Moose Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Our youngest.....has been writing death threats to kids on the bus...... This came as a shock to me! What really set me off is that I just found out about it last night after work. That's when Mrs. Moose had told me that I'd be getting an email this morning asking if I want her to get ISS or swats. Mrs. Moose knew about the notes ahead of time, (two days before), and didn't tell me. She knew that if I had found out, I would've lectured the little, "princess", and punished her myself......she said she couldn't put up with all the drama this week, so she kept her mouth shut about it. But now, one of the kids uproached the principal with one of the letters, and it's time to pay the piper. I'm very, VERY upset with Mrs. Moose right now, and of course lil' princess..... I, (of course), am going to tell the principal to spank her, but now.....what should I do about Mrs. Moose and her, "I didn't want to deal with the drama", mentality when it comes to disciplining, or talking to our kids when these things happen? I am so livid about it. She should NEVER EVER hid these things from me.....
sb129 Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Whats ISS/swats? And your daughters school has corporal punishment? You are really going to tell the principal to spank your daughter? Is that even allowed these days?
Author Moose Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 I'm sure it was all Satan's fault.. You should know if it was... (turn around is fair play) Whats ISS/swats?ISS: "In School Suspension" Swats: Paddling And your daughters school has corporal punishment?I wouldn't have it any other way.Is that even allowed these days?Not as much as it should be in my opinion.
sb129 Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 OK well, I will agree to disagree with you on that one, whatever works for you, its your child. I am sure Lil Princess won't be doing it again in a hurry anyway, whatever the punishment. I suppose it goes without saying that you will talk to her about the seriousness of what she has done? And maybe consult with Mrs Moose as to why she deferred the decision to you? You need to be a team when you dole out discipline.
Author Moose Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 I suppose it goes without saying that you will talk to her about the seriousness of what she has done?Already done....in fact, her uncle was at the house in full HP uniform to assist....And maybe consult with Mrs Moose as to why she deferred the decision to you? You need to be a team when you dole out discipline.I'm not upset that she left the decision of punishment up to me, I'm upset that she didn't tell me about the deed when she FIRST found out about it. As far as being a team about discipline, why do you think we, WE insisted on a School with corporal punishment???
quankanne Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 sounds like a good dose of guilt is in order for both girls, IMO – your wife, even if she meant well, should immediately have glommed on to the fact that written (or even insinuated) death threats from ANYONE is not information she should sit on. Because like a bad subdermal sore, that just gives it time to fester into something worse. Maybe a review of what situations need immediate attention and what can be monitored? I empathize with her wanting to avoid drama, but death threats are a serious thing, esp. in a school environment because adults have limited control of students at any given time ... as for the little one ... ooh ooh OOH. Go into drill sergeant mode with her, Moose. Just because she doesn't like someone doesn't give her the right to make those kinds of threats against someone. Then remind her that the best way to get back at someone, if she absolutely positively must, is to kill with kindness and hospitality. It's much more fun driving someone nuts that way, and it won't get you thrown into detention!
laRubiaBonita Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 i would go with the paddling. we had corporal punishment in the private school i went to in elementary school. i was paddled in the second grade.... and you know it was because i told a boy i would cut his head off, actually I said HAIR, but he misunderstood, and i got whipped. i did not speak with that boy for weeks afterwards, and i bit my tongue a lot more when speaking with people. it was emabarassing, humiliating, and it hurt. moose, about your lil' one not telling you everythng anymore, i am guessing there is some more to the story. maybe she was getting made fun of or picked on and this was her way of dealing with it by herself- at some point it is embarassing to tell your parents you are getting picked on. she knew it was wrong, that is why she did not tell you. i would just instill in her head that yuou WILL always find out things she does.
quankanne Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 i would just instill in her head that yuou WILL always find out things she does good point – I think parental pressure should be stronger than peer pressure or the desire to do something boneheaded. It might create a false sense of fear, but if it keeps your kid on the straight and narrow just so she doesn't have to hear her folks complain about bad behavior, it's worth it.
Author Moose Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 i would just instill in her head that yuou WILL always find out things she does.Not only do we do this, we also remind her that even if Mom and Dad doesn't see, or know.....someone else always does.....
hotgurl Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Did she tell you why she was writing death threats? Wow I am surprised she didn't get expelled. The schools usually have a zero tolerance policy on bullying. At my daughter school thay have classes etc.. and have to sign behavior contracts the parents do as well. And she would be expelled for eriting death threats. that is pretty serious.
alphamale Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 , but now.....what should I do about Mrs. Moose and her, "I didn't want to deal with the drama", mentality when it comes to disciplining, or talking to our kids when these things happen? I am so livid about it. She should NEVER EVER hid these things from me..... It was her judgement call....you may have to do the same thing one day.
laRubiaBonita Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Not only do we do this, we also remind her that even if Mom and Dad doesn't see, or know.....someone else always does..... what my family would do now, is use it against her. say your daughter gets mad at a sibling... well we would say "oohh, watch out sis! you may get a letter from "princess"....!"
Author Moose Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 It was her judgement call....you may have to do the same thing one day.The whole point is that she is not to make these, "judgement" calls concerning our children. The same goes for me.....so even if a situation would arise to where it's my turn to make that, "judgement" call, I wouldn't just because I respect our covenant concerning these things. The fact that she broke this is what set me off. I'm not so much mad, as I am hurt about it....and....without saying a word, she knows how I feel too. Did she tell you why she was writing death threats?No, and the reason why is because Mrs. Moose had already confronted her about it behind my back. I didn't enter the picture until last night when Mrs. Moose told me I'd have to answer the School. That's why I'm a little preturbed about this!Wow I am surprised she didn't get expelled. The schools usually have a zero tolerance policy on bullying.The principal made it very clear that she not only could kick her out of School, BUT, she could call the police and have charges brought up on her.what my family would do now, is use it against her. say your daughter gets mad at a sibling... well we would say "oohh, watch out sis! you may get a letter from "princess"....!"Funny.....we have a saying in our house when the kids are acting, "bitchy"....my older sister is bi-polar and you can never tell what mood she's in, and it's usually a pretty negative one......so when the kids are acting this way, we tell them they must of caught, "ADS" (Aunt D Syndrome)....
tanbark813 Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 what should I do about Mrs. Moose Spank her too.
Author Moose Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 Spank her too. I don't know if she'd view that as punishment or not......
alphamale Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 The whole point is that she is not to make these, "judgement" calls concerning our children. The same goes for me.....so even if a situation would arise to where it's my turn to make that, "judgement" call, I wouldn't just because I respect our covenant concerning these things. actually you problem with the child is 100 times more important here than what your wife did.
hotgurl Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 No, and the reason why is because Mrs. Moose had already confronted her about it behind my back. I didn't enter the picture until last night when Mrs. Moose told me I'd have to answer the School. I don't blame you for being upset with Mrs. Moose. You should have known as soon as she did. I was just curious as to why your daugther was writing death threats because at that age she should know better
Pink_Tulip Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Moose.... Happy children do not think to write death threats to other kids. Something serious is going on with your daughter and finding that out needs to be made more important than punishment, IMO. Yes she should be punished and spoken to about this. But the bottom line is, she is probably being picked on or bullied by kids at school, and for whatever reason she didn't feel safe enough to come to you for help. That is a failure on YOUR part as a parent, IMO. I am not trying to be mean, you know I have a great deal of respect for you. But you have two issues more serious than whether she gets a spanking or suspension: what trauma is going on in her life that made her feel her only recourse was writing a DEATH THREAT, and why didn't she feel safe enough to come to her parents for help and support. JMO.
Author Moose Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 I do agree that we need to find out what caused all of this, and why she felt like doing this. The point is, WE needed to deal with this as SOON as it happened, and as SOON as Mrs. Moose found out so we could BOTH approach lil' Princess why in the world she would do such a thing...... I'm trying to figure out why Mrs. Moose is all of a sudden by passing our 19 year protocol on such things..... I'm thinking that my methods of dealing with these kind of problems are being challenged by my own wife, and that's making me feel very uncomfortable. It's not like I would've gone ballistic on the child, I would've simply engaged in a conversation with her to find out what's going on, then dish out the punishment. The thing is, sometimes that could take hours of sitting at the dining room table and sometimes, those hours can be silent, but noone would be leaving that table until it's resolved. Personally, I think Mrs. Moose is getting tired of following these processes, or is getting lazy. I won't let her slack off on rearing our children, WHEN they need it.....
alphamale Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Personally, I think Mrs. Moose is getting tired of following these processes, ..... thats a definite possibility
hotgurl Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 I do agree that we need to find out what caused all of this, and why she felt like doing this. The point is, WE needed to deal with this as SOON as it happened, and as SOON as Mrs. Moose found out so we could BOTH approach lil' Princess why in the world she would do such a thing...... I'm trying to figure out why Mrs. Moose is all of a sudden by passing our 19 year protocol on such things..... I'm thinking that my methods of dealing with these kind of problems are being challenged by my own wife, and that's making me feel very uncomfortable. It's not like I would've gone ballistic on the child, I would've simply engaged in a conversation with her to find out what's going on, then dish out the punishment. The thing is, sometimes that could take hours of sitting at the dining room table and sometimes, those hours can be silent, but noone would be leaving that table until it's resolved. Personally, I think Mrs. Moose is getting tired of following these processes, or is getting lazy. I won't let her slack off on rearing our children, WHEN they need it..... I wonder is Mrs. Moose already knows why this is going on and doesn't want to tell you.
Author Moose Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 I wonder is Mrs. Moose already knows why this is going on and doesn't want to tell you.Interesting thought. If so, this could esculate into some pretty nasty confrontations.....
alphamale Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Interesting thought. If so, this could esculate into some pretty nasty confrontations..... this could potentially turn into Moosegate
Pink_Tulip Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Moose, I totally see where you are coming from. And if my H had done what Mrs. Moose did to you... Well, I'd probably get banned if I stated my true thoughts. And that absolutely does need to be dealt with. And maybe it is a really simple answer, like the Mrs. really WAS having a bad week and just didn't feel like dealing with it. Or maybe she is usurping your parental role, and that may need quite a bit more attention. My point is, please don't let your daugther get lost in all this. Think of things from her point. She is getting picked on severe enough to where she feels her only recourse is to threaten DEATH to the bully. She doesn't trust her parents enough to tell them what is going on. She is all alone. Now she gets caught. And what happens to the bully? They have now become the victim, while she gets more abuse from her principal and her parents, the main adults in her life whom should be protecting her. The trust issue has just gotten even worse. I know you have a lot on your plate right now, but children always come first.
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