riobikini Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Princessa, my feelings on that are this: With all the stuff you can wind up with that just won't go away with a pill, a shot, or a cream -or avoid even with so-called protection- I think it's reasonable for *any* half of a partnership to expect -or demand- that the other half eliminate the risk for contracting dangerous or annoying diseases by not engaging in sexual intimate acts with other people -at least, while still part of the relationship. Anything outside that reasoning is cheating. The second shoe to drop regarding the "standards" or "rules to adhere to" is this: Aside from the obvious health risks associated with more explicit sex acts -and if you are really, truly attempting to *have* a genuine relationship with someone- your sincerity compels you to naturally, not want to cause them emotional pain. This includes the hurt that goes along with sharing other types of intimate acts -such as kissing, or petting- involving another partner. Intimacy is *also* extended to certain avenues of conversation such as: topics of sexual nature ( example: "I want to do this or that to you...") and those that cause sexual interest outside your involvement with your partner. It applies to married or unmarried couples. I don't know how much clearer I can be on this. It just seems elementary to me. People who say they don't know this or understand it -don't *want* to admit they know it. It's a fine way to keep doing it and sidestep the truth *everybody* knows. But with me -ignorance (in any form or from any origin in an adult who's been declared healthy and sound of mind ) -is not an excuse. -Rio
princessa Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I think you misunderstood my post, Rio. Perhaps my reasoning wandered a bit off topic, but I was referring to other types of fights, besides cheating accusations, which I take very seriously. Just small generic fights or disagreements, such as, him forgetting to call when he said he would. That's something I had personally experienced in the past. I could bring that up with subtility all I wanted, but in his mind, he was busy with legitimate work, and that was a priority at that time, so whatever allusions I could have been making about the forgotten phone call would simply go into one ear and out the other. Basically in my previous relationship I felt I had no choice but to resort to direct confrontation when something bothered me.
Topper Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 You people are watch to much CSI and other crime shows. OK lets just jump to another conclusion. It is a mustard stain! OH No that means he likes to put mustard on penises while he sucks others guys off! Yes he is not only cheating he is a closet gay. At the very least bi sexual. Thats not perfume your smelling it's men's cologne yeah the man is gay and cheating and might even be having sex with Farm Animals!
riobikini Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 (Smile) Princessa -first of all, I don't know of many men who *ever* call exactly when they say they will: they either forget or do whatever seems more important to them than making the phone call. Don't be crushed. Delayed response in men making phone calls is all too common -so don't expect much to change with that. Some do better than others with returning calls -but looking for them to be *on time* might cause you some frustration. I actually think most men grimmace (without realizing it) as they reach to answer nearly any call. It's, generally, not in their nature to want to chat for hours -or even seconds- especially, if their mind is focused on work or some other distraction -necessary ones as well as some that may be unnecessary, that just appeal to their attention. So don't get your feelings all hurt because he forgot to call -'tis the nature of the creature we call "man". As far as harboring the upset in *you* over his not calling -it's something you probably need to work on, if he's the type who's particularly forgetful. It probably, isn't because he doesn't care -but more likely, that he just doesn't "get it", yet. Even if you talk about it and emphasize the importance you feel regarding the phone calls -he'll never be perfect. Cut him some slack. And consider calling him, instead. -Rio
princessa Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Meh, I'm not with him anymore anyway... But thanks for the advice, maybe I'll handle the next one better
RecordProducer Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 It's not about what he thinks, but what YOU think. Your intuition is enough to know someone after a while, to be able to tell if you can trust him or not. If you feel that the guy doesn't call, because he doesn't care then you feel that he doesn't care - the call doesn't matter anymore. If a woman doesn't trust a man then false or real signs of cheating (or no signs at all) won't change her mind. Technically, my husband could easily get away with cheating: I don't spy him, I don't follow him, I don't call him when he's out, I don't check his cell... I trust him, because of what I see in him. Even if I am wrong for that, that's not the point - the point is that I trust him and can sleep tight at night. And when I see a stain, I don't think it's from a woman. And if I ever see evidence of cheating, I will know what to do and won't regret trusting him. Living in distrust is a nightmare. I've never had that and would never agree to it. I have rejected men after only because they seemed like I couldn't be sure if I could trust them after talking to them for an hour. I didn't want to even give them a chance. Maybe it's just me, but I have a very strong feeling of whom I can trust. I can't claim it's perfectly accurate, but I get thing loud alarm in my head or a peaceful warmth even when I talk to somebody on the phone for the first time.
Gunny376 Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 riobikini,princessa and RP ~ YOU'RE THE INCRANATE of evil! We men are of such febble ~ weak minds Thanks for the insight!
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