wlminfla Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Hey friends, Thank you for reading this. I'm posting this here because I'm tired of burdening my friends with this, so please feel free to read if you like but don't feel the need to respond if you too feel tired of this. Here it goes! 1. I wish so badly that I had tried harder to show my commitment more during the last six months of my relationship 2. I wish so badly that I could've been there more when she needed me 3. I wish that I hadn't put work first when I didn't need to 4. I wish so badly that I didn't let little things get to me the way they did 5. I wish so badly that I had treated her with more respect 6. I wish so badly that I could stop dreaming about her everynight 7. I wish so badly that I had the right words to say to her if I ever talk to her again 8. I wish so badly that I didn't talk to so many people right after the breakup about the breakup 9. I wish so badly that I had tried harder during the breakup to stay in touch with her and tell her that I was there for her when she needed me 10. I wish so badly that I had told her that the breakup wasn't mutual when we split 11. I wish so badly that I hadn't posted so many photos of me on facebook of me having fun immediately after the breakup. I say this because that's exactly what I did when I was with her, and it always made her feel badly 12. I wish so badly that I could've been there more for her because I always wanted nothing but her and had a crappy way of showing it, especially the last six months. 13. So much more! AHHHH!
Author wlminfla Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 I wish so badly that I had stayed in better contact during the "break and uncertain period" to show my dedication and commitment to her. I didn't at all!
Motor35 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Can you tell us more? I am sorry you are hurting. Break-ups are hard. Healing is rough too. All of these wishes here, how come you never did any of these things listed above? Can you give us more detail?
Author wlminfla Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 Hey Motor, I didn't do these things because I guess I didn't know any better at the time. I was going back and forth between two cities (for living with her in one, and getting a masters in the other). I think I was the idiot who was so consumed by how tired he was all the time from the traveling, and I just always thought she would be there at the end and we would make it. My tired energy caused me to say and do some dumb things like not wanting to commit to marriage until I was out of school (even though we would've been fine) and telling her that I preferred one city over the other. Plus not to mention, I was so tired and jet lagged one day that I told her I didn't think I was the right guy for her when she was pushing the marriage issue. I will always regret that because that was SOOO not true. I just always thought she would be there and boy was I wrong! I actually wrote out a long long letter letter telling her how sorry I was for my self-absorption and distance, and was gonna mail it until...I found out that she was dating someone else-my former roommate. After six years together, she got together with him after about 2 months so I was stuck between not telling her how I felt and appearing as a psycho ex-boyfriend by telling. As much as I feel stuck and I wish I could talk to her and tell her all of these things, the fact is is that she's with another guy right now and I don't wanna be the psycho ex-boyfriend so I think I need to just keep to myself right now. 13. -I miss her family so much, especially her little brother who I was very close with. I donated blood for his surgery. Not to sound like a hero, but I was very very close with her family and it sucks that I can't keep in touch with them. For now, I just can't :-( -I wish so badly that I could still talk to all of our mutual friends, but I really don't think it's a good idea right now. -I wish so badly that I could just give her a hug and tell her how much I love her and how I want to be with her. Again, I recognize this as a BAD idea so I'm kind of stuck just wishing into to the wind for that one right now. -I honestly always had the best intentions in mind, and I wish so badly that the best intentions are the road to hell. -I wish so badly that I didn't try to please everybody equally (i.e. her, friends, my family, etc) Yes I'm that guy. I should've put her first -I wish so badly that I stood up for her more. I was so busy trying to please everybody that I listened to everyone equally...big mistake!
Cossette4 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Take a look at all your numbers. They all place the blame on YOU. But you explained the story in detail on your previous threads, and I don't see your actions alone being the cause of the breakup. There's a whole lot more to the tale (including how she just cowardly and cruelly ran to another guy right after your breakup) that you choose to ignore because you are going through the stage where you feel "if only I had _____, I wouldn't be feeling like this." It's really not going to get you anywhere. Sure, you probably weren't a saint and you probably regret some things, but who doesn't??? You could analyze your behavior toward any family member or friend right now and come up with a list of #13 points, but you aren't doing that because none of those people are causing you pain. NO ONE is the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend. Your list is a bunch of minor stuff that EVERYONE is guilty of. If your list was, "I wish I didn't beat her senselessly" or "I wish I didn't cheat on her twice a week," then....ok, that's different. But everything you did sounds pretty normal to me. Some of it you'll be happy you did. For instance, #9--good thing you let her be and didn't contact her!! You'd be kicking yourself for being pathetic and desperate if you kept calling and calling with messages like, "Just to let you know, I'm here...I'm here if you need me...I'm dedicated to you.." (I did that during the first month of the breakup, and to this day, I regret it--I shouldn't have wasted my time on someone who treated me with such disrespect by running to some girl right after our breakup and erasing me from existence.) It's a good thing you wrote these all down, though, because you'll watch them change DRAMATICALLY as the months go by. They will start morphing into, "I wish I hadn't wasted my f:bunny: cking time on that b:bunny: tch!" and "I wish I had a chance to see her and let her know she just gave up the best thing she ever had!" "I hope I'll get to witness when karma comes back around for her!" You are in the depression stage. I'm in the anger stage. Eventually both of us will be in the acceptance stage where we stop wishing all together.
Author wlminfla Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 Thank you, Cossette. You're right. I just wanted to write them out here so I could get them out of my system and get rid of the need to tell her about them all. I appreciate all of your true words... Here's to the good times that lay ahead WLM
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