Plokette Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 you people are MEAN... this has been such a supportive community...what happened? sure, cut off MY head now. I was not being mean, I was being helpful. helping her maintain her denial is more hurtful in the end. The Truth Hurts
Trialbyfire Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 blondie86, does your BMI fall within the acceptable levels? If so, please, stop worrying about it. Maybe you're fat compared to Kate Moss but so are over 95% of the women throughout North America and Europe. If your BMI is above acceptable levels, you may want to consider getting rid of the excess but that's your choice.
Guest Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 you people are MEAN... this has been such a supportive community...what happened? Yes, it was a town like any other......until THEY walked in....
AnneB49 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 sure, cut off MY head now. I was not being mean, I was being helpful. helping her maintain her denial is more hurtful in the end. The Truth Hurts Plokette (what kind of name is that anyway...) - the poor girl is having issues and all you want to do is jam it down her throat...how is that helpful? She is not in denial she maybe has a bit of extra to love, but that is all it is...more to love
Author blondie86 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 my bmi is fine. i would like to be slimmer, like my best friend is a dancer and tiny, but i know i'm alrite really, i'm just really insecure about my looks.
AnneB49 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 my bmi is fine. i would like to be slimmer, like my best friend is a dancer and tiny, but i know i'm alrite really, i'm just really insecure about my looks. if you have one of those delightful Scottish accents you should come over to the states, they drive the boys wild over here...
catrocks Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 my bmi is fine. i would like to be slimmer, like my best friend is a dancer and tiny, but i know i'm alrite really, i'm just really insecure about my looks. We would all like to be slimmer. Especially if we are friends with a dancer, lol. My best friend is tiny too, but I never compare myself to her (or at least I try not to) because we are different. While it would be nice to be that thin, I really don't think it would suit me. I have a normal bmi too (although bmi is bs - my fiancé is classed as "overweight" according to them, but he is not, he's just muscly You are perfect the way you are, please stop comparing yourself to your friend. I know plently of people who are (UK) size 6 who complain about lack of boobs and curves, and I personally love my curves. And don't worry so much about the bf - mention to him that you're upset and then let it go and know that he loves you how you are - he wouldn't go out with you if he didn't find you attractive
1DeadB Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Plokette (what kind of name is that anyway...) - the poor girl is having issues and all you want to do is jam it down her throat...how is that helpful? She is not in denial she maybe has a bit of extra to love, but that is all it is...more to love Anne, I don't think you will get anywhere attacking her name. And I don't think Plokette is trying to "jam it down her throat". Blondie just needs to face facts.
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 i'm just really insecure about my looks. Then only you can change that about yourself. You need to learn to see yourself in a more positive outlook. Gain self confidence, and love yourself. Yes, it sounds corny but noone will make you feel beautiful until you start believing it yourself.
1DeadB Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Then only you can change that about yourself. You need to learn to see yourself in a more positive outlook. Gain self confidence, and love yourself. Yes, it sounds corny but noone will make you feel beautiful until you start believing it yourself. I agree..no one can degrade you without your permission. So, lose some weight and don't play hard to get. All the guys will love you.
RecordProducer Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 What you fail to understand is that HE also has feelings and insecurities. You teased him about being old, which means he is older than you. You hit the wrong spot so he tried to "return the favor." Now you're even. I think you should get the whole conversation out of your mind. Simply ask him when you find the right moment, if he really thinks you're overweight. If he says "Yes, a little bit" don't blame him for being honest with you. You don't want him to lie to you how great you are while admiring other girls or do you? If he says NO then you'll have your "correct answer." If you're aware that you're insecure about your looks, either improve it (lose weight) or learn to love yourself. I suggest both. I learned to like myself the way I am, but I also take care of my face and body. And the more I improve my looks (lose weight, sleep enough, find the right make-up and hair-style) the better I feel. But I must admit that compliments from men have contributed 100% in raising my self-esteem regarding my looks. My husband is 50 and kinda average looking and I am 32 and cute. Since we got married, he stopped giving me compliments, not only about looks, but everything else. But he does notice when I gain or lose weight, which makes me feel awful (in BOTH instances), because it implies that looks are all that matter to him and he keeps record of my weight. He doesn't notice when I dress up and look great, he never says "Wow, you look cute tonight!" It certainly has impact on my self-esteem, but only when it comes to HIM. Luckily, I know this comes from his insecurity about me being better than him in the department that is most important to men in the love market (looks). I also catch other men's glances in the streets once in a while so I am being reminded that I am still not a lemon-car. How men can be insecure about their age, you wouldn't believe. When I told my husband once "You're 49. My mom became a grand-mother at age 49! " he said "Thanks!" Well I just stated a fact, but the insinuation and the truth behind it, was that he was in grand-father's age, while I am still considered a young mom (my sons are 8). Don't ever joke about looks or age or just about anything that possibly crosses the area of somebody's insecurities.
rainfall Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 I'm not fat but I would like to be thinner. Translation= I am fat and need to lose weight. Otherwise he wouldn't have said it. Otherwise it wouldn't bother you- even so much to post about it. Admit it. To yourself. Then lose weight. He is NOT going to marry someone he thinks is fat. He might of just been saying that to be mean. If my boyfriend and I get into a fight he will call me fat just to make me angry. I am no where near fat. I weigh 102 and am 5 1 so if he thinks that is fat he is crazy. Maybe he was just trying to make her mad like my boyfriend does sometimes.
Mary3 Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 He could be with you knowing you are insecure and hits the fat spot when he feels threatened. The key to happiness is to love yourself , accept your size ( or go on a diet if you really feel overweight ) and when he makes fat jokes or any jokes just laugh with him.! You have to be able to laugh at yourself. I know I do !
bridget_jones Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 No, you're translating that wrong. She said she is a very small size. If he loves her, he will marry her, that's that. Don't go telling her to lose weight to please a man, that is whack, especially in this day and age where eating disorders are rampant. I wouldn't want a man who made marriage conditional on losing weight. That is not love and she would not want a man like that anyway, whether she is stick thin or not. Your statement implies it's all about the guy and women bending over backwards to please their men. You need to read the book Why Men Love Bitches, Plokette, since you have that attitude. (It's about just that, women not being all about pleasing their men and having confidence.) I'm not fat but I would like to be thinner. Translation= I am fat and need to lose weight. Otherwise he wouldn't have said it. Otherwise it wouldn't bother you- even so much to post about it. Admit it. To yourself. Then lose weight. He is NOT going to marry someone he thinks is fat.
Mary3 Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 No, you're translating that wrong. She said she is a very small size. If he loves her, he will marry her, that's that. Don't go telling her to lose weight to please a man, that is whack, especially in this day and age where eating disorders are rampant. I wouldn't want a man who made marriage conditional on losing weight. That is not love and she would not want a man like that anyway, whether she is stick thin or not. Your statement implies it's all about the guy and women bending over backwards to please their men. You need to read the book Why Men Love Bitches, Plokette, since you have that attitude. (It's about just that, women not being all about pleasing their men and having confidence.) I would kindly appreciate if you would not stress that I have a certain attitude . I did NOT say she should lose weight for him or that she should lose weight at ALL unless she feels she needs to lose weight and thats for HERSELF. NO-ONE should change themselves for their partner. No no , if he loves her he does not HAVE to marry her NOW or EVER. Love is love and it does not constitute marraige. Thats a mutual decision for those who choose to enter a legal binding arrangement. Many men ( and women ) do NOT want to marry now or ever and thats their personal choice. Men DON'T love bitches. They love emotional stable equally balanced women who dont HAVE to act like the bitch from HELL. Once again we come back to BEING OURSELVES FULLY , coming back again to SINCERITY and not mind playing bitch games. Confidance comes from within and no woman needs to validate herself by trying to please the man by bending over in contortionsitic positions that are not realistic . Being yourself is always the most simplistic answer to those who play the bitch game or the controlling games. Balance between the two in the relationship with WITHSTAND all the crap that comes behind it. I never advocate la la games. Someone is always going to lose in that game playing scenario.
bridget_jones Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 1. I was quoting Plokette. 2. It was Plokette who I said needed the book. It's a great book, it's not about literally being a bitch but not bending over backwards to please men and make THEM happy, because it IS true that men don't marry doormats. Even if you look through a lot of the posts, not necessarily this one, but tons of women are so worried about saying the wrong thing, upsetting their man, etc. etc. it's all about pleasing him and women need to stop thinking this way. Go to amazon.com, they have a good description of the book.
Poboy Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 bridget , marriage is not in this picture at all... all i can say is , if someone close to you passes a comment like that ... it has pretext to it even if it is meant as a joke or not.
bridget_jones Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Hey I agree about the comment, I agree, there was something behind what that guy said, he is trying to bring her down a peg. she has already stated she is a small size, and athletic looking. I think the pretext might be that he is very insecure of himself, because she is a lot more physically attractive than he is. So he's bringing her down a peg and trying to make her feel insecure about herself. Poquette stated that he would not marry someone he feels is too fat, so she'd better lose weight. Also when an adult couple is in an exclusive relationship, yes, marriage is being thought about.
manders0724 Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 holy **** did this post get out of control or what lol
Kamille Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 holy **** did this post get out of control or what lol I agree. It's pretty obvious from what she said - and from being in her early twenties - that blondie probably only has some body-image issues. I think every one I know in their early twenties have some, no matter how slender they are. I agree with some of the previous posters. He might not have realized that 'fat' was off the humor radar when he uttered it. Give him a break, tell him fat jokes are not permitted. And spend twice as much time you did focusing on that comment on the fact that he tells you you are beautiful and gorgeous. At least you know he meant those comments!
americat Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 maybe he didn't but he said it twice, when he quite clearly knew it would hurt me. i went on the atkins diet before and he was moaning and saying i shouldn't, and when i said before i was going on a diet he told me not to. he's always so panicky about saying anything bad, and if he says anything vaguely bad about me he'll apoloigise for ages, and that's usually nothing, like laughing when i do something dumb. but then he says this. it's the most hurtful thing i have ever had said to me, becuase it's just picking on something which he knows i'm paranoid about. And he's supposed to love me. he probably does not think you are fat which is why he is joking about it. you need to lighten up and stop being so self-conscious- i know that's easier said than done. But how can you have any fun when you are always worried about what you look like?
americat Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 If this is the first time he has been nasty to you, give the guy a freaking mulligan!!!!!! Why are you so uptight!!! Haven't you ever made a mistake. No wonder you boyfriend hates you. lmfbo .. some of these posts are priceless. haha. and the "you're not fat... just a bit".. Girl, I have the feeling your overly self-conscious to the point it can actually hinder your relationship growth and cause a break-up. You are just worrying about nothing.
bridget_jones Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 lmfbo .. some of these posts are priceless. haha. and the "you're not fat... just a bit".. Girl, I have the feeling your overly self-conscious to the point it can actually hinder your relationship growth and cause a break-up. You are just worrying about nothing. It's really hurtful and uncalled for when a guy says that to you, even joking. It is not worrying about nothing. People who love you should not be calling you fat, even under their breath. People who love you don't want to bring you down a peg. He's a jerk! The issue is not whether she is fat or not, it's that her bf was extremely rude and degrading to her, even if he was joking. Don't make this HER problem. Again, we are telling this poster to accept her boyfriend's degrading behavior and making it her problem if she doesn't? I'll tell you what...that's a CROCK, people.
Fiona Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 I have a friend who must be pushing 300lbs. She carries herself with such poise, such self-confidence that she become a presence. I once asked her, how she does it, considering her weight. She said, that anybody that calls her fat, is judging the book by it's cover and simply doesn't know her.
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