Swtbebe23 Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 I stumbled upon this website after some random browsing and I thought that maybe it could be of some help, getting other outside feedback.. Here's my situation: I've been in a long distant relationship over two years, and its been long-distance since the very beginning. It began through an online friendship, then blossomed.. It wasn't after a year till we officially met in person and we see each other whenever we're able to (usually that's once ever 2-3 months)..To say the wait between these periods was difficult would be an understatement. I'd often find myself a little down, and just wishing I right next to my boyfriend. We talk on the phone 4-5 times a day, whenever we're given a spare moment, and write to each other.. We are connected on a deeper level and understand each other emotionally because we were given the first year to gain insight on what makes us who we are (since our communication then was solely online, email, and the phone)..Everytime we had the opportunity to spend time with each other we always felt like it brought us that much closer, and we got even more comfortable with each other.. We love each other very much and there's no denying the feeling. However, now I'm a little hurt.. My boyfriend, just told me that something inside of him is changed. He said he cares about be but just partially, and he doesn't know what he wants right now. How can the feeling of pure love and devotion towards someone change over night? How can you wake up and feel like you don't love your significant other as much anymore? Especially, when I haven't done a single thing to cause such an emotion?? There is truly no foundation for him feeling this way, and it hurts me soo much. We converse now on the phone, but the amount of calls have decreased, and the affection is absent in our calls. He says he needs time and wants to go back to being friends for right now but I don't want this.. Just because we are far from each other doesn't mean it can't work, we've known we are far since the very beginning. Being in relationship whether far or not takes effort on both parts. I just don't understand how you can go from loving someone deeply, to waking up and feeling "different". What am I to do???
Poboy Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 it could be that ... 1)he has found someone else 2)for some people , the need of someone to be physically there is very important. when was the last time you met him. did you see a change in him towards you. has the change been progressive since you last met ( conversations being silent and like a chore ) so it could be either of the 2 things i said ... are you two still commited or broken off ? what you can do is ask him straight up if he loves you or not or has he found someone else. ask him to simply be honest with you and tell you whatever it is so that you can take things forward ... with him or without him.
catrocks Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 He could be having doubts about the relationship because of the distance. I think everyone in a long distance relationship has doubts occasionally and wonders whether it it worth the aggrovation or whether it would be simpler to find someone closer to home. I have had doubts like that but I never acted on them, I know what I have and I know what I'd lose if we gave up. Perhaps you should write him a letter explaining how you feel, and tell him that you really want him to be truthful with you about why he is suddenly cold. It might be easier for him to write down what he's feeling rather than telling you on the phone or computer. It does seem odd that he would suddenly turn like this, but it really might just be that he doesn't know whether he an continue with the distance - as you know it's hell. Have the two of you discussed the future? It helps to have an end point as well, so you can count down to when you won't have to do the distance thing anymore. Good luck, I hope he tells you what happened! xx
thoughtsofhim Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 My SO and I recently went through this same thing... He was on a break from school and suddenly "realized" how far away I was and how lonely he was when there was nothing else on his mind. He told me he didn't know if he wanted this anymore. He too seemed to come to this conclusion overnight and it crushed me. My stomach was in knots and I was an emotional wreck for a week or so. I thought he didn't love me anymore and it was all over, but I gave him his space and he came back.Your SO could be experiencing something similar... maybe a small change in his life or something made him think of the future. As mentioned before, you should talk about when you can actually be together. It gives you both something to hope for. My best advice for you is if he wants to break things off then start no contact. Give him a taste of what he's talking about. Within a few days if he really loves you, he will feel the loss and he will miss you. The saying is true that you dont know what you've got until its gone. If he hasn't called in a week then i would call him. Be clear that you want things to work out and you still love him and ask if he wants things to continue with no contact. Personally, I dont think being friends with an ex works out until you've both had time to mend the feelings. Good Luck!
Author Swtbebe23 Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 Thanks, you all bring up really good points. As for the first person who asked, the last time I saw him was about two weeks ago, so it hasn't been too long..Long-Distance is difficult, but it can be done this I know..I got a call today my S0 and for the first time in a couple of days he showed some emotion, instead of neutral conversation. Hopefully, things look up from there! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one going through something like this! It's still a little rough, and I'm not a 100% happy and I'm hoping this is just a phase, and something that will blowover.. There was a quote I read somewhere that said, "Memories-it's what keeps us going"..But the way I see it should be the memories we'll create and share keeps us going..and nothing sums it up better then this quote: "And one by one the nights between our separated cities are joined to the night that unites us."
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