TheBigQuestion Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 I apologize if this is longer than you may want to read, but any help is appreciated. I'm going to briefly describe my situation, and while I have discussed this with a few of my friends on occasion, I figure coming to an anonymous but honest source is a good way to get some insight. In a nutshell, I am in my second year of college and I have been dating the same girl for over 2 and 1/2 years. She is a year younger than me and she followed me to the same university (although she had aspirations of coming here before I did). Our relationship was such that our affection for each other grew over time, as opposed to how many couples work (in which it starts off quite affectionate and then tapers off). I will be totally honest and say that our feelings for each other are genuine. We have worked through many problems throughout our time together and most of them have led to reasonable conditions of understanding. However, as the months go by and we approach our third anniversary, question marks seem to be flying in my head. I first noticed these questions and insecurities a few months ago. I will say that despite our genuine affection for each other, I made it fairly clear that engagement was absolutely out of the question (and while disheartened, my significant other never genuinely protested). This is the first actual relationship that I've ever had, and I never believed that it would last this long. I am for the most part happy in the relationship but I feel that I may be losing out on the freedoms that many other people in the college age-range assert for themselves. For whatever reason, I am not convinced that just because we don't have any real problems that it should automatically follow that we should stay together. I've been contemplating having a serious discussion about this with, and it will happen soon once our lives calm down considerably (from the hustle and bustle of academics, for instance). But in the meantime, I have some questions for someone who would be witnessing this situation from the outside. First, am I a heartless bastard if at least part of me seeks to find something other than what I am familiar with, even if what I am familiar with poses no significant problems to my sense of happinesss in any true way? It really does seem that my latent desire to break up with my girlfriend is at least partially fueled by simply not having the freedom to get to know other girls without any problems in the short time I have remaining in my college life. Like I said, I have a hard time pinpointing actually being unhappy with something in my relationship (if I nitpick, I'm sure I could find tons of things, but then again so could everybody). The point is that we need to have a talk, and we're going to have a talk very soon. But I am just trying to get some outside perspective on the situation, since it seems counterintuitive to break up with someone when you have no substantive reason to do so. On the other hand, how do you keep a long-term relationship alive when there is clearly no promise of engagement or marriage in the future? Are the sentiments that I'm having just a natural consequence of not establishing a clear end for our relationship? Any advice or personal experience is greatly appreciated. I thank you all for reading.
stace79 Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 I thought the ultimate goal in any relationship was finding the person you can spend your life with... Assuming I'm wrong, and dating is just for fun then, I think the fact that you're wanting to meet and get to know other women is a substantial problem. Whether it's because you're young or inexperienced, or because this girl just isn't "it" for you, it's still a huge problem. Anyway, I think if you want to meet other people, your best bet is to just do this cleanly and quickly so she can heal. No staying friends, no leaving hopes for reconciliation. That's what I'd want if I was in your gf's shoes, to be honest.
TheBigQuestion Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 I thought the ultimate goal in any relationship was finding the person you can spend your life with... Assuming I'm wrong, and dating is just for fun then, I think the fact that you're wanting to meet and get to know other women is a substantial problem. Whether it's because you're young or inexperienced, or because this girl just isn't "it" for you, it's still a huge problem. Anyway, I think if you want to meet other people, your best bet is to just do this cleanly and quickly so she can heal. No staying friends, no leaving hopes for reconciliation. That's what I'd want if I was in your gf's shoes, to be honest. Yes, the ultimate goal in any relationship is to find the person you can spend the rest of your life with (particularly in my age group), but we all know how that usually turns out. That's why I never went into this relationship in the first place with any lofty Hollywood movie-like expectations. You can call it a "substantial problem" but I don't see what's so irrational with being unsure whether or not the first significant relationship in your life is the one you want to remain in for the long term. Especially when you take into account logistical considerations (It's very likely that I will be moving for graduate school and at this point its too early to know where, but it could be far), and I'm pretty sure she would not want to follow me. Like I mentioned, we're both in agreement that it's not realistic to expect anything along the lines of engagement in the near future. Not only that, I'm somewhat disturbed by the thought that I over time have become so dependent on another for my own happiness. It seems I gave far more of myself for this relationship than I ever planned to. And to the poster above, even though I don't agree with your diagnosis of me having a substantial problem, thanks for reading.
thatmatt Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 If you are going to end it, my best advice is to MAKE ABSOLUTLY POSITIVE it is the right decision, as much as you can. There are so many cases of people who get out of a relationship because they want to see what's out there, and then realize that all they want is their ex, and try to come back to the relationship. The ex is now scared of being hurt again, and theres a good chance the breakup will be PERMANENT. Ask yourself why you told her not just no on marriage or engagement, but why you said ABSOLUTELY NO. I don't mean to sound harsh, but there will be no turning back (and if there is, it's a tiny slim chance) and you need to take the time to make sure this is really what you want. Don't stay in the relationship because of guilt, it will only string her along and take longer for her to heal.
Ireallyhatecheating Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Sounds like you need to spicen up the sex life a little. Have you asked her if she's curious about women? Maybe she can provide the extra stimulation you're looking for outside of the relationship. Maybe you get a hottie on the side, maybe go to a nice Russian Massage Parlor and let some young beauty with a hot budy rub one out for you while she's nude. If you really love her you wil try these things and see if you still love her. Or tell her what's missing in the relationship and try to improve it.
AnneB49 Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 I apologize if this is longer than you may want to read, but any help is appreciated. I'm going to briefly describe my situation, and while I have discussed this with a few of my friends on occasion, I figure coming to an anonymous but honest source is a good way to get some insight. In a nutshell, I am in my second year of college and I have been dating the same girl for over 2 and 1/2 years. She is a year younger than me and she followed me to the same university (although she had aspirations of coming here before I did). Our relationship was such that our affection for each other grew over time, as opposed to how many couples work (in which it starts off quite affectionate and then tapers off). I will be totally honest and say that our feelings for each other are genuine. We have worked through many problems throughout our time together and most of them have led to reasonable conditions of understanding. However, as the months go by and we approach our third anniversary, question marks seem to be flying in my head. I first noticed these questions and insecurities a few months ago. I will say that despite our genuine affection for each other, I made it fairly clear that engagement was absolutely out of the question (and while disheartened, my significant other never genuinely protested). This is the first actual relationship that I've ever had, and I never believed that it would last this long. I am for the most part happy in the relationship but I feel that I may be losing out on the freedoms that many other people in the college age-range assert for themselves. For whatever reason, I am not convinced that just because we don't have any real problems that it should automatically follow that we should stay together. I've been contemplating having a serious discussion about this with, and it will happen soon once our lives calm down considerably (from the hustle and bustle of academics, for instance). But in the meantime, I have some questions for someone who would be witnessing this situation from the outside. First, am I a heartless bastard if at least part of me seeks to find something other than what I am familiar with, even if what I am familiar with poses no significant problems to my sense of happinesss in any true way? It really does seem that my latent desire to break up with my girlfriend is at least partially fueled by simply not having the freedom to get to know other girls without any problems in the short time I have remaining in my college life. Like I said, I have a hard time pinpointing actually being unhappy with something in my relationship (if I nitpick, I'm sure I could find tons of things, but then again so could everybody). The point is that we need to have a talk, and we're going to have a talk very soon. But I am just trying to get some outside perspective on the situation, since it seems counterintuitive to break up with someone when you have no substantive reason to do so. On the other hand, how do you keep a long-term relationship alive when there is clearly no promise of engagement or marriage in the future? Are the sentiments that I'm having just a natural consequence of not establishing a clear end for our relationship? Any advice or personal experience is greatly appreciated. I thank you all for reading. My dear boy you are so conflicted...college is supposed to be fun...let all that seriousness come later...take a break...obviously this girl is not rocking your world...that is reason enough...and this is the one time in your life when you can hook up with a different girl every weekend..try all the nasty stuff... I mean have you ever had a girl worship your taint with her tounge? have you ever gotten two girls naked in the same bed? Spent the evening spying on your roommate get over with the hottie he met in a bar? Made out with three girls in one night? nibbled a girl wearing lace panties? played with a strap on? french kissed a boy? masturbated using using your sleeping partners hair? believe me this stuff will be much harder to get away with when you are 40 with a house and kids...
norajane Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Maybe you're bored, or you're not really in love, or maybe you just want to see if the grass is greener. There aren't many people who want to end good relationships where there are no problems, so I have to think there really is a problem in it for you. If you KNOW for sure that you're NEVER going to want to marry her, it's best that you break it off now. But if you think you might want to end up with her and just want a break to experiment, then you'll likely lose her forever. She's not going to forgive you for ending a good relationship just so you can try other women. Keep in mind, you might not be so lucky in your next relationships. This board is full of heartbroken men who have been cheated on, screwed over, dumped, etc. By the time you figure that out, though, she will be long gone.
bridget_jones Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 I think you should break up with her. Saying you have genuine affection for her isn't saying that you feel deep love. If you were in love, you would have no doubt about your relationship with her, you would feel it in your heart and simply wouldn't be questioning that. Men in love don't make statements like "Engagement is out of the question." If you were truly in love with her and she were "the one," you wouldn't be wondering if there's something else out there and it wouldn't matter that she is the first long lasting relationship you've had. Now...it's going to be tough, but please just make a clean break. Tell her you the truth, you don't see it longterm. I suggest no contact, completely. Don't see her, call her, answer her phone calls, no emails, texts, nothing. It's the best thing for you to heal AND for her. What you have described is a very comfy relationship, but it's not one of a guy who has found the "one." It's time to cut bait. Now you're going to probably feel within a day or so that you made a huge mistake. DON'T act on the urge to call her up and get back together. That feeling you're feeling isn't missing her, it's missing the comfort of a relationship. So ride out the hard part, in a week or so you'll feel better and each day that goes on you'll feel better and better as you get accustomed to not having her in your life. The great reward is that you now get to date other women and see what else is out there, what you've been missing! (not saying that she isn't great, it just sounds like she isn't "it" for you.) Your gut is telling you the relationship isn't right. You have to go with that to be fair to BOTH of you.
bridget_jones Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 If you KNOW for sure that you're NEVER going to want to marry her, it's best that you break it off now. But if you think you might want to end up with her and just want a break to experiment, then you'll likely lose her forever. She's not going to forgive you for ending a good relationship just so you can try other women. . Hate to disagree, but actually she probably will be waiting and it wouldn't be too tough to get her back. Most women who are broken up with by guys are pining away, waiting with open arms and praying each night the phone will ring and be their dumper, begging to take them back. Look at the Second Chances board.
bridget_jones Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 If you KNOW for sure that you're NEVER going to want to marry her, it's best that you break it off now. But if you think you might want to end up with her and just want a break to experiment, then you'll likely lose her forever. She's not going to forgive you for ending a good relationship just so you can try other women. . Hate to disagree, but actually she probably will be waiting and it wouldn't be too tough to get her back. Most women who are broken up with by guys are pining away, waiting with open arms and praying each night the phone will ring and be their dumper, begging to take them back. Look at the Second Chances board.
waitingforlove Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 I think you are "normal" for a guy, although I also think that you are selfish. Many guys are afraid of commitment because they fear losing their freedom, and they think the grass is greener on the other side. At your age, I guess that's very normal. But just because this is your first serious relationship doesn't mean that it can't be the last. Some people met their sweethearts in middle school and end up growing old together, and they are perfectly happy BECAUSE THEY ARE CONTENT. From what I hear, you don't sound content. Your life has been too smooth with this girl, and you are bored. I think you want your life to be more exciting by dating other girls, finding out how others are like, but honestly, if you have a good girlfriend and you don't know how to cherish her, you are simply too fortunate in your life so far to embrace what you have. Not everyone is as lucky as you are. You may take the risk and leave her, but if you do so, please do not EVER come back begging her to take you back, because it is NOT FAIR FOR HER! She has done nothing wrong. You are wanting to leave the relationship for the selfish desire of finding out if "someone else is better," while not treasuring what you have. From what you've said, this is a girl with reasonable career ambitions, senses, logic, and charm. She has been able to work out disagreements with you. If you are still not happy, leave her alone so that SHE CAN FIND SOMEONE BETTER THAN YOU! Don't tell her that you love her, blah blah blah .... That's just going to confuse her more. Just tell her that you want your freedom, and promise her that you would never come back, and then stick to your promise EVEN IF THAT MEANS THAT AFTER YOU HAVE LEFT HER, YOU ARE UNABLE TO FIND SOMEONE BETTER THAN HER.
TheBigQuestion Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Thanks for the time. Everyone is being pretty helpful here but I can't help but feel that there's an accusatory tone in some people's posts, so I'll just post some more background information on my relationship with my girlfriend and my motivations for possibly ending the relationship. Unless someone asks me a further question, this will probably be my last post in this thread. I was called selfish before and I feel that's an unfair assessment. I've been in a relationship for 2 years and 8 months. I'm not violent to her and I have NEVER cheated. Keep in mind that she was a senior in high school while I was in my first year of college. A situation like that is a classic path to infidelity, and seeing that I've been involved in a fraternity (big on this campus) throughout my time here (and am now the president), there was never a shortage of the types of situations that would lead to stupid decisions like that. My level of commitment and the amount of myself I am willing to give for a relationship should not be in question here as far as I'm concerned. Even though in the original post I made it sound like she was upset by the fact that I had no desire of getting engaged to her, she seems to be fairly content with that reality. She has sometimes made some off-hand comments about wishing that we had met each other "5 years from now" instead of at the tail-end of high school (although not in a spiteful tone). I'm pretty confident she is not living in some dream world where she is perfectly sure that we will spend the rest of our lives together, so if I made it sound like this was a completely one-sided sentiment, I was wrong and do apologize. Our relationship has been somewhat strange in several ways. It's the first real one for both of us, but when we first started going out it was clear that she was crazy about me, and while I was definitely fond of her it was not at the same level. I'm actually amazed that we survived our first few months because I was going through a lot of personal crap that made me edgy and irritable. Like I said, at least on my part it feels like the love was something that grew gradually, which may actually have contributed to our stability. But then again, she was the one who wasn't able to keep her eyes off me. I was just happy that someone was actually paying attention to me romantically. It's also strange in the disparity of our personalities on some fundamental levels. She is someone who never really lies, has lots of energy and devotion, and is just generally a very virtuous character, and that was hung over my head many times throughout our relationship, the feeling that she was too "good" for me. For a while I did believe that whenever we fought over something that it was invariably my fault. At one point she did actually say that she thought I was the cause of all the problems in our relationship, which I'm sure she doesn't believe anymore. It took me a while to realize just how irrational she can be (her often unnecessary levels of jealousy and spite), and after enough observing her in her dealings with people every day, she's far less compassionate, understanding, and tolerant than she makes herself out to be. I finally learned that despite not being as virtuous, it was not right for me to feel inferior. As for me being ungrateful or not being able to cherish what I have, that's definitely not true. Some of my most cherished memories are times I spent with her and I have always been grateful that she has been there for me. And I still feel that way. But the concept of love has always been very ambiguous to me (and for her to an extent), and that's not an unusual position to be in. Message boards of this type and others are littered with discussions on whether or not "love" exists. So as to whether or not we love each other, I say we do, at least whatever our warped definitions of it may be. Be assured this is not a decision I will take lightly, and in the coming weeks it will be something that I will think through very carefully. I never intended for it to seem like me wanting to break up with her was unavoidable, simply that I'm going through some sort of stage where it feels like my autonomy is slipping away. thanks
Auqakuh Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Yes, the ultimate goal in any relationship is to find the person you can spend the rest of your life with (particularly in my age group), but we all know how that usually turns out. That's why I never went into this relationship in the first place with any lofty Hollywood movie-like expectations. You can call it a "substantial problem" but I don't see what's so irrational with being unsure whether or not the first significant relationship in your life is the one you want to remain in for the long term. Especially when you take into account logistical considerations (It's very likely that I will be moving for graduate school and at this point its too early to know where, but it could be far), and I'm pretty sure she would not want to follow me. Like I mentioned, we're both in agreement that it's not realistic to expect anything along the lines of engagement in the near future. Not only that, I'm somewhat disturbed by the thought that I over time have become so dependent on another for my own happiness. It seems I gave far more of myself for this relationship than I ever planned to. And to the poster above, even though I don't agree with your diagnosis of me having a substantial problem, thanks for reading. If she entices you to give far more of yourself than you ever intended to... I think that speaks volumes. Far be it from me to "decide" what the situation is, but, from the outside looking in, I'd say that you're a bit frightened of the fact that a) she makes you happier than you seem to have expected first time around, b) you're probably wondering if someone else could make you happier, c) the lack of an obvious goal in the relationship makes you wonder what the point is. Fact is, if you DO have to move far away, and I get the impression this is a bigger issue than you're actually saying, this looming threat of seperation, then you two will still make it if you both want to make it. If you don't, then you won't. If your freedom to explore, sow your wild oats, whatever, is greater than your desire to continue making her happy and have her make you happy, then you have your answer. If, on the other hand, that isn't the case, and this is just a curiousity that you're going through, I'd say hang on and see where it goes naturally. Don't take a back seat by any means, but if you're giving more than you ever intended, then you don't know what your intentions will be in a year... two years... It's already grown more than you thought it would. Sometimes love DOES grow slowly, despite what some people claim. It doesn't have to be BAM, then together forever. Sometimes you can look at a friend one day and think... wow, I'm in love with you and I never saw it til this instant. If I were you... I'd discuss this with her but in a very careful manner. If you both make each other happy, don't throw that away because of an uncertain future. The future is ALWAYS uncertain, and no matter what happens, it always will be uncertain. Even if you two were totally starry-eyed over each other, unable to stop looking at each other unless torn apart by wild cougars, something could happen to change that. You never know. Basically I'd just wait this out a bit, see how things continue to grow. Oh, and as a final thingy... There's nothing wrong with being scared about the power someone can have over you. It's quite natural to be afraid of it.
TheBigQuestion Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 It's amazing how things in the universe can coincide so perfectly sometimes. Yesterday she comes over to take something back that belongs to her roommate. She said that she was feeling very anxious, and would not kiss me or do anything of the sort and left very abruptly. I was working on something that was due in less than two hours and she said it was best that we speak afterwards. The first second we were alone, she says virtually everything (sometimes tearfully, and other times not) that I have posted in this thread. Some of it was practically verbatim. I was relieved that we spoke about it and that I did not have to be the one to initiate the conversation. She confirmed that everything I have said here is essentially true. The problem is that today, it seems that she has calmed down from her anxiety and states that she still does not think that us splitting is worth the trouble despite the fact that we still both agree that everything I've pointed out is true. The fact that she came out with all of this has just made me more conflicted instead of resolute (and I wasn't that resolute to begin with). A part of me feels that it is far too painful to go through a split, while another part feels that I am just delaying the inevitable if I decide to continue to see her. Like I said, we agreed on pretty much everything I've said in this thread, and despite her emotions calming down, she still believes everything. Now I'm in more of a bind than I was before. Wonderful.
TheBigQuestion Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 She continues to act like everything is normal. For better or for worse, I feel like stuff is normal and I'm going along with it.Tonight she calls me and says "I have something very important to talk to you about." She calls a few minutes later and says that she wants to play an April Fool's joke on her floor by saying that we're breaking up and she is to be together with the guy who lives next door to her. I don't perceive this guy as a threat. He's one of those strange looking flamboyant types who hangs out with tons of girls yet whose sexuality is truly unknown. It doesn't change the fact that I feel that in light of recent events such a joke is in bad taste. I let her know about how I felt and she felt genuinely upset, but in the end we agreed to go through with it anyway. She has never given me a reason to question her intentions or loyalty in the past, so I don't see what the problem is. It's just making the whole "trying to get back to normal" thing all the more awkward, and its caused more questions to circle in my head.
serial muse Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Oh my, for the love of Pete, PLEASE do not go through with this "joke". It's going to make the inevitable (I'm sorry to say ) breakup that much more ugly. From everything I've read that you've written, my sense is this: you don't love this girl. You're grateful that she loves you. It's satisfying, in its way, comforting, gratifying, makes you feel good. It must be nice to be loved that much. But while it's cool that you've been faithful and honest with her - and yes, well done - ultimately, it doesn't sound like she's the one. More importantly, it doesn't sound like she was EVER the one. From day one, it seems, you felt pleased with her interest but never in love. Look, there is absolutely nothing wrong with discovering that you don't really want to be with someone. Far better to find it out now, when you both have plenty of time to move on and grow. I don't think it's just about being selfish; she, too, clearly sees the signs that you aren't that into this and she's wilfully ignoring them. Which brings me to this: Even though in the original post I made it sound like she was upset by the fact that I had no desire of getting engaged to her, she seems to be fairly content with that reality. She has sometimes made some off-hand comments about wishing that we had met each other "5 years from now" instead of at the tail-end of high school (although not in a spiteful tone). I'm pretty confident she is not living in some dream world where she is perfectly sure that we will spend the rest of our lives together, so if I made it sound like this was a completely one-sided sentiment, I was wrong and do apologize. Sorry, but I don't believe her. Or you. Yes, she wants more, and at this moment, I suspect she does indeed hope you'll spend your lives together, although she knows better than to say so to you. If she didn't have those hopes, she would have already told you to shove it because she knows that you're wavering. Instead, she clearly didn't want to "rock the boat" anymore, which is the explanation for that "let's break up" (her frustration and pride temporarily won out) followed by "never mind" (she decided she'd still try to hang on and hope, after all). My point is, if you want a breakup, it's up to you. She isn't going to do it, because that's not what she wants, and I think she has made that crystal clear to you by her actions, if not her words. Oh, one more quick thing - you said: I was called selfish before and I feel that's an unfair assessment. I've been in a relationship for 2 years and 8 months. I'm not violent to her and I have NEVER cheated. Keep in mind that she was a senior in high school while I was in my first year of college. A situation like that is a classic path to infidelity, and seeing that I've been involved in a fraternity (big on this campus) throughout my time here (and am now the president), there was never a shortage of the types of situations that would lead to stupid decisions like that. My level of commitment and the amount of myself I am willing to give for a relationship should not be in question here as far as I'm concerned. Okay - one thing I want to mention that you should keep in mind, just as a general footnote, is that not cheating and not being violent do not, on their own, make you a good boyfriend. Those are the bare minimum, in terms of requirements, not something to brag about. Yes, you were in a situation where you could be seriously tempted. Not acting on it is great, but...and??? She hasn't slept around or cheated on you either, so as far as I can tell, you're both just doing what you're supposed to be doing in an exclusive relationship. Something to think about. Tell your frat brothers!
TheBigQuestion Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 We'll just see what happens now. Thanks for the advice. There's no point is posting here anymore until something else happens. It'll be a whirlwind but I'll try to weather it as best I can. And just for the record, I agree that its a minimum to be faithful and non-abusive. However, it just seems like this isn't really a norm when almost everyone I know has been cheated on (and a smaller amount have cheated on others), among other things. The only reason I mentioned that wasn't to make myself seem like some amazing person, just that a lot of people get screwed over in very awful ways and I'm glad to not have experienced nor perpetrated such an act.
messed-mind Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Just my thoughts. My first serious girlfriend (i was 21) and I were together for 5 years, and I had all the same thoughts and all the same "i wonder what else is out there...". I got comfortable in the relationship, the sex was regular, the passion was fizzling out, but it was an easy comforting relationship. I started to drift, started to email flirty emails to other girls at work. I stopped putting as much effort into the relationship and we started to grow apart. But then I realised no matter what girl i met in life, I was always going to get out of the honeymoon period, it was always going to become "regular", it was always going to become "stable" unless I put the effort into it. Now, getting back to my 5 year relationship, it was too late and it fizzled out. After 7 months, I regret it every day that I never treated her right and every day I want her back and every day I think to myself I won't quite meet someone like her again. I'm starting to think that human beings aren't programmed to be with just one person their entire lives.
TheBigQuestion Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Things are more or less back to normal now (although some nagging doubts are still in the back of my head). If anything does end up happening though, I've taken a liking to this board and I'm sure this'll be the first place I'll go to (online at least).
Sand&Water Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 RE: Yes. You should be glad to have not experienced nor perpetrated such an act -i.e. cheat. But. You may, some time down the road, surprise yourself. The Point Is: Are you waiting until one of you crosses the line and then you can finally have a solid reason to break-up? Time. I believe with time satisfying answers will surface and open up a whole new world of possibilities. In the meantime: What do you look forward to when you wake up in the morning? At the end of the day, TheBigQuestion, it is those who have an impact on our lives that matter. Those that drive you to succeed, grow, love, respect, understand, and fall in love all over again. Sand&Water
Mary3 Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 I think you should absolutely do what you need to do for your own life. Of course , she does not want to break up. But you do. The longer you delay the more harder it will be. Compose a letter ( even if its just for your own reading ) describing all your thoughts and feelings. Read it to yourself. I think this relationship is going to get more heavy and burdonsome because you need to move forward in your life.
TheBigQuestion Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 Although those were my sentiments in the initial posts (and some of the ones that followed), right now my goal is to spend some time and prioritize what it is I need and want. I'm not going to rush out of my relationship (if I even get out at all). I'm not operating under the assumption that it must happen, but rather that I need more time to determine whether or not it needs to happen. It would not be fair to her (or good for me) to do anything hastily. Thanks for your insights though.
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