RichC Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I am going through a divorce right now and am having a problem. Just hearing my wife's voice is enough to get me angry for a significant amount of time after the call. I am still responsible for all bills (we are living apart). She has emphasema but it is not to the point where she could not earn income. During the heating season it is rough because the house is huge and drafty with large bills. I also hae to pay some of the balance with my attorney. And my own bills still have to be paid. It is inevitable that there is not enough income to pay everything. The phone is going to be shut off because the gas and lights have to be paid. She does not understand or won't understand that choices have to be made between bills. I would rather see the heat paid than the phone. She can get a phone card. This is the same woman that forged a quit-claim deed in '05 deeding my share to her. Also lied on a police report that put me in the slammer for 3 hours till my priest bailed me (charges dismissed). Hearing her voice is enough to get me so riled I can't think straight. The court has ordered I pay all bills until the divorce is final but I cannot pay everything because I do not make enough to do so. To me heat and light is the number one priority followed by things like car insurance, phone, etc. I am giving it my best but its a struggle. How did some of the guys or gals move past or learn to deal with an ex that set you off? Any other comments are welcome.
AHIWON Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 For me, it takes quite a bit to set me off. I rationalize to myself that nothing ever gets solved when you are angry so it's an energy that must be channeled into something else. As far as running short on the bills, think about ways you could get some additional income. Perhaps take in a boarder/room mate. A part time job ect. As a last resort you could sell the house and get something more affordable. Don't get behind in the bills, act now before it becomes a real problem. Don't let your x set you off, she shouldn't be able to have that control over you. Only you can control anger no matter what she does, don't let it get to you.
Gunny376 Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Damned! I don't miss those days! To answer your question ~ its like getting use to anything ~ one second at a time, then one minute, then one hour, then day by day, week by week. It'll get better with time. Its like your boy John Mellencamp said in one of his songs ~ "Sometimes? Life is just too ridiculous to live? When I was going through it, I just kept telling myself over and over throughout the day ~ "One day, you're going to look back on all of this, and just laugh" and "Its going to be alright! In time, its all going to be alright! In time its going to be right!" ~ I must have said that to myself a trillion and one times ~ try it! It works. Or, it'll at least get you through the second, the minute, the moment! As far as the STBX, AIHWON is right ~ she can push your buttons only if you let her. As far at the bills ~ I worked second jobs ~ hated it ~ but I did what I had to do. My grocery bill got real simple. 30 pounds of hamburger and 30 boxes of Hamburger Helper, Baked potatoes and sour cream. There is life after all of this!
MoonGirl Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 If you have to speak to her, you really can't control what she says, but you can control how you react to her. If she is stressing you out, then tell her you have to get off the phone, and then hang up. Then do something that you find relaxing. Easier said than done, I know!
Author RichC Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 I do not want to do the second job right now because she will ratchet the bills up to my earnings. She does not recognize any need for "fiscal discipline". The need has always been for two full time incomes and for years we have been going through this. It did not just start with the divorce. I just need to go through this endurance test and not let her get to me.
Gunny376 Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 You might want to check out Debt Free Living (Goggle it along with Mary Hunt). Its a paid on-line newsletter about learning how to get by during hard times. ($2 a month ~ less than a Sunday newspaper) once you subscribe to it, you'll have access to the foumn ~ lots of hard luck stories and how to get by. Folks, who believe it or not or in a lot worse shape than you. The back newsletters (to 2000) are chock full of money saving, getting by ideas. I can't link you, because that's against LS policy. Sorry. You might also want to check out Dave Ramesy's "Complete Money Makeover" Mary has several books out as well available at the website. Following their ideas ~ it'll take you about two to three years to get where you need to be money wise. For
Gunny376 Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 You might want to check out Debt Free Living (Goggle it along with Mary Hunt). Its a paid on-line newsletter about learning how to get by during hard times. ($2 a month ~ less than a Sunday newspaper) once you subscribe to it, you'll have access to the foumn ~ lots of hard luck stories and how to get by. Folks, who believe it or not or in a lot worse shape than you. The back newsletters (to 2000) are chock full of money saving, getting by ideas. I can't link you, because that's against LS policy. Sorry. You might also want to check out Dave Ramesy's "Complete Money Makeover" Mary has several books out as well available at the website. Following their ideas ~ it'll take you about two to three years to get where you need to be money wise. For example, look around the house ~ un-plug everything when not in use. TV, everything it'll cut your lightbill about 27% (University of California - Berkley study). {Even when off your TV pulls a little electricity as do those re-chargeable things like a dustbuster, etc.} Set your thermostate to 65 ~ it'll cut your heating bill. Because of ideas I got from Mary's site ~ my water bill ~ $9, household gas bill ~ $9, electric bill ~ $60 (probally would be less if I wasn't at LS so much~ )
Gunny376 Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Don't know how the double post happen Mod's ~ the last one was the one that I intended to post! Sorry!
Author RichC Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 Our total debt is (less her student loans which she is responsible for) less than $5,000. This is strictly a cash flow problem in which another full time income is needed. Just talking aobut this has made me feel better.
AHIWON Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 A cool head and feeling better will help. You will be able to think more clearly. Debt sucks and $5K isn't bad at all. Some people really get buried in debt and it's hard to get out. Search high and low, you will get it figured out. Pass your ideas by here if you need some reassurance. Very helpful and knowledgeable folks around here.
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