the_pope Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 How do overcome trust issues? Can you overcome them whilst still in a relationship? Or is it absolutely essential you should be on your own? I do not like the idea of leaving my current relationship solely to work on my trust issues, which are one of the few issues I possess. So, with all my strength I have decided to work on them using positive thinking and the odd book or two. Is it really possible to trust another when your past experience has been full of hurt and betrayal and as a result you are the worlds number one cynic? What I do not trust is her feelings, despite a lot of reassurances. She only gets stronger with them and I dis-believe them. Presumably through fear that they're not real and therefore I wont be as hurt or disappointed should they be false. But I do realise that not everybody is the same. I know there are some genuine people out there. EDIT: Example: Her) "I love you, you mean the world to me"................Me) "Do you really mean that? You wouldn't just say that would you?" Seeing it written down makes me realise how pathetic it is. She has only once expressed a serious concern for this, so hopefully that does not mean the end. Only this morning she won a holiday, rang me up straight away and said "You're coming", so, instead of me saying "Are you sure you want me to come?" I said "Great, I cant wait".
confucious Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Hey Pope. It sounds a bit like your issue may be more a lack of faith in yourself rather than a general mistrusting. Perhaps you do not so much doubt the truthfulness of her words as the fact they could be true at all...that ANYONE could love you. I know, hahaha, I am pulling some Freudian psychology here, but I think it is relevant!! Maybe the goal should not so much be believing what she says WHEN she says it but KNOWING you are lovable. If we do not love ourselves we will constantly mistrust others love for us - after all, how could they love someone who is so unlovable?? (or so the twisted logic goes). Once we truly accept ourselves we are then able to accept when others love us...we live out in the open and less in a fog of fear. How this is done is different for everyone, I imagine. Can it be done while in a relationship?? I somehow doubt it - it is difficult to do any sort of personal growth (of that individual kind) when we are mired in the anxiety of our own need or buoyed up by the false self-confidence of someone else's love. But everyone, as I said, is different. Good luck Pope!
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