Author polywog Posted April 26, 2007 Author Share Posted April 26, 2007 Are you out of the house now totally? If so, great! If not, it might be a good idea not to be around to "see" them together. That was always super hard for me. Other than that you sound GREAT! Of course there is hope! It's the only thing that didn't get out of Pandora's box and without I don't think we could live. Continue to put yourself first and remind yourself that he is a JERK! Guys that bounce from one relationship to another (even a long one like yours was) without doing any introspection will eventually get theirs yet! No, I still have my stuff boxed here. There is no reason for me to be around, and I ain't gunna be anywhere near the house while I know she is here. the ex has said he'd call me when she leaves, he says she is only going to be here for a few days. I'm just going to be super kind to myself this weekend. Even though I am worried about money I'm going to buy myself some much needed new clothes, spend time in my studio painting, and socialize. I hope this hopeful trend continues! Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Hey, spend time in my studio painting I don't get it. Did you move out of the house and are living in a studio? How are you feeling today? Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author polywog Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 Hey, spend time in my studio painting I don't get it. Did you move out of the house and are living in a studio? How are you feeling today? Ariadne No, I'm an artist and I have a painting studio that is not set up for living. I am living now in a friend's empty apartment, untill I find a permanent place. I feel great today. A new post will partly explain why. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 No, I'm an artist and I have a painting studio that is not set up for living. I am living now in a friend's empty apartment, untill I find a permanent place. I feel great today. A new post will partly explain why. I have to leave until tomorrow in 1.5 hours. I would love to read your new post before then! I'm so glad you feel GREAT today! Link to post Share on other sites
Author polywog Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 So I posted yesterday that the "gf" was supposed to visit. Ex was supposed to pick her up at the bus station an hour away, and as I have been using his car while mine is in the shop, I agreed to return it in the late afternoon so he could fetch the lady love. Background; she has been telling him for well over a week she was coming here, and had cancelled once already, and was not bothering to call him (I know because I asked him to keep me posted so I could avoid the house). So about an hour before I return his car, he called to tell me she had cancelled, and would be coming today instead. She had hours to call him, she was supposed to be on the bus, she obvioulsy waited all day to tell him this. Well today the exact same thing happened! I came over to drop off the car about an hour before he needed it to get her, and while I was there talking to his brother (who loves me, and knows the new woman and thinks she's flakey) the ex got a call, again, from her.... now she "plans on coming tomorrow". His brother looked over at me and gave a wink. I know it's kind of petty of me, but I have major delicious schadenfreude right now. He he he. :bunny: :bunny: Me gloating, with my posse of LS bunnies ^ Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 You know way too much about his love life to be healthy for you.. I can't figure out why you are still speaking to him on a daily basis ? You have all your stuff boxed up right ? and you live somewhere else right ? Find someone else's car to borrow... Have you thought about practicing NC ? Me thinks you are not going to heal by picking at this scab each and every day.. Hey.. I'm just saying... ( to borrow a phrase ) Love ya PW..I'm not Judging.. Just wondering out aloud Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Hey, Seems like things are not looking too well for the blooming relationship. What a shame you have to leave the house though, after you made it home like you say. Well, maybe if you do your own thing and set up the new place eventually he'll come back, who knows, but you might not want him anymore then. (Since you already started dating etc) Well, glad that at least you didn't have to put up with a night of that girl in your house, at least for now, and good thing you are staying with a friend, that's going to help a lot too, at least you can get drunk together or watch movies or something sappy if you start feeling too bad. (( Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author polywog Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 You know way too much about his love life to be healthy for you.. I can't figure out why you are still speaking to him on a daily basis ? You have all your stuff boxed up right ? and you live somewhere else right ? Find someone else's car to borrow... Have you thought about practicing NC ? Me thinks you are not going to heal by picking at this scab each and every day.. Hey.. I'm just saying... ( to borrow a phrase ) Love ya PW..I'm not Judging.. Just wondering out aloud Art, you SpoilSport, if I was practicing strict NC I'd be denied the pleasure of the schadenfreude... ! Seriously, this is my second reply as the other didn't seem to get posted so long story short, strict NC is hard because of our dog. I knew about the visit only because I wanted to stay away from the house when she's here, and asked him to keep me posted. Which he has. The car thing is not as bad as it sounds. The filthy muddy wet Golden Retriever can ride in his car (I don't have anyone to borrow a car from who would appreciate the mess). Thanks for caring, Art... Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I will gladly give you your moment of that word I'm not familiar with. On the other hand, Art is right. Taking pleasure in the situation isn't moving on. Flakey girl, is being flakey. What you want to achieve is indifference. Indifference is the true point of moving on. I'm going to start sending "you are indifferent" vibes your way. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Art, you SpoilSport, Take me with a grain of salt PW.. I had a root canal today so I'm not cutting anybody any slack today I hear ya.. but you need to get in a place that you can honestly say FU to him.. Then you will be coming from a position of strength... Link to post Share on other sites
Author polywog Posted April 30, 2007 Author Share Posted April 30, 2007 Well, the flakey gf has come to visit the ex, finally. Of course, I have thought about them being together, in the home that I once had, but not in a way that has been killing me. And naturally it's painful, and in the back of my mind, but it's surprised me that I am processing that It's Really Over, and I've come along much further than I realized. Maybe it's denial, but I don't think so. I'm able to let all sorts of thoughts and feelings flow through me, and it's as if a strong part of myself is not being swept up in that stream. I've been able to come to some terms with how unsatisfied I was there, with our relationship. I mean, I knew it deep down, but it's as if it's had a light shine on it. I feel more alive than I have in a long time. I even saw them together, for a minute (they did not see me) as I was walking home from work (our town is too small). It was an ouch moment, but not terrible. Not as big an ouch as I'd have thought it would be. Maybe it helps that I saw what she looks like, and she's not half as attractive as I am (well, to him I'm sure she is). She is plain, and messy and timid looking. And she smokes. And the ex looked old and sloppy and not terribly happy, though this latter is probably wishful thinking on my part. I was grateful for how anticlimactic it was. I mean, it was a shock, but I was surprised by how I handled it. It helped me to get over him. Who knows, maybe tomorrow I'll wake up anguished. And if she does move into the house, I'll surely have waves of grief. But for now, somehow, I feel stronger than I have in a long time. Thank god. Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 I'm able to let all sorts of thoughts and feelings flow through me, I'm happy that you're able to have orgasms once again. I've been able to come to some terms with how unsatisfied I was there, with our relationship. I mean, I knew it deep down, Was he like, banging against your cervix, or something? It was an ouch moment, but not terrible. Not as big an ouch as I'd have thought it would be. Thanks for the clarification. It's amazing what you can fit up there, isn't it. , I feel stronger than I have in a long time. Great news. Link to post Share on other sites
Author polywog Posted April 30, 2007 Author Share Posted April 30, 2007 I'm happy that you're able to have orgasms once again. What?? I never stopped having them. Was he like, banging against your cervix, or something? At one time, yes, but not recently. Great news. Yes, thanks. Hope this newfound strength is not a mirage. Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 What?? I never stopped having them. That must be exhausting. Do you have any trouble sleeping?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author polywog Posted April 30, 2007 Author Share Posted April 30, 2007 That must be exhausting. Do you have any trouble sleeping?? I set that one up for you. No, it's not exhausting. Multitasking is me. Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 I set that one up for you. No, it's not exhausting. Multitasking is me. My jeans would never fit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author polywog Posted May 6, 2007 Author Share Posted May 6, 2007 The yuckiest thing imagineable happened to me yesterday, and I am still shaking over it. My ex called me a few days ago to tell me that his gf was leaving on saturday morning. He knew I'd want to come get our dog, and that I would be coming by to get a few things I left there when she was gone. Well, I assumed that she was gone since he hasn't told me otherwise. I have been missing my dog, and wanted to take him for a few days. Around dusk I went to the house to fetch him, and since he was in the yard I went through the gate to get him. Well, I went over to call him, and saw, through the big picture window in the bedroom, a full on view of my ex having sex with the gf! They did not bother to shut the blinds, so there I was looking at a big awful view of the worst thing I could see. The worst is that I didn't avert my eyes, or turn and flee... I saw this for a few minutes, in shock and dispair, then just left the dog there and slunk away in the worst pain possible. I'm sure they didn't see me, as it was nearly dark out and the lights were on in the room. I haven't been able to eat and could barely sleep last night. Thank god I didn't go to the door and walk in on this, his car wasn't there so I didn't think he was home and if the dog hadn't been in the yard I'd have probably done that; or if I hadn't seen this I'd have popped in and left a note that I'd taken the dog. I can't believe this happened to me. I've been avoiding the neighborhood during her visit for my sanity. I am furious that he didn't bother to tell me that she was still staying, as he knows I would be coming by to get the dog. Maybe she's moved in. I just can't believe this happened to me, and can't understand why he did not bother to update me that she's still visiting (or whatever). have any of you had a similar trauma? I need hugs, sympathy, etc, please! Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 6, 2007 Share Posted May 6, 2007 What you need to do is to end any and all contact with this guy as soon as humanly possible. If he still has possessions of yours, see if a friend can pick them up for you, or see if you could send him some money and have him ship it to you. And if you can't get your stuff, maybe you could just accept not having those things back unless they are really valuable to you. But you need to stop all contact with this guy. Breaking up with you because "you're fat"? That just sounds like a heartless, bastard thing to say to someone. Somewhere along the way this stopped being a relationship, long before you actually broke up. Admit it. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author polywog Posted May 6, 2007 Author Share Posted May 6, 2007 What you need to do is to end any and all contact with this guy as soon as humanly possible. If he still has possessions of yours, see if a friend can pick them up for you, or see if you could send him some money and have him ship it to you. And if you can't get your stuff, maybe you could just accept not having those things back unless they are really valuable to you. But you need to stop all contact with this guy. Breaking up with you because "you're fat"? That just sounds like a heartless, bastard thing to say to someone. Somewhere along the way this stopped being a relationship, long before you actually broke up. Admit it. Move on. Yes, I know.... I have my stuff at the house because I will be moving in a few weeks and decided not to move it all twice (it's a houseful of stuff, and if/when she is gone I found a way to get a lot of it out...was waiting til she leaves). And we agreed to share the dog, who we both love. That's what I was doing when I had this awful experience. His tracphone was not working; I'd called earlier. I think the best thing I can do is to either take the dog for a while and not see the ex at all, or bite the bullet and leave the dog there until I've healed enough. The dog makes NC impossible the way things are now. What infuriates me is that he didn't have the respect to let me know that she was still here, after telling me when she was leaving Saturday, and I asked him to call me if the plan changed. He must have expected me to appear at some point (tho not the way I did, I'm sure). Don't know if he's subconciously hoping the gf and I would accidentally meet, or if he was just being incredibly irresponsible. In any case, he's a f**king freak. Link to post Share on other sites
MagnoliaJane Posted May 6, 2007 Share Posted May 6, 2007 Poly, I know you want to do the best thing for everyone (including your terribly selfish ex) - but he has been a dealbreaker by the way he has behaved these past few months. So why don't you take the dog???? Sometimes there's no way of getting out of a relationship all clean and integer if the other party is playing it dirty [and having his gf over while you thought she would not be there is playing it dirty to me]. I saw a pic of your dog, he's adorable, and from your writings you seem to be a wonderful person who genuinly cares for others. You've already lost the house you love, been humuliated by the ex in (un?)conscious ways. Now PLEASE learn to be a little selfish, do something for yourself, TAKE THE DOG AND SAY YOUR GOODBYES TO THIS IMMATURE MAN FOREVER. Some relationships are just what they are, not worth to save, not even as a "friendship". Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 Yes, I know.... I have my stuff at the house because I will be moving in a few weeks and decided not to move it all twice (it's a houseful of stuff, and if/when she is gone I found a way to get a lot of it out...was waiting til she leaves). And we agreed to share the dog, who we both love. That's what I was doing when I had this awful experience. His tracphone was not working; I'd called earlier. I think the best thing I can do is to either take the dog for a while and not see the ex at all, or bite the bullet and leave the dog there until I've healed enough. The dog makes NC impossible the way things are now. What infuriates me is that he didn't have the respect to let me know that she was still here, after telling me when she was leaving Saturday, and I asked him to call me if the plan changed. He must have expected me to appear at some point (tho not the way I did, I'm sure). Don't know if he's subconciously hoping the gf and I would accidentally meet, or if he was just being incredibly irresponsible. In any case, he's a f**king freak. I don't think he was trying to hurt you; I just think that he's found someone fresh and new, and as cruel as it might seem, he's just not taking you into consideration at this point. You may love the dog and you might not want to move twice, but you have few options. Anytime you go back to your house you run the risk of a chance encounter and seeing something your heart's not ready to accept. That's just the way it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author polywog Posted May 7, 2007 Author Share Posted May 7, 2007 I don't think he was trying to hurt you; I just think that he's found someone fresh and new, and as cruel as it might seem, he's just not taking you into consideration at this point. You may love the dog and you might not want to move twice, but you have few options. Anytime you go back to your house you run the risk of a chance encounter and seeing something your heart's not ready to accept. That's just the way it is. Yes, you're right about all of it, amerikajin. I have calmed down a lot about it today, and am dead set on just getting on with it all and having NC. Even though it was a big ouch, it's helped me to accept that it's over (which I thought I'd accepted, but....not as much as I hoped). Link to post Share on other sites
pelagicsands Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 This is awful!! I'm so sorry. Perhaps it would help us all to send you a better quality of empathy if you can provide just a few more details. We really want to understand. Link to post Share on other sites
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