goodguy123 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 So it's been about 7 months since we broke up, and she will still call me every once in a while, but I ran in to her today and it pretty much crushed me. I realize it's been a while since we were together, but I have never had such strong feelings for someone, and I am still having a really hard time dealing with not having her around. Especially since she has a new boyfriend. . But I ran into her today hanging out with a mutual friend, and it just really messes me up. Ever since i met her, I thought she was the most beautiful girl ever, and when I see her it just makes me melt and I start missing her to death. Not that I don't miss her alot anyway. But I always have to hear about her or see her or, or hear her talking on the phone to mutual friends, and no matter how much I want to try to forget about her, it is almost impossible because of constant reminders about her. I'm just so lonely and so depressed lately and I just don't know what to do anymore. I know I would feel better if I could meet someone, but I haven't yet, and I don't know why I can't. I have a very busy schedule, but I do my best to try and go out every once in a while, and I hang out at coffee shops doing work, but I just can't meet anyone. And none of my friends have any single friends to hook me up with. I've even thought of getting a dog to try to meet girls, but I don't know if I have enough time to take care of one. I just don't know what to do to get over this girl. I have never had anyone like her in my life before, and I am just completely depressed now that she is gone. And I don't know why i can't meet anyone, but I can't take being this lonely anymore.
littlebopeep Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Hi goodguy.I can totally relate to how you are feeling as its been about 7 months since my ex dumped me.I t must be really hard seeing her all the time and hearing about her.Im lucky in one way that my ex is away and has been for about 8 months so i dont have to see him. However,hes home in about 4 months so i know i will have to see him and thats when it will hurt me,we were together 4.5 years.On a more positive note,i know im a good person and never had a problem getting b/friends but i met and fell in love with him. We were very much in love when he went away but when he went away he obviously found a new life/friends etc and he decided he couldnt cope with the distance so ended it. We need to keep positive and although sometimes it will be unavoidable we need to keep minimal contact so we can heal ourselves.Dont forget,1 day we will meet new people to share our lives with and our exs have to deal with that,by that time we will no longer care.Just keep being strong you will get through this.
JCD Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 I also saw her today and I felt like I was suffocating. I'm sensitive and I think that leads to stronger feelings and that gets me into trouble when things don't work out. So for me, it helps if I don't see her anymore. I think you should do the same if you can. Another thing that works for me is to find someone new to be with or work on my hobbies. Anything that makes me forget her for a while. I keep thinking that I will find someone better than her and that things were not meant to be with her. Keep an active and social lifestyle and you will find someone most likely without even looking. That's always a memorable way to find someone because it's so unpredictable and that makes it special. Maybe riding a bus or train or sitting in a coffee house you'll glance one day and there she will be.
Author goodguy123 Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 Ya I'm pretty sensitive too and I think that messes me up too. And I have tried hobbies and burrying myself in work, but it doesn't seem to help much. I just wish I could meet someone new, but I haven't even got as much as a date yet. Another problem is that I'm really shy about approaching girls. And I don't want to meet one at a bar. And the coffee shops haven't worked for me so far. Is it a bad idea to get a dog? I really want one but I'm just not sure if I have enough time for it. I know that would help me meet girls, since they love them and they are a great ice breaker. Plus you can just walk them around and meet people that way. I just don't want to get one and not be able to have enough time for it.
soulseeker Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Hey GG. Sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch. I dont know how old you are, I'm 29, and I often wonder if its harder to recover as we get older. Less chance to meet people, know more what we want etc. I feel your pain. However, I would ask you to strongly consider not getting a dog if it's really just to meet a girl. I have a 60 lb. dog, I got him when he was 2 yrs old, and he is A LOT of work, I mean A LOT. There is just so much you cant take for granted anymore when you have a dog, especially, if you'll be the sole care provider. Most dogs get lonley if left alone frequently, cost a lot of money to maintain (especially if there are health problems, I have spent over a grand on my dog in just six months!), and if they get lonely, they can be quite distructive. And, they do need a lot of exercise. You WILL have to schedule your day somewhat around your dog's needs. All that said, they really are quite rewarding I just want you to think about how much it really takes to care for one. AND, keep in mind, you'll get over this girl in the not too distant future, meet someone else, and your dog will be around for...10 - 15 years. Will you want your dog around when you fill the void of left by your ex with a new gf (hopefully though, you fill this void on your own)?
Teacher's Pet Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Ya I'm pretty sensitive too and I think that messes me up too. And I have tried hobbies and burrying myself in work, but it doesn't seem to help much. I just wish I could meet someone new, but I haven't even got as much as a date yet. Another problem is that I'm really shy about approaching girls. And I don't want to meet one at a bar. And the coffee shops haven't worked for me so far. Is it a bad idea to get a dog? I really want one but I'm just not sure if I have enough time for it. I know that would help me meet girls, since they love them and they are a great ice breaker. Plus you can just walk them around and meet people that way. I just don't want to get one and not be able to have enough time for it. The sensitivity can be part of the problem. Trust me, I'm about as sensitive as one can get, especially over relationships. We go through life convincing ourselves to NEVER let someone "change us", but eventually, you will come to the point where you realize that you might need to change YOURSELF. The last 9 months have been a long, strange, and not always fun journey for me, but I've taught myself to "toughen up" around the opposite sex. I was a doormat to my ex, and that's part of why I was unhappy, even IN the relationship. I knew she controlled me, and I knew I was too weak to snap out of it. Sometimes, being single after a bad relationship (or just an unhappy breakup) can be a GREAT time. Without a girlfriend, or anyone to "answer to", you can focus on strengthening yourself from within. You have every opportunity now, without distraction, to analyze yourself and see just WHY you hurt. Of course when you lose someone you love, it hurts, but sometimes it's not simply "I love her and now she's gone"... sometimes there is more to it. The problem is, we fall into a cycle of it. Sure, we'll meet someone else and be happy, but what if the same thing happens again? We'll go through the pain and hurt of another breakup. This is the time to regroup and toughen up. Reconnect with your friends. Take part in social activities and hobbies. I like the whole "get a dog" thing, but of course, only if you can manage the added responsibility. Once you learn to find happiness in things other than your ex, or relationships in general, you'll be a lot stronger and be better prepared for the next woman that comes into your life.... Take from a guy who knows. -tp dare me to care.
Jocelyn Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 I think that it's best to get away for a while. You may want to move on but only you know when you're ready. It's not good to move on before you're ready because that will only hurt the girl you are with. You won't be able to offer her yourself completely because a part of you will still want the other girl. It's hard...and it sucks. But they say it all happens for a reason. You deserve better than that. I know you can find someone who will appreciate you and who will be able to give you the attention and love that you deserve. I have been dealing with someone who isnt worth my time but it's hard to move on. It would be nice to have a dog, but if you dont have time for it, then that may not be the best thing for you. Also, what if you get the dog and you find a girl....then what? If you dont have time for a dog, how will you have time for a dog and a girlfriend?
Ormolu611 Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Hi goodguy.I can totally relate to how you are feeling as its been about 7 months since my ex dumped me.I t must be really hard seeing her all the time and hearing about her.Im lucky in one way that my ex is away and has been for about 8 months so i dont have to see him. However,hes home in about 4 months so i know i will have to see him and thats when it will hurt me . . . . This is what is going to kill me. I have been with my gf for sooo long (9 years, I'm in my early 30's) and it ended with seeming finality when she dumped me about a month ago. Have not spoken to her, seen her, emailed her, or had any kind of contact since. The trouble is, she lives not three miles away and I saw her just yesterday for the first time since the break up as I was leaving the grocery store. She had just parked and I happened to be walking directly towards her car when I noticed that she was there. She was fiddling with something on the floor on the passenger side so was bent over as I walked by, conveniently missing me. I am pretty sure though that she spotted me as I walked out and panicked - pretending to fiddle with something. It hurts to have someone so close to your heart interact with you like that. Boy did that set me back! I was actually feeling okay (that day anyway) up to seeing her . . . I have definitely been trying to move on and have dramatically increased the activity of my social life and have even been dating . . . as a matter of fact, I was at the grocery store buying food for a dinner party that I was hosting that night. But after seeing her like that and not being able to say anything or acknowledge her made my heart crack open. Thought about her through the whole damn dinner party! You just have to keep on keeping on.
Recommended Posts