gwensplenda Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Today marks his third week out of his house, away from his W, and a HUGE step in the process of something I swore would never happen. It's been over a year now and he has finally taken a giant step. He is renting an apartment and has no plans to go home. You would think I would be happy, but I'm quite the opposite. I am scared and confused at best. Now that he is away from her he his calling me constantly to come over and hang out. The problem is over this past year I have taken time to make myself stronger, and create a life without him in it. (We have not been seeing eachother romantically for a year, but I work with him so I have seen him daily) Why do I feel worse than before when I go over to his new place? Is it because he is not fully divorced yet? I feel like I have grown so much as a person and I am above this. Is it wrong that I want nothing to do with him until he can scream that he loves me from the rooftops? I want to be with him more than anything. I feel guilty, because I know he was expecting me to be over there all the time when he made these plans ot move out. Have any other OW found themselves in this position when the MM takes the fist steps in a D but is not fully seperated yet? Please respond with your opinions and advice. Thank you.
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Did he leave his wife for you? Or did he leave for himself. Take your time and be sure. You have alot of insight into your own situation, you've grown as person without him and maybe now that he's free, you don't see him in the light you used to see him in... Since he isn't divorced yet, just separated, that really doesn't mean much. Anything could happen, he could go back, especially if there are kids involved. Let him be alone for a while, he needs that. Even if he feels he doesn't, my guess is, he's lonely and isn't used to being alone.
EC Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 WWIU I agree! I think he is not used used to dealing with being alone. I think he might be lonely. Just give him some time alone he does need it. A separation is a huge step and I agree with WWIU anything can happen. And knowing that and how much you have grown without him as a person..It would suck for you to get involved with him again only for him to get confused, or want to go back.
puddleofmud Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Welcome to the forum! If you distrust your feelings by all means do go by your intincts and take it slowly. More importantly talk w/ him about how you feel and see what he offers as to your feelings. Nothing says you have to do anything as drastic as marry the guy or move in--and if you feel that you would like; simply include him in your "dating pool". No one who is single must change their lives just to have another! You don't have to change your entire life for him, do you? Perhaps you have already done enough of that being that he was once married and you had to meet too many demands for him? Thus, nothing wrong with having him meet some of yours... You have earned your strength and security so it is understandable that you are not so willing to throw all out the window for any one nor should this be expected from you. Best wishes and be true to yourself.
DrPhilomena Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Did he leave his wife for you? Or did he leave for himself. Take your time and be sure. You have alot of insight into your own situation, you've grown as person without him and maybe now that he's free, you don't see him in the light you used to see him in... Since he isn't divorced yet, just separated, that really doesn't mean much. Anything could happen, he could go back, especially if there are kids involved. Let him be alone for a while, he needs that. Even if he feels he doesn't, my guess is, he's lonely and isn't used to being alone.I agree. Just make sure he isn't on the rebound. I have seen too many relationship go down the drain because it was only a rebound relationship and not a TRUE relationship. Separated isn't divorced. There could still be feelings between him and his wife. Be careful what you do, I would hate to read that you got hurt.
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