shockandawed Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Hey all, I have been doing so much better in the last couple of weeks, actually enjoying life, several dates, etc...Eating well and feeling pretty good overall. Ever since the famous text messages from her over Super Bowl weekend, we have been pretty low key on contact. An IM about every two weeks or so, nothing meaty, just how are you, kids, etc? The last IM about two weeks ago somehow ended up with us discussing sex and her admitting that our sex was "spiritual". She had also went on to say I need to give someone a chance because she had, move on, etc.. I never indictated I wasn't moving on. So, another two weeks go by until today. I know she is leaving tomorrow for Florida to see her Dad. I wanted to wish her a good trip. We have another lovely IM for about 10 minutes or so then she just snaps. Brings up an incident from early in our relationship where I basically walked in on a guy over at her house. I knew the guy from his daughter being on my soccer team. Anyhow, she assured me they were just talking, him and I spoke a little outside, nothing ugly, he apologized and made it clear he was there at her invitation and that he thought she was interested in him. I explained our relationship, shook hands and he left. Of course, she wouldn't discuss it that night, had hre neighbor-coworker come over and make me leave. I never got out of hand. A few days later, water under the bridge of course. Again, nearly three years ago. Today, she asks me why I never told her I had a long conversation with him at our daughters school right afterwards. Told her I never did. She claims the co-worker neighbor, yes the one who set her up with her current love, told her a week or two ago that she ran into this guy and that is what he told her. I don't believe it because it never happened. She then makes the comment, "I never knew how many people I know didn't like you, I guess love is blind" I asked her where that came from and considering she never had me around anyone, no one could have made an accurate opinion of me. She then said she had a long conversation with her ex-husband about it. I never met this man. She then alluded that it was based on opinions her daughter told him. Then.....she throws out "I am getting married in May, EVERYONE knows and even my ex and daughter are very happy for me" and immediately logs off. WTF?? We are finally being civil to each other, and she goes off the deep end like this? I don't expect anyone to be able to answer, just wanted to vent it. It hurts that she can want to hurt me so much for no apparent reason. I mean if she truly is so in love with someone after three months that she wants to marry him in two more, then shouldn't she be happy. Not bitter and resentful with me? Especially considering she is the dumper. I don't understand all her hostility. I can assure you I did nothing in that conversation to bring relationship, past, emotions anything, strictly small talk.
lorr Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 I'm going to be pretty harsh here- but If she dumped you, why on earth are you still carrying on with contact?The only person you are hurting is yourself. You know deep down what she's all about, but it seems that you are just asking for more trouble. Why can you not leave her alone? I mean for goodness sakes she's getting married in May, and to top it all of, she continues to put you down in the process, and you ask why she's being hostile towards you. Its all good saying that you were just making small talk, but look at where its all ended again. Please just get on with your life, and let her get on with hers. I'm sure if she's got issues she can discuss it with her husband to be.
Author shockandawed Posted March 24, 2007 Author Posted March 24, 2007 I understand what you are saying. When you spend three years with someone, it is hard to not give a crap about them or their life. After we went down the getting back road a couple of months ago, I realize that we can't ever reunite, nor do I really want to. With that said, I guess I have been somewhat enjoying the every two week contact, hearing her mention good things about us, I guess a sort of reaffirmation that she did love me. I have maintained contact with my ex wife after the divorce and that is really the only comparison I have. I guess I have little experience with having someone that heavily involved in your life and then bam, nothing. Not that it matters, but I really doubt she is getting married in May. If she is, she is showing how excited and happy she is about it. She did the exact same rant early on, claimed she was getting married in June and logged off. Of course, right afterwards, she began all the regretful and reminiscing IMs which led to her wanting to get back together. I am answering my own questions and confirming what you are saying, she is nuts and why do I want to continue to have anything to do with her?
oppath Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Tough. I get the sense she is trying to convince herself that she has moved on, which is why she came off as hostile. She is trying to prove it to herself how over you she is and how she has moved on. The thing is, she really hasn't. Despite her new relationship, she's not fully over you. I assure it. What matters is that you do what's best for you to get over her.
bridget_jones Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 In this case it's better not to have contact, including IM. Don't know what this infamous incident which happened over SB with texting but that wasn't that long ago and you should have taken that as "she's whack. sioyonara...for good. I have contact with my ex and went out to dinner twice and there was no tension, no need for either of us to unload about past incidents, we had put it all behind us, and also neither of us has become involved romantically with anyone else since we brokeup. I assume dates, etc. I don't know, maybe he is seeing someone regularly but we are friends, and I also look forward to the time I meet someone new and connect with. If I had been cheated on or he had done anything to deceive me, or was just downright nasty during the relationship and the breakup process, I wouldn't have contact now. I sense that is your case. also you are choosing to believe some of the stuff she said like "sex being spiritual" and taking things she said as "She DID love me", you're still reaching for stuff like that. Pretty much what she is saying is crstuff she's saying to keep you hanging on to satisfy her own ego. Who cares if she's getting married, etc. You don't want or need to know. Block her on MSN, it's really easy. You say poster boy for NC but I disagree in all cases. It can work if you're 1. friends and 2. both of you have no hard feelings about the relationship.
Author shockandawed Posted March 24, 2007 Author Posted March 24, 2007 Bridget, All I meant by poster boy for NC is that I should be a perfect example why you need to follow it all the way. Even the smallest of contact can cause this crap. oppath, Yes, that is obvious, thanks...I don't want to dwell on why she isn't over, but I don't see the happy, I have moved on to greener pastures attitude. I guess her confided to me back a month or two ago that the grass was definitely not greener is still fresh in my mind. Everyone is right, she is whacked and I have to leave her alone. Someone above is looking out for me with her. Lord knows I can't control my head with her.
bridget_jones Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Yeah, I guess I'm lucky with my ex that we really can just be friends.
Author shockandawed Posted March 24, 2007 Author Posted March 24, 2007 Yes Bridget, you are lucky. Like I said earlier, it is very hard for me to remove someone completely from my life. Three months ago I was her eternal soulmate and now, she feels the need to rip me to shreds as needed. My ex wife is a very good friend. My high school girlfriend and I have become very good friends over the last six months after 25 years of no contact. Of course, she moved away.
lorr Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Like what Bridget Jones has said, she is clearly feeding her own ego to keep you hanging on. This is not the action of a woman who is still in love with a man, and who in the process has no difficulty in trading insults. If she was your "eternal soulmate" then both of you would have exchanged wedding vows by now, and she would be treating you with the utmost respect. So if I were you I would block her on MSN. It can't be that difficult can it? Your ex needs to focus on her upcoming nupitials now. So please just let it go.
RocketMan2 Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Hey shocked, Sorry for the lateness of this post, been keeping the lurking to a minimum im afraid, but I thought I'd check in on how youre doing. What a bitch! Thats all I can say. Playing games with you for whatever equally nonsensical reasons. "Love is blind".... very true, seems like you're more a victim of it than her though! Im speaking, of course, from experience here. Hope youre doing ok shocked, hang in there. P.S. Ive got a date 2moro! Wish me luck! Rocket
Author shockandawed Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 Hey Rocket!!!! Nice to hear from you....Yes, I am doing a hell of a lot better. I finally sacked up and completely removed her from my IM list after this last one. It has been about 3 weeks now since I have heard a thing from her and I feel totally better. It was tough to delete her, but once I did, it felt good. I have been casually dating for the last couple of months. Nothing stood out, some nice girls but no fire.. But last night, I end up on the phone for 5 hours with this girl. Haven't stopped thinking about her all day now.. This is a first... Good Luck on the date and please let me know how it went...
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