Mydish1 Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I think im starting to understand why women avoid me sometimes. I'm too casual about the whole dating situation (or maybe this is how they perceive me). So I've got this problem with a girl (lets call her Z). Our only and first date was a few weeks ago - she was shy/quiet and didnt talk much (it appears she doesnt tell me much about her cause she thinks i might think differently of her). We had fun that night, i went in for the kiss and it was great - told her i had a great time and said i'd call her. Well i didnt call her (since she's not much of a conversationlist and didnt want the call to be awkward), so i texted her 2 days later. We were supposed to have another date the week after, but we kind of blew each other off - she showed up late and i had left cause she didnt show. From day 1 till this period, it was difficult to get in contact with her and she'd literally take half a day to get back to me - but even so it was easy to set up a date and if the time wasnt good she'd counter offer. ======================= During this other period, she appears eager to pick up my calls (so now im able to talk to her when i call!) So far everytime each call i make is to set up a date - since i know she's not much of a conversationalist. I tried setting up one again and she gave me a reasonable excuse to not make the time i set - however i notice she doesnt counter-offer like she used to. So i try again a week later, and to my surprise she was more open with me and willing to tell me about her weekend and even asked about mine. We didnt talk for long as i jumped to asking her out for lunch. This time no excuse - however she said she'd call me the day before to let me know....so i knew it wasnt going to happen so i just said "ok ill talk to you later"...and what was strange was she said with a sigh "good night"..which i've never heard her say until now. And i was right, I havent heard from her. ............................................... Quite honestly i dont know what's going on..but here are some possibilities: -I think i may have been a little too casual on our date, although she didnt speak much my attention was on her. -Failure of date 2 happened cause of her lateness, and im sure she perceives it as me blowing her off (and i left cause i thought she stood me up). (But even so i apologized about it, i guess which makes me look more guilty) -And some other stuff i said to her - which rethinking did sound casual in the way that i wasnt interested in her romantically (my mistake). -And the fact taht i call to only set up dates and am not sincere enough to stay on the phone (which i suppose sounds like im only using her to hangout but not get to know her...but it was difficult to have a conversation going until recently she opened up and is more willing to talk). I've had this happen to me similarly in the past with a female friend and an ex, and the results were the same. They didnt mind meeting me up because they felt something romantic would happen (their body language was a giveaway)- but it didnt because I wasnt interested in them - so i was casual about it and treated them like a friend. And if i tried to contact them a week later or so and asked them to hangout they would make excuses. However after several weeks or even months - i'd ask to meet up (they did), and the same cycle would be repeated. Anyway im trying to make things work with this girl - and i am very interested. At the same time, im trying to avoid allowing past mistakes (if that is what you call it) to haunt me in the present. Should I - 1) call a week later, be sincere and ask her how her week went and bringing up the topic about getting together sometime? 2) lay low for a few weeks/months and call to meet up (since we've been on only 1 date, im sure she'll forget me by then) 3) see what happens because she might call (doubtful, throughout this whole time i've always been the caller). advice is welcome
DanielMadr Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I think im starting to understand why women avoid me sometimes. I'm too casual about the whole dating situation (or maybe this is how they perceive me). So I've got this problem with a girl (lets call her Z). Our only and first date was a few weeks ago - she was shy/quiet and didnt talk much (it appears she doesnt tell me much about her cause she thinks i might think differently of her). We had fun that night, i went in for the kiss and it was great - told her i had a great time and said i'd call her. Well i didnt call her (since she's not much of a conversationlist and didnt want the call to be awkward), so i texted her 2 days later. We were supposed to have another date the week after, but we kind of blew each other off - she showed up late and i had left cause she didnt show. From day 1 till this period, it was difficult to get in contact with her and she'd literally take half a day to get back to me - but even so it was easy to set up a date and if the time wasnt good she'd counter offer. ======================= During this other period, she appears eager to pick up my calls (so now im able to talk to her when i call!) So far everytime each call i make is to set up a date - since i know she's not much of a conversationalist. I tried setting up one again and she gave me a reasonable excuse to not make the time i set - however i notice she doesnt counter-offer like she used to. So i try again a week later, and to my surprise she was more open with me and willing to tell me about her weekend and even asked about mine. We didnt talk for long as i jumped to asking her out for lunch. This time no excuse - however she said she'd call me the day before to let me know....so i knew it wasnt going to happen so i just said "ok ill talk to you later"...and what was strange was she said with a sigh "good night"..which i've never heard her say until now. And i was right, I havent heard from her. ............................................... Quite honestly i dont know what's going on..but here are some possibilities: -I think i may have been a little too casual on our date, although she didnt speak much my attention was on her. -Failure of date 2 happened cause of her lateness, and im sure she perceives it as me blowing her off (and i left cause i thought she stood me up). (But even so i apologized about it, i guess which makes me look more guilty) -And some other stuff i said to her - which rethinking did sound casual in the way that i wasnt interested in her romantically (my mistake). -And the fact taht i call to only set up dates and am not sincere enough to stay on the phone (which i suppose sounds like im only using her to hangout but not get to know her...but it was difficult to have a conversation going until recently she opened up and is more willing to talk). I've had this happen to me similarly in the past with a female friend and an ex, and the results were the same. They didnt mind meeting me up because they felt something romantic would happen (their body language was a giveaway)- but it didnt because I wasnt interested in them - so i was casual about it and treated them like a friend. And if i tried to contact them a week later or so and asked them to hangout they would make excuses. However after several weeks or even months - i'd ask to meet up (they did), and the same cycle would be repeated. Anyway im trying to make things work with this girl - and i am very interested. At the same time, im trying to avoid allowing past mistakes (if that is what you call it) to haunt me in the present. Should I - 1) call a week later, be sincere and ask her how her week went and bringing up the topic about getting together sometime? 2) lay low for a few weeks/months and call to meet up (since we've been on only 1 date, im sure she'll forget me by then) 3) see what happens because she might call (doubtful, throughout this whole time i've always been the caller). advice is welcome I would wait. Find some other hobby...stop thinking about her too much. Wait. And eventually (week or two) call her asking how is she doing. Ask her out. You ll see. From my experince....when you stop communicating (even months) they are more at ease and eager then. Dont make the fault of thinking she is shy or afraid. She probably is but when you try to comfort her by being less challenge, she shuts off. Its better to give less doses of interest for longer periods of time, than all the interest in few weeks. Point is not to show any signs of weaknesses like needyness, eagerness and clingyness. You know you are not weak but girls are just too sensitive and alergic to this stuff.
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