Author Erik Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 There are other ways to phrase comments that can be brutally honest but not cruel. It's the difference between constructive criticism and criticism for no purpose at all except to hurt the other person. H - I had an affair because you were unwilling to satisfy my physical needs. W - I can't sleep with you because you no longer appeal to me. H - Can we work on this? W - No, I don't think so. H - Then it's time for us to go our own ways. Yes. Sometimes you can't talk your way out of a problem, there'd be no constructive ways. So better lay it out squarely, just like in your example. If you SO no longer appeals to you, f.x., it would only hurt him or her more to discuss it or try to process it. The trick is to phrase it in a way that leaves no opening for discussion and yet is not hurtfull.
Scrivdog Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Fixed it to add to the provocation. Cruelty for cruelty... Fixed again for accuracy: W: "Why did you cheat on me? Did you like it?" H: "Hell yeah I liked it and I still do. I cheated on you because I'm tired of your frigid, bitchy a**, what are you kidding me?" W: "I never liked sex with you because you disgust me at every level. I just wanted a meal ticket, but my friends are now going to laugh at you and the other unsatisfied woman because I've always told them your pencil crayon was too little to satisfy me!" H: No they won't. They saw the 2x4 I had to tie to my a** so I wouldn't fall in when I had to sleep with you.
Trialbyfire Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Yes. Sometimes you can't talk your way out of a problem, there'd be no constructive ways. So better lay it out squarely, just like in your example. If you SO no longer appeals to you, f.x., it would only hurt him or her more to discuss it or try to process it. The trick is to phrase it in a way that leaves no opening for discussion and yet is not hurtfull. I agree. If there's an unwillingness to change or work on it, it's best to shut it down. Fixed again for accuracy: One more time for further accuracy... W: "Why did you cheat on me? Did you like it?" H: "Hell yeah I liked it and I still do. I cheated on you because I'm tired of your frigid, bitchy a**, what are you kidding me?" W: "I never liked sex with you because you disgust me at every level. I just wanted a meal ticket, but my friends are now going to laugh at you and the other unsatisfied woman because I've always told them your pencil crayon was too little to satisfy me!" H: No they won't. They saw the 2x4 I had to tie to my a** so I wouldn't fall in when I had to sleep with you. W: With a pencil crayon, no kidding you would need a lifeline. Btw, how old was your other woman? 6 months old? She'd have to be pretty small for you to feel anything.
Author Erik Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 W: "Why did you cheat on me? Did you like it?" H: "Hell yeah I liked it and I still do. I cheated on you because I'm tired of your frigid, bitchy a**, what are you kidding me?" W: "I never liked sex with you because you disgust me at every level. I just wanted a meal ticket, but my friends are now going to laugh at you and the other unsatisfied woman because I've always told them your pencil crayon was too little to satisfy me!" H: No they won't. They saw the 2x4 I had to tie to my a** so I wouldn't fall in when I had to sleep with you. W: With a pencil crayon, no kidding you would need a lifeline. Btw, how old was your other woman? 6 months old? She'd have to be pretty small for you to feel anything. H: Lifeline!?! More like a parashute!
Trialbyfire Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 W: "Why did you cheat on me? Did you like it?" H: "Hell yeah I liked it and I still do. I cheated on you because I'm tired of your frigid, bitchy a**, what are you kidding me?" W: "I never liked sex with you because you disgust me at every level. I just wanted a meal ticket, but my friends are now going to laugh at you and the other unsatisfied woman because I've always told them your pencil crayon was too little to satisfy me!" H: No they won't. They saw the 2x4 I had to tie to my a** so I wouldn't fall in when I had to sleep with you. W: With a pencil crayon, no kidding you would need a lifeline. Btw, how old was your other woman? 6 months old? She'd have to be pretty small for you to feel anything. H: Lifeline!?! More like a parashute! W: At the speed you come, you would need a parachute.
Storyrider Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 I actually felt like the article danced around the topic and seemed to hint at certain things without saying them. It goes back to the French guy who was willing to cheat, but not to consider divorcing his wife. That seems to be the opposite of the US, where divorce is only somewhat taboo but cheating is a huge betrayal. I have seen British wives merely roll their eyes at their husbands' indiscretions. I don't think they were at all afraid of losing their husbands, they just had a 'boys will be boys' attitude. But they seemed confident that it meant little or nothing.
Salicious Crumb Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 eh, i'll bite. yes, i'd want brutal honesty Hell..I would have settled for partial honesty in my situation...at least it would have been enough to dump my fiancee before we got married.
Mary3 Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 No they don't...where you get that idea? WOmen expect man to lie. If he does not lie at least sometimes then he is not a man. Also, womens lie just as much or even more than man does. actually...most women eventually forgive their man for infidelity and end up staying with him. you can see examples all around you. women expect emotional fidelity from man and man expects physical fidelity from women. No I think men lie more . Examples : " I really want something special with you " : Means : " I want to get into your bed the cheapest way possible " " I am 5 foot 8 when I stand up straight on a good day with the wind blowing " Means : I am really 5 foot 6 and I don't think you will go out with me if I reveal my height challenge. " "I will call you sometime soon " Means : " I'm just saying that to end the date tonite and will likely not call you back because I gave no specific time such as I will call you at 5 pm tomorrow nite " " I don't mind if you gain 350 lbs because your inner beauty stands out : Means : If you gain 350 lbs I will drop you like a moldy piece of cheese " " I dont mind your nagging and lack of sex , dirty house and you being late everynight , really means : I hate when you bitch about things and dont give me any loving and why cant you be on time ? "
alphamale Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 No I think men lie more . numerous studies have shown that men and women lie at equal rates and frequency. they may lie about different things in differing ways but they both lie about the same.
silktricks Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 I actually felt like the article danced around the topic and seemed to hint at certain things without saying them. It goes back to the French guy who was willing to cheat, but not to consider divorcing his wife. That seems to be the opposite of the US, where divorce is only somewhat taboo but cheating is a huge betrayal. I have seen British wives merely roll their eyes at their husbands' indiscretions. I don't think they were at all afraid of losing their husbands, they just had a 'boys will be boys' attitude. But they seemed confident that it meant little or nothing. I think that part of this is the fact that Americans have a deep-seated prudishness about sex. Neither American men nor American women truly believe that they can just have sex for fun. They must be in love. Ergo, if an American man wants to have sex with an American woman then they both must convince themselves (and each other) that they are in love. This changes the entire dynamic of EMA's in America compared to Europe (I won't even talk about 3rd world countries, 'cuz the women simply have no rights). If in America the two EMA partners must be in "love" to have sex, then it follows that the man is supposed to leave his wife to be with the OW (or woman leave the husband to be with the OM). This attitude then threatens the spouse at a completely different level than the "boys will be boys" that can be gotten past possibly more easily. The basic marital relationship is still secure and though painful the EMA can be a viewed from a different perspective.
alphamale Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 I think that part of this is the fact that Americans have a deep-seated prudishness about sex. totally true SILKTRIX...it stems from the basic puritanical nature of americans.
silktricks Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 totally true SILKTRIX...it stems from the basic puritanical nature of americans. Yeah - too many religious nuts here :lmao: Remember that nursery rhyme "sugar and spice and everything nice that's what little girls are made of, snaps and snails and puppy dog tails, that's what little boys are made of." Too many Americans actually grew up believing it.
alphamale Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Too many Americans actually grew up believing it. The US in a nation based upon hypocracy...Always has been and always will be.
Recommended Posts