Guest Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 I am still in high school, and my boyfriend is the first person I truly feel "serious" with. He is a wonderful person, he has a lot of emotional depth and sensitivity, and I feel that we connect at a very deep level. The problem is that I am quite a bit smarter than him, I get A's without trying very hard in my honors classes while he struggles to get by. This creates a few issues for me, as I get frustrated with him sometimes, and we don't have the deep intellectual conversations that I love, although I have friends for that. For him though it causes him to be intimidated by me to the point that I'm afriad it will break up our relationship. I think a little intimidation is a good thing, as I like being the leader, but this goes too far. He just seems very over-aware of the fact that I am smarter, and sometimes I feel like I have to walk on eggshells to make him comfortable. But I can't be willfully stupid, and without thinking about it I will do something that will once again highlight this difference between us, making him meek and awkward. Sometimes he is around when I am hanging out with my girlfriends, they are intelligent like me and inevitably we will talk about things like politics and philosophy, and he looks so left out and uncomfortable, sitting quietly unable to contribute to the conversation. We've started having fights, initiated by him, with him accusing me of putting him down, "lording my brains over him" and so on, all of which is untrue. He just can't seem to believe that I see past that, it is a real fixation for him. He recently let slip that he "knows" that I am just using him for sex. This was very hurtful for me, its like by saying that he was basically saying that that deep connection which I feel so strongly between us doesn't really exist for him, that it is just some kind of delusion of mine. But I know it's there, and I know he knows it. And then, at the same time, I have to admit that I do kind of use him for sex. Thats certainly what my friends think, and it really pisses me off when they make "knowing" comments and jokes about that. Our appearances certainly reinforce that: I'm pretty cute and all, but he is drop-dead gorgeous, just stunning, at least for me. He is the slender elfin type, with longish hair, a beautiful face and eyes and a perfect body. It is a wonderful mystery to me that instead of the vain narcissist his body should be inhabited by it is occupied by this wonderful, caring, quiet, modest, and most amazingly, insecure soul. Anyway I have certain sexual needs, and I've maneuvered and manipulated so that they are fully met. "Sex" for us means him using his tongue and mouth on me to give me pleasure, including in my ass, sometimes for hours,and it is so wonderful. And he lets me do what I crave most, which is to sit on his face and be really rough and dominant with him. Not only is the sex blissful, but it turns me on immesurably knowing that I'm getting all this pleasure and he is getting nothing. I've asked him a couple of times if the sex is the real problem and he denies it, he says he gets pleasure from pleasing me, and he admits to being a virgin, which astounds me, and he is glad to be getting any sexual contact at all. Still I can't help but believe that sex is at least an underlying cause of our problems. I try to let him know that he means so much more to me than good sex, I genuinely enjoy being with him at least when he is relaxed, when I am not with him I am usually thinking about him. I have to admit he turns me on so much that I have a hard time not jumping him when we are alone. I've tried telling him that his intellectual level is meaningless to me, that the sweet sensitive wonderful soul I see inside him is so much more valuable than a brain. But he can't seem to let go of this insecurity he has, and its driving us apart. It is horrible to me to think of us breaking up, but sometimes I wonder if this relationship is even worth fighting for, he sometimes seems to think I'm just out to use him or show him up, which makes me feel like I'm the only one who feels the connection between us.
AdditiveEugenics Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 You need to break out the crystal ball and look decades in the future. Imagine marrying this guy and having kids. You kids intelligence levels will be reduced both due to genetics and lack of stimulation from your future husband. Instead of dealing with just a less intelligent boyfriend, you'll have to live with a less intelligent family. The issues you are currently dealing with will be multiplied 3x or more.I am still in high school, and my boyfriend is the first person I truly feel "serious" with. He is a wonderful person, he has a lot of emotional depth and sensitivity, and I feel that we connect at a very deep level. The problem is that I am quite a bit smarter than him, I get A's without trying very hard in my honors classes while he struggles to get by. This creates a few issues for me, as I get frustrated with him sometimes, and we don't have the deep intellectual conversations that I love, although I have friends for that. For him though it causes him to be intimidated by me to the point that I'm afriad it will break up our relationship. I think a little intimidation is a good thing, as I like being the leader, but this goes too far. He just seems very over-aware of the fact that I am smarter, and sometimes I feel like I have to walk on eggshells to make him comfortable. But I can't be willfully stupid, and without thinking about it I will do something that will once again highlight this difference between us, making him meek and awkward. Sometimes he is around when I am hanging out with my girlfriends, they are intelligent like me and inevitably we will talk about things like politics and philosophy, and he looks so left out and uncomfortable, sitting quietly unable to contribute to the conversation. We've started having fights, initiated by him, with him accusing me of putting him down, "lording my brains over him" and so on, all of which is untrue. He just can't seem to believe that I see past that, it is a real fixation for him. He recently let slip that he "knows" that I am just using him for sex. This was very hurtful for me, its like by saying that he was basically saying that that deep connection which I feel so strongly between us doesn't really exist for him, that it is just some kind of delusion of mine. But I know it's there, and I know he knows it. And then, at the same time, I have to admit that I do kind of use him for sex. Thats certainly what my friends think, and it really pisses me off when they make "knowing" comments and jokes about that. Our appearances certainly reinforce that: I'm pretty cute and all, but he is drop-dead gorgeous, just stunning, at least for me. He is the slender elfin type, with longish hair, a beautiful face and eyes and a perfect body. It is a wonderful mystery to me that instead of the vain narcissist his body should be inhabited by it is occupied by this wonderful, caring, quiet, modest, and most amazingly, insecure soul. Anyway I have certain sexual needs, and I've maneuvered and manipulated so that they are fully met. "Sex" for us means him using his tongue and mouth on me to give me pleasure, including in my ass, sometimes for hours,and it is so wonderful. And he lets me do what I crave most, which is to sit on his face and be really rough and dominant with him. Not only is the sex blissful, but it turns me on immesurably knowing that I'm getting all this pleasure and he is getting nothing. I've asked him a couple of times if the sex is the real problem and he denies it, he says he gets pleasure from pleasing me, and he admits to being a virgin, which astounds me, and he is glad to be getting any sexual contact at all. Still I can't help but believe that sex is at least an underlying cause of our problems. I try to let him know that he means so much more to me than good sex, I genuinely enjoy being with him at least when he is relaxed, when I am not with him I am usually thinking about him. I have to admit he turns me on so much that I have a hard time not jumping him when we are alone. I've tried telling him that his intellectual level is meaningless to me, that the sweet sensitive wonderful soul I see inside him is so much more valuable than a brain. But he can't seem to let go of this insecurity he has, and its driving us apart. It is horrible to me to think of us breaking up, but sometimes I wonder if this relationship is even worth fighting for, he sometimes seems to think I'm just out to use him or show him up, which makes me feel like I'm the only one who feels the connection between us.
alcb91 Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 No No NO! I'm not thinking about that right now! I just want to be with him!
kribby Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Hmmm you know there are other kinds of intelligence-- not just intellectual intelligence. If you are smarter than him 'academically' it really doesn't matter too much... what is really an issue is the fact that he doesn't recognize his own worth-- intellectual or otherwise. But can you solve that???? I doubt it. -K
manders0724 Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 If you think sex seems to be the problem, why dont you just have sex, i mean actual intercourse so he is getting something out of it. Or try doing something to get him off, give him head, etc. Maybe if he is getting something sexual also he wont feel so used in the sack. Also, you seem to be overly aware of your intellegence level compared to him. You telling him it doesnt matter that hes stupid is kind of bitchy in its own. Its like rubbing it in his face that you are smarter. Dont get me wrong, this is not meant rudely. Maybe compliment him when he does something smart instead of just noticing the dumb things he does.
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 In your post you make reference to maneuvering and manipulating to get your needs fully met. You also enjoy being dominant and get off on knowing he's not fulfilled. You also enjoy that he's less academically intelligent because this allows you to dominate and control. No wonder he's got low self-esteem. This is not a healthy relationship. Both of you have needs that must be met. You're being very selfish by ensuring everything is your way and then complaining because he has needs and is trying to address them with you. If you don't smarten up, you will lose him post-haste. Listen to him now or someone else will.
Javelin Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 In your post you make reference to maneuvering and manipulating to get your needs fully met. You also enjoy being dominant and get off on knowing he's not fulfilled. You also enjoy that he's less academically intelligent because this allows you to dominate and control. No wonder he's got low self-esteem. This is not a healthy relationship. Both of you have needs that must be met. You're being very selfish by ensuring everything is your way and then complaining because he has needs and is trying to address them with you. If you don't smarten up, you will lose him post-haste. Listen to him now or someone else will. Best advice, couldn't have said it better myself.
Rooster_DAR Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Hmmm...I aways thought men were smarter by default.
Hitman10000 Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Heh, you sound like my girlfriend and I sound like your boyfriend! She's just as arrogant and very brainy. Definitively has an academic/theoretical answer for everything. While I am quite submissive and more of a pleasurer of sex, Unfortunately I am not that insecure and relish in her brilliance and I enjoy playing Mr. Dumbo sometimes even though the truth is, we both think differently. You, like her think very 2-dimensional linear...it allows you both to control/manipulate things, however I see things 3-dimensionally and see both view points and able to perceptually find faults in arguments. You like her will probably drive down a street in one lane. While me, I have the ability to quickly process multiple lanes and different street routes. You like her can probably get straight A's while I get straight B's, but the information will only be good in theory while the information will be good for me in practice and useless for her of course. Anyways, early in the relationship with nerd girl (kinda like you.) I felt like I was doing all the work and being used. THen later on I noticed things such as her describing me and my life/adventures with her immediate family/friends. Something I do not do not because of insecurity but because I wish to keep it private. While she wasn't romantic like you, I noticed she was exceptionally physically affectionate yet sometimes she was quite forceful just like you, in an attempt to control me. Yes, and Guest go register. I also noticed that if I told her to do stuff, she'd do it. If I told her "Pay for dinner this time" she'd do it. But if I don't say anything she just proceeds on with her arrogant self, kinda like your selfish unregistered self.
Walk Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Do kids in high-school actually talk like that? I haven't even heard a WOMAN in college talk about sex in such an open, unashamed, and practiced way. I'm not buying the story. Last "woman" I heard talk about sex (college girl) said "You can't tickle yourself down there". Group discussion on sex, and the bravest of the brave still couldn't discuss having a man go down on them, it was repulsive to them. They couldn't even say vagina, they refered to it as "down there". I could see a guy coming up with this story... I could see a MUCH older woman coming up with the story.. but a 16-18 year old girl... hmmm.... Ain't seeing it. Maybe our youths today are 40 year olds trapped in young bodies? Or someone's pulling our chains?
kribby Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Do kids in high-school actually talk like that? I haven't even heard a WOMAN in college talk about sex in such an open, unashamed, and practiced way. I'm not buying the story. Last "woman" I heard talk about sex (college girl) said "You can't tickle yourself down there". Group discussion on sex, and the bravest of the brave still couldn't discuss having a man go down on them, it was repulsive to them. They couldn't even say vagina, they refered to it as "down there". I could see a guy coming up with this story... I could see a MUCH older woman coming up with the story.. but a 16-18 year old girl... hmmm.... Ain't seeing it. Maybe our youths today are 40 year olds trapped in young bodies? Or someone's pulling our chains? Hmm good point. Though I am a teacher and I have quite a few honors and sex obsessed students who speak like that on a daily basis! I even found a freakin' NC-17 novel they are workin' on as a class round robin- chapter by chapter style... It is quite possible.
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