ksmom Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I feel stupid posting this-I've never asked about this before but I'm too scared to ask a friend and I've read many of the posts here and completely appretiate any help or insight. Maybe I'm crazy! In the past, my husband has had issues with being honest and it hurt a lot and he seems to be trying to fix it. I looked everywhere for signs that he was cheating and found none. He's there all the time. I can always reach him. However, I found that he went to a "spa" that looks seedy. It has two doors and you need to be buzzed in-you can't see who's inside. They give massages in the same parking lot as another place that advertises massages. You can't see in and the only people I saw leaving the place were men. I've been told by someone else that he and his friends used to go there a lot and he claims he only had regular massages but his friend told him that he got a very personal massage. The point is my husband never told me. When I questioned him about getting massages his face dropped and he got defensive. I asked him about it and he said he had gone to them well before he met me for regular massages but wouldn't go back unless I went with him. When I then asked him about the time and date that he really went (2 weeks earlier) he said it was just a massage and he didn't tell me because, "what would you have thought?" Honestly, nothing if it was a massage. So, why lie and why get so defensive. It all makes no sense unless it's something wrong. The truth is it was during the day and he charged it on a credit card. He didn't think I'd see it but at the time we were staying 2 hours away and his mom had his checkbook and was picking up his bills and paying them so he knew she'd see it. We were temporarily out of town but the he went there while visiting home and his mom would know what the place was. So, he denies anything happened but I still can't believe him. I guess what I want to know is am I crazy or justified in not being able to let it go. This is someone who lied in the past and denied things that he knew had happened although to my knowledge he never cheated before. Oh, thank you if you read this and thank you for any input.
Wantingtogetitright Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 1) if it is a professional massage then there should be no issues, no reason to lie etc etc. I recently had a full body massage from a male massage therapist. I was naked under the towel but they are so professional they cannot see a thing due to the way the towels are angled and held etc, they don't go anywhere near "inappropriate" places (although if it was a female massage therapist I would have had my breasts done but didn't feel it was appropriate with it being a male, I know it is just like the doctor touching them but it just felt a bit wrong to me). I know if my partner wanted to get a therapeutic massage like I do on a regular basis it would probably be a woman and whilst it may feel a bit odd to think of a female rubbing her hands all over his body I know how damn food that feels and ho good it is for your overall health and well being. Massage is massage is massage and they are trained professionals. It is some of the dodgier seedier places that give such good therapeutic and relaxing works such a bad name. 2) if he lied about it - why. Are you sure about the place, perhaps go find out about it, do some googling etc and if it is one of "those" places then kick his ass to the kerb quickly!!!
sheppy Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Well you know what they say, "listen To Your Gut"...If you think he may be doing it, you may be right. You do though need to keep watching. This is not enough to go onand don't harp on it because he will only be more careful next time. Never let him "on" your "on" to him. Why don't you take him up on his offer and go get a message together. This way you can see how seedy it really is or if it's truley a legitimate place of business. Good luck to you and remember just keep one eye open with your concern (with him.)
Author ksmom Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 Hi, and thank you. I did google it and the only thing I could find was a rating from a guy whose username was " traveling Jeff" who said they had "excellent services" but they are not, I'm very sure, trained massage therapists. As for waiting to see, I'm feeling so sick of that. I've been honest and trustworthy-I don't have to lie about a thing and I don't want to play a game. I keep asking what if it's nothing-we were fighting at the time and he might have been afraid I'd make something out of it but to me lying about going to get a massage is like lying about going to the dentist-how could it even cross your mind that it should be a secret. I mean, a real massage is no big deal. To think it should be hidden makes me worry. Beyond that, I have a real problem with the lie anyway. If it was a real massage-tell me. If you think I'll overreact(don't know why cause I never have before-even offered to drive him to meet his friends who were going to a strip club cause I don't care) then tell me and deal with the fight or do not do it cause lying to me would be wrong. How could it be more important than being honest in a relationship that is already having problems?
Wantingtogetitright Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I have some very good friends who can do some amazing searches. Or why don;t you find out what the certification is in the state in which you live and then call and ask about booking a massage and ask them what types of massage they do , shiatsu, reiki, swedish etc etc and then ask if they have the relevant certification. Then call back and say you are booking a massage for a friends bucks party present and what would they recommend!! In all seriousness though we never have doubt without cause, there is never somke without fire and if you donlt trust him then there is the core root of all your issues. Fix the trust issue or move on. With no trust there simply is no point.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Beyond that, I have a real problem with the lie anyway. If it was a real massage-tell me. If you think I'll overreact(don't know why cause I never have before-even offered to drive him to meet his friends who were going to a strip club cause I don't care) then tell me and deal with the fight or do not do it cause lying to me would be wrong. How could it be more important than being honest in a relationship that is already having problems? I think you are going to have to deal with the fact that it is a place that offers sexual services. Whether he partook is another question, but the lie and cover-up don't look good. If he did indeed cheat, what is the next step for you? Mr. Lucky
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Get a male friend or your brother (if you have one) to go check out that place and see if they "offer" him something or if he has to "ask" for it. There are many massage places that do more than meets the eye, so to speak.... I really hope for your sake he isn't up to no good but his reaction when you brought it up to him is a red flag.
CATENZA Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Well, You should go in there and see what they have to offer. Pretend your buying a gift certificate. Also, take your husband up on the offer and go with him to the spa.
Road Rage Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 This place is probably a front for prostitution. Why else would all men be there? Women seem to get way more authentic massages than men. Most likely hubby is getting a "happy ending", meaning a BJ. Also, no place is going to offer sexual services. They would get busted if they did. The man has to specifically ask for what he wants and agree to pay for it. That way they cant be busted because it would be entrapment. But guys already know it is what it is.
MrsHellFire Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 It very well might be a front. IN cali, 10 "massage parlour" and "chiropractor" offices were shut down for being fronts to prostitution services. Unreal.
Plokette Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Are you people insane? Under no circumstances should you send someone you know or you yourself go to this place and ask for any "additional services". That is solicitation of prostitution and highly illeagal. Are you going to risk sending someone to jail to prove his faithfulness?
Trialbyfire Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Check his credit card bill and see the cost of it. It will be more expensive than a normal massage would be. Ask him if he gets a full body massage or what services he normally gets and would recommend to you. Then call them up and price them out. If there's a major discrepency, you can rack it up to services rendered.
tragicglands Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 IN cali, 10 "massage parlour" and "chiropractor" offices were shut down for being fronts to prostitution services. It must be a pretty vigorous massage to realign your spine. Or does sending lots of shivers up your spine get it straightened out?
Fiona Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 My husband and I used to have doubles as often as we could. I've seen a variety of parlors ranging from seedy to exquisite. In all honesty, the hidden, tinted door places have always produced the best massages! Shreky and I are not the smallest of people. Give me a small oriental woman walking up and down my spine, over scented oils and sleepy music, and I'm in heaven. It happened once, where towards the end of a massage, my hubby sent both girls out of the room and we enjoyed each other. The massage, sauna and hot shower together was heavenly. That was a while ago, life became busy and complicated. Thanks to your thread and fond memories, I might just surprise him on our anniversary with reservations.
1deadgirl Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 You have to be kidding me. How could someone be so naive to think that he got a legit massage???? Good thing that you have his credit card bill and can shove it in his pig face. There are not enough flowers on the planet to make up for what he did. Guilt him to death until he buys you a fully loaded Escalade or something like that. Now if you go with him, like Fiona did, that sounds like fun.
Recommended Posts