Chamari Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I'm not entirely sure that I'm IN love with him. It sounds ridiculous when I put it on paper, I know, but I'm serious. We've been dating for five months out of the last six--dated for four, broke up for a month then decided that life was miserable so got back together--and he's amazing. I've never been as comfortable with anyone as with him, he's about as perfect as I could ask for, and I know that I love him, just not sure if I love him in that way. Hopefully that makes some sort of sense. It wouldn't be all that big a deal except that the other night we were hanging out and he kept mentioning how it was "fun" to spend time together. Now, I know that I tend to overanalize what people say sometimes and that this is probably one of those times, however, it was kind of getting on my nerves that he kept saying it was "fun" because when I think of things that are fun I'm thinking, watching movies, playing games--things that I enjoy doing but that don't mean a whole lot. Anyways, it just kept eating away at me so finally I gave in and said something about it, starting a wonderfully awkward conversation where I tried to explain this to him and that it bugged me because I felt like spending time together was a lot more than just "fun". That pushed the conversation along and finally I came right out and said "I love you". I didn't mean to really--I wanted to wait for him to say it first but the way the night had gone I was just feeling like I needed some reasurance that this wasn't just a game to him. The reasonable part of my mind kept telling me to just let it go--he's not the type of person that would do that--but unfortunately the nagging doubts won out. Stupid doubts. Anyways, he said it back but now I just feel awful and wish I could take the whole conversation back because he seemed a little disappointed that I hadn't let him say it first, and although I was honest--I really do love the guy--I'm still trying to work out if I'm IN love with him. How are you supposed to tell? I'm 20 and have never been in a relationship before--in all honesty, I'd only gone on maybe two actual dates before I met this guy--so I'm sure that's influencing me. That and knowing that the way this relationship is going we're either going to get married or have an incredibly painful breakup. I'll admit I catch myself thinking it'd be fun to go on dates with this guy or that from time to time, (which leaves me wondering how much I honestly am in love with my bf if I'm still thinking that) but I don't want to break up on a whim--I honestly think I'd have an incredibly difficult time trying to find someone that could even compare with him. On the other hand, although I think he's willing to take things as slow as I need, the idea of getting married in the near future scares me to death. I guess what it all boils down to is that I'm severly confused. I keep getting more and more nervous about things as they get more serious--but I've heard people talking about how you never forget your first love and especially because this guy is amazing--we communicate well, come from vaguely the same kind of backgrounds so we relate pretty well to each other, haven't run into any real issues that we disagree on (although that almost bothers me a little that we've never had an actual arguement yet) he treats me with respect, has a lot of the basic characteristics I think I want in a guy . . . I could go on for a while--I don't want to do something stupid and wind up regreting it. If you do stick with the first person you love are you doomed to wonder what else might have been out there? But if you go through a number of relationships to find the one you want aren't you also left with dealing with the baggage from that? Thanks to anyone who actually reads through my rambling, ridiculously long post. Double thanks if you comment on it.
Aloros Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 It's really hard to say at this point. You haven't been dating him for very long, and you are rather young. The first boyfriend I had, I dated for 5.5 years, and it was far too long. I had a strong desire to get out and date other guys, and I realized after a while that this was indicative of deeper problems in our relationship. What will you do if one of these guys you think it'd be fun to go on a date with starts coming on to you? You're really leaving yourself vulnerable to cheating. If you're not sure you're in love with him, you're probably not. Don't force it. Maybe you should sit down and write out a list of must-haves, must-not-haves, would-like-to-haves, and would-not-like-to-haves. See how well your bf matches up. You could give the relationship a little more time - five months isn't terribly long - but don't stretch it out! You should probably set yourself a timeline by which, if you're not feeling it, you know you're likely to not ever feel it. Good luck!
Author Chamari Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 Thanks for the luck. I actually have written out a list and he's pretty close to perfect on paper--sure there are a few little things (I wish he were a little more romantic at times but I definitely have to give him credit for his attempts) but nothing major. I think my major hangup at this point is that I'm simply not sure. I know that I've never felt this way about anyone else, but maybe that's just because I've never gotten this close to a guy before. It leaves me wondering how do you KNOW when you're in love? Is it simply loving someone that you are also attraced to? Or is it something entirely different?
loveratud Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 All I can say is don't act hastily. If you're uncertain, or unsure at all, don't break up with him. Don't mention that you're unsure or uncertain either. You only get one first love. That's it. Be careful with it.
DanielMadr Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 I really do love the guy--I'm still trying to work out if I'm IN love with him. OMG. Whats the difference?
DanielMadr Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Thanks for the luck. I actually have written out a list and he's pretty close to perfect on paper List? Come on. you cant rationalise it. Stop thinking that hard. Live and enjoy. What are you afraid of, anyway? Dont let your fears ruin your life, they certainly will and it is your responsibility to control them, you cant blame other people.
Recommended Posts