think he knows me well enough to know I am not a casual sex kind of girl and partying and getting drunk are not my kind of thing. He wants to take dance lessons with me (rumba) and he just bought a new pair of rollerblades so we can do that together. But, I do have a feeling if anyone is going to get their heart broken in this situation, it will be me..again. But I'm willing to take the risk...again. And I'm going to stay positive..
DanielMadr Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 SouthernT - You took the words right out of my mouth. DItto, ditto, ditto. Daniel - Thanks so much for your input on this thread. You make a lot of sense. Believe me, I don't plan on making this man a friend or breaking his heart. I've only known him a month, but he seems so different from the men I have met in the past 8 months. He is genuine, down-to-earth, real. Or at least that is the impression I get so far. I do not take any of the relationships in my life for granted. They are all precious to me. I am good to people who are good to me. I don't use them or abuse them. I am fiercely loyal to those who open their heart to me. I would love to have a relationship with this man - not because of the way he looks - but because I have had a glimpse of his inner self and I like what I see. But I want to take it slowly. And so does he. We've both made the mistake of rushing into relationships before. This man has a lot of confidence. He knows who he is and what he wants - at least he says he does. He attracts girls like bees to honey, but most seem only interested in his outward appearance and move on quickly when they realize (and are surprised) he isn't a party animal or interested in casual sex. He says he is tired of this and wants something more now. I would be lying if I didn't have a few concerns about whether he really does want something different or if he just think he does. He's only 24 and has led a pretty wild, crazy, exciting, fast-paced lifestyle with a lot of variety (activities and girls). Only time will tell if he really wants something different from that at this point in his life. After a month, I think he knows me well enough to know I am not a casual sex kind of girl and partying and getting drunk are not my kind of thing. He wants to take dance lessons with me (rumba) and he just bought a new pair of rollerblades so we can do that together. But, I do have a feeling if anyone is going to get their heart broken in this situation, it will be me..again. But I'm willing to take the risk...again. And I'm going to stay positive.. I wish you good luck. Rumba....yeah latino or even classic dancing is so much better than that hip hop erratic moving all alone with a partner two feet away or with her azz in ones groin or knees (Im tall) Damn I even bought skates myself on Saturday. No dont worry its not me. Last girl I met in a park was running away screaming something odd:D Just be real and dont let doubts about him or yourself damage your relationship. My friend I told you about....he was never a party animal. He can be outgoing person and quite charming but I think deep down he is more like loner. Im not sure but even he is a real chick magnet he had like only two girls. And he is older than me about 35 I think. The same number as you, huh. I wrote some thread about him and his troubles on http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t97847/. I think he appreciates honesty and not-selfish behaviour most. He is not a good mind reader, watch out....thats why he wants to be friend with me, I do the translations If you landed something similar to my friend, you can be happy girl...very happy girl.
VirtualInsanity Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 In my view "hot girls" don't have a problem finding a relationship. Why would they?
sb129 Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Wow, Taylor, thats GREAT news. Sounds like a real catch! IMO, you can meet great people in clubs, but I am getting a little old for them now! I met my BF online and we met for coffee and daytime dates at first, and it made a big difference I think. Keep it up! Taking it slow is brilliant, good luck! Keep us posted on how it goes, I am really happy for you, he sounds perfect for you.
princesssockhead Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 Well what immediately came to mind is my problem with retaining good solid female-male friendships and some of it I think has to do with how I look and my sexuality. Nearly every guy I've been friends with (with the exception of my only male best friend) has tried to get into my pants or start dating me. It is so frustrating and I found myself often times (while single) allowing myself to sleep with these guys because hey I like sex just as much as the next horny girl and it usually destroyed the friendship because then they got the idea I could be their gf. 'Course I've only been single for about a year and a half out of my whole teen/young-adult life. On major relationship #3 and it's been 4 years plus. I had some not so serious relationships along the way too. While I love my guy and our relationship - I do miss being single sometimes. I haven't been single as long as I would have liked in the past. Oddly enough I got my wish at the beginning of the year and my current guy and I broke up temporarily for a bit and saw other people. It was terribly hard and I didn't like the dating or the onslaught of guys who wanted to be "friends". I think there can be hot smart sweet girls (I like to think I fall here although I'm not hot just extremely cute) and then there can be really bitchy, snobby, immature ones as well. Just the same for not as good looking people and I've seen incredibly sexy, hot guys go for the not as attractive smart, funny, charming girls when they're looking for a relationship. If they just want sex though I think guys automatically go for someone hotter. I wouldn't give up my looks in order to have more genuine male friendships but lucky for me having a boyfriend keeps the guys I do have in life stay on their best behavior.
orangehose Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 If a man starts talking about sex and desire and (my breast size) and its your first few dates then thats a clue. If he says he's going to call and does not ( like days later ) thats a clue. If he talks about how much he hates his mother and everyone gives him a rough time in life and he has few friends thats a great clue into his character. If everything and everyone is more important than me then that tells me that likely would not change.... If he still carrys a torch for his ex and he talks about her like she is the supreme being that walks the earth then you know he's not over her. I have had 3 times where this has happened. I want to carry a sign :" Do you still have feelings for your ex " ? So I like being with my kitty because her love is sincere. I know tomorrow she will still love me. She doesn't have any drama ( except when she crashes into the vertical blinds to get my attention ) lol. Wow this is hilarious! So blunt and so true...
orangehose Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Well I pretty much heard my entire life... "Duuuuude, you're too nice to them girls..." this coming from my friends... close girl-friends...sisters... but when MY OWN mother tells me I'm to nice??? That was it... time to do something about it... I had carried on a friendship/relationship with friend (a 9.5 btw) for years and years... she complained about her ex's... I complained about my girlfriends... we dated, hooked up here and there. She would always say... "I wish you and I would get serious, you are sooo nice, you are sooo perfect.... any girl would be lucky to have you...even confessed her love for me" so I finally dumped the girlfriend and pursued the longtime friend..... she said no way.... with no regret, remorse or regard for the history/friendship.... cut me off cold turkey... now she treats me like I ran over her puppy. Can't win. Oooh, yeah, tough story. I have a female friend who was in a similar situation (close friends with a guy for a looong time, while they dated other people) and it was not truly platonic, and went down the tubes eventually. Kind of sad.
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