blondie86 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I've been seeing my boyfriend for over six months. He always treats me like he really loves me, he tells me i'm beautiful and that he likes how i look. The thing is tonight while we were on the phone we were joking around. He said something about being old and i said, not that old just a bit, joking, but he's not old and he doesn't think he is, it's not an issue. When i said taht he laughed and said, we'll you're... but i couldn't here what he siad, i assumed he said something like stupid or looked old, or something joky, and i kept annoying him to tell me what to say, and finally he mumbled that he said i was fat. I heard him but he didn't think i did. I wish i had hung up the phone but i didn't think and just pretended i didn't hear and just said i didnt' want to know. The thing is he knows how insecure i am, i'm not really fat, i would like to be slimmer, but i know i'm an alright size, enough guys find me attractive. But i've always been really insecure about how i look adn he knows that, i'm get shy if he looks at me, and don't like him seeing me naked so he knows how i feel and it's the worst thing he cojuld have said to me. After a while we were talkinga bout me getting my hair changed, and i said he was a boy and had no taste, and he said he thouht he had taste till he went out with me- the way he said this i knew it was a joke, and i never took it serious so i was asking for an apology, jokingly and i said he was evil, and he mumbled again i aws fat but never thought i heard. after a while he said sorry about the whole taste thing,b ut the way he said sorry was as if he felt guilty about that as if he had meant that too. And then i know he could tell i was upset, eh was asking so he probably knows that i heard him saying i was fat too. I'm supposed to be going to his on friday, and i'm sure he'll be expecting me to sleep with him but i can't imagine how i'll ever be ablet o again, i was already insecure enough and now i don't think i can ever let him look at me again.
Trialbyfire Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 He's trying to tell you to stop insulting him, even if you're just teasing or joking. Listen to him and stop focusing solely on your own hurt feelings.
Author blondie86 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 i know what u mean, by the way i've written it but it's not that. What i said about him being old was obviously a joke, he's 22 he doesn't feel or look old he's not worried about it, it was said as a reply to a joke he made where he said he was old then said not much. I said it in a laughing way and he laughed to, before mumbling that i was fat, when he said it the first time he said it slighlty joking possibly, but the second time it wasn't at all it was completely nasty and afterwards he said he has a nasty tongue in his head sometimes. He picked on something he knew would hurt me. When i said he was evil it's something we say, like calling each other evil one, he says it to me all the time. And when i said he had no taste it's because he said the way i was planning on getting my hair cut was horrible, and i said i liked it, once again it was joking and laughing and that's when he said about the taste thing, which i never took seriously. If he had said i was old looking, ugly even, stupid, weird anything, and had said it laughingly it would have been fine, but he picked on the worst thing, the thing he knows i worry about and said it, obviously it was intended to hurt, just because he was in a bad mood, probably had been arguing with his parents as usual because he always takes it out on me.
Trialbyfire Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Joking or otherwise, sometimes people get hurt feelings. Try not to insult him again and see if he stops his cheap shots.
Author blondie86 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 i know what u mean, and i know it sounds like i insulted him, but i know for a fact that nothing did. I know he wasn't insulted, he laughed then said it, then said it was below the belt and i was going to dump him, this was before i realised what he said. there aer things abuot him i could bring up which would really hurt him but i never would, i would never be that cruel, the only thing which was even vaguely insuliting to him was the taste thing, but i acutally said it in reply to him criticising my taste, and even if it was insulting, it was after he called me fat.
bridget_jones Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Overall you have explained the humor between you two is basically jokingly making fun of each other. You can be funny and witty without cutting each other down. I think you two should both work on the humor you use with each other instead of who can outdo the other with a witty "joking" comeback. I guess I would think the old phrase "don't dish it out if you can't take it." For example when he mentioned he was "old" you didn't have to agree with him, even jokingly. You could actually say "You don't look a day over 20 to me", then it's funny without being negative. I would work on that, and if he continues to bring up the weight thing, I would leave him. That is going below the belt, I do agree with you there.
Author blondie86 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 we tend not to criticise each otehr, he generally complements me and i complement him. we were talking about my friend before nad he said something about her having a lovely figure, as if i didn't and another time he said i shouldn't wear a top, and wouldn't tell me why, so i assume he though iwas fat in it, but he's never said anything before. when i thinka bout it as well, i never called him old, we were talking about mobile phones and he said i forget how old i am, and i never said anything and he said, say something i'm not that old, and i said no not that old. I know he didn't take it seriously he doesn't look old and he knows it. the reply was totally hurtful he could have said anything else in the world.
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 If you can't take it, don't dish it out. Even if he was joking and laughing, told you the 'old age' joke didn't bug him, it may have bugged him but him being a guy, he ain't gonna tell ya that. Just don't joke about stuff like that. And, with that being said, don't let the fact he said you were fat get to you. You know you're not fat!! Don't ever let him or anyone else make you feel bad about yourself.
bridget_jones Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Now that you bring more into it, I think he is trying to say something to you about your weight. I don't get why he would do that, though, he started dating you as is. He is ticking me off now.
Author blondie86 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 the worst thing is he knows how insecure i am, like the other nite we were going out and i was really worrying about how i looked and he was telling me i was lovely and everything. And then tonight after it all on the phone he was saying y9ou know you're gorgoeus don't you, and i said i'm not and he said i don't know why you worry you are. But i'ts hard not to worry when he says things like that.
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Why do you say "I'm not" when he tells you your gorgeous? You need to work on your self esteem...
Author blondie86 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 maybe he didn't but he said it twice, when he quite clearly knew it would hurt me. i went on the atkins diet before and he was moaning and saying i shouldn't, and when i said before i was going on a diet he told me not to. he's always so panicky about saying anything bad, and if he says anything vaguely bad about me he'll apoloigise for ages, and that's usually nothing, like laughing when i do something dumb. but then he says this. it's the most hurtful thing i have ever had said to me, becuase it's just picking on something which he knows i'm paranoid about. And he's supposed to love me.
roadwarrior Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Yeah he didn't mean it. No man is that stupid to mean that especially joking. He was probably going to just joke, but knew it would be taken wrong and caught himself. If he was angry and said it then he's an *******.
quankanne Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 just how old are the two of you? Because frankly, your relationship doesn't sound very mature, but like that of a couple of junior high kids. I understand that you've not been with this guy long, so you each have areas of insecurity about yourselves, though someone jokingly telling you there's something wrong with your looks, then something's not right. That's just flat-out rude, and I'd call him on it.
TheSwordfish Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 How far are you? I wouldn't call a girl fat if she was fat. I think he's teasing you. Don't worry about it.
Author blondie86 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 You are not fat.... Just a bit. ? i'm not fat, i'd like to be thinner, but i don't have to be, been told i'm sexy and fit, recently, and i'm quite a small clothes size. i'm 20 and he's 22. mostly we have a pretty mature relationship compared to most of my friedns, we're normally nice, don't argue a lot and this is pretty much the first time he's said anything nasty to me.
catrocks Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Did you have a proper discussion about how his comment hurt you? Like other people have said, perhaps he was upset by the "old" thing and just didn't want to say for whatever reason. Different people get hurt by different comments, things we might think are stupid but that doesn't mean the comments don't affect them. I think you two need to sit down and have a calm discussion where you explain to him that his comments hurt you and exactly why, and tell him you want him to explain why he said them. I'm sure he didn't mean it, but if it turns out that he did then you need to dump him, you're worth more than that. xx
Swingwithyou71 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 ? i'm not fat, i'd like to be thinner, but i don't have to be, been told i'm sexy and fit, recently, and i'm quite a small clothes size. i'm 20 and he's 22. mostly we have a pretty mature relationship compared to most of my friedns, we're normally nice, don't argue a lot and this is pretty much the first time he's said anything nasty to me. If this is the first time he has been nasty to you, give the guy a freaking mulligan!!!!!! Why are you so uptight!!! Haven't you ever made a mistake. No wonder you boyfriend hates you.
Plokette Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I'm not fat but I would like to be thinner. Translation= I am fat and need to lose weight. Otherwise he wouldn't have said it. Otherwise it wouldn't bother you- even so much to post about it. Admit it. To yourself. Then lose weight. He is NOT going to marry someone he thinks is fat.
AnneB49 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 ? i'm not fat, i'd like to be thinner, but i don't have to be, been told i'm sexy and fit, recently, and i'm quite a small clothes size. i'm 20 and he's 22. mostly we have a pretty mature relationship compared to most of my friedns, we're normally nice, don't argue a lot and this is pretty much the first time he's said anything nasty to me. My Dear, we would all like to be thinner...give him a break...this whole fat thing is stupid to begin with...you should not worry so much about it...I am sure you are beautiful just the way you are...and he knows it...so don't get your panties in a knot...just give him lots of love...and ignore the silly voice inside your head "I must be fat if he said it"...that is just the American media getting to your subconscious...
Swingwithyou71 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I'm not fat but I would like to be thinner. Translation= I am fat and need to lose weight. Otherwise he wouldn't have said it. Otherwise it wouldn't bother you- even so much to post about it. Admit it. To yourself. Then lose weight. He is NOT going to marry someone he thinks is fat. I thought she was just being and uptight b****, but maybe you are right. Maybe she is fat and just won't admit it.
AnneB49 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I thought she was just being and uptight b****, but maybe you are right. Maybe she is fat and just won't admit it. I'm not fat but I would like to be thinner. Translation= I am fat and need to lose weight. Otherwise he wouldn't have said it. Otherwise it wouldn't bother you- even so much to post about it. Admit it. To yourself. Then lose weight. He is NOT going to marry someone he thinks is fat. you people are MEAN... this has been such a supportive community...what happened?
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