cynicalnlove Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I wanted to know if it is true for you men that, once the relationship turns into a casual sexual relationship; that it is extremely hard for you to see the woman more than physical? If so, is there ever a chance your mind will change; or is it written in stone that this person is a non-relationship material; if you have engaged in an act. Could Friends with Benefits ever come out to be the real thing?
moman Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 That is not true at all; there are times when the sex grows to be more than just FWB. There has to be some emotional connection though.
3hundred Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 It is nearly impossible to have a FWB relation to turn into a normal relationship in that both sides are on way to different levels. At one point you have feelings solely based on sexual desire while on the other side you have someone developing or already in love. Though I can also see, depending on the length and the friendship part of this kind of relationship, FWB turn into a normal day in day out fully grown relationship, with much patience, understanding and time..
Author cynicalnlove Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 considering the mindset of men vs. women. what stops you from the physical lust opposed to romantic lust?
Guest Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 If I'm into a lady for more than sex, there is no casual sex. I'll wait for as long as it takes. No ifs ands or buts. I will always distrust a woman who will sleep with me on the first date (or sooner) unless the moon, stars and Jupiter are PERFECTLY aligned! That's once in a lifetime.
CanyonWall Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I wanted to know if it is true for you men that, once the relationship turns into a casual sexual relationship; that it is extremely hard for you to see the woman more than physical? If so, is there ever a chance your mind will change; or is it written in stone that this person is a non-relationship material; if you have engaged in an act. Could Friends with Benefits ever come out to be the real thing? Speaking from experience, I would say that it is possible for someone to go from say FWB to a relationship. There is nothing stopping a guy from doing that. I spent 5 months with a woman in a FWB setup, I was fond of her but I didn't love her, and never saw myself doing so. Similarly, I started off as a 'friends who kiss and cuddle' with a woman, we dated for 3 years and yes I definitely did love her. Men can compartmentise very well. Sex does not mean love. However, spending lots of time together and orgasms can bring on love if there is a good match.
Author cynicalnlove Posted March 24, 2007 Author Posted March 24, 2007 Ok, this is the theory between my female friends. We ultimately dated a guy for xx amount of months, ends up having sex and the relationship doesn't work out. Whats the point of waiting if you know it will never work out - would it be bad to succumb to lust? in your opinions of girls.
bridget_jones Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 I wanted to know if it is true for you men that, once the relationship turns into a casual sexual relationship; that it is extremely hard for you to see the woman more than physical? If so, is there ever a chance your mind will change; or is it written in stone that this person is a non-relationship material; if you have engaged in an act. Could Friends with Benefits ever come out to be the real thing? I am a woman and the best way to find this out is to stop having sex with him. Demand (not verbally outright in a confrontation or anything) respect for yourself, and no 'booty calls' and just say 'no.' If he sees you as more than a FWB, then he will ask you out and not care about that you're not giving out sex. In addition the guys are going to be more in favor of the FWB relationship and say it is more likely to turn into a relationship because they don't want women to think it's not possible and the FWB relationships which have now become so standard and popular, well, they don't want women to catch on to it that in FWB relationships, men are getting free, without strings sex, usually at the expense of the woman's feelings. And it is absolutely true what the guest said about women who put out too soon and what men think about it. If he wants to spend time with you and makes the effort to see you and develop a real relationship, he will make an effort. If he doesn't, it was never going to go past a casual sex relationship in the first place. I would say next time he wants some sex say "Hey, you know, this whole casual sex thing just isn't right for me." He'll get the picture and procede (or not). Now there will be people on here who are going to say cutting off the sex now is crazy because you're going to be completely rejecting him and he will be scared off for good. If he is just looking for sex, that is absolutely true. Guys don't think, months later "Wow, she is amazing for allowing me to have sex with her all this time with no expectations of a commitment. What a trooper. She's a keeper, I am in love and want a serious relationship with her." If he respects you and feels more about you than just an FWB, he'll make an effort to go after you for more.
bridget_jones Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Speaking from experience, I would say that it is possible for someone to go from say FWB to a relationship. There is nothing stopping a guy from doing that. I spent 5 months with a woman in a FWB setup, I was fond of her but I didn't love her, and never saw myself doing so. Similarly, I started off as a 'friends who kiss and cuddle' with a woman, we dated for 3 years and yes I definitely did love her. Men can compartmentise very well. Sex does not mean love. However, spending lots of time together and orgasms can bring on love if there is a good match. Contrarily, there's a BIG difference between the first FWB and the second "kiss and cuddle" friend. The first one gave you sex without strings and you ultimately didn't respect that and didn't fall in love. The second one didn't put out for you, it was "kiss and cuddle." She let a relationship develop and allowed you to get to know her and bond with her, she did the same, and it developed into love for you because she respected herself and didn't put out right away. She went for the real thing, and it "stuck."
monkey00 Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 It's possible I was once in a FWB and fell hard for her without realizing it. Unfortunately we had different needs at the time so we never knew what could have been.
bridget_jones Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 You thought you fell hard. You were in love with sex.
Author cynicalnlove Posted March 24, 2007 Author Posted March 24, 2007 wow - bridget, you're brutually honest; I like it.
mental_traveller Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I wanted to know if it is true for you men that, once the relationship turns into a casual sexual relationship; that it is extremely hard for you to see the woman more than physical? If so, is there ever a chance your mind will change; or is it written in stone that this person is a non-relationship material; if you have engaged in an act. Could Friends with Benefits ever come out to be the real thing? Usually if a guy is doing the FWB thing with you, it's because he doesn't see you as relationship material, or simply doesn't want a relationship right now. The main exception is if *you* are the one who wants to keep it casual from the beginning.
IWalkAlone Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Most of the responses her are crap. A couple that is well connected on the multiple levels necessary for a successful relationship can have the relationship regardless of whether they started as FWB or weekly lunch dates. Will most FWB's lead to relationships? Of course not. But the majority of first dates never lead to relationships either. But no one says that if you do dinnerand a movie with a man then he won't have a relationship wih you. If have a FWB and you want a more serious relationship, don't cut off the sex thinking that if he's willing to still be friends then he's relationship material. In fact it's quite the opposite. Instead say you want the relationship. Maybe he will to, maybe not. But you face that risk any time you ant to have a relationship with someone.
DanielMadr Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I wanted to know if it is true for you men that, once the relationship turns into a casual sexual relationship; that it is extremely hard for you to see the woman more than physical? If so, is there ever a chance your mind will change; or is it written in stone that this person is a non-relationship material; if you have engaged in an act. Could Friends with Benefits ever come out to be the real thing? No. When we meet a girl we like, say in a club and casualy bang her the same night without knowing her that well, it still can progress to romantic relationship later. If guy insists he wants FWB only there is little chance it will progress in something deeper. Because he has reasons for this....he is not that into her. But you make some bond with him through sex and when he doesnt find anyone better than her, he can settle down with her. Ive seen it happen.
laRubiaBonita Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 wow - bridget, you're brutually honest; I like it. her opinion is brutally honest... but is only an opinion. i agree with IWA... it all depends all the two individuals involved and the dynamics of their FWB relationship.
DanielMadr Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 If he sees you as more than a FWB, then he will ask you out and not care about that you're not giving out sex. Thats right. If he wants to see you, spend time with you, be in your presence it is assurance he is interested. However he will care you are not giving out sex. He will wait much longer than the first guy but not too long. Eventually he takes it as lack of interest or trust and finds someone more willing (if he can find someone as attractive as you). In addition the guys are going to be more in favor of the FWB relationship and say it is more likely to turn into a relationship because they don't want women to think it's not possible and the FWB relationships which have now become so standard and popular, well, they don't want women to catch on to it that in FWB relationships, men are getting free, without strings sex, usually at the expense of the woman's feelings. And it is absolutely true what the guest said about women who put out too soon and what men think about it. Im not advocate of FWB. Usually the guy just uses the girl or vice versa. However the Guest is wrong. Guys have bad meaning about girls who put out too soon with other guys....too soon and too often. Only thing it gets to assure a man she is not like that is to tell: 'Ive never done this before.' and he will be even pleased she found him such a catch (o/c he has to believe it). But as I said you have to choose well.....some girls are sure after 3 dates, some risk it sooner, some play it safe. Girls playing it safe will tell you to act accordingly. To give a sex sooner than them is a massive competition. If he wants to spend time with you and makes the effort to see you and develop a real relationship, he will make an effort. If he doesn't, it was never going to go past a casual sex relationship in the first place. I would say next time he wants some sex say "Hey, you know, this whole casual sex thing just isn't right for me." He'll get the picture and procede (or not). Now there will be people on here who are going to say cutting off the sex now is crazy because you're going to be completely rejecting him and he will be scared off for good. If he is just looking for sex, that is absolutely true. Guys don't think, months later "Wow, she is amazing for allowing me to have sex with her all this time with no expectations of a commitment. What a trooper. She's a keeper, I am in love and want a serious relationship with her." If he respects you and feels more about you than just an FWB, he'll make an effort to go after you for more. If we are interested in a girl, early sex cant spoil the futture relationship for us. Your doubts 'Am I his sex toy or lover ' can spoil it. My advice: NO FWB unless you dont expect more. Take your time to know him. But dont withold sex for some pseudo screening process, because its not fool proof and it is certainly less fun for you...less spontaneous aka playing games.
bridget_jones Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 If we are interested in a girl, early sex cant spoil the futture relationship for us. Most men would tell you otherwise. On here, too.
DanielMadr Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 If we are interested in a girl, early sex cant spoil the futture relationship for us. Most men would tell you otherwise. On here, too. Men who tell anything to appease you....to get to know you better;) Im being honest here. Only thing that can spoil it....girl having second thoughts. I repeat im no advocate of early sex escapades. Why? Girls usually have second thoughts and I dont blame them (they are risking more), it is safer to know her better (freaks, std,) - but this can be ruled out on a single date.
bridget_jones Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 there are guys that post on here that say they don't take a woman who has early on sex with them relationship material, or it is very rare that they do. If a guy really likes you as relationship material, he will see a few months of getting to know her and bonding with her as a gift! If he does, he's not seeing it as a countdown of when are we having sex, he sees it as "Wow, I get to date and spend time with this amazing woman. Wonder when I can see her again, I'm giving her a call." I am talking about a guy who is truly smitten and sees her with potential. If a guy bails because of no sex, that is all that he wanted in the first place a man picking up a woman in a club, and having sex that night, neither one of them is seeing it as any possible potential. FWBs...often it's a guy who just wants sex for now, getting it until he does find a woman with real potential that he's really interested in. So ladies, if you go into one of those, I'm not condemning you, but you really can't hope for more than sex.
monkey00 Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 You thought you fell hard. You were in love with sex. haha i wish...before the sex even came into play i became emotionally involved - and thats what happens when people start imitating relationships, ah the fun and complications of fwb!!
Chas5 Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I wanted to know if it is true for you men that, once the relationship turns into a casual sexual relationship; that it is extremely hard for you to see the woman more than physical? If so, is there ever a chance your mind will change; or is it written in stone that this person is a non-relationship material; if you have engaged in an act. Could Friends with Benefits ever come out to be the real thing? Yeah I would say yes
DanielMadr Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 there are guys that post on here that say they don't take a woman who has early on sex with them relationship material, or it is very rare that they do. If a guy really likes you as relationship material, he will see a few months of getting to know her and bonding with her as a gift! If he does, he's not seeing it as a countdown of when are we having sex, he sees it as "Wow, I get to date and spend time with this amazing woman. Wonder when I can see her again, I'm giving her a call." I am talking about a guy who is truly smitten and sees her with potential. If a guy bails because of no sex, that is all that he wanted in the first place Of course he wants sex. Its pretty normal to want to have sex with someone you are interested in. If a girl want to know if she is any good without her vagina than she should do some career. This frame of mind is exact opposite of 'I give him plenty of sex soon' . She is woman - mind and body altogether. If girl is not sexual then she is a female-friend. I have nothing against waiting but this segregating of body and soul is too much. I had a friend. She went from one extreme - she slept with guys early on - to another - she refused to have sex until commited relationship. She thought that when guys didnt stick with her when giving them sex than she will make them stick with her by not giving it. She consciously and rationaly separated sex and love. Was she safer? Yes. Lot of hit&run guys ejected. Is she happy? No. She cant relax, always holds her guard. And she cant find a guy who wouldnt get confused with her duality. Jerks eject, Nice guys are confused and the rest dont find her so big catch - more problems than fun. I suggest when you need more time to know the guy: 1) Tell him soon that you wait to have sex and it has nothing to do with him 2) Dont dress with boobs sticking out and dont do any sexual advances 3) Make sure he knows you are still interested in him...make sure he knows 4) Be charming and entertaining like hollywood comic star 5) When having sex with him at last, make sure its top performance 6) Dont forget that any of your personality flaw will be more visible to him when he is not distracted with your boobs. 'Dont use whip when you are hiding sugar.'
StayClose Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Regarding not distracting a guy with boobs: There are few things hotter than having sex with a woman for the first time and discivering her boobs are a lot nicer than you expected them to be based on the way she dressed. Overall I agree... If it's a relationship you want, don't be too sexual in the first few dates, but don't be completely non-sexual either, or he'll assume you like him just as a freind, you're using him for free meals, or that you're not into sex. If you go three dates without sex, you'll filter out most of the men who are just into sex. But if you go five or more dates without sex, you'll start losing the good guys who will worry that they're entering a sex-starved releationship.
Author cynicalnlove Posted March 29, 2007 Author Posted March 29, 2007 The real situation: We first started out getting to know each other, by chance. Neither on of us intended for a relationship or even FWB. The physical power was strong on both ends. We began getting to know each other, on a conversation level; playing flirtateous games. We ended up doing the deed too soon - after a month of seeing each other. It was hot.. and still is. We both have this undeniable passion for each other.. that was over 6 mo. ago, and it's still going strong. now.. it's only about that. Strangest thing: We are always very courteous with each other, show affection; it's not really a hit and run. Strangest thing #2: Although we've never declared property, there's a silent claim on his end. One; he's always asking if there's someone else. two; re-assuring that no one could do what he does. Strangest thing #3: We're both terrified of relationships: Strangest thing #4: I have tender feelings for him, and vice versa.. but I think we both know that we're both emotionally f--cked up, scared of getting committed; but at the same time, i don't want him to be with someone else; but i want my freedom. I bet he feels the same way. Question: What the hell is going on here????
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