Author Mollyanna Posted March 27, 2007 Author Posted March 27, 2007 Mollyanna I followed your thread for a long time. What do you want from life? a life like right now and before? or new life full of wonders and dreams I want to be loved and to be in love. I want less drama and more stability. I want a family. I want to feel close to someone. That last sentence is what draws me back to my ex. I never felt as close to anyone (family and friends included) as I did to him. But I am not stupid enough to go back to him. It's just when I am drunk I miss him. But I think that is OK sometimes to remember the good in someone, as long as I remember the bad as well... As for this new relationship, alcohol is a problem here too. But this time it isn't me. I want to leave that world behind now and grow up. He doesn't.
Author Mollyanna Posted March 27, 2007 Author Posted March 27, 2007 That was funny! And yes, you have come a long way! I'm still laughing. Now gimme the keys. And the cellphone. rofl. i think i had completely lost my mind at that time. maybe seeing how i acted on the alcohol binges has made me a little less tolerant of it in other people. And that's a crappy way to look at it I think. But right now I want to stay calm and focused and in control. but damn i do like to laugh at myself!
dropdeadlegs Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Mollyanna, It took hours but I read the entire 673 posts on your link. I learned a lot about you and could definitely recognize so much of me. I learned a lot about Ariadne as well. As strange as it may sound, I understand her much better. While reading Touche's posts on that thread I found myself agreeing with her predictions that you were beginning to become the woman you were destined to be. I have found quite a bit of peace in nearing, and turning 40. I don't think I take life as seriously as I used to. My 30's were a great big growing period. I like to think that I wouldn't make the same mistakes during the course of a breakup, but I would have to experience another one to be sure of that. Hope that doesn't happen! In all seriousness, I found who I believe to be my true "soulmate" at 39. Of course I have had feelings of that kind before. I have a history of becoming stuck in a mode of choosing "projects", and until I entered a relationship with a healthy individual, I believed that relationships were supposed to consist of drama, pain, and a whole lot of work. Disappointments were the norm, and to be expected. What a load of crap I had convinced myself to believe in. What I discovered on the other side is that there are thousands of fabulous moments for every one that is the tiniest bit painful. I have the choice to make every day the best it can be, or do something that could jeopardize the happiness we share, and that's a no-brainer choice for me. I wouldn't take a chance on losing this man for anything. I know that if we were to breakup for some reason that it would be incredibly painful, as in the past, but I honestly feel that I have grown so much in the past few years that I would be able to maintain my dignity and self respect. Being in a healthy relationship gave me self respect that I never had. I never saw that lesson coming, but it has been a pleasant something extra. It's funny how being treated well, respected, and loved beyond belief, really does wonders for the esteem. I can certainly see how good parenting can bring up healthy children. If you truly value your relationship, don't participate in the drunk dialing anymore. It could cost you your happiness. If you find it difficult to control yourself under the influence of alcohol (and I do to an extent) giving up drinking is the better choice.
Author Mollyanna Posted March 27, 2007 Author Posted March 27, 2007 legs: Thanks for making me smile. First because you read all the posts and that made me laugh. Second because you know more about me and that just makes me feel good to think I am not invisible. And most importantly because if you and Touche are right, I am going to be OK. NO.. more than alright. I'm going to get everything I want. You found someone at 39... I love it. I have come to realize my emotional maturity is behind the curve. So maybe it is just taking me a little longer to get to where I want to be, but I can still believe I will get there eventually. God I hope this good feeling lasts. I feel like right now that I can break up with the current guy and be completely OK on my own for a while. And I haven't felt like this in over a year. THANK YOU
Touche Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 legs: Thanks for making me smile. First because you read all the posts and that made me laugh. Second because you know more about me and that just makes me feel good to think I am not invisible. And most importantly because if you and Touche are right, I am going to be OK. NO.. more than alright. I'm going to get everything I want. You found someone at 39... I love it. I have come to realize my emotional maturity is behind the curve. So maybe it is just taking me a little longer to get to where I want to be, but I can still believe I will get there eventually. God I hope this good feeling lasts. I feel like right now that I can break up with the current guy and be completely OK on my own for a while. And I haven't felt like this in over a year. THANK YOU First I have to say that Legs your posts were so insightful...truly. I'm impressed. Secondly, Mollyanana you WILL be fine. I didn't meet my "THE one" until I was 33. I was SO immature before that..in so many ways. I was the biggest wimp and doormat ever. I swear. I just decided to become a goddess instead of a doormat. And that's when my whole world changed. I obviously started attracting winners instead of losers. I stand by everything I said in the past to you. It's obvious that you are crossing over from a little girl into a woman. And we're all rooting for you.
dropdeadlegs Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Mollyanna, Thank you for the kind words, and more importantly for sharing your feelings of hope. My situation has been different in as many ways as I see similarities. I have children, four of them, so I haven't experienced the biological clock ticking away. Yet, my children were born of bad, unhealthy relationships, and I have born the responsibility of raising them mostly on my own. That brought a whole new set of problems and dysfunction within me. It hasn't always been pleasant, easy, or healthy in attempting to raise them. Since I wasn't healthy myself, and still have so much to learn, I haven't been the best parent and have quite a bit of guilt concerning that. My oldest two, from my first marriage, have suffered more and fared worse than my younger two, and part of that suffering was in choosing a bad partner that I had the second two children with. Sometimes I would like to erase him from my history, but recognize that erasing him would erase two of my kids. Those two kids only have one parent, as their father is deceased, but they have a much better mother, even in the absence of a father. Upon the demise of that second marriage I believed that I had too much baggage to find a partner that could possibly be interested in me. Most men in their late thirties/early forties are ending their child raising years. My BF's child is now 17. My younger two are now 9 and 6. He is so amazing because he completely understood that I do come with baggage. We are a package deal. Before him I truly felt that a FWB was my best hope and only option. My children love and respect this man, and I love his daughter, too. We are all so accepting of one another, and that isn't always the case. I am so blessed in that way. Yet, I believe in karma, and fate. Had I found him a decade earlier, I don't think I would have been ready for him. Life seems to be planned out, to a certain extent. You had mentioned the movie "The Butterfly Effect" in the other thread and nothing the main character did to change the future, by changing the past, really put it "right" in what he desired, just changed it in better, and worse, ways. We all wonder if we had chosen a different fork in the road how our lives would have changed. Somehow I think the choices we make are the ones we are meant to make, to become who we are meant to become. So, our details have been different in as many ways as they are alike. My point is that there is someone for everyone, someone ideal. I also believe that they find you when you least expect it. I wasn't looking, but was putting myself out there enough to be visible. Just enough, but not much. Our coming together was not a perfect story, but the end result is as close to perfect as I have ever experienced, ever could have imagined. Of course he wasn't looking either, so I guess love just manufactures itself in it's own way. I choose to believe that there is some rhyme and reason to it. Something I have little control over. I quote this signature all the time. It belongs to Art_Critic and goes "One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else." Powerful words.
dropdeadlegs Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 First I have to say that Legs your posts were so insightful...truly. I'm impressed. Secondly, Mollyanana you WILL be fine. I didn't meet my "THE one" until I was 33. I was SO immature before that..in so many ways. I was the biggest wimp and doormat ever. I swear. I just decided to become a goddess instead of a doormat. And that's when my whole world changed. I obviously started attracting winners instead of losers. I stand by everything I said in the past to you. It's obvious that you are crossing over from a little girl into a woman. And we're all rooting for you. Thank you, Touche. I'm afraid my immaturity ran a bit longer. I still wonder if I am "grown up" at times. I do recognize personal growth, but I'm not sure I have achieved it all just yet! I have had my share of cheerleaders in life, some that were younger and more wise than I. I like standing on the sidelines cheering so much more than being in the game. To think that I chickened out on cheerleading tryouts in 7th grade. Guess it wasn't my time.... Rah, rah, siss boom bah, rah rah, Mollyanna!
Author Mollyanna Posted April 1, 2007 Author Posted April 1, 2007 you guys are awesome.. i don't know what else to say except that I thank you for giving me positive thoughts and hope. This board has really helped me a lot. I know it doesn't always seem like I listen to the good advice... but I am stubborn that way.
Teacher's Pet Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 It's obvious that you are crossing over from a little girl into a woman. "Girl......you'll be a woman, soon....." -tp making girls into women since 1988. making girlfriends into lesbians since 2006.
Teacher's Pet Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 you guys are awesome.. i don't know what else to say except that I thank you for giving me positive thoughts and hope. This board has really helped me a lot. I know it doesn't always seem like I listen to the good advice... but I am stubborn that way. Yeah, but yer hot, so that's ok. Your biggest fan, -tp *still swooning after all these months*
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