Davis Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I met this woman online. I'm 40 and she's 37. We talked online for about a week. We finally talked on the phone on two Sunday mornings ago. She came out boating with me. Well, drinks and so on, and you know what happened. She spent the night too. So, I've been playing it cool and she's been IMing or texting me. Last Saturday night she called and told me she's "not exactly unattached". I guess this guy she has been dating on and off is back in the picture and they're giving it one last try. I asked her to come out boating this last Sunday, she said she would call on Sunday, but never did. She texts me on Monday afternoon and says "how are you today?" I didn't respond. The next morning at 9:00 am I have an IM and it says "you don't have to be mad at me". I said I wasn't about 11:00. So we talked about our "boating" trip and so on. She told me twice she was "conflicted". Seems like she likes me, but has this other deal going on. Obviously, she may have just wanted to have sex and wants to keep me on line just in case. She wanted to know if the girl I took out on the boat this last Sunday "took care of me". I told her that I thought she did not want to hear about me and other women. There was no other woman, but I didn't tell her!! So what now? Basically I've decided to let her contact me. I'm trying to not act like a jerk and I'm trying to act like she doesn't matter. You know, distant and cockey, but half interested. If she contacts, I don't respond right away. You know, I'm busy have other women, etc. Do I ask her out for the weekend? Tell her to have a good weekend? Tell her to call me if she wants to meet up? Am I taking the right approach?
amaysngrace Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Personally I wouldn't call her again. She's involved with someone else and she thinks you are too. Unless she makes it clear to you that she's finished with her exBF and she's chosen you, I'd have nothing at all to do with her. Just think how much she's disrespected this guy...she'll do the same thing to you.
Author Davis Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 Personally I wouldn't call her again. She's involved with someone else and she thinks you are too. Unless she makes it clear to you that she's finished with her exBF and she's chosen you, I'd have nothing at all to do with her. Just think how much she's disrespected this guy...she'll do the same thing to you. I haven't been contacting her. She just thinks I have a list of women and she's jealous. One option is to tell her to call me if she figures it out or they break up, but I can't guarantee I'll be single. As far as disrespect, I see what you're saying. Well, she hasn't hooked up with me since she told me, but you're right, she shouldn't really be flirting with me.
Sand&Water Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 RE: Well. Well. You've got yourself into a pickle, Davis. To be honest, there must be something the other man isn't giving her for her to be on the look-out/dating other men. I bet she likes the confliction -gives her thrills and attention. Why should you start believing and falling for a woman that starts out dating you with a lie -half a lie, if you will. No. You are doing the right approach. Until she chooses between the two, don't contact her. I know you'll be tempted to do so -but she isn't making you a priority. You're on the back burner right now -back burner guys don't make to the finish line very often. If she contacts you, be genuine but strict with your orders. No more prince charming. Sand&Water
Author Davis Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 RE: Well. Well. You've got yourself into a pickle, Davis. To be honest, there must be something the other man isn't giving her for her to be on the look-out/dating other men. I bet she likes the confliction -gives her thrills and attention. Why should you start believing and falling for a woman that starts out dating you with a lie -half a lie, if you will. No. You are doing the right approach. Until she chooses between the two, don't contact her. I know you'll be tempted to do so -but she isn't making you a priority. You're on the back burner right now -back burner guys don't make to the finish line very often. If she contacts you, be genuine but strict with your orders. No more prince charming. Sand&Water Yes, I am in a pickle. She may have had a bf all along and they were fighting or she wanted a fling. Sounds like she has chosen the other guy. It is tempting to contact her and, no, she's not making me a priority. I see she wants to keep me online until she knows for sure what she is doing. Or if it doesn't work out, she wants to keep our door open. Do I tell her she already made her choice?
amaysngrace Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Do I tell her she already made her choice? You make the choice. Do you like this woman or not? Is her friendship so important to you that you're willing to be strung along like a puppy dog? Cause from where I'm sitting that's what I'm seeing.
Sand&Water Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 RE: Do I tell her she already made her choice? It is non-beneficial to tell her. You will only look like you are trying to attain validation from her -i.e. a sucker for a woman's affection and gratitude. Perhaps subconsciously you are vying for a turn-around, where she'll instantaneously choose you over him. So. No. Don't tell her. Walk away with your dignity and confidence [or at least whatever is left of them]. Sand&Water
guin_girl Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Davis, My response would be, "you contact me when you are done "trying" with this other guy. I don't want to be in the middle of it." And then move on... you don't need to add to your "save-a-ho" collection
bridget_jones Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 This is exactly why I don't sleep with a guy I'm dating for at least a couple months. But I won't go there. If I were a woman, had just spend the night with a guy I had started to see, and he informed me that he "was not exactly unattached" I wouldn't have anything to do with him after that. I am her age and she sounds VERY immature. She has absolutely no business inquiring if you had another date after she didn't return your call and basically stood you up. I could go on, but this woman (sorry everyone) just is NOT that into you. She told you straight out she's into another guy. The coffee couldn't smell so strong. Let it go. You can do better.
shockandawed Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Davis, My response would be, "you contact me when you are done "trying" with this other guy. I don't want to be in the middle of it." And then move on... you don't need to add to your "save-a-ho" collection GG took the thoughts right out of my head, lol!! Another project for Davis. Man, that is admirable that you are trying to fix these chicks, but I don't think it is good for your sanity. As has been said my friend, she is screwing you while not technically "unattached", she will do someone else if she does become attached to you. I don't think you want her to come to you if she does get out of whatever she is in. The online dating scene sure has changed in the last couple of years. I have never seen so many liars in a single place. There are some good ones, you just have to look a little harder. You know the answer here, RUN!!!!!!!!! No need for any explanation, just don't have anything else to do with her.
moman Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Davis, I'm in similar situation. Things were going GREAT with her until he found up and has been trying to screw it up for me. Unfortunately he has a big piece of her heart and I have a small piece. Now I almost feel obligated to stay in her life because it will screw it up for him. When I see her she tells me she likes me, loves the way I "touch" her, and doesn't want him around but doesn't feel strong enough to break strings. So my honest advise for you - play this girl for all she has, and use her for sex. She is playing you and that other guy - the honorable thing is to walk away, and the smart thing is to walk away. But have a little fun first and don't get hurt.
Author Davis Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 So my honest advise for you - play this girl for all she has, and use her for sex. She is playing you and that other guy - the honorable thing is to walk away, and the smart thing is to walk away. But have a little fun first and don't get hurt. Hey Moman. Exactly what I was thinking. No, I don't think this one is a keeper nor I am going to be Captain Save a ho this time. I am playing her. She has a hot body and is awesome in bed! Why not have some fun, play the game and have some great sex. Sure it's smart to walk, but I'm not getting hung up and I might as well have some fun until a good one shows up! If nothing else, I got laid and I sure am learning a lot about this cat and mouse dating ritual!!
stillafool Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I haven't been contacting her. She just thinks I have a list of women and she's jealous. One option is to tell her to call me if she figures it out or they break up, but I can't guarantee I'll be single. As far as disrespect, I see what you're saying. Well, she hasn't hooked up with me since she told me, but you're right, she shouldn't really be flirting with me. It sounds like you have been playing games with her but she is telling you the truth. She may like you a lot and want more but if she thinks you have a "list of women and she's jealous", that would stop any smart woman from moving forward with you. She thinks you are a player and may not have a snowballs chance in hell of settling you down. Perhaps her other boyfriend is at the point where he wants to get serious with her. My advice is to be honest tell her how you feel about her while you have a chance. I
Author Davis Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 It sounds like you have been playing games with her but she is telling you the truth. She may like you a lot and want more but if she thinks you have a "list of women and she's jealous", that would stop any smart woman from moving forward with you. She thinks you are a player and may not have a snowballs chance in hell of settling you down. Perhaps her other boyfriend is at the point where he wants to get serious with her. My advice is to be honest tell her how you feel about her while you have a chance. I Hey Still. I agree and I think you're right on with your points. Maybe I should re-phrase. I will play "cat and mouse" with her as I need to, will have sex with her if I can and if it leads to something else, we'll see. She does make comments about me being a player. In our IM the other day, she started with "I'm involved" and after we talked some about that I'm not a player and looking for the right girl, that seemed to change the course of the conversation. I do think she's looking for a serious relationship and maybe that's what she has with him. If she thinks I am a player, that makes her decision a lot easier. She has admitted she's "conflicted". I think they're fighting or something ... that was what she admitted last night, that there was some drama. I know, I know everyone, if she's doing it to him she'll do it to me and she's not a keeper! I have decided to ride it out and see what happens.
bridget_jones Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Hey can we get out of the using her for sex thing? It just makes you guys look bad. It's like "I'll show you, I'll use you for sex." It shows you have no emotional maturity whatsoever and in fact a VERY low case of self-esteem and are basically a loser. It also shows you're stupid because you have no problem having sex with a woman who has sex with who knows who else? STDs anyone? You have low self esteem because you think she is the only woman who will have sex with you, and you are not capable of finding a relationship with some other woman, so you'll just settle for her. Then you turn it back around into a "getting revenge by banging her" macho mentality. Sick. Yes, you can get an STD with a condom. I can't believe you are an adult man with this mentality. Seems a moot point, however, in the OP's position, as she isn't exactly dying to come back for more, now, is she. LOL
VinaAmez Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Personally you shouldn't string her along. Yeah I get what your doing but still you shouldn't play her like that.
Author Davis Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 Hey can we get out of the using her for sex thing? It just makes you guys look bad. It's like "I'll show you, I'll use you for sex." It shows you have no emotional maturity whatsoever and in fact a VERY low case of self-esteem and are basically a loser. It also shows you're stupid because you have no problem having sex with a woman who has sex with who knows who else? STDs anyone? You have low self esteem because you think she is the only woman who will have sex with you, and you are not capable of finding a relationship with some other woman, so you'll just settle for her. Then you turn it back around into a "getting revenge by banging her" macho mentality. Sick. Yes, you can get an STD with a condom. I can't believe you are an adult man with this mentality. Seems a moot point, however, in the OP's position, as she isn't exactly dying to come back for more, now, is she. LOL Wow, someone had to vent! Actually, she's on her way to my house right now since she just dropped her kids off with her ex husband. Oh no! Now I'm a loser with low self-esteem! Sex aside, she's really nice or I wouldn't bother. I haven't found a woman worth having a relationship with lately, so why not. Sure it's mixed up. I could walk and probably should, but if she's sorta involved with someone else and she wants to see me too, then that's the way it is. We did just meet afterall. She's "dating" some guy and I'm dating other women. I thought that's why they called it dating. People lie all the time when they start dating someone. I guess I can give her points for at least telling me she was seeing someone because people often lie about that one. I have no grudge against her or any other women, so it's not "revenge banging" as you call it. If two adults want to have consenual sex, then it is what it is. STD with a condom? Provide us with the details Dr. Bridget!
gfto Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 I am playing her. You might think you are, but you're probably the one getting played here, especially if she's as drop dead gorgeous as you say she is. I sure am learning a lot about this cat and mouse dating ritual!! She's the cat; you're the mouse. She'll play around with you but you don't have a chance. And, be honest with yourself. You want more than just a f*** friend relationship with this girl. Otherwise, you wouldn't be seeking out advice on what your next move should be. As for trying to be the cocky, half-interested "bad boy," a true bad boy would've deleted this girl from his address book and never looked back as soon as she said she "wasn't exactly unattached."
bridget_jones Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 the way you worded it before, it really was about using her for sex and revenge, go back and read what you wrote. A woman can get an STD from a guy by the rash is on his testicles and is not covered by the condom. Sorry I'm just picky who I sleep with, I don't bed a guy unless I'm in a relationship with him. If you were the same, you wouldn't be posting your problem in the first place.
VinaAmez Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 You might think you are, but you're probably the one getting played here, especially if she's as drop dead gorgeous as you say she is. She's the cat; you're the mouse. She'll play around with you but you don't have a chance. And, be honest with yourself. You want more than just a f*** friend relationship with this girl. Otherwise, you wouldn't be seeking out advice on what your next move should be. As for trying to be the cocky, half-interested "bad boy," a true bad boy would've deleted this girl from his address book and never looked back as soon as she said she "wasn't exactly unattached." That would be funny if he was the one being played.
Author Davis Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 You might think you are, but you're probably the one getting played here, especially if she's as drop dead gorgeous as you say she is. She's the cat; you're the mouse. She'll play around with you but you don't have a chance. And, be honest with yourself. You want more than just a f*** friend relationship with this girl. Otherwise, you wouldn't be seeking out advice on what your next move should be. As for trying to be the cocky, half-interested "bad boy," a true bad boy would've deleted this girl from his address book and never looked back as soon as she said she "wasn't exactly unattached." Good points gfto! She's attractive, I wouldn't say she's drop dead gorgeous. Anyway. She spent the night last night. It is a "different" situation to be in. I know I could be getting played. She may play me off and stay with him. I guess I like her, the chase and the "game". She's the one contacting me, making all the efforts and not objecting to getting physical. Something must not be totally right with her guy if she's seeing me. Haha! You're probably right a true bad boy would have walked! Even so, if I had any good sense, I should probably delete her number and move on. Bridget, I didn't think I was saying it was for "revenge". I think it's more like if she wants to sleep with me, fine. I know what you're saying about not sleeping with someone right away. That would have been my preference, along with finding a woman that was totally single. Having sex on the first date doesn't say much about either of us, I guess. That always mixes up the situation. I'm not dating anyone else that interesting, so I guess I've decided to ride this out. Maybe I like the "bad girls". We'll see what happens. STD on your testicles? Really?
kribby Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 STD on your testicles? Really? Yes, really. STD's are issues not to be taken lightly.
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