eeyore30 Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Hi this is the first time on here but I am glad to see that I am not in this mess alone. I hope not anyways. I am 30 years old or at least I will be in a few months. I have a good friend and we coach our girls cheerleading team together. I have found myself wanting to be around her husband more and more. I think he is flirting with me but I am not sure. We share alot of eye contact that lingers on for long periods of time. I find my self holding my breath when he comes close because I am afraid he will notice me. He flirts with me sometimes and I flirt back. But I know that I am not going to leave my marriage for anyone or anything. I am pretty sure he feels the same way about his marriage. However, my question is that I would like to say something to him about my feelings and thoughts of him. How should I do that and Should I do that. I need to have some passion in my life right now. I want it so badly and he makes me feel like a jewel. I was thinking of telling him that I am having feelings for him and lustful thoughts. But I need some advice out there from women who have done that or men who have had a women do that to them. Better yet how would you like a women to tell you that you are entering her dreams and her thoughts on a regular basis and she likes it? We are having a fundraiser for the cheerleaders Saturday and he will be cooking the hamburgers and I will be there I would like to let him know then in some way and see what his reaction would be. I need to know. Thank you all in advance for any advice you can give me. I am going to bust soon if I don't say something. Just to know he is having the same or similar battles inside that I am would be enough right now.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Wow. So you'd actually consider destroying not only one but two families, backstabbing your friend, and trading in both your families' happiness and security just for some sex? I guess if you have such a sociopathic need, and it can't be denied you could go for it. After all, your orgasm greatly outweighs the needs of your children, your spouse, his children and his spouse, right? Seriously, you might actually get away with it for a while - but eventually you'll get found out. The fallout will be massive. I guess you have to ask yourself. Is sex on the side really worth losing everything you have? If you really give that less of a damn about any of the people in your life you care about, then go right ahead and tell this guy how you feel.
justanothermother Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Wow. So you'd actually consider destroying not only one but two families, backstabbing your friend, and trading in both your families' happiness and security just for some sex? I guess if you have such a sociopathic need, and it can't be denied you could go for it. After all, your orgasm greatly outweighs the needs of your children, your spouse, his children and his spouse, right? Seriously, you might actually get away with it for a while - but eventually you'll get found out. The fallout will be massive. I guess you have to ask yourself. Is sex on the side really worth losing everything you have? If you really give that less of a damn about any of the people in your life you care about, then go right ahead and tell this guy how you feel. I ditto EVERYTHING you said.
4whatItsWorth Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I have a good friend and we coach our girls cheerleading team together. I have found myself wanting to be around her husband more and more. I think he is flirting with me but I am not sure. I need to have some passion in my life right now. I want it so badly and he makes me feel like a jewel. First of all, I agree that you are NOT a good friend of this woman seeing as you are wanting to have an affair with her husband! If she was doing the same to you - would you honestly still consider her a good friend or any friend at all for that matter? I think not. Secondly, from what you write he flirts but nothing more. People flirt because it is exciting and makes them feel like they've still "got it". I bet he sees it as nothing but harmless fun, otherwise he'd not risk doing it when his wife was around. How does flirting makes you feel like a jewel? If you need some passion in your life - go find it with your husband.
BenThereDunThat Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I'd also like to ditto everyone's replies. P.S. Paragraphs are a good thing.
ThumbingMyWay Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Just to know he is having the same or similar battles inside that I am would be enough right now. Hello eeyore30, welcome to LS. You will get some good advice here and some harsh truths. So. All you want to know is IF he has the hots for you too?. Then what? What is your intension here? What if he does have them, are you goign to following thru with these lustfull thoguths? if you choose to let the lust in your body make this decision, then i sujjest your read some of the stories here about cheating and the damage it causes. What if he says he is flattered but then says, hes happily married and wants nothing to do with you in that way. Then waht if he tells his wife what you said. Think of that for a while. All the other moms knowing that the cheerleading coach is hitting on one of the husbands......you dont think that wont get around? ya know. I have some lustfull thoughts about a woman whose kids go to my kids school. When we make eye contact....there is DEFINATLY sparks there....tis something I just feel....and it feels so good that I just KNOW she feels it too. Its something...well you know....you just have the atraction...where when you make eye contact...you just know the feel it too. Well...I get this lustfull rush everytime I see her....and ya know what.....thats all I let myself do....feel it. I am married but I know i cant help it when my body becomes lustfully attracted to antoher woman...its something i cant control...its chemicals in my body. but what i can control, is what I let my brain choose to do about it. I deny myself a selfish want and disire because I choose to be with one woman, my wife. If I were you...I would look into why you feel the need to verbalize your lust to him. I think it would be a mistake. and lead you down a slippery slope. Affairs are fun in the beginning...but read here more...and you will see 99.9% of them end...and not for the better. choose wisely honey. this desicion to follow thru.....will cause MAJOR heartache down the road. YA I know it feels GOOD right NOW....but look at the big picture..... good luck and do the right thing
Erik Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 You put your marriage at peril, of course, but I guess you didn't come here to listen to the obvious. Many men flirt habitually, it doesn't have to mean anything, so you MUST be sure, that in your state you do not read his flirt wrong. You must be sure he is interested too. You can't come out and wax emotional, it would probably make him uneasy, and as long as he has clean hands, he will probably tell his wife of such a pass. Make him understand that you are not in love with him, but desire his body, it flatters men much more than if you said you loved him. To a man, it largely means the same anyway, it's just a matter of communication, you want to communicate your feelings in a way he understands. Men are easily seduced if you know how, but if you are not on the same level, there is still a risk that the guy will regret it afterwards and tell the wife. The most important consideration one is how often you date. You should agree on this, make sure he understands and accepts. It would all depend on what your possibilities are, but more than every second months is a almost surefire way to get caught. Don't email or text or phone each other. Ideally, you'd want a short affair, no more than a year, as hiding it will get harder and harder. The man is the likeliest to be found out. Guys are terrible liars, they are arrogant - thinking they are invulnerable - and women are more perceptive about such things. Remember, lying is VERY hard and get harder the longer you proceed. Arrange things so you'd have to lie as little as possible - inside your brain is a little demon that WANTS to be found out. The biggest danger is that your feelings will run away with you. Can't help you there.
whichwayisup Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Don't cross that line. You've already said you have no intention of leaving your husband, so what is the point of telling MM how you feel about him? Think of your reasons why. Ego feed? To make you feel good if he tells you he feels the same way? And, think of your daughter, your husband. Think of your friend too. WHAT IF this backfires on you and he gets mad, tells his wife what you said? Never say never...That could happen....Anyway, no good can come of this, so it's best to keep those feelings and those thoughts to yourself. Focus that energy into your husband. Just because a man flirts with you, doesn't mean he has feelings for you! He may just find you cute. Also, what if he said he felt the same for you? What then? An affair? Or would this be just an ego feed for both of you...Think ahead, think of many negative sides of all this. Another thing to think about - Imagine your friend having feelings and lust for YOUR husband, and she wanted to tell him. Or your husband having thoughts for her, and wanting to tell her...How would YOU feel if you found out?
Motor35 Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I have a good friend and we coach our girls cheerleading team together. quote] Good friend?!!? Seriously...
Road Rage Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 eeyore30 I think some of these replies are assuming too much too fast. I can imagine what you are saying. I believe it happens to almost everyone sooner or later. And that is being infatuated over another who is married. Single people like myself can develop an infatuation over someone married too. It creates temptation. Temptation is like a chained dog, if you get too close he can bite you. That where everyone here seems to be going with this thread. One spark leads to a forrest fire destroying thousands of acres. One flirtation leads to another because it fulfills the need for passion in your life. And soon the fire department can`t put it out and you find yourself in divorce court, wondering how you got there. It`s the fire down below you are dealing with. Happens to everybody. You have to not allow it to progress with this man. Do what you got to do. You cannot fulfill your need for passion with another man if you want to maintain your marriage. And this sort of infatuation has a way of making your marriage look and feel dull. It is because reality is competing against a fantasy. So, maybe it would be good to use your imagination also to visualize the consequences should the fire down below get ahold of you. Almost everyone that stays in a relationship goes through this sort of thing. And it can happen over and over. Stop the flirting now. Create distance if you can. Distract your imagination. Have a good romp with hubby and try something new.
whichwayisup Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 We aren't just talking about flirting...She wants to TELL him how she feels, which IS the first step in opening that door a crack. It's inappropriate behaviour for her to be sharing how she feels about the MM TO MM. Bottomline.
sadbuttrue Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 eeyore, most of what everyone has said is true. you will cause much destruction in your's and his life if you do this. however, i do not believe you came here to hear all the bad things that could happen. you should know what you are risking already. i can tell you that the passion and love is extraordinary when you find it. i myself could not do this if i was M, but a lot of people do. there must be a reason. i have always been of the mindset to do what you want if you think you can handle it. know though, that you will be found out in the end if anything does happen between the two of you. are you prepared for that? we can not tell you what you should do, but i know you came here for support from people who have been there and done that. i am still involved with a MM, and it is causing me much pain. it is important to think of all the others that will be hurt by your actions. if you still think that this is something you want, then by all means, talk to him and tell him how attractive you find him. if he responds in kind, then the two of you can proceed in which ever manner you desire. good luck, and if you decide to follow through, we will be here. you will need more support than you can imagine
Limerent Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I need to have some passion in my life right now. I want it so badly Take a step back, and reread what I just quoted from your own words. I would want to really evaluate these words, and carefully ponder what this entails if I were you. How are you so sure that you arent just seeking out the passion, and thus creating it driven not by the MM and his supposed shared secret desire, but by your own frame of mind? Out of everything you said, that one sentence stood out to me. How badly do you want it, Eeyore? And more importantly, are you willing to follow that want and need to its inevitable path of pain and destruction? I would first discover why it is you are lacking the passion in the first place, and what you could do rectify it. There is still passion to be had in the relationship you have now, even if the newness has worn off. Sex, passion, and lust still exist, it is just up to you to tap into it. It might take more work than just flirty glances, but in the end, it would be worth it to feel that hot, amazing, lustful connection with someone, more importantly someone who you commited yourself to for the rest of your life. and he makes me feel like a jewel. How does he do that? By looking at you? If thats the case, your husband must make you feel like a diamond, having probably done more for you than a couple of casual suggestive glances.
norajane Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 However, my question is that I would like to say something to him about my feelings and thoughts of him. How should I do that and Should I do that. No, of course you shouldn't do that. It will destroy your passionate little fantasy by bringing reality into it. Whatever you are imagining now isn't going to be anything like the reality, regardless of his reaction. Then you'll have lost your fantasy, and maybe a lot more, too. Don't underestimate the value of having your husband's trust and love, being a mother your children look up to. Once you break someone's trust, it's never the same. Once you cross the line, you can't ever take it back.
puddleofmud Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I am wondering should you actually go through with telling HIM... that he MAY have a good R w/ his wife and tell her? Or even LIKE telling her that some other woman finds him so hot and attractive!? Then, of course, she would tell HER friends and word would get around (and possibly back to your husband), as well at that you would be looked down upon in your circle of "friends" which would affect your CHILDREN severely...being that you are all involved w/ their sports team(s). MAYBE he is just a flirty guy--MAYBE some women perceive this as "something else" such as some type of invitation--where it may truly not be! Could be he and his wife have a good laugh then his wife will no longer care about you as a friend (why would or should she?). Think carefully and take heed the consequences being in such a closely knit community of people and their children! Best not to become the pariah of the bunch as your children won't understand the cold shoulders....nor should they be subjected.
Babybird Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Take a step back, and reread what I just quoted from your own words. I would want to really evaluate these words, and carefully ponder what this entails if I were you. How are you so sure that you arent just seeking out the passion, and thus creating it driven not by the MM and his supposed shared secret desire, but by your own frame of mind? Out of everything you said, that one sentence stood out to me. How badly do you want it, Eeyore? And more importantly, are you willing to follow that want and need to its inevitable path of pain and destruction? I would first discover why it is you are lacking the passion in the first place, and what you could do rectify it. There is still passion to be had in the relationship you have now, even if the newness has worn off. Sex, passion, and lust still exist, it is just up to you to tap into it. It might take more work than just flirty glances, but in the end, it would be worth it to feel that hot, amazing, lustful connection with someone, more importantly someone who you commited yourself to for the rest of your life. I totally agree! Like any other R an A loses something over time and then your back to square one...looking for the passion. Find it with your husband. I bet he'd be willing to go for some new tricks! Look at it this way, I think Brad Pitt is hot. He is also untouchable and married. Fantasize. Imagine things. But don't go there. Make him untouchable! If she is a good friend then keep it that way and keep it to yourself.
Author eeyore30 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 I would just like to thank everyone for making me feel like crap. But that is what I needed. I didn't explain it all very well as I can tell from your replies. See, he has made me feel like a jewel by saying how beautiful I am and telling me how lucky my husband is and stuff like that. However, I have thought about it and I came to the conclusion that I will not take that step telling him. Because of my friend that I am very Close to regardless of what you all think. However, this forum was a bit of a harsh reality for me but I thank you all for your advice and I will tell you this. This wouldn't be my first afair with a MM and It wouldn't be his I am sure of that. However, if he confides in me I am not sure what I will do but at this time the Fantasy is way to much fun for me right now. It is amazing what a little fantasy and a long shower will do for a women in need of some passion. However, I would like to hear more about somethings you all would suggest for my husband and I to try I can not think of anything we have not done. But I would love some advice about that. So what do you think??? EEYORE
Author eeyore30 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 thank you Erik, your advice is what I thought this forum is about. It was the only one that struck me as someone I would listen to their advice. Thank you very much. I have come to a decission and have posted on the thread. I look forward to hearing what you think on other issues I may have.
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 We all had to be harsh. I mean, imagine if you HAD told your friends husband how you felt....What if he leaned in and kissed you and his wife saw you two! The harshness you'd be feeling from her, and your own husband would be 1000000x worse than what you've received here. If you want this friendship with your friend (the woman, not the man), don't cross the lines with her husband ever. This wouldn't be my first afair with a MM and It wouldn't be his I am sure of that. You've had an affair before? And, how do you know if he has? As for you and your husband, tell him that you need that passion again. Go to marriage counselling and fix the problems in your marriage. Remember what it was that brought you two together in the first place, try to capture those feelings again. Dump the kids at your parents or at the inlaws and have a getaway somewhere for a weekend so you two can talk and reconnect.
puddleofmud Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 None of us could possibly know what you "need" from your husband, as you have not expressed this. Only YOU know this and may act upon what you need from your husband...if we may be allowed to support you in this regard we are available if you would like to further post about this. Sorry if you feel that you were made to feel like "crap", however those of us who are either within affairs with MM or have experienced such have offered you our advice/ observations/opinions. For which you did ask. Take it or leave it as no one is judging you but just trying to relate to you as best they are able.
Meaplus3 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Hi this is the first time on here but I am glad to see that I am not in this mess alone. I hope not anyways. I am 30 years old or at least I will be in a few months. I have a good friend and we coach our girls cheerleading team together. I have found myself wanting to be around her husband more and more. I think he is flirting with me but I am not sure. We share alot of eye contact that lingers on for long periods of time. I find my self holding my breath when he comes close because I am afraid he will notice me. He flirts with me sometimes and I flirt back. But I know that I am not going to leave my marriage for anyone or anything. I am pretty sure he feels the same way about his marriage. However, my question is that I would like to say something to him about my feelings and thoughts of him. How should I do that and Should I do that. I need to have some passion in my life right now. I want it so badly and he makes me feel like a jewel. I was thinking of telling him that I am having feelings for him and lustful thoughts. But I need some advice out there from women who have done that or men who have had a women do that to them. Better yet how would you like a women to tell you that you are entering her dreams and her thoughts on a regular basis and she likes it? We are having a fundraiser for the cheerleaders Saturday and he will be cooking the hamburgers and I will be there I would like to let him know then in some way and see what his reaction would be. I need to know. Thank you all in advance for any advice you can give me. I am going to bust soon if I don't say something. Just to know he is having the same or similar battles inside that I am would be enough right now. Hi, DON'T tell him! Read back to my early post's on this board and you will see the pain I have gone through, because I choose to share my feeling's. MM is not your's an never will be! Truely, the feeling's you have now might be exciting, enticing and so forth, however after some time after you falll in love so to speak, they will turn to regret and sorrow. When you are told that his he loves his wife and will never leave. Second best? Is that what you desire? Let it go now while you still can without the heartbreak. AP
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I just find it interesting that the only post that she got the most from was the one by Erik, who more or less encouraged her and gave her 'tips' on having an affair with her friends husband. I'm just sayin' as B_O would say...
Author eeyore30 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 I am not saying that I got the most from Erik but that he was the one that was saying more what I wanted. I have had some time to think about it and I read everyones replies and took them to heart. I know this isn't his first affair because he told me so in not so many words. I had a shirt on one day that said something like you turn me on and on the back it says you turn me off. I don't know what he thought it meant but he said it wouldn't be the first time I have turned on another married women. And I just smiled and said he must not have read the back and he said yeah I did but you don't mean that. I just brushed it off because I didn't know what to say right then. I am the type that never knows what to say until the opportunity has passed... I guess since I had an affair with a MM before and got away with it I thought what the hell it was fun once. But that was a couple years ago. I know that I have changed since then or at least I hoped I had. But the other MM wasn't my close friends spouse. In fact I didn't even know his spouse.
Author eeyore30 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Posted March 22, 2007 I just find it interesting that the only post that she got the most from was the one by Erik, who more or less encouraged her and gave her 'tips' on having an affair with her friends husband. I'm just sayin' as B_O would say... What is B_O?? I am lost???
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 B_O is Blind_Otter. She's a regular poster and using that line I'm just sayin', alot. You need to work on you boundries. Whatever it was that led you to your first affair, did you learn from it? Did you try to fix your marriage after the affair ended? It just could be easy for you to start an affair after having done it once before and you didn't get caught or suffer any kind of consquences. That comment by your friends husband doesn't mean that he had an affair. Some men are pigs and say crap. It is a possibility but don't assume that he has had one just because he said he's turned on a married woman before. but that he was the one that was saying more what I wanted That's the thing about this place, you will get all sorts of advice, but not too many will support and help you start an affair and give you pointers. I don't agree with Erik's post at all. It can only bring harm to everybody, and most of all, innocent people, your spouses and your children.
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