FaLALAla FREE Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Finally getting a chance to do a little background after last week. I posted onthis site, thinking it was a place where I could express my feelings and explain my sitch. Unfortunatly, my H thought it was a good idea to go through all of my emails and find the reg for LS, and then view my post, then post his own version of reality. He said mine left a lot of holes and did not explain every detail. He left a few holes in his story too, like how mean, cruel and verbally abusive he really is, not just "yelling at me for lying to him" I went the IC yesterday, and the H had a little hissy that he was not included. What? Excuse me? I thought you said I needed counseling and help? He is deluded. He likes to tell people (his family and friends) that it is all my fault, that I lie to him and he screams, yells and is generally mean to me because of my lies. I went to see a therapist yesterday(first session) and she seems to think that: 1. I lie to him to protect myself. 2. I am a differrent person outside of that house and to other people because why would I want to show people how miserable I am? 3. Having outside interests, activities and friends is healthy Since he has denied me that for years, I am now reaching out and cultivating new and old friendships, which includes this forum. I have also reached out to some male friends for their testosterone base opinions and they have been most helpful. Today has been rough. By noon I had 14 screaming message from him already at work. He is driving me crazy. His new idea is we use the same lawyer, draw up our own agreement and get it over with quickly. I would if I thought he would not try to screw me. I am trying to see if I can afford a lawyer on my own and move out. Don't know yet. Anyway, the thought of spending the entire weekend in that house with him has really made me antsy. Since he will not even allow me to use the 'puter without him checking everything I am doing, I have no hope of checking in here at all. Read my story (finally ready to tell...) and his (married to a liar) and give me your thoughts. Thanks!
AHIWON Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Sounds like the both of you need to take a breather and relax a bit. Are you implying that you have lied to him? He is too clingy and following you all over the place never giving you a chance to think. Both of you stop it. Come to your senses, sit down and talk. Don't scream at each other. If you feel your anger building up in you or your SO, request a 5 minute break and talk again after you have calmed down. If you can work it out on your own then great. Otherwise if you are still struggling for peace then try a MC. See what he/she says. Don't be afraid to share your feelings and tell the truth, the whole truth but do it in a respectable way. Don't let anger run the show. Nothing ever gets solved if you are yelling at each other.
Author FaLALAla FREE Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 Sounds like the both of you need to take a breather and relax a bit. Are you implying that you have lied to him? He is too clingy and following you all over the place never giving you a chance to think. Both of you stop it. Come to your senses, sit down and talk. Don't scream at each other. If you feel your anger building up in you or your SO, request a 5 minute break and talk again after you have calmed down. If you can work it out on your own then great. Otherwise if you are still struggling for peace then try a MC. See what he/she says. Don't be afraid to share your feelings and tell the truth, the whole truth but do it in a respectable way. Don't let anger run the show. Nothing ever gets solved if you are yelling at each other. My H would not know what to do if I asked for a time out. Anger is what fuels him. I cannot get over who he is now and how mean, nasty and vile he is being. The last 5 days have been the worst of my life. I am finally able to say "it's over-move on" but I cannot stop crying. I think it would be easier to mourn him than to grieve for the loss of our marriage. If something happened to himm after all this time, it would have been expected (he is sick/disabled) and I could deal with it. Mouring the loss of my life as I know it has been the worst thing that I have ever faced. We have been to MC, but he only gets that he is right I am wrong and I need to change only out if it each time we have been. I do not think he is capable of changing. I looked back at some of our early arguements about money and I know that HE is the one with the control problem and I cannot help him. I am going to take the 32 to heart and work on myself. (Thanks Gunny!) I will still move forward with my plans for the garden and stay right where I am. It will take a court order to get me out of that house and I am not uprooting my kids for his ego! He says he will not be fighting with me anymore, and to just live in the same house without the marriage aspect. I doubt he is capable of that, but we will see. I see my IC tomorrow, and I hope the PSYCH Dr. next week has some good mood lifters in store for me. Untill then, I will "soldier" on.
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