Guest Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 hello.. i am posting for the first time on LS. I am having a affair with MM for the past 2 years. he is 39 years old and I am 24. its a non-committed relationship n i was very happy with whatever time he spent with me. all his gestures, his caring attitude was the best part of my life. recently I started to behave aggressively towards our A. I started to say few things which he didnt like, sort of emotional stuff.. and one fine day there was a big drama (which happened bcoz he didnt call me for 4 days) in which I reacted strongly, cried, and we had horrible discussions about emotions etc basically which most MMs dont like to hear.. now he has backed off.. completely. I feel very lonely without him though we were just having an A. i can say that i got addicted to him being around. i am feeling very depressed and after one day of sulking i sent sms to him that i was sorry at my behaviour. all he says is that he felt very disappointed at my behaviour (all that crying, aggressivness, anger and drama etc). he said he found my behaviour very crude, unrefined and he said he doesnt like this, he doesnt want such people around him. i told him that i was not so mature and so i reacted like that. he says he didnt like it. now he is not responding at all.. but i want to amend thing. i want to atleast say sorry and show him that i am not a very shallow person. i am living with a guilt, which is becoming difficult to bear as days are going.. i promise to myself that if MM comes back, i would never do such thing ever gain.. but he is not coming back, its been 3 days.. he is not responding to my call/sms. i dont know how to handle a guy of this age, pls give me advice so that i can atleast amend our nice friendship, even if the A is no longer there, and MM should not think that I am not a nice person.... .. this guilt feeling is killing me..
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 You can't be friends with him at all...His non-actions, his silence is telling you he's backed off for a reason. The more you try to contact him, the more he is going to run the other way. Being his friend, even now, is very unhealthy for you. You'll never move on, never open your heart to another man if the MM is in your life. Don't waste your time on a guy who is married, no good can come of it. It's done enough damage to you already and even though you may think you're inlove with him, he isn't available to you the way you want him to be. Drama or not, bottomline, he's married and taken. You had an affair with him that wasn't going to go anyway or lead to something more serious. Good luck and stay strong.
Mirror Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Guest, look at what you are crying over. He said you were "unrefined, doesn't like such people around him.." What? What is he trying to say..who is he comparing you to? I wouldn't take that kind of crap. Your weeping over him is only boosting his ego more. Stop calling him and pull yourself together. At 24, you have more life than he has hair. (j/k I don't know)
woe_is_me Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 This is sad ..brings back memories.. He is 39.. he can handle everything..except his cover being blown to his W.. and an unstable upset OW is capable of doing this..even accidentally You can't be friends with him and you really have become TOO submissive by saying you promise you'd never behave in that way if he just came back again. He has you hook line and sinker and doesn't even want you anymore. Sorry if that sounds harsh. You'll have to move on.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 He's controlling you honey. That is what all that is about. 3 days is nothing to him. It is quite possible that he has atleast one more like you and a few in the wings. This man is not your friend, friends don't treat each other like that. He is using you and you are allowing that. Find a YOUNG single guy, 40 year old men are plum crazy anyway, stay away from them.
bridget_jones Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Hi there, Please don't consider married men an option. PLEASE. I am 39, single....I have never had problems finding enough single guys to date and even so....I never would do that, having relationships in the real world (meaning where both are free to date) has it's OWN challenges, LOL. I wouldn't want the added heartache and challenges of an EM A. That said, I will give you the same advice as if this was a real (available to date) boyfriend situation....if he's treating you like that, he's just not that into you. As far as continuing friendships with exes, it's not that great of an idea, particularly in your case. I am able to keep friendly contact (email and VERY occasional phone calls) with a couple exes, but we don't get together and there is no chance of getting back together (or hope of it.) Since there is no expections or hope of the friendship with these exes going any further than email and occasional phone calls, it works and is not unhealthy for either party. Please just let it go. NC NC NC Make the break.
lovernotafighter Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 he said some pretty crappy stuff to you.. affairs involve emotions. and after 2 years I think one melt down from you is hardly a reason for your MM to just give up on you unless he has no feelings for you what so ever. he is using you to gratify his needs and once you are to attached he is starting to recoil. drop this bozo fast. he isn't worth your tears.
puddleofmud Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Why be nice? What will that bring you? He wasn't "nice" to you. He didn't care in the least about how you felt but rather deemed you as "immature" and gave you examples about how and why you should act as he expects and then withdraws affection so as to punish. Disgusting! How should you "handle" a man "this age"" ? EASY--by being more mature as it just isn't that hard! Simply by being what you are and if he doesn't like it (along with any other men or persons who don't like it) then the heck with them!!! NO ONE has a right to tell you how to be, what you are supposed to feel or how you should act...PERIOD. This is called control, manipulation and emotional abuse. You are fine and beautiful just the way you are. Enjoy your youth, enjoy your life and enjoy a wonderful future... this is all under your command and... Not some old cogger who is looking to fulfill his lost youth through someone as lovely as you...
Seen_It_All Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 I started to say few things which he didnt like, sort of emotional stuff.. You mean, you wanted to actually TALK about your feelings rather than service him sexually, and he didn't like it? Aww, poor selfish a*sshole. i am feeling very depressed and after one day of sulking i sent sms to him that i was sorry at my behaviour. What are you APLOGIZING to this piece of trash for? He ought to be glad you're not telling his WIFE. The loser would deserve it. all he says is that he felt very disappointed at my behaviour (all that crying, aggressivness, anger and drama etc). he said he found my behaviour very crude, unrefined and he said he doesnt like this, he doesnt want such people around him. Let me translate that for you, ok? Mr. Mid-Life Crisis is only looking to get his ego and his genitals stroked - period. He's not looking for a soulmate, he's not looking for a girlfriend, and he's not looking for an emotional connection. He's simply looking for someone to stroke his pathetic ego and be his little willing sex doll - that's IT. No MORE. LOL...the pig found YOUR behavior 'crude,' did he? I think MOST people would find HIS behavior crude - almost 40 years old chasing a 24 year old. He's repulsive. Utterly REPULSIVE. But you go ahead and keep BEGGING this scum for his forgiveness so you can go back to being a willing and adoring piece of meat to him - because THAT'S all you are to him. Please, Guest - find your self respect.
JackJack Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 He pretty much got what he wanted from you, nothing more and nothing less. It matters not to him that he didn't call you for 3 or 4 days. He has another life besides you, the one he had first, and the one you will always play second fiddle too. Its time to move on.
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