Guest Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Hi me and my Husband have been seperated since before christmas. We seperated twice before that and each time it didn't work out and we ended up seperating again. I am having real doubts about going back to him even though I know that he loves me. I just don't think I am able to settle on his feelings bein enough for both of us. I am 24 and my husband and I have a 2 year old together. I am living at my mothers and don't work, because I don't have the way or means to get back and forth and babysitters for my daughter. I feel trapped like I don't know if I can completely rely on any decision I make right now, because of the situation I am in. It would be so easy to go back with him and be, "taken care of". And not have to worry anymore. We were together since I was 17 and now I am scared to be alone even though I am not happy with who he is anymore because we have nothing in common and fight about nothingness. Most of the fights are my fauly because I give him the back and forth because of my doubts. What do I do? Should I walk away and not look back? I am scared to be alone. He is all I know because of how long I have been with him. Help!!! Melissa
Not_That_Innocent Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Hi Melissa. I'm sure that a lot of what you are feeling has to do with the fact that you don't have a job or means to support yourself. Your confidence is probably low because of it so you are doubting your decision making. The first thing you need to do is get a job. I understand that you don't have a car or a babysitter, but you have to be creative. Is there someplace close where you can work where perhaps you could walk there? Then, maybe once you find a job you might find someone who is willing to give you a ride back and forth. There are a lot of good people out there who would be willing to help. As far as a babysitter, can your mom or someone in your family watch your daughter? Perhaps there is someone in your neighborhood that would be willing to watch her. I understand that you may not be able to pay them, but maybe you can barter, for example, offer to watch their kids, clean their house or something like that. You absolutely have to give up on the idea that you have no means because you do. As long as you keep telling yourself that you will never be able to move forward. Even if you work just a few hours a week, something to make a little bit of $$ and build your confidence will put you in far better position. Although you don't trust your feelings and decision making at this time, the fact that you no longer want to be with your husband is probably a true feeling. Don't go back to him just because you feel hopeless, or just because he still loves you. Is there anything that he could do to make you feel differently about the relationship? Perhaps you need marriage counseling. Whatever the case, don't give up on yourself and don't for one minute think there is nothing you can do to make $$ because of sitter/transportation problems. When I was 15 years old and my sister was 18 my mom died and she was a single parent. She left us with nothing! My sister got a job and took me in. We look back proudly on the fact that even though she had a job she didn't have transportation and the place she was working was at least ten miles from where we lived. The first day of work a cousin's boyfriend gave her a ride. That same night while she was at work she met the nicest woman who felt for her and that woman picked her up for work every single day from there on out. We didn't have a car so we always had to walk to the grocery store, which was pretty far away. Sometimes, if we had too much food to carry on our own we would take one of the grocery carts from the store and push it all the way home. We lived in a tiny little apartment and for the longest time didn't have not one piece of furniture. My sister is now a successful manager and makes over 100K a year. The only reason why I am telling you all this is to give you an example of what determination can do. Don't give up!
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