mazy3 Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Hi I made a couple of posts middle of last year about my boyfriend and the father of my 3 year old child. He went through a spate of dumping me and then saying he didnt mean it afew days later anyway he did that 3 times last year. Since then he asked my to marry him on valentines day this year and i also found out i am 16 weeks pregnant. Anyway this morning i recieve another of the same sort of messages from him saying he doesnt want us to be together anymore etc etc ....exactly the same as last time again. But now im obviously wondering if thats it (id prefer it as this is taking the mick now) or whether its just another of his little games. He said last time he did it because he was feeling down and lonely and basically wanted to see if id go running to him. He also made a joke that he wanted to get me pregnant so that no one else would want me ......... i have a feeling i have been taken for a mug but now i am wondering whether it is fair to have this baby knowing i am going to be on my own. I did ok with my son but obviously i will have a baby and my 3 year old son. I am not upset just really confused about what to do and wondering if my ex has a screw loose. Any advice would be greatly appreiciated.
sb129 Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Your ex certainly does sound like they have a screw loose! He needs a reality check. I know having a toddler and a baby will be hard work, but if you are in a relationship when you have two small children, your SO needs to GROW UP and not just dump you at the drop of a hat then take you back when he feels like it. He sounds like he wil create stress for you rather than helping you out. You and the kids needs stability and reliability and this guy sounds incapable of giving it to you. What a loser. Whether you have the baby or not is up to you. You need to evaluate whether you will be OK on your own with two children.
Asafan Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Your boyfriend definitely has a screw loose! How old are you guys? He sounds extremely immature and unstable. No one is worth putting yourself through this constant back and forth see-saw crap. Is he rich? Is he the most good looking guy you've ever seen who takes you to the heights of passion? Does he make you feel wonderful and alive and treat you like a queen? My advice to you (which I know you are not going to take) is to cut all ties with this fellow, seriously consider an abortion, or adoption at the least, and work on yourself and make a better life for you and your son. Yes, drop this guy like a hot potato and run! If you think it is hard now with a 3 year old and a crazy boyfriend, how do you think it is going to be when another baby comes along? My God, why do you want to ruin your life this way? I have not doubt you are better than this.
frag111 Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Thanks for your replies. In answer to a couple of things. I am 29 and he is 31. I think i am able to take care of my baby and my son as when i had my son he was in prison so i dealt with it mostly myself. I guess i have been a mug and just took lots of crap but i dont atcually think i want him back i think im just scared of being on my own. We have been together for 6 years and he has been inside twice in that time. I just think its terrible that a 31 year old man behaves this way esp with his kids. Hopefully i will come out of this a better person and i just pray that all men are not this way and that maybe one day i will meet someone who loves me and can accept my child/ children.
sb129 Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 I hope you do too. Your BF sounds like a loser who doesn't know how good he has got it. Good luck
magichands Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 If you think it is hard now with a 3 year old and a crazy boyfriend, how do you think it is going to be when another baby comes along? Like you said, he is taking the mickey. He doesn't seem to know the meaning of the word responsibility.
Asafan Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Like you said, he is taking the mickey. He doesn't seem to know the meaning of the word responsibility. Taking the mickey? What does that mean? I think im just scared of being on my own. Hopefully i will come out of this a better person and i just pray that all men are not this way and that maybe one day i will meet someone who loves me and can accept my child/ children. Nothing wrong with being scared, just don't let fear stop you. Try to think of it as an adventure - something to look forward to rather than be afraid of. Think of it as if you were looking at the city of Oz on the horizon all shiny and pretty. I have no doubt you will find someone better than your current boyfriend. We ain't all jerks. At least not most of the time
frag111 Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Thanks for that....i can handle a jerk some of the time as long as its not all the time...haha taking the mickey means basically that hes making a fool out of me.
RecordProducer Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Hi I made a couple of posts middle of last year about my boyfriend and the father of my 3 year old child. He went through a spate of dumping me and then saying he didnt mean it afew days later anyway he did that 3 times last year. Since then he asked my to marry him on valentines day this year and i also found out i am 16 weeks pregnant. Anyway this morning i recieve another of the same sort of messages from him saying he doesnt want us to be together anymore etc etc ....exactly the same as last time again. But now im obviously wondering if thats it (id prefer it as this is taking the mick now) or whether its just another of his little games. He said last time he did it because he was feeling down and lonely and basically wanted to see if id go running to him. He also made a joke that he wanted to get me pregnant so that no one else would want me ......... i have a feeling i have been taken for a mug but now i am wondering whether it is fair to have this baby knowing i am going to be on my own. I did ok with my son but obviously i will have a baby and my 3 year old son. I am not upset just really confused about what to do and wondering if my ex has a screw loose. Any advice would be greatly appreiciated.Isn't it a little bit too late for an abortion?! Legally, you can still do it, but it might be risky for your health. Your boyfriend sounds like a complete moron from the statements he made. I had a husband who was leaving and coming back for a couple years. Eventually he left and never came back. In my opinion, people who are leaving the relationship occasionally for whatever reason are not marriage material. They are very prone to divorcing and getting the problems (un)resolved through emotional blackmail. The cat of leaving contains the message "I don't care whether I am with you or not, but YOU want me so you should be submissive to me." He wanted to see if you wanted him and since he wasn't sure, he made a baby with you so that you want him. How come you didn't know you were pregnant until 16 weeks into it? I understand that your period may be irregular and you don't have to have any symptoms, but didn't you know that he came inside you and you were not protected? Next time don't count on him protecting you from pregnancy! Do it yourself.
frag111 Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 I found out i was pregnant when i was 8 weeks but obviously didnt have this text message from him until today...maybe that was on purpose on his part as like you say it could be risky now. I was using protection but i have been ill and the doc reckons this could of affected things.
Guest Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 You see a lawyer, get paternity established and get child support and health care established, and stop having unprotected sex. Stop your life and your children's lives revolving around some man. That's where you start.
RecordProducer Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Whether to have an abortion or not should really be your decision. Make the decision without counting on HIM. You can bet all your money that he will eventually leave you, because: 1. He already did it a few times 2. He did it after your first child was born 3. He did it while you're pregnant 4. He sounds like a very frustrated loser 5. You're not even married to him 6. He dumped you after he proposed to you What makes you think he won't do it after your second child is bron and you're married? Perhaps you will reconcile again and have his baby, but don't be surprised if he leaves some day and doesn't come home ever again. By the way, do you live together? Where do you and your child live?
frag111 Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Hi there Thanks for your reply ..... no we dont live together he lives 80 miles away the reason for this being he could not keep a steady job until recently. Me and my child currently live with my mum as it seemed the best option as my mum looks after my little boy whilst i work part time but when my bills are paid off (e.g my car) then i will be looking for my own place as i didnt want to just get somewhere and then not be able to afford to do the things i want and that i would like my son to do.
sb129 Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Hi there Thanks for your reply ..... no we dont live together he lives 80 miles away the reason for this being he could not keep a steady job until recently. Me and my child currently live with my mum as it seemed the best option as my mum looks after my little boy whilst i work part time but when my bills are paid off (e.g my car) then i will be looking for my own place as i didnt want to just get somewhere and then not be able to afford to do the things i want and that i would like my son to do. Frag111- how come your OP was mazy3? Sounds like you are in the porcess of getting things sorted without him anyway- thats great. Keep it up. And you are entitled to some child support payments from him, altho if you are in the UK that might be difficult to get out of him.
frag111 Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Hi Hmmmm not sure about that ...... i signed in mazy3...strange. The problem is he is the sort of guy who if i went after him for money he would give his job up. I think i am sorting things out in my head its just difficult which is why i have found everything so helpful on here. Thank you all for your replies i am really grateful.
sb129 Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 He is legally required to give you money, whether he is working or not. What about the state? Are you entitled to any assistance from them? A single mother with two children in the UK is DEFINITELY entitled to some state assistance, even more so if she wants to go back to workpart time. Look into it, there are professional people out there that can help you.
frag111 Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 I will be looking into all my options. I already work part time and am on a pretty good wage so i suppose things could be worse. Thanks again for everyones advice.
lindya Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 He said last time he did it because he was feeling down and lonely and basically wanted to see if id go running to him. He also made a joke that he wanted to get me pregnant so that no one else would want me ......... i have a feeling i have been taken for a mug You mention later on that this guy has been in prison. I don't want to make snap judgements about that, but the overall picture you're giving us here is of an emotionally stunted loser who doesn't have the wherewithall to contribute positively and meaningfully towards another person's life. People like him thrive on trying to see their own poor self esteem and sense of failure reflected in other people - which maybe explains why he's treating you like crap. The attitude he's showing towards you is probably the same attitude that led him into prison and results in him being unable to hold down a job. Society directs huge levels of professional, rehabilitative assistance towards feckless individuals like this guy, and in most cases it doesn't seem to achieve anything noteworthy. So what hope does one stressed out woman with a small child and another baby on the way have of improving him? None. The sooner you rid yourself of this drain on your emotional resources, the faster you can be welcomed back into a healthier, more functional world.
Just2Cute1972 Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 I know its scary to be on ur own while pregnant and have other children, but believe me it can be done. Where there is a will, there is a way. GL to you.
RecordProducer Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Hi there i will be looking for my own place as i didnt want to just get somewhere and then not be able to afford to do the things i want and that i would like my son to do.I think it's good for you to stay with your mom for as long as it's possible and she is OK with that. You need her to play the other "parent" to your children - and to YOU. You are a human being also that needs to be taken care of and loved and helped. You are somebody's child, too. Thankfully, mothers love to take care of us. If you stay alone with two kids, you'll go crazy. Besides, it's cheaper to share one household and all the responsibilities with someone. How is your mom taking your second pregnancy? I would be mad at my daughter if I were her! Hi The problem is he is the sort of guy who if i went after him for money he would give his job up. I didn't understand this part. Can you please explain what you meant? By the way, how old are you? You mention later on that this guy has been in prison. I don't want to make snap judgements about that, but the overall picture you're giving us here is of an emotionally stunted loser who doesn't have the wherewithall to contribute positively and meaningfully towards another person's life. People like him thrive on trying to see their own poor self esteem and sense of failure reflected in other people - which maybe explains why he's treating you like crap. The attitude he's showing towards you is probably the same attitude that led him into prison and results in him being unable to hold down a job. Society directs huge levels of professional, rehabilitative assistance towards feckless individuals like this guy, and in most cases it doesn't seem to achieve anything noteworthy. So what hope does one stressed out woman with a small child and another baby on the way have of improving him? None. The sooner you rid yourself of this drain on your emotional resources, the faster you can be welcomed back into a healthier, more functional world.That was a great post! I know its scary to be on ur own while pregnant and have other children, but believe me it can be done. Where there is a will, there is a way. GL to you.Same thoughts and wishes here.
Author mazy3 Posted March 26, 2007 Author Posted March 26, 2007 Hi Thank you for your comments. My mum is obviously not over the moon about my being pregnant but thats purely because she can not stand my Ex. She is very supportive of me though. The problem is he is the sort of guy who if i went after him for money he would give his job up - What i mean by this is he knows that if i go after him for maintenance he will have to give me money towards the kids and he would more than likely go back to claiming benefits if i did so as he already knows that they only take £5 or so out of your benefits every 2 weeks. I am 29.
Trialbyfire Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 It might be worth your while to ensure you get full legal custody of your three-year-old and if you choose to keep it, your new baby when he/she arrives. You don't want a custody battle later on when you manage to become more independently financially stable and he wants a piece of it. Your children could be good blackmail material for this guy. Food for thought for the future of you and your children.
RecordProducer Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Hi Thank you for your comments. My mum is obviously not over the moon about my being pregnant but thats purely because she can not stand my Ex. She is very supportive of me though. The problem is he is the sort of guy who if i went after him for money he would give his job up - What i mean by this is he knows that if i go after him for maintenance he will have to give me money towards the kids and he would more than likely go back to claiming benefits if i did so as he already knows that they only take £5 or so out of your benefits every 2 weeks. I am 29. You sound like a nice person and he doesn't deserve you. Just think for yourself and your child(ren). Are you going to keep the baby?
Author mazy3 Posted March 26, 2007 Author Posted March 26, 2007 In regards to full custody and stuff i am pretty sure that there would be no way he would be able to get full custody for a variety of reasons 1. hes been in prison numerous times. 2. he has never lived with his child 3. he didnt even turn up to put his name on my sons birth certificate and 4. he likes to spend his money on himself he moans something terrible if i ask him to get something for me (example being a new car seat he bought my son a couple of weeks ago - hes still going on about what a nice guy he was for doing that:rolleyes: ) and also 5. i have opened bank accounts and have life insurance in place in case anything happens to me which he would never dream of doing. And to answer your question recordproducer i think i am going to keep the baby for a few reasons 1. i know i can cope financially as i have done so before 2. as i am 16-17 weeks gone it may be risky and 3. My son is the best thing thats ever happened to me and i know ill feel the same way when this baby comes too. I just hope my ex can grow up enough to at least be a dad to his kids.
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