Guest Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 The real situation: We first started out getting to know each other, by chance. Neither on of us intended for a relationship or even FWB. The physical power was strong on both ends. We began getting to know each other, on a conversation level; playing flirtateous games. We ended up doing the deed too soon - after a month of seeing each other. It was hot.. and still is. We both have this undeniable passion for each other.. that was over 6 mo. ago, and it's still going strong. now.. it's only about that. Strangest thing: We are always very courteous with each other, show affection; it's not really a hit and run. Strangest thing #2: Although we've never declared property, there's a silent claim on his end. One; he's always asking if there's someone else. two; re-assuring that no one could do what he does. Strangest thing #3: We're both terrified of relationships: Strangest thing #4: I have tender feelings for him, and vice versa.. but I think we both know that we're both emotionally f--cked up, scared of getting committed; but at the same time, i don't want him to be with someone else; but i want my freedom. I bet he feels the same way. Question: What the hell is going on here???? Why can't it ever happen that 2 people who develop feelings for each other just say it? Especially if each other KNOWS the other feels the same way? It sounds as if both of you are afraid to take a chance. Why? If you make each other truly happy, the games just get in the way of love.
DanielMadr Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 The real situation: We first started out getting to know each other, by chance. Neither on of us intended for a relationship or even FWB. The physical power was strong on both ends. We began getting to know each other, on a conversation level; playing flirtateous games. We ended up doing the deed too soon - after a month of seeing each other. It was hot.. and still is. We both have this undeniable passion for each other.. that was over 6 mo. ago, and it's still going strong. now.. it's only about that. Strangest thing: We are always very courteous with each other, show affection; it's not really a hit and run. Strangest thing #2: Although we've never declared property, there's a silent claim on his end. One; he's always asking if there's someone else. two; re-assuring that no one could do what he does. Strangest thing #3: We're both terrified of relationships: Strangest thing #4: I have tender feelings for him, and vice versa.. but I think we both know that we're both emotionally f--cked up, scared of getting committed; but at the same time, i don't want him to be with someone else; but i want my freedom. I bet he feels the same way. Question: What the hell is going on here???? Sounds like he is ready for relationship. Its girls job to propose relationship. He could say it first but he probably knows its "kiss of death" 9 times of 10. Spend weekends with him in his flat or yours first. Youll see how it would work. Take steps forward or it will fizzle out. If you want to be free to find some better guy, dont commit. But if you are quite happy with him, whats your problem? It will never be perfect and certainly not when you will have doubts. I bet he will agree to be more commited.
StayClose Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 This isn't a FWB, it's a relationship. It's time to have the discussion to define it.
D-Lish Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 This is actually a serious question.... What about BJ's? Is that a deal breaker early on (say after 3 dates), or is it a taste of things to come (haha, no pun intended).
bridget_jones Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 i count bj's as full-on sex. Daniel, any man who would make this statement has no clue about relationships. "If a girl want to know if she is any good without her vagina than she should do some career." Men don't want relationships for sex. A real relationship having anything to do with feelings has nothing to do with sex. Sex is like the icing on the cake, a bonus. I don't need to know that I am any good without my vagina. I like to have a true friendship and true feelings about a man, who reciprocates those feelings, I don't need a man to validate that I am "any good." You act like all a relationship is is having sex 24/7. Sorry, that's not physically possible. Sex might be 30 minutes to 2 hours tops, then you have the rest of the time and there had better be something else there. Also there area times when one or the other just aren't in the mood. you aren't in a relationship with a person for sex. So...your life is easy, you think woman are all about their vaginas. And you say in a relationship women have more to risk? How is that? You are so misogynist, I can't believe you think this way.
DanielMadr Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 i count bj's as full-on sex. Daniel, any man who would make this statement has no clue about relationships. "If a girl want to know if she is any good without her vagina than she should do some career." Men don't want relationships for sex. A real relationship having anything to do with feelings has nothing to do with sex. Sex is like the icing on the cake, a bonus. I don't need to know that I am any good without my vagina. I like to have a true friendship and true feelings about a man, who reciprocates those feelings, I don't need a man to validate that I am "any good." You act like all a relationship is is having sex 24/7. Sorry, that's not physically possible. Sex might be 30 minutes to 2 hours tops, then you have the rest of the time and there had better be something else there. Also there area times when one or the other just aren't in the mood. you aren't in a relationship with a person for sex. So...your life is easy, you think woman are all about their vaginas. And you say in a relationship women have more to risk? How is that? You are so misogynist, I can't believe you think this way. Realtionship is about mutual connection and sex. Altogether. If you are not physically intimate with your partner then it is friendship only. Giving any of these things(connection vs. intimacy) much more priority is a mistake. Yes. Women risk more. You can get pregnant. You can be raped. These are the risks men cant experience. It is not sexism it is fact.
StayClose Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Men don't want relationships for sex. A real relationship having anything to do with feelings has nothing to do with sex. Sex is like the icing on the cake, a bonus. NOT TRUE! Ask any man in a sexless marriage. Ask any guy who likes a girll who tells him "I like you just as friends." Feelings and sex go together! Sex is not like the icing on the cake. It is more like the beef patty in a hamburger. Eating just a bun with lettuce, ketchup & onions is not a satisfying meal. If a man is hungry, he'll eat a beef patty with no condoments, but you need all the parts, the beef, lettuce, condoments, and preferrably a salad also for a well-balanced, satisfying meal.
Author cynicalnlove Posted March 31, 2007 Author Posted March 31, 2007 haha.. sounds like my thread is beginning to sound like a battle ground of men vs. women. I believe sex to be a very important factor in a relationship. Without good sex; a relationship is just a friendship relationship. Would you still be romantically involved with someone you're not that intimate with? I've seen these type of relationship fall, because the passion is gone.
bridget_jones Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 I disagree because with your theory, then you can just take anyone you have great sex with as a relationship. People who are saying the sex is that important, and sex can't wait for a couple months when you have bonded and know each other well and have formed a relationship, haven't been in love. Period. You guys need to watch the movie The Notebook. You can have romantic, passionate, deep love without having sex. Sex is not what fuels a relationship or what strong marriages are built upon. You guys are saying a relationship is built on sex, but it isn't. If the foundation of your relationship is sex, it's not a strong lasting one.
Author cynicalnlove Posted March 31, 2007 Author Posted March 31, 2007 I disagree because with your theory, then you can just take anyone you have great sex with as a relationship. People who are saying the sex is that important, and sex can't wait for a couple months when you have bonded and know each other well and have formed a relationship, haven't been in love. Period. You guys need to watch the movie The Notebook. You can have romantic, passionate, deep love without having sex. Sex is not what fuels a relationship or what strong marriages are built upon. You guys are saying a relationship is built on sex, but it isn't. If the foundation of your relationship is sex, it's not a strong lasting one. I never said that you can sustain a relationship with just only "great sex." On the above paragraph, I also NEVER said that you should just jump into bed with someone and hope that a relationship is ALWAYS possible, and i NEVER said that relationships are based on GOOD SEX. Unfortunately, we all want that perfect fairy tale of such stories of the NOTEBOOK. Hoping that somewhwere someplace someone would just love us no matter what. However, this is the real life - and it's bull****. You cannot compare real life situations to a fictional story. Sure, it's going to take a whole lot more than good sex to maintain a good relationship; there has to be an emotional bond as well as physical bonding. Here's an example: I knew someone who was in a very well considerate relationship with her boyfriend. Ultimately it ended because they were not compatible in the bedroom. All I'm saying is that GOOD SEX, is one of the factor to maintain a healthy relationshipm NOT THE ONLY FACTOR.. but a very important one. What the hell does it say about you and your relationship if you can't even have sexual chemistry?? Would you ever think you could ever live your life forever without even being passionate and intimately bond with your husband / wife? Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree, but that is what I am reading from your comments here.
bridget_jones Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 The Notebook really isn't b**ls**t. I know many couples who are together and it's a LOT deeper than sex. Would a guy stick around if a woman got cancer and had to lose a limb? If it is love, he does, he loves her so much, and it is nothing to do with sex, it's a deep love that just keeps growing with time. If you watch The Notebook, there is still plenty of attraction and chemistry. Yes of course I'm not saying a relationship is without chemistry. If your friend's bf broke up over they weren't "compatible" in the bedroom, then he really wasn't in love with her. those things simply work themselves out if it is love, if there is something real there.
DanielMadr Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 The Notebook really isn't b**ls**t. I know many couples who are together and it's a LOT deeper than sex. Would a guy stick around if a woman got cancer and had to lose a limb? If it is love, he does, he loves her so much, and it is nothing to do with sex, it's a deep love that just keeps growing with time. If you watch The Notebook, there is still plenty of attraction and chemistry. Yes of course I'm not saying a relationship is without chemistry. If your friend's bf broke up over they weren't "compatible" in the bedroom, then he really wasn't in love with her. those things simply work themselves out if it is love, if there is something real there. Notebook is Hollywood. Waiting and waiting can steal a lot of time of your precious time. You know, guy maybe sticks around when you lose a limb and maybe he doesnt. You cant figure it out by simulating this kind of situation when there is no reason for it. Dont limp when you have a limb. Dont be perfectionist. Life is not Hollywood.
bridget_jones Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 I know couples who are really in love and are devoted as much to each other as that movie. I don't think you really understand love at all. Love spans the years. I wouldn't settle for a love anything less. You know when you have a strong enough love that it will withstand illness and bad times.
DanielMadr Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 I know couples who are really in love and are devoted as much to each other as that movie. I don't think you really understand love at all. Love spans the years. I wouldn't settle for a love anything less. You know when you have a strong enough love that it will withstand illness and bad times. Sure it will. I understand you. But this devouted couples also had happier times, when everything went smooth, they were making love (sex) and they work together to cope with the bad times (illness, separation etc.) and want to settle it to normal.....making love (sex). Sex is part of healthy relationship. Its absolutely natural. I cant understand why should anybody want to have relationship similar to those sad parts (illness, separation, etc.) of hollywood movies. I believe the pair in movie Notebook had sex before they departed, anyway. You cant demand unconditional love without being intimate with the other person first.
mental_traveller Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 I disagree because with your theory, then you can just take anyone you have great sex with as a relationship. People who are saying the sex is that important, and sex can't wait for a couple months when you have bonded and know each other well and have formed a relationship, haven't been in love. Period. You guys need to watch the movie The Notebook. You can have romantic, passionate, deep love without having sex. Sex is not what fuels a relationship or what strong marriages are built upon. You guys are saying a relationship is built on sex, but it isn't. If the foundation of your relationship is sex, it's not a strong lasting one. From the first day I meet a woman, each week that goes by that I interact with her but don't have sex, I am less & less attracted. If a woman insisted on waiting 2 months, my attraction would be almost zero and I would just look at her as a female friend, even if she looked liked Cindy Crawford. Every time I have based a relationship on friendship as opposed to raw carnal attraction, I've got bored and after a while no longer find the woman sexy. I end up wanting to f*ck much less attractive women just for some raw animal passion. The only women I dated and regret not continuing with are ones where it was all about sexual attraction and very little to do with friendship/companionship.
Author cynicalnlove Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 I know couples who are really in love and are devoted as much to each other as that movie. I don't think you really understand love at all. Love spans the years. I wouldn't settle for a love anything less. You know when you have a strong enough love that it will withstand illness and bad times. Ofcourse; that is the ultimate love that we as human seek. How do we get to that point? The history which will obviously starts with human bonding and that includes physical bonding. Honestly, answer me this: Would you continue a relationship with a guy that you're really not compatible with mentally, physically, and spiritually?? But oh well, he loves you so unconditionally ~ honestly, as a human being would you? See, the human psychology is very strange.. it's that wanting that desire that always makes us want more, what better way to start it than with physical attraction ~ which leads to sex ~ the beginning of an emotional bonding. What if you wait forever, build a connection, and then the sex comes a long and he is.. ahh how could i say, inadequate. Would your chemistry towards him stop? or will it continue?
Author cynicalnlove Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 Sure it will. I understand you. But this devouted couples also had happier times, when everything went smooth, they were making love (sex) and they work together to cope with the bad times (illness, separation etc.) and want to settle it to normal.....making love (sex). Sex is part of healthy relationship. Its absolutely natural. I cant understand why should anybody want to have relationship similar to those sad parts (illness, separation, etc.) of hollywood movies. I believe the pair in movie Notebook had sex before they departed, anyway. You cant demand unconditional love without being intimate with the other person first. My point exactly. How deep could a bonding be? Sex is the ultimate human bonding. NOt to sound vulgar or anything, but cmon, your bodies are completely joined..
Author cynicalnlove Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 From the first day I meet a woman, each week that goes by that I interact with her but don't have sex, I am less & less attracted. If a woman insisted on waiting 2 months, my attraction would be almost zero and I would just look at her as a female friend, even if she looked liked Cindy Crawford. Every time I have based a relationship on friendship as opposed to raw carnal attraction, I've got bored and after a while no longer find the woman sexy. I end up wanting to f*ck much less attractive women just for some raw animal passion. The only women I dated and regret not continuing with are ones where it was all about sexual attraction and very little to do with friendship/companionship. animalistic hunger ~ HOT.
Guest.Girl Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Guys are just INTIMATED by girls who have a larger sexual appetite than him. End of story. It is not about respect. Guys actually admire playgrils who are having fun, they are just jealous.
DanielMadr Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Do you want someone to unconditionaly love you? Have a child. Your child will love you uncondiitionaly until puberty that is and then maybe after 40 again. And without sex. Grown up adults of opposite sex and different genes need to have sex to form a bond. And its good thing, b/c thats how children are born. Circle of life. You dont like it, become a monk.
Author cynicalnlove Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 Do you want someone to unconditionaly love you? Have a child. Your child will love you uncondiitionaly until puberty that is and then maybe after 40 again. And without sex. Grown up adults of opposite sex and different genes need to have sex to form a bond. And its good thing, b/c thats how children are born. Circle of life. You dont like it, become a monk. Hahaha - Nice protecting sexuality. I have absolutely no idea why bridget jones is so against having great sex.
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