waitingforlove Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Hi everyone, I sort of "broke up" with the guy I've been seeing for four months last night. The reason is that I feel as though he has been neglecting me and avoiding me, and I am afraid that he may be wanting to break up with me, and yet he's afraid to hurt me. So he avoids me instead, hoping that I would break it off. So I would rather make it easier for him by breaking it off. He may be very happy now that I've done what he wanted me to do, but I am the one who's heart-broken -- even though it seemed that I was the one who initiated the official "break-up." It has been three weeks since he's started being extraordinarily busy! I only got to see him maybe once a week. He would always say he would call and then not call. I even asked him a couple times to go out, but he always had reasons that he couldn't make it -- including "my friend who was an alcoholic got back into drinking so I need to go talk to her"! He's always busy with work, with his friends and their parties, and with his family events. Never has time for me anymore. I got tired and very very disappointed. This is now our spring break. Last night I called (after not seeing him for a week) and wanted to see if we could get together sometime. He said he was sick and needed some solitary time! Well his aunt just died a few days ago and he had to attend a funeral yesterday. But seriously, if he really cares about me, he can at least give me a call or see me for a few minutes!?!?! I am afraid that he's been wanting to break up with me, but he's just too much a coward to do so, so he's been waiting for me to do it. So I finally did it. I sent him a text message saying that "I am sorry things have been difficult for you. I don't want to be an additional problem for you. I am afraid I cannot do this anymore; I want to make it easy for you if you're just afraid of hurting me." He didn't write back or call back. I don't really expect him to anyway. I've been psychologically prepared that maybe he wants to break up. I just have been crying a lot since I sent the message. Why does he have to break my heart that way? Why did he have to avoid me, hoping that I got the "hint"? Do you think my message to him was "clear" enough as a "break-up line"? Or do you think he's just going to think that I'm manipulating him? Please help!!! It's appreciated!
lorr Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 This poor guys aunt died a few days ago, and your more concerned about being neglected. You are totally self-absorbed, and if anything he done the right thing by not responding to you.
Author waitingforlove Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 The thing is, even BEFORE his aunt died, he had ALREADY been neglecting me for three weeks! And I'm not "punishing" him or anything like that. If anything, I'm afraid that he's neglecting me in order for me to get the hint and break it off with him. I just can't tell if he still likes me anymore.
lorr Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 The thing is, even BEFORE his aunt died, he had ALREADY been neglecting me for three weeks! And I'm not "punishing" him or anything like that. If anything, I'm afraid that he's neglecting me in order for me to get the hint and break it off with him. I just can't tell if he still likes me anymore. What I don't understand is why you hadn't bothered to communicate exactly how you felt to him? It seems that were basing your feelings totally on assumption. He's just lost his aunt, and to top it off you dump him by text message. Seems to me like its well and truly over. I reckon you will not be hearing from him anytime soon.
stace79 Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Why not just ask? Tell him you feel things have been different the past few weeks -- that you feel neglected and that he doesn't have time for you. Tell him if that is really the case, that breaking up would be the best thing, as neither one of you can meet the other's needs. However, if it really is that his aunt was sick/passed away or that his friend who is an alcoholic needed his support, then you've broken up with him for no reason. You should at least ask what is going on first.
Author waitingforlove Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 Thanks, Stace. The problem is that every time I try to bring up a question about our relationship, he avoids it. I have asked him about a week ago if he thought we shouldn't be going out anymore, and he said something like he couldn't talk about it right now. There was NEVER a good enough time to talk about anything "serious." The thing is, in the last few weeks, he had SO MANY "excuses/reasons" that he couldn't see me, that it became difficult to even identify whether he was using excuses to avoid me or the circumstances were just really so difficult that he couldn't make time to see me at all. Well, actually, coming to think about it, the exact wording I used in the message was "I am afraid I cannot do this for much longer." Not "I cannot do this anymore." So I don't know what he thought about that. I think I still like him very much and want to give him a chance, but I'm just so afraid that he's trying to "grow apart" from me, hoping that I would get it and leave. That's how he broke up with his last girlfriend -- they just "grew apart" intentionally, but they never talked about breaking up officially! That's why I'm so scared that he's probably doing it to me as he did to her.
stace79 Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Well then maybe you are doing the right thing. Just assume you are "on a break" or whatever, and stop calling or trying to see him. You will see pretty quickly what the true case is....he will try to contact you or he won't. I'm sorry. This is a crappy way to be treated.
marlena Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Waiting 4 love. Yes, I know how one to many excuses can be the straw that broke the camel's back! I also understand how you may interpret all these excuses as a sigh of not caring enough!! After all, when you really do care about a person you find time (no matter what the circumstances) to be in touch with that person if only to reassure him that you are still there for him.. More importantly it would seem that if you are indeed going through a rough time, you yourself would sense the need to be reassured by the person who you harbor strong feelings for!!! I know I was, even after the traumatic experience of my parents deaths spaced just a few months apart ...I needed to talk and be with that person more than ever!!!! Though I do not have the answer, I am thinking that perhaps your instinct isn't failing you and that something is definitely amiss!!! And I how well I know the line, "This isn't the time talk about our relationship!" The time to talk is always when two people love eachother truly...I would never turn my back on my partner's need to talk about what is bothering him...not even at 6 a.m. in the morning! Honey, stay cautious!!!
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