polywog Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Hi All, If you've read my posts, you know my 9yr LTR ended (he broke up with me & I was devasted). I've known I had to move out of the house, which I love to death, and a friend has cleared out a little apartment she has for me to move into as of yesterday. I have made calls about storage, and done got the form for getting a PO box. I have plenty of support from my friends and family. Here's the problem. I have to really start packing and moving, but I just feel so much grief and am overwhelmed. Most of the stuff in the house is mine. I just look around at this place I love so much, where I thought I'd be forever, and I can't bear to dismantle it, dismantle my old life. And if I think about the garden I made over the years, well...it's heartbreaking. I know that the actual packing is a big deal, but it's not about that exactly. It's about leaving. I feel paralized and distraught, even tho I know life will get better once I've left it all behind. I'm like a deer in the headlights, and it's killing me. Any advice? Any stories to share? Please?
Miss_Bee Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Hey Polywog, Just remember that you are opening a new chapter in your life that is full of new experiences and possibilities. Also that you are not alone in this. You have your friends and family to turn to at this difficult time in your life to keep you busy, and give you support and happiness. You also have LS to turn to which is indeed another blessing You need to get started, once you pack that first box, it will make it alittle easier. Crank your favorite happy and inspiring tune while you are packing. Once you get this part over with, it will get easier, you'll see. I don't have any similar experiences to share with you, i have moved out from a broken marriage, and left the matrimonial home, but it wasn't a hard thing to do. It was more of a relief.
Author polywog Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 Thanks, Miss Bee... In the end, it will be a relief for me to leave this place, too, I think... I appreciate your post, it gave me a little more strength! I am such a wuss right now, I needed it!
shockandawed Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Polywog, I know this is a very tough time for you. Dealing with a breakup is bad enough, but to leave a place you love makes it much, much harder. I know you have heard this, but I really think once it is over and you are out, you will feel somewhat relieved. The pressure of being in the same home as a ex is difficult. My divorce was relatively painless, yet we spent a few months still in the same house, even bed, until she could secure a new place. I really dreaded her moving out, I think for fear of the finality. But once it happened, there was such a rush of relief. I think you might be hanging on to the last hope, unconsciously, but it may be part of what is hurting you right now. Everytime you start to think about what you are losing, try thinking about new possibilities. You can decorate and garden any way you desire now. I know it is difficult, but there are positives. When my ex moved out, I repainted a few rooms and rearranged the furniture. I joked with my friends that I was getting the "L" out. Hang in there Polywog!!!!
dropdeadlegs Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I understand your feelings. When I got divorced, he moved out of the house, but within months I had to sell it because there was no way I could afford my very first house on my own. My situation was different because I was more angry than distraught. I was angry that it had come down to that; leaving the house I loved and had worked so hard to update. I had purchased the home for so little and raised the value so much, but equity was no consolation. With three kids living at home I was forced to move into an 1110 sq. ft. single-wide mobile home that is rented. My home was over 1900 sq. ft. and 800 sq. ft. is noticeably smaller. I had to get a storage unit for some of my furnishings. My furnishings were bought considering the large rooms my house had and a mobile home has tiny rooms in comparison. I have wall-to-wall furniture.... What was the hardest part to deal with was the fear that I would never own another house and be relegated to renting mobile homes or apartments. That hasn't changed, but I have learned to accept it. Fear caused my anger. Anger, however was a powerful motivator for packing and moving, which I hate. I worked like a madman. There is so much adrenaline in anger. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. So many changes in so little time are so hard to swallow.
Miss_Bee Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Thanks, Miss Bee... In the end, it will be a relief for me to leave this place, too, I think... I appreciate your post, it gave me a little more strength! I am such a wuss right now, I needed it! Hey no probs, that's what we are here for
Ssheena Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Put one foot in front of the other...(OMG.. I'm quoting songs from Santa Claus is coming to town..!) How about this... get a timer, turn on some good music - ever hear Why'd ya do it? by Marianne Faithful? GREAT lyrics...google it. Get to work, step away from the computer, step away from LS. NO POSTING until you have packed at least two boxes and you have gone out to the garden to see what you can take with you. Can you tell I'm super big on you taking some of your favorites from the garden...? That way you will have only a little time to find a new place to plant them and they can continue to bring you pleasure wherever you are. Do they have community gardens where you live? There are those of us who have gone through what you have - not exactly but similiar and all of us are here with you in spirit sending you massive strength. You will get through this. Now... set a time limit and get to work. I'm going to the gym and will check back later. No bunny hugs or bunnies until you pack at least two boxes.... and you know you want some.. Cheers!
Author polywog Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 You guys are all awesome. I can't tell you how much reading your posts has cheered me up. I have "Why'd ya do it" by Maryann Faithful who is a big fave of mine, by the way... great suggestion! I think that it's true that me being in this house is a last shred of hope. I keep thinking I've gotten over the hope, and then find another shred! Plus I completely decorated the place with my stuff, and it's just a sweet place. The town I live in is a resort town with barely any affordable housing, hence I'm losing a place that I probably won't be able to get the likes of again, another part of my angst. But I will find a way to be happy and hopefully have a garden again. Thanks again, guys:) for the massive wave of strength! PS I'll try to have two boxes done before I post next:D
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