emra Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 I dont know what to do. I have been in a relationship that hasn't been the best for me and my kids. I have struggled so much along the way of my life just as many have. I have been with someone I gave every ounce of who I am to. I did everythig I could for him and his children. In return me and my kids were treated like we were dirt. I wasnt aloud to have friends told my phone would be taken away, so i got a new number, started trying to live my own life, i have failed. I am one of those women that other women hate. I always want the impossible. Recovering addict, recovering everything...... I dont know what more i could do. I have always prided myself on never being a cheat. and now i have. I have done a lot of miserable things, things i still to this day dont know how to get over, but never have i cheated. Thinga finally got to the point i couldnt take anymore and i acted like a fool. I dont know how to deal with this i slept with his best friend. and to keep pushing away i continue to do so. now he is in love with me, my boyfriend, well ex, is now moved out and still has no clue. i have NEVER wanted to be this person. I am driving myself nuts. When I asked him what it was bout me that men cant get over, he said the sex. in turn it made it worse, now i am feeling bad for both these men, because i dont know what to do. i still have feelings for my ex and his best friend doesnt understand why. How can one person do so much harm even if others dont know that they have. I feel beyond crappy.
Ssheena Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 You need to get some serious therapy and learn to love and respect yourself. If you did, you never would have been with some control freak who wouldn't let you have a phone etc. I don't think you want the impossible but it is 100% up to you to take control of your life. You gave every ounce of who you are to him? WRONG. You are the most important, your kids are second. Unless you take care of yourself you can't be a good mom. I've know women like you. Everything bad happens to "them". "They" feel like ****. It's a cycle and you are the only one who can break it. It's like you just are confirming over and over to yourself that you aren't worth anything and that you are a bad person. You have the power within you to change all that, it is a LONG road and a lot of work but you can do it. Others have. Take the first step.
Guest Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 What do you mean you don't know what to do. You do what's best your kids. Not you. Not him.
Author emra Posted March 24, 2007 Author Posted March 24, 2007 I don't think everything bad happens to me. I have had a long road, a lot of it bad. Your right I can't be a good mom till i do these things for myself. I dont want sympathy from anyone. I have made my own choices. the only thing i ask is for people to hear me when i talk. have i given a lot yes i have. have i given up alot yes i have. I am in in therpy. i go once a week and if i need more i go. my story of this begins a long time ago. thank you for replying it means a lot because i realize how much further i have to go to become the person i want to become. its not easy just to walk a way from certain things and its not easy to get over alot of things. I DON'T WANT TO BE THIS PERSON!!! my children and i have endured alot just as so many have. more so my children and its not right. i just want to find it in my heart to forgive myself, because no matter what it is not right.
Ssheena Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 I don't know if you ever will entirely "forgive" yourself...but what you can work towards is understanding that you have made some mistakes and you have learned from them and you are never going to be in that position again. Then you can feel proud of yourself and that's a wonderful thing. Maybe you haven't learned all the tools you need to take care of yourself and your kids but it sounds like you are on the right path. Find the things you have changed and look at them and gather your strength from where you once were and where you are now. I know it's not easy to walk away from things and get over everything that happens/happened to you and it's not going to happen overnight. Just tell yourself you are doing the best you can and keep going forward. Continue with the therapy and work on you first and your kids second. I hope you will eventually be able to forgive yourself but I still beat myself up for some stuff I did when I was younger. It's just important to learn from your mistakes. Good luck!
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