why wouldnt my MM (also boss) let me leave..

[Guest]

I was involved in an affair with MM for over 2 years, also my boss at workplace. i am in mid-twenties and he in his early forties..

 

everything was going fine..untill lately when i had some fights with him regarding the usual (he should call more/not always think about himself, sometimes even about me..).. this went on for a couple of weeks and then we had a major fight after which we broke up (he sortof puts the blame at me though for acting too demanding) and is silent now..

 

as i work for him, it was difficult to face him so i took leave for a couple of days but then decided to leave this job. when i met him and told him so, he said i shouldnt leave, and that my career will be affected etc etc.. he convinced me not to leave, but i have again taken leave for a week now as its difficult to work like this..

 

i dont quite understand that if we have broken up and also that he is angry at me, why wouldnt he let me leave/or even fire me. he said 'its no doubt about it that he would like me to continue work here'.

 

i know that once i go back to work, he wouldnt talk to me much, not even about work i am sure, and i wouldnt be able to concentrate also on work. but why wouldnt he let me leave? why convince me to stay... what is his gain in that? wont he be more relieved that i am gone from his sight...

 

i am curious... pls advice

[pureinheart]

Hi Guest.....this is just from my own personal experience....

 

In listening to guys talk here and there, most of them did not condemn the MM for having AW on the side, in fact the few that accomplished this desired status were considered alpha male, and most were envious.

 

It's mostly about ego when dealing with this type of situation, especially in the workplace as this mans peers are watching.

 

The fact that this MM has managed to keep you for 2 years without having to divorce his W speaks multitudes to him....he can have his cake and eat it too.....ofcourse he doesn't want you to leave/quit....he's got a good thing going in his eyes....judging from your post, for 2 years you have not been demanding....so he is applying negative reinforcement so that you will play his game, and ensure that you will not ask much of him in the future....

 

You are young and have your whole life ahead of you, why waste precious time on a man that is taken....

 

Time IS precious and it is gone before we know it....we do not know what tomorrow holds....our actions today can determine our future.....

 

Every single person that attaches themselves to a MM/MW is playing with fire in many ways....I know this may sound dramatic, although many have lost their lives in these triangles....

 

I hope you find another job and rid yourself of this man....you but one life....GBU

[outofdarkness]

I was involved in an affair with MM for over 2 years, also my boss at workplace. i am in mid-twenties and he in his early forties..

 

everything was going fine..untill lately when i had some fights with him regarding the usual (he should call more/not always think about himself, sometimes even about me..).. this went on for a couple of weeks and then we had a major fight after which we broke up (he sortof puts the blame at me though for acting too demanding) and is silent now..

 

as i work for him, it was difficult to face him so i took leave for a couple of days but then decided to leave this job. when i met him and told him so, he said i shouldnt leave, and that my career will be affected etc etc.. he convinced me not to leave, but i have again taken leave for a week now as its difficult to work like this..

 

i dont quite understand that if we have broken up and also that he is angry at me, why wouldnt he let me leave/or even fire me. he said 'its no doubt about it that he would like me to continue work here'.

 

i know that once i go back to work, he wouldnt talk to me much, not even about work i am sure, and i wouldnt be able to concentrate also on work. but why wouldnt he let me leave? why convince me to stay... what is his gain in that? wont he be more relieved that i am gone from his sight...

 

i am curious... pls advice

He didn't want you to leave b/c he wants to have it all! I agree w/ the previous poster that you are so young and have your whole life ahead of you...Don't let this MM get in the way of your future happiness and success in your personal AND professional life. It's NEVER wise to have an A, but MOST especially with your superior at work. You mentioned feeling awkward at work...This is precisely why you should not date your boss. Not only does it mess you up personally to date a MM, but it could quite possibly get in the way of your professional success. You sound very bright...make up your mind that you are going to move on with your life and learn from your mistake.

 

He has every thing to gain in you staying. A's are selfish for the most part, as are MM. He wants you AND his career, and if you stay, he will have it for the most part. In the end, if someone has to leave due to your A at work, it will most likely be you....You want to seize the opportunity now to do it of your own accord so that you have the upper hand and feel empowered. Good luck to you!

[Guest]

hi

 

thanks for your response. yes i am aware i have already wasted so much time on him, in fact i am starting to date again..

 

but i am not sure how to handle this work scenario, i have already spoken to him twice about leaving, i said that 'i cant concentrate on work', and even said to him that 'it will be easier for you if u dont have to see me around' damn. but u know guys, he just wouldnt budge, he has repeated that i should keep working with him.

 

i tried to spend 1 day at work, and saw that he avoided me too much (like it wasnt his usual self). he was silent with me and didnt talk to me at all (not even about work)..

so i still cant understand why cant he make his life easier too by not having me around! bcoz now he had to take so much care to avoid me, ignore me, not send me work related emails etc (all the usual stuff he used to do as a boss).

 

i am looking for another job now. but i cant understand his logic right now..?!

 

what i feel is that after some time has passed he might try his charms on me again as i have really been a nice OW to him except for this last incident...n he knows that.

 

but as of now this behavior has really kept me wondering whats in the head of these MMs ?! thanks for your replies.. i can relate with the ego thing too..