mattie2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 i know i posted quite a bit about my breakup, but i have another, very different question to ask y'all about breakups in general. last weekend, my boyfriend and i took a very fun trip together. we had a great time, and i actually felt we were closer on that trip than we had been in a long time. he was opening up to me more, we were having fun together... then monday/ tuesday, he e-mailed me and broke it off after almost two years. has anyone else had that experience? how does it go from great one day to over the next day? Link to post Share on other sites
the_pope Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 This is often one of the most confusing and painful things about breakups. I see this a lot and have had it myself. Maybe if you asked him why, he may be noble enough to explain. However, be prepared for a painful truth. But, IF it is a painful truth, it will sting, but you won't be here any longer asking what went wrong and therefore get some closure which will help you. Or, it may be that he is jittery. I mean, when he opened up to you, did you reciprocate? Or leave it cold? If you left it cold he may now feel rejected and stupid and dumped you out of a knee jerk reaction. Either way, I urge you to ask him, at least for your own closure which will enable you to move on. The painful part is ofen the unanswered questions and confusion. Link to post Share on other sites
1DeadB Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 i know i posted quite a bit about my breakup, but i have another, very different question to ask y'all about breakups in general. last weekend, my boyfriend and i took a very fun trip together. we had a great time, and i actually felt we were closer on that trip than we had been in a long time. he was opening up to me more, we were having fun together... then monday/ tuesday, he e-mailed me and broke it off after almost two years. has anyone else had that experience? how does it go from great one day to over the next day? How about trying a novel approach and move on. Close that chapter and find someone else, or more that one other, to fun with. We would only be guessing what happened and he will never tell you the truth. I am not saying 'live with it'. I am saying forget him. There are too many men to have only one. Link to post Share on other sites
amdaily Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 My last two relationships have ended like this. The first one had been seeing some guy for the last two weeks while continuing to have fun with me before deciding to end it. As for the second, between the e-mails, text messages and the like, I had never felt so wanted by someone. Then completely out of the blue, she goes completely cold overnight. Still don't know what really happened, and still hurting over that one Link to post Share on other sites
the_pope Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Oh god, reading this thread makes me want to puke. Just another reminder that opening up is a very huge risk. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Through e-mail!!! after two years! WTF? Well A friends of mines bf was cheating on her and was confused as to stay with the woman he had been with for so long or stay with the other girl. He couldn't decide so he took his gf on a trip to see if what they had was savable. To see if they were out of the same routine element things would feel better. Well they came back and she was so happy. She said they had a great time and he then broke up with her two days later. I guess that trip was the last chance..he shouldve told her though he then stopped talking to her and moved on with the other girl Im not saying thats what happened here/..but I mean if he broke up with you just like that after two years? Thats not cool Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattie2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 this is the breakup e-mail he sent. i may have posted it before, but the last few days i haven't been able to sleep, so i am a little out of it. Dearest C, The past year and a half we have shared some wonderful times. Times I will hold dear to my heart for years to come. You are by far the most amazing woman I have ever had the chance to be close to. You are intelligent, poised, determined, stunningly beautiful, and you continue to impress me. In a time in my life when I cherish freedom more than security you have allured me for longer than I would have imagined. It is with deepest sorrow that I write you this evening. I have painstakingly come to the conclusion that I don't love you like you deserve or need to be loved. Ultimately, this has happened because I am not ready for this commitment at this time in my life. Staying together with you now I feel is only hurting you more and delaying the inevitable. While I am dejected at the thought of hurting you, I realize that this departure will only get harder in time, just as it has hurt you immensely in the past few rocky months. I know you will think to read and reread this email ad nauseum. Please don't. You know what it says. When you analyze things such as this, you always linger on words, phrases, or thoughts to punish yourself. You always tend to extract the most incisive details and bury them in your stomach like a knife. C, you have no reason to berate yourself. You should only to be proud of yourself for your character, your person, and all of your accomplishments. I see wonderful traits in you and I feel horrible that I have not reinforced them throughout our relationship. If I had better communicated to you how truly great you are, perhaps issues in the relationship such as jealousy, trust, and confidence would not have existed. While I accept some blame for these issues, I cannot explain why so many our interactions yielded such negative emotional sentiments. Why is this happening? It is not one variable, but the most complex equation I have ever tried to solve. We seem to work out on paper just fine. Analyze our relationship in a number of ways and it seems it can work out in the end. But it just doesn't feel right. And these things you're supposed to feel in your heart. I know we derive different emotions from our relationship and I wish that it were different and our love could supplement to a long and healthy relationship. There seems to be no indication of a healthy relationship here, though. You speak of detachment from your family and friends, a lack of confidence catalyzed by my cruelty and insensitivity. Looking at these things you say and the way you say them make me wonder why I am the one ending this relationship. Sweet C, I so wish I could just send you an email right now to lift your heart to the sky. I love seeing you happy. You are the cutest girl I know. I am crying now writing ... and thinking.. just how much I love to see you happy. You have the brightest smile and it really brightens the world. You have brightened my world more than I can ever communicate. I only wish I could have done the same for you. Saying that you are happy in this relationship in conjunction with the other things you have mentioned would only prove that this relationship has reduced you more than you should ever accept. I have no answers to your questions, just more questions myself. I can only say that I need this time in my life to myself, I am immensely sorry for the pain I have caused you. Love, J Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 wow hes good. lol Funny how he said not to read and re-read the e-mail because thats exactly what I would do. But I agree with him. I know it hurts but he made it very plain that your just delaying the ineveitable. IMO after an e-mail like that i would get a tan, manicure and a margarita..watch re-runs of sexy in the city until im all cried out and move on girl. he wasnt the first and wont be the last. If anything you should feel better that he is telling you honestly and upfront and not cheating on you until he figures out what to do. you know? Link to post Share on other sites
jackmerridew Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 That was a wonderful email, and yes, it does leave a lot of questions unanswered, but sometimes they're never answered until years later. It was painful to read myself, and I'm a guy. I'm sure this hurts and he probably wrote the email because it was the best way he could express himself (since he did it so well). Those words aren't just words you can say impromptu over dinner. It's obvious that there were some issues in the past few months, and that last time you had fun together was probably a last ditch effort from him. Either that or he just wanted to have fun with you and have your last memories together a good one. It'll be hard, especially after two years, but it may be best to leave it be for now, and see if he tries to get in touch with you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Aloros Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Ew. Email? That's horrid. One of the regrets I have about my past relationship is that I think I may have given him the impression that we still had a chance, maybe in a couple years down the line. I enjoyed his company, and things were fun sometimes, so it was really difficult for me to be honest with myself about my feelings. If I couldn't be honest with myself, how could I have been honest with him? Take him at his word and move on. I'm still pissed on your behalf that he would do it through email. Coward. Link to post Share on other sites
soulseeker Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Sorry you are going through this. I went through a situation similar to this six months ago. Maybe it's just me, but I actually find it more inconsiderate that he emailed since he KNEW you would read and reread it. If he cared that much, he would not have done that to you. That email sounded a bit dramatic, and a bit like my ex, who thought he was so intelligent and liked to hear himself talk deeply, but not come close to actually living deeply. /puke I know this is an open wound for you, really, I do, but please dont play into this. It is the hardest thing to move on from someone you dont want to move on from, but that's really your only choice. Be strong. AND, honestly, you are not alone, know that. :) Link to post Share on other sites
kribby Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Hey soul seeker... who is your avatar? Is that Jeff Buckley or Jimmy Gnecco from Ours? or am I completely off base... Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 I'm sorry, Mattie, that email I know everyone thinks is wonderful but I think it's rather condescending and arrogant on his part. I mean most of the letter is pretty good, but he makes statements which is telling her how she SHOULD feel, like turning back on her and say "I'm surprised you aren't the one breaking up with me." Also these "issues" he says they have, he might be interpretting them totally differently or OP didn't even see the relationship as any issues. I don't think it's fair of him to tell her that she isn't happy in the relationship, this is good for you anyway. It is good he gave his own reasons but don't flip it around and tell her she wasn't happy and told her to look inside herself and realize she wasn't happy, either. And yes, the don't read and re-read the email, again, totally arrogant and telling her the "right" way to procede upon reading this email. Also the end says "Don't bother asking questions" pretty much. I don't know, that freaking rubbed me the wrong way, too. Who is HE to tell her what to do, and maybe she didn't have that many questions as he assumes? He's basically telling her what to feel and how to act and he isn't in a position to do that. I'm not saying she needs to call him or write him back, in fact I wouldn't respond, but his whole attitude is so condescending. Ick. Also, by sending you all this info in an email he is being disrespectful to you, because it's not like you were going out for two weeks or something. He basically is saying he knows you would have a lot of questions and certain reactions from knowing you and is saying "I don't want to bother with your questions and emotions" by writing you this email, predicting how you're going to react, and then telling you to move on, don't reread it, etc. That said...Mattie, I wish you the best in moving on. We've all been there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattie2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Author Share Posted March 24, 2007 thanks everyone. this is one of the hardest things i have had to go through. i love him so much. i keep thinking he still might come back. he is still answering the phone when i call him. i am so worried i will never find someone i love so much again. Link to post Share on other sites
soulseeker Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Hey soul seeker... who is your avatar? Is that Jeff Buckley or Jimmy Gnecco from Ours? or am I completely off base... Jeff Buckley /drool OP - You WILL find someone to love even more! I think someone said it here, you know you are capable of it because you loved him that much. He didnt steal your ability to love, you just have to find someone worth loving in addition to you. That is where I am right now. We'll keep our chins up together Please stop calling him. If he is going to come back, you cant force him, you have to give him the chance to realize what he lost. He cant do that if you dont give him the chance to miss you before you look, and I dont mean to be harsh, but before you look pathetic or clingy in his eyes. Be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I agree with what Ms. Jones wrote. The email was rather condenscending - actually came off to me very "holier than thou". I know you are hurting. Delete and erase the email. Get rid of it. It might not seem like it now but you will get through it. Link to post Share on other sites
onedumbbroad Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 i have had a guy do exzactly that, we spant the weekend together and the next day he just ended it, but i didnt forget it, i waited a respectable time and drunk dialed him (turns out he was drunk as well) and it actually helped, we talked it out and now were back together, he told me he was just mad that i didnt wasnt responding to his calls and texts, (which with his phone carrier i sometimes dont recieve) and was pissed and thought i didnt want to be with him. well i did, and i do, so we worked it out maybe you can too. Link to post Share on other sites
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